The Flight of Hope

by HJ Bellus

  I step into the dress and pull it up over the girls. They fill perfectly in the dress thanks to nursing Quinn.

  Knock. Knock.

  “Just a second, Martha.” I adjust my dress in all the right places.

  The door creaks open, and I turn to see Jed. White pressed button-up shirt rolled to midway up his arms, a peach tie, and dark slacks. His hair is thick, sexy, and messily styled, begging my hands to run through it.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask. “Your mom is going to kick your ass if she finds you in here.”

  He closes the breath of distance between us until our bodies are pressed together. He grabs me by the hips, lifting me up onto the counter. He spreads my legs, hiking the loose material up over my thighs. It pools in the center long enough for Jed to step up to me. I wrap my arms low around his waist and peer up at him.

  “Are you looking for trouble, Mr. Bryant?” I kiss his jawline.

  “I want nothing more than to lock us in this bathroom, tear this dress off you, and make you scream,” Jed hisses in my ear. His hand is venturing to places that are going to get us in trouble because once we start, I know we wouldn't be stopping for a while.

  “Marlee? Are you talking to yourself?” Martha hollers from the other side.

  Jed is quick, swiveling, and locking the door.

  “No!” I holler back.

  “What was that sound?”

  I’m a shit liar, and Jed knows it. He shoots up an eyebrow, waiting for my reply.

  “I was humming.”

  “You have ten minutes before I’m dragging you out of there!” Martha hollers.

  Jed’s finger dances along my panty line, making me squirm, wanting much more, so I match his action and reach down, cupping his hard length.

  “Okay, Martha.”

  Jed buries his face in my neck, stifling his chuckles. “You didn’t just cup my dick while talking to my mom.”

  “You didn’t just talk about your dick and Mom in the same sentence.” I tug his hair at the back of his neck, pulling him in close enough our lips graze. I’ve never been able to resist this man from the first time I saw him. Our tongues dance around each other. Each of our mouths catches the other’s moans. We are both breathless with heaving chests when we pull back.

  “I have something for you.” I feel each syllable with the brush of his lips on mine.

  “Yeah?” I waggle my eyebrows, knowing the direction this is going. Since Jed’s been back to his regular self and after the birth of Quinn, it’s been on like Donkey Kong.

  “Pervert.” He smirks. “I’m serious. I have a gift for you.”

  His eyes grow misty when he pulls a square velvet box from his pocket. It happens in slow motion, but in a warped speed. I fight to engrain each movement into a bank of memories that can be viewed on repeat for the rest of my life. I look down at the simple velvet box in my hands. The material is soothing my soul with each swipe of my fingertips across the crushed material. It’s a promise of forever and right now.

  “Open it.” Jed’s full lips glide along my cheek.

  As I lift up the lid, I gasp. Inside the box, on a piece of black padding, is a beautiful platinum angel wing. It’s stunning with intricate details carving out each aspect. As I lift it from the box, I notice two small pearls hanging from the bottom. Both ivory in color.

  Jed clears his throat, emotions thick. “I wanted to get you something that showed you how much I love you and that represents me and our children. Your past, present, and future.”

  He wipes away the tears cascading down my face. “I got you this angel wing, because I know you were sent to me from God as a gift from Bentley and Hope. I had the wing made that fits with the bird from Bentley. I’ve always loved staring at that necklace. It made me believe in the good of the world since the first time I saw you. I was in the darkest hours of my life and that pendant on your necklace brought light back into my world.”

  I pull the delicate charm from the box. My fingers tremble with the simple metal once it grazes my skin. It’s everything. Jed has been my person. He’s always encouraged me to open up and talk about Bentley. He’s been my rock even at his worst and now this. It takes me long beats of time before I’m able to string together a thought.

  I clear my throat, squeeze the pendant, and dig my nails into Jed’s white dress shirt. “I love you. I love it. Not a day passes that I don’t believe with all I have that Bentley sent me to you. This is proof.”

