by Lyn Lowe
Because he thought he heard invitation in her voice, and because he wanted to see way more than he should, Kaie dared a glance in her direction.
“Oh.”
She was still Peren, still tiny and more sharp angles than anything else. But her chest wasn’t flat anymore. She was wearing different clothes now, smaller. Until that moment, he never noticed how big everything she wore was. And her hips… “Oh.”
She smiled. “Good, then?”
He shook his head, struggling to hold on to any thought that wasn’t about her hips. Or her skin. Or… were her lips always that plump? “What’s going on, Peren?”
Her smile took on a different look, a – gods help him – sexier look. Things were spinning out of control. This was Peren! He wasn’t supposed to wonder what kissing her would be like. “Whatever happens tomorrow, this is the last night you’re mine. There’s not going to be anything I regret about it.”
Something in his head was broken. It wouldn’t produce anything resembling intelligent. “How old are you?”
She laughed. It was the same laugh as before, loud and not at all ladylike. But it was different, too. Now he was hearing an element that was always there but that he never noticed before. Like she shoved his perception of him slightly left and now he was seeing all the things that made her absolutely intoxicating.
“Old enough to know you just said goodbye to my brother. A real goodbye. Old enough to know that anything that happens between us tonight is going to make whatever you’re planning for tomorrow hurt so much more. Young enough to think it will be worth it.”
She was absolutely determined to remove his ability of speech. There was no other explanation. Not for what she was saying, not for the way she slid dropped down in front of him. Gracefully. Like that day at the stream. “That’s…how old is that?”
She laughed again. Driving him crazy. “Seventeen.”
It was his turn to laugh. Twelve? She was older than him! Old enough to be married.
Then life snapped back the way it was supposed to be. Not exactly. He was still thinking about her lips and, gods help him, her hips. But now he was also thinking about why he was here instead of finding a wife in his village or staring up at the roof of his shack in East Field.
“Peren, I’m not in love with you.” Not yet, a part of him whispered. But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was today and today it was true.
She placed her hand on the side of his face. The same as she did so often when he fought his way free of the nightmares. But different now. So different. “I know.”
“Amorette…”
“I know that, too.” She sighed and sat back. “I’m not asking you to forget her. You wouldn’t, even if you could. And I’m not asking you to lie to me.”
If it were anyone but Peren saying it, Kaie wouldn’t believe. Even with her, after all she did for him, it was hard. Amorette’s cackle echoing in his head made it nearly impossible. But it was Peren.
“I’m not even going to ask you what you’re planning for tomorrow. But I’m not wrong about you not intending to come back.”
“No,” he agreed. Because what else could he say? “You’re not.”
“If you say no, we can forget this…but couldn’t we spend it this way?”
His comparing her to Amorette lasted exactly until the moment her lips pressed against his. When she pulled away again, he couldn’t help the smile that turned up the right corner of his mouth.
Then, because he could deny her nothing now, and because he found he actually wanted it, Kaie nodded. “Ok.”
The fire went out. He didn’t know when. They were too busy to notice. But he stared at the darkness now, waiting for the self-loathing to wash over him. And waited. But it didn’t come. It took a while, but as the last coal turned black, Kaie finally accepted that it wasn’t going to. That he was allowed to enjoy the warmth of holding Peren curled up against him, underneath the blankets. That he could keep the peaceful, satisfied feeling that suffused him. It was almost enough to make him forgive the gods for what he needed to do. Not quite, but it did get damn close.
When her finger started drawing that same pattern on his chest, Kaie nearly leapt out of that warm circle he was enjoying. She was so still for so long; he never suspected she was awake.
“Are you thinking about her?” she said.
Kaie chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “No. For the first time I can remember, no.”
He didn’t need to see her face to know she was smiling. That made him feel good, knowing he put it there. Better than he expected.
“Do you love me?” he asked. It seemed important. Something he should know, before he said goodbye to her too.
“Not yet,” she murmured sleepily. “But it’s close, I think.”
He knew exactly what she was talking about. He could feel it, too, right now. Like maybe this was the way things were supposed to go. That all the pain from before was only to get him here. Or a few weeks from here, when he could let it go and just be with her.
But there were some hurts weren’t supposed to heal.
“Don’t,” he told her. “Don’t love me. Don’t hold on to me. It will only hurt you. And it won’t be worth it.”
“Don’t I get to choose things like that?”
“I mean it, Peren. Don’t hold on to anything of me, when I leave. Get rid of my clothes, my bowl, everything you don’t need. Let go of anything that comes of tonight. Feelings. And if there’s a child…You have to let every bit of me go. If they think, if they even suspect, that you care what happens to me, they will find a way to use it. You won’t be able to stay invisible.”
“You aren’t making sense.”
“Maybe not. But do it anyway.”
She sighed, sounding nothing but tired. “Does it have to be tonight that things get all dark and dramatic? Can we just have this?”
He smiled. “Yeah. I think we can.”
Thirty-Seven
He dreamed of freedom.
