You and I Alone

by Melissa Toppen

  “A friend.” He states, his mouth pulling up in smile that is the furthest thing from happy. “You fuck all your friends?” His words are riddled with anger and it isn't until this moment, that I see how upset he really is.

  “Don't.” I say, my own anger showing through. “You knew what this was going in. You knew that we would never be anymore than what we were. And yes, I do consider you a friend. I care about you deeply. But don't pretend like I somehow led you into this arrangement under false pretenses.”

  “Bentley fucking Reed Logan!” His words cut through the small office and echo off the walls around us as the last remaining hold on his temper snaps away. “Of all people.” He pauses, meeting my gaze with dark eyes. “I know him Logan. I know what he does to girls like you. I've seen it, multiple times. So tell me, what happens when he makes you want everything that he is and then pulls the rug out from underneath you and leaves you more broken than you were when he got here? What happens when he promises you the world and then breaks every single promise? What happens when it all falls apart around you and you have no one left to pick up the pieces?”

  “We were kissing Josh.” I say, unable to sit any longer. Pushing myself out of the chair, I hover at the edge of the desk. “It's not like I intend on marrying the man. Hell, I don't even know him. I'm not even entirely sure I want to know him. So why don't you tell me what this is really about?” My tone is clipped as I cross my arms in front of my chest and wait for him to respond.

  He pushes into a slow stand, his eyes finding mine and not blinking away for even a second. “Get out of my office Logan.” He warns.

  “Not until we settle this.” I say, ready to stand here the entire night if that's what it takes.

  “For fuck sake Logan. Are you that fucking blind?” He screams across the desk at me, his voice taking on a nervous shake. “When I saw you two together, I felt like someone gutted me. I wasn't prepared to feel that.” He says. “I know we aren't exclusive. I know that you don't want a relationship. But that doesn't mean that it didn't slice me to my core to see you in his arms.” He takes a deep breath as if to steady himself. “And yes, I was disappointed in you. Because I thought you were different. I have watched countless woman fall at that man's feet and you know what, it never bothered me. But you.” He says, his gaze softening. “I thought.... Hell, I don't know what I thought.”

  “Josh.” I say softly, taking a step forward until just the desk separates us. “It didn't mean anything. Yes, I'm attracted to him. But I am not like all the others. I am not stupid, nor am I blind. I see him for the man he is. And you know what, that's okay with me. I don't want anything from him. This isn't about him. It's about us.” I say, pausing as I carefully choose my next words. “It's clear that you want more than I can give you and for that, I'm sorry. You're an amazing man and any girl would be so lucky to have you. But.....”

  “You aren't interested in more.” He finishes my sentence, his eyes taking on a sadness I'm not prepared for.

  “I think we have let this go far enough. Dragging this out will only make it harder to walk away. I can't be the girl you need Josh. And I can't give you what you want. But I meant what I said. I do care about you deeply. And I don't want to hurt you anymore.” I say, taking a deep breath. “This has to end.”

  “I know.” He says, shaking his head slightly.

  “I will give you some time to sort things out but I don't want to lose you.” I say, reaching across the desk and giving his hand a squeeze before releasing it.

  “Logan.” His words stop me as I turn towards the door. Turning back towards him, the moment I register the pain on his face, it's like something has knocked all the wind from me and I am left gasping for air. “Be careful.” He says, reclaiming his seat and turning his attention back to the paperwork in front of him without another glance in my direction.

  I want to protest. Say there is no reason that I need to be careful because nothing more is going to happen. But even I can't bring myself to utter the words I know aren't true. Truth is, Friday night only made me more curious about Bentley and the hold he seems to have over my body.

  So instead, I simply nod and quickly exit the office without another word. While I feel sick about where me and Josh stand in this moment, I also know that ending it is exactly the right move. It may take awhile but I know, eventually, things will start to return to normal. If normal even exists anymore.

  Heading straight to my dressing room, I want nothing more than to get the hell out of this place. I used to love being here. There is something so freeing about working at Allure. It's the one place where I can be anyone I want to be.

  When I step on that stage, I am no longer Anna. I am no longer the girl that has faced more loss than most people know in a life time. I am Logan. Sexy, powerful, free. Not afraid to take what I want when I want it. But here recently, I can feel those two people merging together as one and I can't help but wonder how long it will be before I see more of Anna when I look in my dressing room mirror than Logan.

  There's a light knock on my door just as I finish slipping on my tennis shoes. Straightening myself, I make it to the door in two long strides and click the lock out of place. When I pull the door open, the last person I expect to see is Bentley, so needless to say when his bright eyes land directly on mine, it takes me a moment to realize that this isn't some type of dream and that he is actually standing in front of me. I haven't heard from him since Friday and honestly, I didn't expect to hear from him for sometime. So why is he here and more importantly, what does he want?

  “Bentley?” I question, not making any attempt to open the door further. “What are you doing here?”

  “Last time I checked, I own the place.” He says, his smile so breathtaking I literally feel my legs wobble underneath my weight.

  “Good point.” I say, pulling the door the rest of the way open before leaning down to retrieve my bag from the floor. “I'm actually heading out. Did you need something?” I ask, my sudden professional behavior towards him making me feel oddly uncomfortable.

