I even stocked your refrigerator, Sarah remarked. Lone Star Beer and Dr. Pepper.
I‘m gonna like this girl. Clint beamed and Tyler laughed.
Tyler got them each a can of soda and said, Sit down, Sarah. I was serious when I said I had something I want to talk to you about.
I think I‘m just gonna step out and take a little walk— Clint began.
No, Tyler said quickly. Please, stay. I want you here, Clint. If that‘s okay. Clint nodded and the three of them sat down, Tyler beside Sarah on the futon couch, Clint opposite them on one of the two chairs that faced the couch.
Tyler cupped his hands around his soda, suddenly wishing it were a beer, though he knew the courage he needed to draw on now couldn‘t be gotten from a bottle. They‘d discussed it at length during the four-hour drive from Austin, and Tyler, with Clint‘s love behind him, had been more than ready to finally tell his family he was gay and proud of it. But now that he was sitting here beside his sister, the words didn‘t come so easy.
Sarah turned expectantly toward Tyler. Okay, little brother. What‘re you so allfired up to tell me? I‘m all ears.
Well, I… Tyler paused, the carefully planned speech he‘d written in his head now completely inaccessible. Sarah was watching him with a kind smile. He glanced nervously toward Clint, who gave him an imperceptible encouraging nod, as if to say, you can do it.
You know how Mama was always after me to marry and raise a family. And how I always put her off with stuff like I was too young, and someday I‘d settle down.
Uh huh. Sarah nodded.
Well. Tyler took a breath and forged on. The reason I never dated much in high school and never brought any girl home to meet the folks is… The air felt close in the cabin and Tyler pulled at the neck of his T-shirt, suddenly overly-warm. Both Sarah and Clint were watching him expectantly. Feeling like he used to as a kid when he‘d be poised high up on the ledge of the old rock, ready to dive into the lake they called the mud hole, Tyler took the leap.
I‘m gay, Sarah. And Clint here‘s more than my friend. A lot more.
Though he knew if anyone in the family would understand, it was Sarah, he still half-expected her to scream, or leap up in horror and run from the cabin. What she did surprised him even more.
She laid her hand lightly on his arm and smiled. I know that, hon. I‘ve known it for years. But I‘m honored you finally found the trust to confide in me. That means a lot.
Tyler stared at his sister, his mouth falling open. She shook her head and started to laugh. Clint began to laugh too. After a moment, Tyler joined in.
If only it would be so easy to tell his father. But that, Tyler knew, would be no laughing matter.
~*~
Well, I guess if it took breaking my leg to get you to come home, then it was worth it. Now what do I have to do to get you to stay? Have a heart attack?
Dad, cut it out. For some reason, no matter how many years passed, whenever Tyler got around his father, he felt like he was fourteen.
Tyler sat beside his father in the master suite of the sprawling ranch house where he‘d grown up. Tom Sutton, a large man with light brown hair sprinkled liberally with gray, lay propped against many pillows on the king-size bed, his left leg in a long white cast that went from thigh to ankle.
I‘m sorry it‘s been so long, Ty replied. I would have come sooner, but with work and all…
What, writing little stories for some frou-frou magazine is called work now? Last I looked, work was usin‘ your back and your hands to earn an honest livin‘. Sittin‘ at some desk in some air-conditioned office ain‘t work. Not for a Sutton, at any rate. Not when there‘s real work to be done on the ranch and not enough good men to do it.
Tyler felt his neck heat and he bit down a scathing retort, reminding himself his dad was laid up and no doubt frustrated and in pain. Dad, he tried, That‘s not fair. I—
Oh, save me your excuses. Tom Sutton snorted. I should just be glad you finally came home. I guess every man needs a little time to sow their wild oats. He squinted suddenly at Tyler. Did you sow some, boy? Is that what all this nonsense was about, you takin‘ off like someone had lit a fire under your butt? Have you got a little filly in the wings you ain‘t tellin‘ us about? Is that what took you gallavantin‘ off to Austin? Is your mama finally gonna get to hear them dang weddin‘ bells she‘s always goin‘ on about?
Jesus, Dad, don‘t start with that— Tyler began.
Okay, okay. But answer the question. You finally got a girl at least?
