“Thank you all for your time,” Elisa said professionally. “I’ll see you soon.”
I felt my eyebrows narrow in confusion. Soon? What did she mean by soon?
“If you need anything before the tour starts, don’t hesitate to reach out to these two,” Katherine instructed Gus and Damon. “Since they’ll be joining you on the road, they should be able to answer any questions you might have.”
The road? As in the tour? Had I heard her correctly? Elisa was going to be on tour with us? Ho-ly crap. I had a feeling shit was about to get more awkward than it already was, and I wasn’t going to be able to avoid her. I’d have to talk to her now. I’d have to apologize, or else we were going to be facing seven long months. That wasn’t something I was comfortable with.
“Dude, you okay?” Phillip asked me as Elisa and Brent left the room.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied.
“You’re really pale.”
“I know. Just leave me alone, okay?”
Phillip chuckled. “Right. Got it.”
He knew. He fucking knew exactly what was going on in my head, even if I hadn’t told him. He could read me like a damn book.
“Can we go out tonight? Are you up for it?” I asked him then, knowing the kind of pressure I was putting on him by asking him to go to a club, but at the same time, I suddenly really, really wanted to blow off some steam.
We’d only been out a handful of times since Phillip had gotten out of rehab two months earlier. He’d overdosed back in December and had almost died. Rehab had been his only option, but it had been sobering for him in more ways than one. Knowing how long he’d done drugs, I also knew quitting cold turkey had been one of the toughest things he’d ever gone through. As his best friend, I wanted to do what I could to help him stay clean.
At first we’d said no to going out at all, but then Phillip had started to go a little nuts, saying he felt like a shut-in, so we’d slowly started going out again, helping him work his way back into the social scene in L.A. to make sure he didn’t relapse. He’d been clean and sober for three months, but I knew it hadn’t been easy. Temptations were plentiful, and since his rehab stint had been carefully kept under wraps by Katherine and Damon, no one understood why a consummate party boy like him was suddenly refusing party favors and drinking club soda.
But Phillip was determined not to get lost again, knowing that his addiction had almost cost him his life. He was stronger than I knew I’d be if I was in his position, and because of that, I was always fearful about dragging him back to the scene. I didn’t want to be the reason he relapsed.
“Yeah, man. I’m good,” Phillip assured me, pushing more bravado into his tone than was necessary. He didn’t have to fake how he was feeling with me.
“You sure?”
He shrugged. “As sure as I’ve been every other time.”
“Cool,” I said, knowing I wasn’t going to get more of a reassurance than that.
“Are we going out tonight?” Dillon asked, leaning across Cam to look at me.
“That’s the plan. You boys in?”
“Mere’s not here, so I’m in,” Dillon said easily.
His girlfriend, Meredith, was in her last semester at Michigan State, so he didn’t have much else to do. Unless she was in town, we could always count on him to come out with us.
“I’m in, but I don’t want to stay out crazy late,” Cam told me. “Andi’s taking the redeye, and I have to pick her up in the morning.”
His girlfriend Andi lived in New York, so they only got to see each other once a month. I knew Cam hated it, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Besides, it would be worse once we started traveling in a week. I knew Andi was coming out to spend Cam’s final few days in L.A. with him, and then she’d be at our first show in L.A. as we kicked off the tour.
“You don’t need sleep,” Phillip chastised him. “Just make sure you’re at LAX on time, and you’ll be fine.”
“I’m not planning on sleeping much while she’s here,” Cam muttered, making us all chuckle.
“Okay, let’s bring it back in, guys,” Katherine told us.
She’d been talking with Gus and Damon since Brent and Elisa had left the room. Now we were about to find out what she’d needed to talk to us about that couldn’t be said in front of them. I figured we were about to get a lecture.
And I wasn’t wrong. It was the same lecture we’d gotten before each tour, but this time it was different after everything that had happened with Phillip. The last thing Katherine wanted was negative press about Westside, and a member of a boy band with fans in their teens probably wouldn’t be very revered for promoting drug use. That was why Brent and Elisa had left the room. They didn’t know about Phillip’s overdose. Only the people in this room and Cam’s girlfriend, because she’d been there that night, knew what had happened. I knew Katherine planned to keep it that way.
So the four of us sat and listened to how we needed to conduct ourselves, and as I half-listened, my mind was on Elisa. I wondered if she was still outside or if she’d gone back to her office. What would I do if I walked out of the conference room and she was there? Or worse, what was I supposed to do when I saw her backstage each night? Shit was about to get complicated as hell.
Chapter Three
Elisa
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I told Sydney, leaning into her to rest my head on her shoulder.
My head felt a little light, which was probably due to the alcohol that was swimming in my bloodstream and sufficiently numbing me.
Sydney laughed and winked at our friend Keri, who was sitting across from me at the table we’d commandeered in the VIP section of the club we’d decided to go to after I’d nearly had a meltdown earlier in the night. My friends thought drinking would help, and even though I wasn’t so sure, I’d reluctantly agreed to go out. A few drinks in and I wasn’t feeling so reluctant anymore. I honestly felt kind of good.
But I definitely hadn’t felt that way earlier. I’d been packing for the tour, throwing last minute things into my suitcase, and I’d pretty much lost it. Syd had found me crying in my room, my flat iron in one hand and a pair of ankle boots in the other. She hadn’t even asked questions. She’d just pulled me into her arms and let me cry as she called for Keri to come in. Then I’d been wrapped in a two-person hug, loving my friends for being there when I needed them.
