The Keys to Jericho

by Ren Alexander

  Is this goodbye?

  As much as I try to hide the dismayed look on my face, even now, she adds, “I won’t see you until tomorrow, since I guess we don’t have to drive today.”

  Sighing at how fucked up I am, I kiss her forehead, but she grabs my face and pulls me to her lips, and as much as I fight it… Fuck. I’m a pussy.

  I can’t even fight off the first person I’ve truly ever kissed. And…

  I finally scrounge the will to end our kiss and get into the car, needing to get fucking plastered at 2:14 PM.

  There’s a knock at my bedroom door, and I roll my eyes. His muffled voice asks, “Can I come in?”

  Between sips, I reply, “I probably can’t stop you.”

  Dad walks in, looking around, assessing as usual. “I just got back from your grandparents’. How was your trip…with Kat?”

  I concentrate on the beer can’s artwork. “Fine.”

  “Are you sure?” I look up and see that he notices the two beer cans on the nightstand.

  Lifting the can to my lips, I mumble, “Yep.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Swallowing, I scowl at his intrusion. “I just did.”

  Watching me, he sighs and leans against the doorframe. “No. I mean about you and Kat.”

  I peer out the window, lying, “Nothing to tell.”

  I feel his gaze on me still as he asks, “Are you sure?”

  I roll my eyes and lift my beer can to take a drink. “Dad… I’m busy.”

  “Yes. I see that. What happened?”

  Shaking my head in exasperation, and avoiding his judgmental stare, I yell at my bedspread, “Nothing happened! Can you just…? Go?”

  “Jared. Something had to have transpired. You kissed her and then—”

  Automatically looking up at him, I laugh. “Oh, no, no, no. She kissed me. So if you want to go there, get your story straight first.”

  “How long?”

  I frown in confusion. “Three seconds?”

  He sighs again, rubbing a hand over his face. “No, Jared. I was asking how long have you been with her?”

  “With her? What? Like in a bed, bouncing off each other, moaning each other’s names? That kind of with her?”

  “Jared Adam.”

  I lean my head back, saying to the ceiling, “Flipping hell.”

  “You’re making jokes. This isn’t a joke, and you know it. I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “Getting drunk? I believe you have.”

  Dad shakes his head as his disapproval mounts. “Maybe I don’t know you like I thought I did.”

  Before I take another drink, I look at him and sneer, “You know nothing about me, Daddy.”

  He frowns now. “Not that I haven’t tried.”

  My eyes roll and I laugh. “Right.”

  “I understand some of your hostility toward me, but yet, some is just uncalled for. I tried to be the best dad I could, and with what I had. God, I tried with you and Hadley. I’m so far from perfect. I know I had my issues. It was tough. I always felt like I failed at something with you, though. I was scared every day, Jared. I didn’t want my kids hating me. We only had each other to rely on.”

  I don’t respond because I don’t know what to say. I’m not drunk yet, either.

  He says, “I know it’s hard for you to connect to people on a personal level. It’s hard for me, too, but I don’t want to see you encounter the same pitfalls. You had Kat in your life years ago. She’s back.” He shakes his head and sighs. “I think she’s special to you. That’s why you’re scared.”

  I glare at him. “I’m not scared of shit.” Suck on that, Finn Wilder.

  “Did you and Kat talk in Philadelphia?”

  “No, we used sign language.”

  “Jared.”

  I sigh, knowing he’s not going to leave me alone until I give him something. “About what?”

  “How you’re going to stay together?”

  My teeth grind in irritation from his questioning. “We are not together.”

  “She stayed with you at your apartment. You’re adults and I’m not naïve, Jared.”

  “Oh. We’re back to the bouncing and moaning with her, right? That’s kind of hard to do when I slept on the couch.” Part truth. I did sleep on the couch. For an hour.