He was climbing a hill. The grass beneath his feet was impossibly soft. There was a sweetness clinging to his lips, and his stomach was comfortably full. When he looked up the sun nearly blinded him. But he could just see two shadowy figures holding hands and waving to him. He grinned, knowing he was safe. One of them was the brother of his heart, and they were waiting for him.
Something warm tickled against his calf. He looked down. He could see his footsteps clearly in the earth. Each one was marked with brown, dead grass, hot red sparks and thick black tendrils of smoke. Panicked, he stopped. That was the wrong decision. Fire erupted out from beneath his feet and consumed the grassy hill in a powerful whoosh that knocked him over. Kaie cried out as the two figures at the top of the hill were devoured.
A woman appeared in the blaze. She was completely naked. Everything about her was beautiful curves and deep tan. Her hair was on fire, hot white flames dancing against a night sky, but she was in no pain. Kaie wanted her. He reached for her, his every nerve screaming his desire. She danced away and laughed. The fire died down, though her hair remained ablaze. She turned to him, so that he could see her face, and he gasped. “Peren?”
She was not the same girl he held in his arms. She was a woman grown. Still more sharp angles than not, but beautiful in a way only suggested in how she looked now. She was still short but her body was lean muscle and so tan there was no hint of the milky skin he enjoyed so much. And her hips…Gods, she left him aching.
“I love you, Kaie. You’re the father of the only child I’ll ever have. No matter how short a time we had him that means something. And you’ve always known what I am.”
“You’re a survivor,” he said automatically. “We both are.”
She grinned. “We are that, aren’t we?”
He nodded. “We do what we have to and come out the other side.”
She laughed, hearty and musical. “Bloody and monstrous but whole and swinging. By the Abyss, you might be the one man in this whole fucking wo
rld who thinks like me. Our hearts sing the same song. How I resisted you at all is still a mystery to me. And I do love you. I always will. But you made your choice, and it wasn’t me. And I’m sorry, but your kind isn’t allowed on my ship.”
Peren turned her back to him. He reached out to grab her. “Wait!”
The moment he touched the warm skin of her arm, she exploded into a storm of huge black feathers. They swirled around him, obscuring his vision, blinding him. He felt a sharp sting in his hand, and blood welled out. It spilled all over the ground, where it was immediately absorbed.
“Blood binds you.”
He spun, searching the voice, but could see no one.
“You gave it willingly, but did you understand? You’re tied to this place now. It is in her blood and now it is in yours. You’ll never truly be free, my friend.”
“Vaughan?” he called out into the storm. No answer came.
After a time the feathers parted a path opened. He started running down it, desperate to get free and see the sky again. He did not get far before he came across a little girl blocking his path. Her hair was blonde but not the blinding fire Peren’s was. Her skin was pale and her eyes red and reptilian. She looked to be no more than five or six but there was an essence about her that felt much older. She smiled at him. All her teeth were pointed. He recoiled, nearly falling backward. As he stumbled to get his balance back he realized that his footsteps were once more on fire. He looked back to the girl, more than a little frightened.
“I’m burning everything!” Kaie shouted.
“Of course,” she responded in the husky voice of a woman decades older than her appearance. “We are red dragons. We breathe it in and make it life.”
“I’m a dragon?”
She shook her head. “You are the Phoenix. Your children are dragons, born from the fires you set for us.”
“My children? Peren said we had a child…Is he one of the dragons?”
The girl laughed, and the sound was thunder.
“Are you my daughter?” he shouted over the fading boom.
She smiled again. “I’m waiting for you, father of dragons!”
And then she was running from him, diving into the feathers and vanishing.
“Wait!” he called. But she was gone. He closed his eyes and turned his head to the hidden sky, letting loose a great scream of anger and fear. When he was done and opened his eyes again the fire and feathers both were gone. He was standing on a hill of the softest grass, something sweet clinging to his lips. His hill. Kaie looked around eagerly for the two he saw before. They weren’t there. He wasn’t alone though. An old man stood behind him, watching with a kind smile.
The man’s hair was long and white and it billowed gently in a wind Kaie didn’t feel. His eyes were just as reptilian as those of the girl but they were not frightening. He couldn’t figure out what color they were, though. One instant he was certain it was a tarnished gold, the next a deep purple that was nearly the same shade as the vertical slits of the irises. Then they’d be a bright, piecing green. No matter how intently he stared at them he never saw the transition.
The man stepped closer and put a warm, comforting hand on his shoulder. “This is the fifth. Do you understand?”
“No,” he answered honestly. This was the sort of man you were honest with. “Fifth what?”
The man’s smile grew a little sad, he thought. “Fifth promise. Or warning, if you see it that way. I like them better as promises, though.”
“Me too,” Kaie agreed. This was the sort of man you agreed with.
“It’s always five with you. I never really understood why. Some things are even beyond us, when it comes to you mortals. So this is the fifth. And the fifth always pays for all.”
“What am I buying?”