  “Have a drink with me.” He says, more of a command than a question.

  “At two in morning? All the bars are closing.” I say, verifying the time on my cell before looking back up to see him still staring at me with that ridiculously handsome dimple filled grin.

  “Pretty sure there is a bar just down the hall.” He says, laughing lightly.

  “Here?” I question, a little shocked that he would be willing to put us on display for all the other employees. Immediately my mind jumps to Cora and what happened the last time we spoke. I have no desire to have another confrontation with her as I am still feeling uneasy about the last one.

  “Why not?” Bentley questions when I shake my head no.

  “I think it's best if we keep this relationship professional Mr. Reed. And sitting in the middle of the establishment that I work at and you own, in the view of everyone, is sure to send the wrong message.” I say, making a move to step past him.

  His arm darts out, blocking my ability to exit easily. He leans down, dropping his lips to my ear before speaking. “And what message would that be?” He whispers, causing my skin to prickle and my stomach to tighten.

  “That you and I are somehow involved.” I say, taking a step backwards.

  “But we are.” He says, taking a step inside the small room. Suddenly the tiny square space feels claustrophobic as he takes another step towards me, closing the door behind him with an echoing thud.

  “No. We are not.” I say, taking another step backwards and nearly tripping over my vanity chair in the process. I catch myself before I go toppling over but it gives Bentley the perfect opportunity to close in while my guard is down.

  I no more than straighten my body and he's on me. His hands grip my hips and his face hovers just an inch from mine. “Aren't we now? I seem to remember things differently.” He says, his voice low.

  I open my mouth to respond but when no words seem to form, Bent
ley leans in closer. “I can still taste you on my lips.” His hot breath dances across my face. “I can still hear your cries of pleasure as I made you come. Tell me you don't want that again Logan.” He says, slowly backing me towards the wall as he speaks, not stopping until my back is pressed firmly against it.

  “I....” I start to protest, but like all the times before, my words get lost in the chaos of my thoughts while in the presence of this man. I have never had someone command me the way Bentley does. Without any effort at all, I am like putty in his hands. And while the feeling is exquisite, it's also terrifying.

  “Not here.” I finally manage to get out just as his lips brush against mine.

  “No?” He asks, pulling back slightly to look down at me.

  “I need you to leave me alone Bentley.” I say, seeing the surprise cross his features for a split second before his face becomes unreadable. “I want to fuck you.” I admit, trailing my hand lightly down his sculpted chest. “But only once. I need to stop thinking about you all the time. Fantasizing what it would be like to be underneath you. And while I wish I could just walk away never knowing, I simply can't. I'll give you one night and then you have to promise you will go back to New York or wherever it is that you live and stay there.”

  “That's not possible. In case you have forgotten, I own this club.” He says, stopping my hand as it travels lower across his abdomen. Squeezing it tightly, he stares directly into my eyes.

  “And you seem to forget that up until the last couple of weeks, I had never seen you. Which means, whatever you need to do here, you can do when I'm not here. I know you have that ability. These are my terms Bentley. Take it or leave it.”

  “You drive a hard bargain.” He says, releasing my hand and taking a step backwards.

  “Do we have a deal?” I ask, feeling the butterflies erupt in my stomach as he flashes me another heart stopping smile.

  “Deal.” He says, grabbing my hand and pulling me to him. His lips crash down on mine before I have a chance to even react, but the moment his tongue sweeps inside of my mouth, my body immediately melts into his embrace.

  Just as I am about to throw it all out the window and beg for him to take me right here and now, he breaks away from my mouth and takes a step backwards, leaving me feeling breathless and honestly, a bit confused.

  “Until that time.” He says, nodding his head at me before spinning around and heading towards the door.

  “What?” I call after him, completely thrown off by the sudden turn of events.

  “If you are only going to give me one night, then I want the whole night, not a couple of hours. Next Friday.” He says, peeling the door open before turning back to face me. “I will pick you up at seven.” He says, stepping through the doorway before throwing one last look in my direction. “Oh and Logan. You better be ready.” He smiles wickedly and then disappears from the doorway.

  It takes me a few moments to process everything that just happened and what exactly I just agreed to. Did I really just arrange to fuck the man that owns the club I work for? Suddenly, I realize just how in over my head I am and immediately begin second guessing myself.

  Taking a few calming breathes, I glance to the right and catch sight of myself in my vanity mirror. My cheeks are flushed and as I stare at my reflection, I can't stop the smile that slowly spreads across my face. Because at the end of the day, no matter how terrified I am of this entire situation, there is nothing I want more than to find out firsthand what a man like Bentley Reed is really made of.

  Chapter Ten

  “So you're really gonna go through with it?” Lo asks, having just told her of the arrangement I made with Bentley the night before.

  “I don't know.” I sigh in frustration. “I mean, I kind of have to see it through at this point.” I say¸ trying to hide the giddy smile that pulls up the corners of my mouth at the thought of what this Friday might bring.

  “Can I please be you?” She laughs from across the table at me. “I mean seriously. That man is like a fucking god. You realize this right?”