  He skeptically nods, and I grab my beer as my phone lights up. Looking up from the screen, I show it to him. “It’s Rio. Not some girl. He wants to go out on a date with me Friday. I guess I didn’t tell you I swing that way. Oops. God. I hope he doesn’t expect me to bounce and moan with him yet.” Dad frowns and I mockingly ask, “Would it be okay to go, or do I have to marry Kat that day? I forget the correct steps I should take with her, since she did stay at my place.”

  “Fine, Jared. If you don’t want to talk to me, then I don’t know what else to say.”

  I shrug. “I don’t know why you get the impression I have anything I want to talk about.”

  “Because the look on your face is one I’m used to seeing in the mirror. Pain. I know it. Believe me. This time, though, it’s not pain from your mother. I’m used to seeing that kind of pain on your face. This one is different. This kind is cutting your heart into pieces.”

  “Nope.” Yes. With a chainsaw.

  He sighs. “If you do ever want to talk, I’m here. That’s all I can offer, but I hope you’ll take it sometime.” Not likely.

  Giving up, as usual for him, he leaves my room and I return to staring at the wall while drinking my beer, and I impatiently wait for the numbness to set in.

  But sometimes, the numbness isn’t enough.

  In the morning, I text Dash, telling him to borrow his mom’s car or switch out his car for the Nissan to take Kat driving for an hour, and then to her class tonight. I honestly can’t do it. I have no inclination whatsoever to get out of bed. My head is pounding and my body feels like lead.

  But if those were the only ailments I had, I’d still take her.

  And that’s what I do. I lie on the couch, watching whatever is on TV that doesn’t remind me of what a shitty world this is.

  Tuesday, I do show up at the site, but I’m soon sorry I did.

  Dash says, “There you are. I was wondering what happened to you.”

  As he walks with me to the van, I grumble, “I died.”

  “Sorry to hear that. I tried to take Kat driving, but she wouldn’t go. She was put off that it wasn’t you. I took her to class, but she barely said a word to me.”

  I nod as I yank a spool of electrical cord out of the van for Tony. Dash says, “Did you two have another fight?”

  I don’t answer that as I busy myself with measuring out the amount Tony needs. Dash asks, “What happened at your apartment? She’s hiding that she’s a fucking mess.”

  “Nothing happened,” I mutter.

  “Did she…say something to you?”

  “It’s not always about what’s said.” I tap my pencil on the table, not wanting to be here anymore.

  “Jericho. You’re not telling me something, and neither is she.”

  Finding a pair of wire cutters in Tony’s toolbox, I look away from Dash’s scrutiny as I make the cut. “Uh, will you take her driving today and then to class tonight? I’m not feeling that great. I’m going home.”

  “Jericho. What the hell is going on with you and Kat?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You two are always joined at the hip. Now, you can’t mention her name without a strange look on your face.”

  “I’m fine.” I wrap the cut cord in a rush, and shove it into his arms. “Here. Take this to Tony. I’m out.”

  “Jericho!” I keep walking, and when I get behind the Nissan’s wheel, I have to hold my breath so her perfume doesn’t hit me like a frying pan to the face. Small breaths. Yet, it could be worse. I don’t know how I’ll ever drive my goddamned car again.

  Wednesday, I take a deep breath as I exit the Nissan. I need to get my shit together. I promised I’d hel
p her get her driver’s license. I always keep my word. I’m seriously trying to.

  Walking through the front door of the house, I go past the living room, briefly looking in there, but then stopping when I see her standing at the front window.

  Going in, but not too far, I wait for her to turn around, but she doesn’t. I finally say, “You need to drive.”

  She nods, and I again wait for her to turn, but she still looks out the window. I clear my throat, “Are we going now?”

  Another nod, but this time, she turns away from the window, but doesn’t look at me as she walks past. Christ. This’ll be fun.

  When she’s behind the wheel, she puts out her hand, and I drop the keys into it. Before she starts the car, she sighs at the wheel, asking, “Are you talking to me now?”

  “Seems so.”

  She glowers at me. “Where’ve you been the last two days?”

  I tug down on my bill before crossing my arms, and glaring at the dashboard. “I needed a…break.”

  “Why?”

  “Why not?”