  Jed’s trembling fingers go to the back of my neck, tickling the sensitive skin. I feel the weight of my most prized possession fall away from my tender flesh. I’m naked in my wedding dress with my future husband between my legs. I’m hypnotized watching Jed lace the new piece of my life onto the intricate chain. The pendant fits perfectly with my past. Everything comes full circle. I’ll never understand why and have come to terms with being okay not understanding.

  Jed hooks the necklace back around my neck and leans down, kissing the complete charm set. I rake my hands through his thick, black hair. It’s my go-to move. A gentle reminder he’s healthy and all mine.

  I push on his shoulders. “Now, you better get going before your mom catches you in here.”

  A sexy, devilish smirk dances on his face. “That’s gift number one.”

  “Oh?” I tilt my head, questioning.

  “I’m going to take my fiancée before the ceremony.”

  “No.” I shake my head and push him back. He doesn’t budge. “No, our mothers would stroke out.”

  “You.” He flicks open the button on his pants.

  “Are.” His zipper goes down.

  “Ruining.” His hand disappears down his boxers.

  “Our pre-wedding sex.” He pulls his length out and my lacy panties off, determined.

  “Holy shit,” I moan out when he enters me with no warning.

  “Ssshhh, baby.” His palms grip my ass, pulling me down on him and spinning around. I’m pinned against the wall as he pounds into me.

  “Jed.” My voice is breathy and way too loud. He licks his lips before covering my mouth with his. There’s nothing sweet and tender about his movements. Jed pours everything he has into thrusting into me. He keeps a steady rhythm while making love to my mouth as well. I grin against each one of his thrusts, growing closer and closer. When he growls into my mouth, I’m a goner. I bite down on his bottom lip, bubbling from the inside out with pure pleasure. Jed follows, spilling into me. He’s panting harsh and hard, fighting to steady his breathing. My dress is damn near around my neck and all wadded up.

  Thank God, Jed pushed down his pants because we made a mess. He sets me back down on the counter, grabbing a washcloth, and wetting it with warm water. I run my hands through his hair as he cleans me up.

  “We’re getting married today,” I murmur more to myself than anyone.

  He nods, beginning to clean himself, and then pulls up his pants, and tucks in his shirt.

  “No.” I pull the tails of his white button-up back out. “You’re sexy as hell like this. Like I won’t be able to keep my hands off you hot.”

  “By all means then.”

  “Jed.” I wait for him to look up at me. “I’ll never be able to explain or express how much I love you. There are no words. You saved me at my darkest of times. You gave me two children and your unconditional love every single day. I’m going to fumble my vows up out there and just wanted you to know.”

  Jed’s eyes grow watery. “I feel the same exact way. You’re my world, and I knew it from the day I saw you in the store. Never believed in love at first sight until you.”

  “Let’s go get married.” I wrinkle my nose and then pepper kisses up and down his rugged jawline.

  “Jed Lucas Bryant, get your ass out here now.” Martha pounds on the door, rattling the inside of the bathroom.

  We both erupt in giggles. I hop from the counter and make sure my dress is smoothed out.

  “Nipple.” Jed reaches for my breasts, tucking them back in
to my wedding dress.

  “Jed!” Martha hollers again.

  “She’s going to beat your ass,” I whisper.

  “Not gonna lie. I’m a bit scared for my life. You go first.”

  I bust out laughing. “You’re going to hide behind me?”

  “Damn straight.”

  I open the door to see both of our mothers staring at us, not amused at all.

  “Out, Jed.” Martha points to the door of the bedroom.

  “I was helping Marlee zip up her dress.”

  “Oh, bullshit.” My mom steps closer. “There ain’t no damn zipper on Birdie’s dress.”

  My heart beats an extra time every single time Mom calls me by my nickname from childhood. None of the Bryants use it. It’s sacred.

  “Never heard of a zipper screaming out Jed’s name and shaking the walls of the cabin.” Caleb joins the conversation.

  “Yeah, no shit,” both of our moms reply in unison.

  “Okay.” I throw my hands up in the air. “Everyone out now. There’s no crime about two adults having sex before the wedding.”

  “Birdie…” Mom begins to warn but is cut off by Fender.