Was this his chance? His father had offered the opening by asking if there was someone in his life. Was now the time to finally tell the truth, a truth he‘d been hiding for so many years? Would his father be able to understand? To accept him for who he was?
Dad, I—
Knock, knock, came a singsong voice. Tyler‘s mother, a small woman with fading blond hair and a ready smile, poked her head into the room. She had greeted Tyler with hugs and kisses when he‘d entered the house, without one word of recrimination. That, Tyler had known, was waiting upstairs.
Sorry to interrupt you boys, but Dr. Bradley was nice enough to stop by, Tom. He just wants to pop up and see how you‘re doing. Isn‘t that thoughtful?
Doctors make house calls in Austin, boy? Tom barked. Replying to his own question, he added, I doubt it. Turning to his wife, he said, Sure, send him up. That‘s right nice of him to stop by.
I‘ll check in later, Tyler said, frustration and relief coursing through him in equal measure. There would be time, plenty of time, to set things right with his parents. How they chose to react would be their responsibility and their problem, not his.
His parents occupied with the doctor, Tyler made his way to the stables, eager to see his horses at last, especially Star, his pride and joy. Star had foaled that spring, and he‘d missed it, though Sarah had kept him apprised of the birth and sent pictures of the proud mama and her new colt, which Sarah had named Midnight because of his coal black coat.
Sarah had already taken Clint to see the horses, as they all agreed Clint should be introduced to Tom and Linda Sutton later, at supper, when things had settled down a bit.
Tyler entered the stalls where Star was kept. It was empty and he realized she must be in the pasture with her baby, enjoying the late afternoon sun. He was just about to go out in search of them when he heard a voice that made his blood run hot and cold at the same time.
Well, look who finally came back home with his tail between his legs.
Tyler turned around to see Wayne Hurley leaning against the doorframe, his cowboy hat tilted at an angle that hid his eyes, a cruel smile lifting the edges of his mouth. Wayne was movie star handsome, with thick, curling brown hair, hazel eyes flecked with gold, his jaw square, his lips full and lush.
Tyler knew he had to face Wayne straight out of the chute, but he‘d planned to seek him out, not the other way around. He‘d been rehearsing that speech too in his head on and on the whole way to the ranch, determined at last to have his say and put Wayne firmly in his place. But, now, as he stared at Wayne, all thoughts and rehearsed speeches flew from his head.
Those eyes, which used to hold Tyler in such thrall, burning into him with what Tyler used to think was passion, now seemed cold and flat, neither giving nor reflecting light, like a reptile. Wayne spoke in a slow, derisive drawl. Well, if it ain‘t my personal piece of ass, finally come sniveling back to make his amends. Bet ya‘ missed me, didn‘t ya‘, boy? Ain‘t nobody around. Get on your knees and show me just how much you missed me.
I‘m done with all that, Wayne, Tyler snapped, his voice low as he struggled to contain his anger and the lingering shame beneath it. You got no hold over me. Not anymore.
Wayne moved closer. He had been with the horses and he was dusty and sweaty, the smell pungent as he approached. His laugh was low and cruel. I got no hold? You think just cause you ran away that I don‘t still own you? I knew you‘d be back. He moved closer, too close for comfort and Ty
ler stepped back. And it‘s about time, too, Wayne continued, cause I been lookin‘ for a whippin‘ boy, and my dick is in need of attention.
The anger bubbled over, obliterating any lingering shame. Tyler understood now, on a gut level, that what Wayne had offered—no, what Wayne had taken—had nothing to do with what Tyler really needed or craved. It was as far from what he shared with Clint as a wooden nickel was compared to a coin of solid gold.
In a sudden movement he lunged toward Wayne, pushing him hard against the wall of the stall as he grabbed a handful of Wayne‘s shirt and twisted it in his fist. I just told you, I ain‘t interested in what you got to offer. So I‘d thank you to keep your dirty mouth shut and your filthy thoughts to yourself.
Wayne wrenched himself from Tyler‘s grip and Tyler let go, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. He hadn‘t meant to lose his temper. He‘d intended to freeze Wayne with haughty indifference. Now he breathed hard through his nose, willing himself to calm down.
