Roommates

by Briton Frost

  "I don't know why you're fighting this so much."

  He rests his forehead against mine. "I don't want it to be over."

  "Matthew, it doesn't ever have to be over."

  A pained look flashes across his face, and then he looks oddly peaceful. Like my words just sank in, and he has a new understanding. "I love you, Beckett," he says. "I'm done fighting it. You said you loved me, and I hope you meant it because you're mine now. I'm going to take care of you and keep you so satisfied, you'll never even think about what you might be missing out on." He thrusts all the way in, hard.

  The action shocks me as I make sense of his words. And then nothing makes sense and all I can do is feel.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  MATTHEW

  I'm a fucking animal, and it's all his fault. He did this, and I hope he's happy because I am not going to stop until there's so much of me leaking out of him that it will still be coming out tomorrow.

  His heels dig into my ass and I let go, pistoning inside my man, while my hands grab whatever flesh I can. Jesus, I'm possessed. Nothing has ever felt so good. So right.

  He's taking my cock like a champ. I know it's too much. Too big. I should slow down and go easy on that poor ass of his. But it feels so good, like it's trying to squeeze the cum out of me, his inner muscles clenching me tight.

  I'm leaking so much pre-cum I can actually feel it coming out, mixing with the lube, coating the walls of his virgin ass. Goddamn. He's not a virgin anymore, though. He's mine.

  I want to give him my baby. Right fucking now. My God. I’ve never needed anything more.

  "You want my cum, baby?" I hold still, feeling like my entire life is hanging in the balance waiting for his answer. I grab his cock and jerk it wildly and he shouts as he starts to come again.

  That's when I can't control the beast any longer. I shove it into him like a battering ram on a castle door. The headboard is banging into the wall. He's still coming, wetting my stomach and his, still calling out my name, lost in his pleasure.

  "Take. All. Of. It." I slam into him with one final thrust and pour into him. I'm not just ejaculating, I'm letting go of everything I've held inside. I'm giving him everything I am, and everything I want to be. I roll to my side, but don't pull out of him. I'm not ready to let him go.

  "Are you okay?" Please be okay.

  "More than okay. Is it always like that? I've been missing out on so much."

  "No, baby. It's not always like that." It's never like that. At least not in my experience. "That was special. You're special."

  "Maybe we're special."

  One of us should be panicking right now. Not two minutes ago, I told him I would pull out and I didn’t. I so didn’t.

  He looks well and truly fucked, but happy. And I'm fucking smiling. I'm...happy too.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  BECKETT

  It's been three days since our first time and I'm sore. Really sore. But I seem to forget that every time I see that hungry look in his eyes. Which is a lot. He's a man with an appetite.

  We're snuggled on the couch, my back to his front.

  His gigantic hand is rubbing circles on my belly, and it feels better than nice. He wasn't lying when he said he liked my stomach. He never shies away from stroking me there.

  "Beckett..."

  I tilt my head back and look at him upside down. "You’re insatiable. I need at least fifteen more minutes and maybe some food first."

  "Ha-ha." He leans forward and kisses my forehead. "We need to talk." I freeze in a terribly stereotypical male move, so I sit up and turn to him.

  "Relax, will ya?"

  "It's never a good thing when someone says those words."

  He shoves my shoulder. "How would you know? Neither of us have been in a relationship before. But don't worry, I'm not going to ask you about feelings or anything.”

  “Are you going to ask me to suck your dick again. The answer is yes.” His eyes darken, and I can see where his mind goes as if a movie of us is playing on his forehead. "I love the way you taste.”

  He gets thoughtful, like he's looking into the future. "I’m rethinking living on an oil rig."

  “You want your condo back?”

  Okay, this conversation is not going the way I thought it would. My face must be showing my confusion because he mirrors it back to me.

  “No.”

  “You mean, live together permanently?”

  “You sound surprised.”