  “What’s sex?” He skips into the room, both hands on the edges of his bowtie.

  “When a man and woman love each other…”

  “Caleb!” we all scream in unison.

  Jed pops him upside the head on his way out with Caleb.

  “Everyone outside and take a seat.” Martha grabs Caleb, dragging him out of the room.

  Mom stays behind with the waterworks already dancing in her eyes.

  “You look gorgeous, Marlee. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tight. “I can’t wait until Daddy retires and you guys move here.”

  “Five more months.”

  I pull back from the hug. “Are the flowers on the chairs?”

  “Yes, Bentley’s Army shirt is on his, Hope’s pink blanket is on hers, and Papa Wally’s fishing cooler is on his chair along with sprays of wildflowers. It’s all come full circle.” Mom kisses my cheek and leads me out to the front porch.

  Dad is holding Quinn with her outrageous peach dress drowning her in tutu and frills. Dad has her belly laughing with Donald Duck talk. When he stops she squeals and claps her hands, begging for more.

  “You used to do the same thing when you were a little girl, Birdie.”

  I walk over to Dad and Quinn. It takes some convincing to get her out of his arms. Everyone takes a seat, leaving Quinn, Jed, Fender, Guy and myself on the porch. Quinn lunges forward, hands out, and babbling dadada over and over.

  “Guess you’re walking down the aisle with your little girl.” I pass her over.

  “I’ll hold your hand, Mom.” Fender races to my side, holding Guy’s leash.

  Jed gives Caleb the cue to fire up the music. “Marry You” by Bruno Mars begins playing. Fender pulls down his little aviators and starts bobbing his head. The song is catchy as hell, and he insisted we use it at the wedding even though he doesn’t understand the words.

  I glance over to Jed to find him staring at me.

  “I think I want to marry you,” I whisper.

  37

  Eight Years Later

  “We loved with a love that was more than love.” -Edgar Allan Poe

  “I’m not scared of death anymore, baby, I’ve been blessed beyond measure. God gave me you and the best years of my life. I get to spend every single day with the ones I love. I lived my dream singing on the stage and winning awards. It’s enough. It’s been enough because of you and our family.” Jed wipes each tear away with the pad of his thumb. “It’s not the end. The chemo isn’t working. It only makes me sick.”

  “No, Jed.” I bury my face in his chest. “Don’t say it.”

  “I want to live the rest of my days doing things we want to pain-free. We can go to Disneyland, fish, or enjoy a lazy Sunday without me being sick from chemo. I’m going to live every single day God graces me with to the fullest.

  “He will take care of us. Of me. Of you. Of our children. I’ll get to hold Hope and tell her how much her momma loved her and thank Bentley.”

  I agree with Jed, but it hurts too damn much to face the truth. Stage four cancer has struck us. Jed has battled and is exhausted. It’s tarnishing his quality of life, taking away my husband and our kids’ dad.

  Jed kisses the top of my head. “Baby, any day that God lets me stay here and spend with you and my kids is more than I deserve.”

  I finally raise my head to look at Jed. The tears are hot and thick rolling down my face. “Okay, baby, let’s live. I want to go to the ocean; that’s my one request.”

  His thumb grazes over the apple of my cheeks. “I love you. Thank you.”

  I’ve lived one of the grandest love stories of history from beginning to end. I had it all. I can’t be bitter or drown in self-pity because I’ve seen it all through the eyes of two men who loved me. They gave me the world, and that’s not something to take lightly.

  I’m Marlee Foster-Bryant, and I will live each and every day like there’s no such thing as a broken heart. I’ll fish, hum a random song, and love with all I have.

  “Momma.” There’s tumbling and rustling coming from the other room.

  Then a gorgeous blue-eyed girl rounds the corner, humming her daddy’s chart-topping number one platinum song, “Only If.”

  “What’s wrong, baby girl?” Jed sits up, patting the bed.

  “I had a nightmare.” Her lower lip trembles

  “We need to buy you a new dream catcher.”