  “Trust me, I know exactly what you mean.” I think about her comment for a moment and then find myself smiling again.

  “Uh oh.” Lo laughs, taking a drink of her soda before sitting the fake glass back down onto the chipped old booth table.

  “What?” I ask, glancing up to meet her eyes.

  “You realize that you haven't stopped smiling since the moment you started talking about him. I think you like him.” She says, her smile matching mine.

  “Um, no.” I say, shaking my head adamantly. “He may be sexy as hell but there is only one thing I want from him and it does not require me to like him.”

  “You know, it's not a crime to admit you like a person.” She says, sighing at me dramatically. While I may agree with her, that doesn't mean I feel any emotion towards Bentley. No. My feelings are purely sexual and nothing more.

  “I just really want to fuck him.” I say casually, not even cracking a smile when Lo bursts into laughter across from me.

  “Oh my God Anna. You are too much. But I suppose if anyone can match Bentley Reed in the 'no strings' department, you can.” She says, taking a bite of her french fry.

  “What do you know?” I ask, being able to pick up on the fact that she's at least done a little research on him. I know Lo and needing to know everything about everyone is something she thrives on.

  “Nothing.” She says innocently, picking up another french fry off her plate and taking a bite. “I may have asked around.” She admits, when I clearly don't buy her 'nothing' statement.

  “And?” I ask, feeling irritated that I even need to ask for the information. She's my friend which means she should offer it up voluntarily and not make me beat it out of her.

  “No one really knows a lot about him. From what I have learned, he rarely ever comes to the club. When he does, it's typically during the day and most of his business is handled with Cora. He doesn't really speak to the dancers much but likes to know who's working for him. There are several pictures of him floating around the internet and from what I can tell, he's never seen with the same girl twice.” She says, smirking like she is really proud of herself.

  “Cora.” I say, remembering our conversation from last week. “They're involved?” I'm not sure if it's a question or a statement but either way, Lo jumps right in.

  “I don't think so.” She says, shrugging. “Though she would be an idiot not to want that, I am fairly certain that if something were going on with the two of them, someone at the club would know about it.”

  “What makes you think someone doesn't know about it?” I ask, raising my eyebrows at her. I can immediately see the insult on her face. Lo thinks she knows everything and don't ever tell her differently. I can't help but laugh at her when she wrinkles her nose.

  “Well if someone does know, they haven't spilled the beans up to this point. But now my curiosity is peaked.” She says, leaning forward, her elbows resting on the table.

  I can't help but laugh at her but then of course, I cave. Not able to keep anything from Lo, I spend the next ten minutes filling her in on my encounter with Cora from Friday night, not missing the way her eyes light up as I get further into the story. I never intended on rehashing my altercation with Cora, but it feels good to just tell someone about it. Clearly Lo sees an opportunity to dig for dirt on Cora or Bentley, or both for that matter. I can literally see the wheels turning inside that pretty little head of hers.

  “Wow.” She says, sitting back in the booth. “I knew she was crazy but holy shit. That's a whole new level of crazy.” She laughs.“Don't tell me you bought her bullshit.”

  “No.” I say, shaking my head. “I don't know, maybe.” I reconsider. “I mean, it's not like I know anything about him. And while Cora may not be the sweetest person in the world, I can't see her behaving that way if there was no truth to it at all. Maybe they aren't together but that doesn't mean that nothing has ever happened to make her think diff
erently.”

  “Who knows.” Lo shrugs, playing it off like she doesn't care. But I know Lo. And I would put money on the fact that she will be digging for more information the moment she walks through the doors of Allure tomorrow night.

  Shifting the subject to a lighter topic, the rest of our late night meal is spent discussing how finals went and what crazy drama is taking place on the reality shows that she watches religiously. I love how easily distracted she can be and how quickly I can get her talking about herself, which takes the pressure off of me.

  We exit the little diner just after three in the morning and while I feel just a little better about my situation, having hashed it all out with Lo, at the same time I can't shake the nervous knot that has formed in the pit of my stomach either. I'm not sure what I am nervous about though. Friday night? Or maybe it's the fact that I am uneasy about just how much digging Lo is going to do and what flags she may raise in the process. The last thing I need is anyone at the club finding out about my arrangement with Bentley, especially Cora.

  ****

  The week creeps by at a snails pace and by Wednesday I am convinced that Friday is never going to arrive. I have never dreaded and yet, looked forward to something at the same time so much in my life. One minute I feel excitement. The next, I feel dread. Then excited again. My days are consumed with thoughts of Bentley and my nights, well let's just say I have never dreamed about a person so much before.

  I know it has everything to do with our impending date and what the night might hold for us. While I may put on a confident facade for others, deep down I am terrified that being with a man like Bentley will expose me for the fraud I am. It's just sex, I try to remind myself. But that doesn't make me feel any better about the situation.

  Even still, the one emotion that stands out among all the others coursing through me is want. Just thinking about the way his mouth felt against me, the way his tongue worked skillfully across my most sensitive flesh, well it's enough to erase all the doubt, at least for a short while. Eventually it creeps back in and I find myself questioning every decision I have made up to this point.