  "It's just," I begin. "Well, we're only three days into a sexual relationship, and I didn’t think we were there yet."

  "I see."

  Have I hurt his feelings? "For a guy who told me he's never dated, just fucked men, I'm not sure how to read your reaction, Matthew."

  He links his hands behind his head and leans back, staring at the ceiling. "We're more than 'three days into a sexual relationship.' I told you I love you."

  "That doesn't mean you're ready to live with me."

  "What if I am? Besides, I already am.”

  This is crazy. It doesn’t make sense. “As roommates. This is differ—”

  I'm on my back before I can finish the sentence. He grinds into me, knowing how easy I get ready for him. "Yeah, it's fast. Yeah, it's fucking nuts. But I love you. I want it all with you. I don't want to wait or put things off. If I learned anything from Cameron, it's that time isn't guaranteed." He grinds his hips again. "If you're not ready, we can wait. But I'm all in."

  "Matthew...living together would change everything."

  "So, let's change everything. Let's get married."

  "Married? Are you serious?"

  He reaches between us, but it's not to undo his pants like I think. He's in his pocket, and he's pulling out a ring. "Serious as fuck."

  I’m staring at the pewter band in shock when the doorbell chimes. I start to get up, but he pushes me back down. "I'll get it. You look like you're about to pass out." He kisses me hard on my mouth and pushes off the couch.

  I am about to pass out. I can't process anything. When did he buy the ring? We went out for a bit yesterday. To the mall he says he hates. He had to be pretty sneaky, though.

  He answers the door to two of our neighbor kids dressed in their uniforms selling cookies. I get up to join him as he crouches down low and talks to young Etta, who will be in my class this fall. Her mom looks like her ovaries might be exploding like fireworks at the sight of my man with her small child, and I don't blame her.

  He looks good with children. Really good. And of course, Etta is wrapping him around her finger talking about camp and cookies and how she lost her tooth yesterday.

  "Becks, will you bring my checkbook? It's on my dresser."

  "Only if you order the peanut butter ones."

  He flashes me a grin over his shoulder. He's just amazing when he smiles.

  I go into his room, a place he hasn't slept in for three days, and find there are two checkbooks on his dresser. Maybe he has a savings account or something. The first one I open says Prime Trust Account at the top, so I put it back and get the other, which is a personal checking account.

  I get about four steps out of his room when it hits me.

  Prime Trust was the name of my scholarship. Why would he have their checking account? I'm still frowning while he writes the check and brings the cookies into the kitchen.

  "Where were we?" he asks. Then gets down on one knee and pulls out that ring. "Beckett, will you marry me?"

  My mind is racing a million miles an hour. The bank account. The ring. It's too much. All of it together.

  I look at him and his face is earnest. He thinks he's in love. He really believes it.

  But I know better.

  "No."

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  MATTHEW

  I guess I should have been prepared. But I wasn't.

  All the blood leaves my head, and I want to die. He's smart and he's right. He should hold off for someone who can give him more...you know what? Fuck that.
/>   I will give him everything. Every damn thing.

  He loves me. I know he does. And he might be smart, but he's got blinders on if he thinks this kind of love comes around more than once.

  "You haven't been honest with me." He's pale and shaking, so I pull him down to the floor with me.

  "What are you talking about?"

  "When you sent me into your room, you forgot there were two checkbooks. One I brought to you. The other..."

  Shit. "Prime Trust."

  He raises his accusing eyes to mine. "Well?"

  "It's not what you think." I have no idea what he's thinking. It's probably exactly what he thinks.

  "Tell me what it is then."

  "It's not a big deal."

  "Really? I think it's a pretty big deal. Either you paid for my entire college education, including room and board. Or you have somehow stolen the checkbook of a trust account and are forging checks. Something tells me it's the first one."

  "I was going to tell you."

  "When?" He draws his legs up like he did on the couch the other day when he was closing up on himself. "So, I'm your charity case."