The man let go of Kaie’s shoulder and cupped the right side of his face in a wrinkled hand with a look of such affection that it made his heart ache. “Freedom, son. Freedom.”
Kaie smiled. Then he laughed. “I was scared.”
The old man nodded, looking most satisfied. Then he pulled Kaie forward and kissed his forehead. “No need for that now. You’ve got much to do. Thank you for saving my grandson. The two of you were always my favorites.”
Thirty-Eight
She came for him just after dawn. Peren was awake, wrapping herself up again. Kaie was watching with fascination as the sexy girl who was just in his arms transformed back into the girl who was supposed to be invisible. He couldn’t fathom how it worked, how even he never noticed the beauty she tried so hard to hide. He was thinking about telling her that, of kissing her again, when Josephine pushed into the room without warning.
She eyed the both of them with a sneer and snorted. Kaie felt the heat of a blush burning in his cheeks. Peren smiled widely, tugged the oversized shirt over her head, and crossed the room to lace her arms around his neck. She kissed him like they were alone, and then kissed his earlobe, sending a shiver down his spine in spite of their audience.
“It’s still close. Just in case you don’t need your plan.”
He hugged her quickly and stepped away. “I’ll try to remember that. Just make sure you remember what I said. In case I do.”
She nodded. Kaie tried not to see the tears in her eyes. Then he turned to Josephine. “I guess it’s time to go.”
“Past,” the woman barked, her amusement clearly gone.
Kaie took one last look around the room where he could almost imagine being content, then followed the overseer out into the snow.
His feet were numb when they reached the hedges. No matter that he was outright terrified of what was coming, Kaie couldn’t help but be awed by the size of the building in the distance. It could hold the whole of his village inside and still have room to fit the people from both neighborhoods. He gawked, overwhelmed by the scope of the thing even from their distance. Josephine snarled at him, grabbed his arm and dragged him on.
They walked along the hedge for a while before making a sharp turn that deposited them right in front of another building. A strange one, with no walls and a dome roof. The Lady Autumnsong stood there waiting with her back to them.
Josephine shoved him forward, cleared her throat, and then quickly backed away. Leaving him alone with the woman deciding his fate even now.
“You were supposed to be invaluable.”
Kaie didn’t need to know the woman to pick up the anger her cordial tone wasn’t quite covering. “I made a go of it.”
“Not much of one,” she responded. “Murder is not a skill I seek to cultivate on my estate.”
“Well then I suggest you talk to your niece. Since what I did was only to stop him from beating my friend to death.”
“I did hear that version.”
“It’s not a version. It’s the truth.”
He saw her hands tighten around the banister that surrounded the round wooden platform they stood on. Her knuckles whitened. “Which only one person can confirm. One who is in service to my son.”
“And that makes a world of difference in the truth.”
“More than you think. If Luna decides to press the issue, my son will see that your only witness does not recall events as you do.”
Kaie frowned. “I doubt that very much. It was his sister being kicked to death.”
Lady Autumnsong sighed and turned around, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him. “Then he will simply disappear. My son is a good boy, but he has not been able to say no to my niece in years.”
“Sounds like fun. But I don’t really see the point of this. You obviously believe me. So. If you’re done telling me about your family problems, maybe we can get to the part where you tell me what you want this time.”
Her emotionless mask slipped. The scowl came through. “You have made my position untenable, Kaie Zetowan. I have two dead. Allowing that to go without some punishment will lead to more tragedies. My niece is demanding your life in return for the one you took, and she has made i
t quite clear she will go to the Empress for permission to take you against my will should I refuse her. I am still disinclined to give her what she wishes, but my hands are very quickly being tied. That is not a situation I will tolerate.”
He shrugged. None of this mattered. The only reason he was listening at all was because of one nagging question that needed answering. Then he would go through with the plan. “I bet that’s pretty upsetting.”
The intention was to rattle her, but his disregard seemed to cause the opposite. Lady Autumnsong reclaimed her mask and unfolded her arms. “Indeed. Now. There is one choice left for the two of us. You will tell me why she desires you so badly that she sent her man to antagonize you into doing something foolish. Then you will flee this gazebo. My guards will catch you. I will inform them that you attacked me in your escape attempt. You will be executed in a very public fashion. I will see it is as painless as possible. Death is not ideal, but I have it on good authority that it is preferable to what Luna will do when she has you.”
“What a coincidence. I heard the same thing.”
She folded her arms behind her back and examined him with no small amount of intensity. “This is not what I desired.”
“No. I don’t figure it is.”
“You will not cooperate.” She wasn’t asking. She was going to be very surprised.
“I will.” Kaie leaned back on the banister, hoping she couldn’t hear the way his heart was racing. He would give anything for another way. Any other way. But this was it. His only choice. “But first I want to know why.”
“Why?”
“Don’t play with me, Lady. Why are you so determined to oppose your niece?”
She frowned and turned away again. After a moment, her hands returned to the rail. “I’ve told you already.”
Kaie thought for a moment. It wasn’t a challenging puzzle. “Your son.”