Wayne smoothed down his shirt. There was a spot of red on each cheek and Tyler knew he was angry, and no doubt surprised to find the change in the once-passive Tyler. Wayne grinned, a slow, unpleasant grimace as his eyes narrowed. What happened to you in Austin, boy? Did your mind turn to mush? Did you forget you‘re nothin‘ but a snivelin‘ faggot who gets off on being fucked up the ass and whupped till you bleed?
Tyler imagined smashing his fist into that perfect, square jaw, but he kept his arms at his sides. I haven‘t forgotten a thing. I haven‘t forgotten that you threatened me with blackmail. You‘re not worth the horse shit on the bottom of my boot. You try to mess with me, and I‘ll give it back, just watch. I can give as good as I get.
Wayne laughed, the sound harsh, though Tyler could sense a slight faltering in his cocky self-assurance. You forget, Ty. I know your secrets. You better have your dad make me foreman, or I‘ll spill em all.
And I know yours, too, you fool. So I‘d advise you to keep your mouth shut, if you know what‘s good for you, Tyler snapped.
Oh, yeah? Wayne blustered. Well, I want you to kneel down and open yours. He smirked, cupping his balls and licking his lips.
Tyler wanted nothing so much as to take a good swing at the guy, but he held himself in check. Wayne Hurley was so not worth it. You‘re an ass, Wayne, Tyler said, shaking his head. You‘re good with the horses, which is the only reason you haven‘t been fired. You‘ll never make foreman. You have to have brains for that job, and when the lord was handing them out, he shorted you, I‘m afraid.
Wayne pursed his lips and squinted, and Tyler could tell he was trying to come up with a snappy response, but it wasn‘t quite working out. Clearly he had been thrown by Tyler‘s new attitude toward him. He‘d obviously expected to pick up where they‘d left off. Tyler only wished he‘d come to his senses six months ago, instead of just running.
Though he knew he shouldn‘t even waste his breath, Tyler added, You know what, Wayne? When I left, I was running away, not from you so much as my own shame. I‘m a different man now. I‘ve learned that my feelings and needs are nothing to be ashamed of. I‘m proud of who and what I am. And nobody, not even a closeted, indenial, bullying, sadistic son of a bitch like you can take that away from me.
Wayne moved close again, the stink of his sweat ripe in Tyler‘s nostrils. You little shit, he snarled in a low voice. I ain‘t gay. How many times I got to tell you, you’re the one who takes it up the ass, not me. You‘re the faggot.
Tyler shook his head, giving up. Wayne, you are such an asshole. He walked toward the paddock. Turning back, he said, One last thing. Watch your step around me. This is the Double S Ranch, and in case you hadn‘t noticed, my name is Sutton too. ~*~
Tyler saw Star and her colt in the pasture, and while he longed to go see her and greet the newest addition to the ranch, he knew he needed to seize the moment, while his resolve remained strong. He caught up briefly with Clint and Sarah, who were leaning on the fence, watching the horses in the pasture, and let them know he had some business to finish back at the house.
He‘d told Wayne he was proud of who and what he was. Well, it was time to put his money where his mouth was. He‘d come home and now it was time to stand up to his father, man to man.
He could hear his mother humming in the kitchen, no doubt preparing a feast to celebrate his return, but he didn‘t stop to check. He took the stairs two at a time, glad in a way his dad was laid up, since Tom Sutton was always in motion when working the ranch, with only half an ear available for anyone who tried to talk to him.
He approached the master bedroom and took a deep breath, tucking his shirt in and pushing his fingers through his hair as he moved toward the door, which was ajar. Dad? He looked into the room. Tom Sutton was awake, the remote control in his hand, his eyes on the TV.
He turned toward Tyler. I don‘t know why I pay for that damn satellite dish. Now instead of three channels of nothin‘, there‘s a hundred channels of nothin‘. He clicked off the TV with a snort of disgust and turned to Tyler, his eyebrows raised.
What did the doctor have to say? Tyler asked, as he settled into a chair nearby.
Six weeks! Like I have time to be laid up for six whole weeks! And the doc has me on all these dang pain meds. Can‘t hardly think straight. I got work to do—no time for this crap. He glowered a moment at Tyler, as if it were his fault he was laid up. At least you‘re finally back and can start pullin‘ your weight again. I got accounts to settle and some sales to negotiate. You can put some of that fancy book learnin‘ of yours to use and get to work on them accounts.