  Jed taught Quinn to hum when she woke up from her nightmares and to focus on the soothing tune of the song. My baby girl has her dad’s musical talents. Her singing voice at almost nine years old is powerful and raw like her dad’s.

  “It was bad; a dinosaur was chasing me, and he had bloody teeth.” She burrows into her dad’s chest.

  I hide my smile in my pillow. Quinn only ever has one nightmare, and it’s about dinosaurs. I have no idea where it comes from. The girl is fearless, yet this dream gets her every single time, and the only cure is her daddy. It only takes seconds before she’s sound asleep between us.

  I didn’t plan on falling fast. It happened out of nowhere. The force so undeniable I had no chance of avoiding it. We were a set of fools rushing in, creating a love story that will live on forever. We have a time clock counting down each second, and I’ll make sure to make the best of each moment spent. We will push time together.

  I barely drift off to sleep when I hear the roar of Caleb’s truck pull up outside. Footsteps echo down the hardwood hallway. Then lips are on my forehead.

  “Heading to football camp, Mom. Love you.” Fender does the same to Jed and Quinn.

  “Love you, too. Take Uncle Caleb out at the knees if you have the chance.”

  Fender snorts as he walks out. I can make out the silhouette of his bag slung over his shoulder. He’s going to be gone for a week attending football camp at Boise State. I’m going to miss my boy.

  38

  “You are my today and all of my tomorrows.” -Leo Christopher

  “Mommy, I think I got one.”

  I turn my direction to Quinn’s high-pitched voice to see her hopping up and down. My dad is failing at keeping her calm and focused on reeling in the fishing pole.

  “Daddy, look.” Quinn waves her hand wildly in the air.

  “Way to go, Popper.” Jed adjusts the thick wool blanket around us.

  He wheezes after hollering back to his daughter. I drop my head back on his shoulder and melt into him. I no longer ask how he’s doing or feeling. I know the answer and it’s not something I want to face. We are living out the rest of the days just like he wanted. I’ve stood by and watched my husband vanish away in the winds. The thing is we’ve lived every single day like he wasn’t dying and his days are numbered. It’s set in stone. No hope, prayers, or treatment is on our side this time, making momen
ts like this sweeter than dripping honey.

  Mom and Dad moved to Idaho, but never sold Papa Wally’s homestead. It’s our own personal vacation house and the one place all four of us unanimously voted to visit. Disney World, the beach, or even a luxurious cruise didn’t hold a candle to the homestead.

  “She is so you,” Jed whispers in my ear, running his hand up and down my thigh.

  Our little Popper has a beautiful rainbow trout on the end of her pole. Mom stands behind her, snapping photo after photo. Dad’s chest is puffed out with pride and even though I can’t see his face, I know there are tears welling up in his eyes mirroring my own.

  “She’s a perfect combination. Has your singing talent and my fishing skills.”

  “A force to be reckoned with,” he replies.

  “Do you think she’ll follow in your footsteps?”

  I feel Jed give a weak shrug of his shoulders. “If she does, I know she’ll have you, Mom, and Fender right behind her as her support system.”

  I don’t get a chance to reply before Fender interrupts us. “Dad, want to play catch?”

  “You ain’t tired of looking bad yet, son?” Jed rustles behind me.

  I know it will take him some time to get enough energy to stand up. The cancer may be winning the battle killing him, but doesn’t hold the power to touch his heart and determination. Fender beams with pride, watching his dad rise slowly and gets ready to catch the pigskin.

  The boy loves, adores, eats, sleeps, and breathes all things football. He drank the Kool-Aid and found his passion. It’s the furthest thing from what Jed loves, but it doesn’t mean a damn thing. The two have long conversations at night cuddled together in bed about where Fender wants to play. Jed offers up advice on strategy and skill set. It’s always the sweetest, loving lyrics to any song I’ve ever heard.

  “Yours is two inches shorter, literally.”

  I glance back down at Quinn who has her hands on her hips, arguing with the neighbor kid. A young boy her age, Barrett. I watch the duo go after each other and can’t help the smile playing out on my face. It takes me back to years and years ago. Momma winks at me, picking up on the same thing.