  Turning, I stealthily glance at her as she shakes her head at the wheel, and starts the car. “Where to?”

  “Wherever.”

  “You’re not going to help me?”

  “I’m here. Drive.”

  “You’re here and you’re talking, but you may as well be ignoring me again or not here at all.”

  I roll my eyes at the windshield, but remain quiet.

  The drive is the same, with her picking odd roads to drive, but she does well, so I don’t feel the need to comment.

  When she pulls in front of her mother’s house, she puts the car in park, turns it off, and says, “I won’t be here tomorrow or Friday.”

  I sit, waiting for her to go on, but she doesn’t. Looking over at her, she stares out the windshield. Ultimately, I lose and ask, “Why?”

  “I’m going to Virginia with Liberty. She’s apartment hunting and I said I’d go with her.”

  “Oh.” My sympathies.

  “I’ll be back Saturday.”

  “Why can’t you do it during the weekend so you don’t have to miss class?”

  She mutters, “Liberty is going during the week.”

  I grumble with an eye roll, “Figures.”

  “It’s not her fault and I said I’d go.”

  “You shouldn’t be missing class. You won’t be done before school starts.”

  “So? I won’t have a car before then, either. I’ll just have to go with it.”

  “I won’t be here.”

  “I know that.” Ouch.

  I try, “You’ll have to have someone else take you to class and finish your hours.”

  She scoffs, “Yes, and we’ve established that may be a possibility. So whatever way works, I’ll deal with it.”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine. I guess I’ll see you sometime Saturday.” Without giving me a courteous glance, Kat gets out of the car and marches up the walkway, her streaked ponytail swinging riotously as she goes.

  I’d stay in the car, smelling her perfume, but the fucking shit makes my damn eyes water anymore, so I get out and decide I need to cut shit with the circular saw.

  Starting with Calder’s throat should clear my head.

  Checking my watch, I impatiently walk to the end of the porch, looking to the end of the parking lot, and then walk to the other end, peering around the restaurant to the other end of the lot. No Duquesne. You’d figure with his bitch out of town, he’d have a better grasp on time, though Diet Dr. Pussy isn’t used to freedom.

  Thursday, I spent the day at Brenda’s and then at the park. If it’s not Wednesday night at the races during the summer, there’s nothing else to do in this fucking town, except to drink or sit at a park. And I did the drinking and the races Wednesday night, so Thursday night, I sat on a bench, overlooking the river, wishing I had a drink with me.

  Duquesne’s truck pulls up, and I roll my eyes at his rueful smile as he walks over to me. “You run on your own time zone, Duquesne?”

  His smile widens. “Sorry, Jare. Work ran over.”

  “I don’t even want to know.”

  “Not what you think.” He shakes his head and looks to the side of the building, nodding. “Let’s go over here before we eat.”

  “Why? I’m hungry. Can’t you spout off about your pussy assembly line in there?”

  “It’s not about that, Jare.”

  I sigh. Her. I know it. Whining about his bitch’s new job, and he doesn’t want to cry in front of people. Why is he willing to cry like a girl in front of me, though? I don’t want to see that shit.

  Following him to the side where he lectured me last time we were here, I take a seat on the wooden bench, leaning forward, hanging my hands between my legs, as I look up at him expectantly. “What is it?” I refrain from rolling my eyes because of the subject matter, trying to focus on being a better friend. Somewhat.

  Rio doesn’t sit. Instead, he leans his back onto one of the wooden pillars, holding up the roof overhang, with his foot planted behind him on it. He shoves his hands into his jeans pockets. “You know you’re my best friend, right?”

  “Uh… I guess,” I say, confused about where he’s going with this.

  He nods. “You are. You might think you’re a shitty friend or whatever, but you’re not. You always listen to my problems, take my advice on some things, and you always have my back, while making me laugh. You may be the most stubborn guy I know, and we may argue, but you’re like my brother. I can’t get rid of you.”

  Smiling, I nod. “Asshole.”