I‘d be happy to, Dad. But first we need to talk. I got something to say to you.
His father regarded him. That right? You gonna explain the real reason you skedaddled?
Tyler counted to five slowly in his head. This wasn‘t going to be easy, but then, he hadn‘t expected it to be. In a way, yes, he replied. When I left here six months ago, I was still a boy. I hadn‘t faced up to some important issues in my life. Or more precisely, I hadn‘t been honest with you and Mama about some things. I‘ve learned a lot these past months away, and one thing I learned is that I don‘t need to be ashamed of who and what I am.
He sat up straighter, squaring his shoulders. I‘m gay. I‘ve known it for sure since I was fourteen. I‘ve hidden it all this time because I knew, or thought I knew, the reception I‘d get from family and friends. I was afraid of being ostracized and rejected just for being myself, so I tried to be someone else. I‘m done with all that. I‘m proud of who and what I am. I‘m done hiding the truth from you or anyone else.
He closed his mouth and waited, watching the high color seep over his father‘s beefy face. Tom Sutton opened and closed his mouth several times, like a fish caught on a hook, but no sound came. Finally he spluttered, Gay? As in a homosexual? A queer?
Tyler snorted, a grim smile moving over his face. All of the above. Lots of other terms I‘m sure you could come up with, but yeah. That‘s about the size of it. I‘m still the same man. I can still run a ranch, ride a horse, balance the books and love my family. But I‘m no longer willing to keep this basic part of me a secret any longer.
His father was nodding slowly, and Tyler forced himself to remain calm. He‘d said his piece. Now it was up to his father what he did with it. Tyler found himself fully ready to accept the consequences. One thing he‘d learned in Austin, there was more to the world than just horse ranching, and for that matter, more than one ranch in Texas. He had skills and he had options. If his father couldn‘t accept him on his own terms, he‘d carve out a new life on his own.
Makes sense, his father finally said. Your mama always fretted how you never seemed to like any one girl. With Sarah goin‘ on thirty-three now and still no babies, she took to puttin‘ all her apples in your basket, if you follow me. Tyler nodded, well aware of his mother‘s earnest desire for grandchildren.
I knew you were hidin‘ something, his father continued. When you put up the fuss about movin‘ out of
the family home, I should have known it was about more than just tryin‘ to assert your independence. You needed a place to bring them boys—
Stop it. Tyler held up his hand in warning and to his surprise, his father shut up. This isn‘t about my private life. It‘s about who I am. Now you can accept me on my terms, or not. That‘s up to you. I‘m being honest with you—talking to you man to man. I would ask that you do the same.
Maybe it was his imagination, but something like respect seemed to move over Tom Sutton‘s features and he nodded again. Fair enough. He squinted again toward Tyler. But you know, it‘s a strange choice, especially out here deep in the heart of Texas. If you were in New York City, maybe, where anything goes. But out here in God‘s country…
It‘s not a choice. I didn‘t wake up one day and decide to be gay. Believe me, much of my youth was spent fervently wishing I wasn‘t, and doing my best to ignore and deny it. This is who I am. If you want to go that route, it‘s who God made me, though I personally don‘t think he bothers with stuff like that. It‘s the luck of the draw. I used to think I was unlucky because of it, but I‘ve figured out now, finally, that luck‘s got nothing to do with it. We take the hand that‘s dealt us, and it‘s how we play it that matters.
His father nodded again, and Tyler wondered if he were actually reaching him on some level. He plunged on before losing his nerve. I‘ve met a good man. A man I really care about, who cares about me. His name is Clint Darrow and he‘s here. I‘m bringing him to supper so you can meet him.
He‘s here? Tom Sutton fairly shouted. On my ranch? You brought a queer to my ranch?
Tyler stood, anger coursing through him. What an idiot, to think his narrowminded, bigoted father would ever understand. But to his surprise, his father lifted both hands, palms up, as if in surrender. Wait, I‘m sorry, son. That was uncalled for. I know this is the twenty-first century, and things are different with this Internet business and free love and all that stuff.
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