  "What? No."

  "You paid for my education. You won't take rent for the condo." His eyes widen. "Oh my God. The condo? You never even lived here. You got it for me, didn't you?" He slaps a palm over his forehead. "And the car. What else? Were you personally lining up all my dates for me? And when I couldn't close a deal, you stepped in and took one for the team? I'm so stupid. I thought..."

  "You're not stupid. I've been taking care of you, yeah. But everything between us is real."

  "Real? Are you joking right now? How can it be real if you were never honest with me? Did you get me my job, too?"

  I shake my head. "No, baby. I swear. That's all you. I was just trying to help. Trying to do what Cam asked. Take care of you."

  He hunches over like I just hit him in the stomach. Fuck. I am bad at this. "Cameron? This is all about Cameron?" He starts rocking. "I knew it was too good to be true. You know, after he died...everything was so bad. But then things started going my way. I thought maybe he was an angel looking out for me. The scholarship, God, that was everything. I didn't have to worry about anything for four years. When I won that car...when you asked me to housesit? I should have known. The only honest thing in my life has been that no man wants to be with me. But you swooped right in to fix that, too. Didn't you?"

  "It's not like that and you know it."

  I put my hand on his shoulder, but he shivers away from my touch. Like I'm going to hurt him. Fuck.

  "What I know, Matthew, is that nothing in my life is real."

  "I'm real. I swear to God, Becks. I'm real." I stop myself from reaching for him again. "You're pissed and I get that. I should have told you a long time ago about the scholarship. Cameron...he was my best friend. He loved you and your parents so much. He asked me to look out for you—and I knew I had nothing to offer but money. So I made sure you got it without ever feeling like you owed me anything. It was all for Cameron."

  "You think Cameron wanted you to fuck me?"

  Now I recoil like he sucker-punched me. And he did.

  "No. No, I think he would make sure nobody ever found my body. I'm not good enough for you. I know that. Cam sure as hell would have known that. I never meant to fall for you."

  He rolls his eyes. "Right. Because I am just impossible to resist. God. It would have been kinder for you to just tell me why no one wanted to go out with me twice. What you did...making me feel things that weren't true. Making me feel sexy and wanted...that was cruel."

  "Beckett, you are sexy. So fucking sexy. And I hate that I hurt you. I knew I would screw this up. Hurt you. I never meant to. When you asked me to teach you..."

  "Oh, God. I am so lame." His hands cover his face. Hiding from me.

  "You are so perfect. You are everything to me." I want to touch him so bad. Wipe away all the doubts.

  "Beckett, look at me."

  He shakes his head.

  "C'mon, baby. Look at me."

  His hands lower. "Don't call me baby."

  "I bought you a ring yesterday. Do you think I would do that just to help you get a second date with someone?"

  "You have bought my entire life for five years. So, yes. It's extremely likely that you have some misplaced guilt or feelings of debt to my brother and were willing to sacrifice your future to make sure you honored your promise to him to take care of me. In fact, once you slept with me, you probably felt like you had to marry me in case I got pregnant. To appease Cam."

  "You think I faked everything the last few days?"

  "I don't want to. But how can I trust anything you say when you've been hiding huge secrets from me? I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me. I want to be your equal. Your partner. Not a promise to my brother. Not a burden."

  I can't believe I never thought of how he might feel finding out this way. "You're not a burden. I swear. Since the moment I stepped foot in this condo, I've been in love with you. I tried to fight it. I didn't think I was good enough for you. I still don't. And I will always take care of you. That's not going to change. Whether you're my husband or the man who won't speak to me that I just have to fucking love from afar like some idiot from one of those romantic movies you like so much. Beckett, you are mine, and I am yours, and that will never change."

  "I can't do this. I'm sorry."

  "Please don't tell me this is over. I can't...please don't." It figures that the one damn time I ever wanted anything, I was going to lose it.