  “Anyway, there’s also the issue of my girlfriend. You two don’t get along. Everyone knows that.” I again nod, but with a frown this time. He says, “However, you both are the most important people in my life. You’ll be living in Philadelphia. She’ll be living in Virginia.”

  I stiffly say, “Yeah…”

  Shit. No.

  Recognizing that I’m onto him, he appears uneasy. “Jare…”

  Sitting back against the wall, I cross my arms, gritting my teeth. “Don’t fucking say it.”

  “You moved. You’re starting another chapter in your life. Why can’t I?”

  I shake my head with a furious laugh before glaring at him. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “I’m not abandoning you. Don’t ever think that. I’ll be in Baltimore until I can get a job near hers. It could take months to find something, so I’ll be there for a while, still, even though you aren’t anymore.”

  “You’re fucking leaving,” I state, saying it out loud to grasp the concept.

  “So you can only do the leaving? How is that fair?”

  “I’ll only be in Philly!”

  “How can you be so narrow-minded with this?”

  “Me? You’re moving to fucking Virginia to be with a girl you’ve been dating for a few months?”

  “Jare, we were friends for two years before we started dating. I know Liberty, and I plan on marrying her. I want to ask her New Year’s Eve. She likes fall so as long as I can get a job and move down there, we’ll probably be married around then.”

  “Jesus Christ! Why in the hell would you want to get fucking married? And to her?”

  He drops his foot and yells, “I love her, Jared! Why is that so hard for you to understand or accept?”

  I roll my eyes. “It’s your life. Ruin it however you want.”

  “You want to talk about ruin? What are you doing with Kat?”

  “It was a joint agreement. Nobody was supposed to find out, but that was my fucking fault.”

  “I’m not only talking about you sleeping with her. We all know what’s really going on with you.”

  “There’s nothing more to tell! We weren’t broadcasting it for all to commentate on. It was our business.”

  He runs a hand through his hair, looking flustered, which is not a Duquesne trait. “You are so fucking unconscious. I feel like I need to enlighten you because you’re now in
a tailspin, but I’m positive it’ll only send you spinning into a goddamned wall at top speed.”

  I resentfully grin. “Come on, Rio. Don’t hold out on me. Please. Please, shed your pussy wisdom onto my fucked-up life. It can only make it better.”

  “You asked Kat why she couldn’t be a rational adult. Why can’t you? Sometimes it’s like talking to a toddler with you!”

  “Fuck you, Duquesne! And by the way, why did your girlfriend take Kat with her? Is it some kind of Thelma and Louise road trip?”

  “They’re friends. Or is that something unheard of for you?”

  “Nice choice in friends.”

  “You know what, Jared? If you can’t get along with Liberty or accept me moving down there, then fuck you. I’ve been patient with you and your attitude for years. This is it.”

  “Me or her? Really?”

  “I don’t want to do that, but Jesus! I’m building a life with her, but all you can focus on is trying to tear it down! Get over your damn self and look at your own life! Why can’t you just tell Kat how you feel?”

  “How I feel?” I laugh. “Wrong advice to give, doc.”

  “Then you know what? You don’t fucking deserve her or my friendship, either. If that’s the way you’re going to be, then I’m done.”

  “I’ve been done, River.”

  Rio shakes his head and pushes off the pillar, storming off to his truck.

  I can’t move from the bench. I can’t even move my glare from the green car parked in front of me as I hear Rio peel out of the lot.

  “What are you doing?”

  I stick my tongue out as I dribble the basketball. “Playing some b-ball. What? You forget how, old man?”

  He looks from me to the cans of beer in the grass. “Jared.”

  “Come, on, Dad! Shoot it!” I toss him the worn basketball, but he’s a horrible catch and it flies past him, bouncing off a tree. “I thought you were some basketball star in high school. That attempt was lame.”

  He puts his hands on his hips and watches me like I’m some kind of exhibit at a carnival. I scowl. “Aren’t you getting the ball?”

  “Jared, we need to talk.”

  I laugh. “We are. See? My mouth is moving.”