  "I'm going to go stay with Jenn while I look for a new place to live."

  Inside my head, I am screaming, but I keep a lid on it and try to keep calm. "You don't have to do that. Stay here. I'll go. You stay."

  "It's your condo. I need...I need to figure out how to build a life without my guardian angel paying all my bills. I know you were doing what you thought was best for me, and that you didn't mean to hurt me. But I'd never have let you do all this for me if I'd known. And I think you knew that or you would have been honest from the beginning. It's not just that I feel in your debt, Matthew, though I do. The other problem is that you think it's in your rights to lie to me to get the desired achievement. And that's not okay. Despite your heart being in the right place, it's not okay for you to take away my choices or protect me from the truth." He pauses. "You need to let me go."

  "I don't think I can do that."

  "You need to figure out how. And I need to learn how to stand on my own, without your help."

  He's already made up his mind. The shell-shocked gaze is gone, and in its place, a quiet determined look. "Will you give me a chance? Please, Beckett."

  "I don't ever see us being together. Not really."

  My heart cracks like he's wielding a sledgehammer instead of a steely reserve.

  I know I need to let him go. I won't give up. But I understand what he's saying. He's independent, and I have been keeping him in a cage without even telling him.

  I honestly don't know how to go back to the guy I was even a month ago.

  I guess I taught him how to break me after all.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  BECKETT, TWO MONTHS LATER

  I switch the phone to my other ear and Jenn is still chattering. "Come out with us," she says.

  Not a chance.

  "I'm tired."

  "You're always tired. We’ll go to that bear bar you were talking about."

  Not. Even. Tempted. Though seeing Jenn and her boyfriend in a gay bar might be fun some other day. "Those kids wear me out. You hang out with five-year-olds all day and then tell me you want to go hang out in a bar with men who are even more immature than the kids were."

  I have a busy night planned. Pizza. Chocolate. Bridget Jones. I don’t even care if that makes me sound stereotypically gay. Tonight, I intend to be a flaming homo and the world can just suck it.

  If I can manage to keep anything down that is. I rub my stomach. I
have a little problem growing inside. Though I have a hard time calling it a problem. Except when I’m bent over the toilet.

  Jenn sighs. "None of the men are ever going to compare to Matthew for you. You should just call him."

  I look around my tiny apartment. It's a studio on top of someone's garage, but it's within walking distance of the school. Which is good because I sold my car to start paying Matthew back. "I can't call him." He's probably back on the rig anyway.

  I wonder what he's going to do with the condo now. Will he rent it out? Will he even keep it? It's not my business, and I shouldn't care.

  But I do and I always will.

  My apartment is just right for me now, though. I got what little furniture I have from thrift stores, but I love every piece.

  I just don’t know how long this place will be big enough for two.

  "Go have fun, Jenn. I'm really fine here. I don't want to go out, and I'm not secretly hoping you'll cajole me into changing my mind."

  "Okay. But what if I cajole you into calling Matthew?"

  I crumple a piece of paper near the mic on my phone. "What’s that? Are you going through a tunnel? You're breaking up."

  "Ha-ha. Fine. But brunch tomorrow."

  "Absolutely. Have fun."

  It occurs to me, while watching Renee Zellweger singing alone in her apartment, that I am...becoming pathetic. I'm only twenty-three. I have one three-day relationship and a string of bad first dates under my belt. It's too soon to give up. But the thought of anyone else touching me. No. Just no.

  The thought of Matthew touching me. Well, that's better.

  But anyway, who would want to date me now? I’ll be having another man’s baby in seven months.

  What would I do if Mathew knocked on my door right now? I pause the movie and lean back, closing my eyes. I am, pathetically, wearing his sweatshirt. It ended up in my laundry somehow, and I never returned it. Tonight, it was staring at me from the drawer, wondering why I never wear it, and I figured, what the hell? It doesn’t smell like him anymore, but it’s comforting anyway.