And after seeing Van the week before, I needed them more than ever. I had no idea how I was supposed to survive seven months of being near him when I’d barely made it through an hour-long meeting. I’d done everything in my power to hold in the array of emotions I’d felt as he’d stared at me from across the table. I’d avoided his gaze until I knew I couldn’t do it any longer, since last thing I wanted was to draw attention to the fact that our past was having an effect on my present. I’d told Katherine it wouldn’t be an issue, but after being in the same room as Van, I knew that was a flat-out lie.
He unnerved me, which shouldn’t have been the case after two years, but I couldn’t shake that it felt like his eyes had been boring into me. I expected to see him staring intensely at me when I finally looked at him, but to my surprise, his expression had been passive. I knew then that I’d read the entire situation wrong. In all honesty, I probably had nothing to worry about. Van could have cared less about my presence, and in truth, why should he? Everything between us happened a long time ago, and he was the one who’d walked away unscathed.
It was apparent in that moment that I was the one making things into a bigger deal than they actually were. I should have realized that although Van had a significant impact on my life, I’d just been one of the many who’d passed through his world. I doubted he even had any remorse about what had transpired between us – which, in all honesty, shouldn’t have surprised me.
After I’d learned what had happened, and I’d found myself face-to-face with him for the first time, I was so angry and hurt that I told him I was done. I wholeheartedly exp
ected him to protest, but he didn’t. He just said okay, and he let me go. That was what had hurt the most, the fact that he’d been so unaffected by the idea of losing me.
I’d wanted him to fight for me. If he really wanted me to be his girlfriend, then he should have fought. He didn’t, and now I was the one who couldn’t seem to get past the hurt he’d caused me. He was fine, and I only hoped it would get easier for me to be around him in time, because I definitely wasn’t there yet.
Even after a week, I couldn’t shake the stomach-clenching feelings brought on by being in the same room as him. Packing was a reminder that in less than twenty-four hours, I’d have to see him again, and again, and again. I wasn’t ready for that. The reminders of his betrayal felt like a wound that had reopened after I’d thought it was healed, and I was fearful that it might never fully close. A part of me hated him for that.
Sydney and Keri knew that, so when I’d broken down, they hadn’t let go, even after my tears subsided. They’d held on, telling me it would be okay, and saying all the other things that I wanted to believe and wished were true.
I knew then that it was up to me to get through this unavoidable situation, and I could do it one of two ways. I could let Van win, and I could let him continue to affect me, or I could force myself to let it all go. It was easier said than done, but I wasn’t sure I had another choice. He didn’t deserve one more tear, and I wasn’t going to waste another one on him.
I took a deep breath and told my friends I was okay. They finally pulled back as I told myself I wasn’t going to cry again. That was my one opportunity to get everything still lingering from my relationship with Van Salvatore out of my system. I wouldn’t let him hurt me any longer. He meant nothing to me. He was my employer in a roundabout sort of way, and that was it. I would see him because it couldn’t be avoided, but I was going to steel myself against any emotions I might feel when in his proximity.
I didn’t need to put myself through the torture of dissecting what had happened between us so long ago. It was in the past, and thinking about it now would only be a distraction. The last thing I needed was a distraction during the tour. I had to be completely on my game. Touring with a band like Westside would be organized chaos at best as we zigzagged across the US and Canada and hopped the Atlantic to Europe. Obsessing over things I couldn’t change wasn’t going to do me any good.
“I hate that jerk,” Keri said in solidarity, putting her arm around my shoulder. “I act polite to him because it’s what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t like him.”
I smiled at her. “Thank you.”
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Sydney agreed, tossing her long brown hair over her shoulder.
“I know he doesn’t,” I said, reaching up to swipe my index fingers under my eyes. “But it’s not like I even want him back. I don’t. I just hate that he still has any power over me. It’s been two years. I should be completely over him.”
Keri rubbed my shoulder as Syd said, “I don’t know. If Ryder and I broke up, it would take me a lot longer than two years to get over him.”
I laughed. “That’s because he’s the freaking love of your life, and he’s an amazingly sweet guy who worships the ground you walk on. It would take anyone longer than two years to get over a guy like him.”
Syd grinned. “He is pretty great.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved her in the shoulder. “Quit bragging,” I chastised her.
“I’m not!” she insisted, and I knew she wasn’t. I just liked to tease her.
The truth was, Ryder really was an amazing guy, but it wasn’t like he’d fallen into Syd’s lap without any effort. They’d had their share of drama and angst when they were getting together, and after everything they’d gone through, they deserved to be as happy and in love as they were. Most people I knew would kill for what they had, and I was one of them. Of course I also wasn’t delusional enough to think that it was going to happen. Guys like Ryder didn’t come along every day, and I knew it.
“Ryder is great,” Keri agreed. “It’s just too bad his friends don’t share his redeeming qualities.”
“I told you not to hook up with Jake,” Sydney reminded her.
“She did tell you that,” I echoed, distinctly remembering the conversation we’d had the summer before.
Keri and I had gone to Florida with Sydney during a break in her tour over the Fourth of July, since she and Ryder were living there while he finished up school at the University of Florida. It had been relaxing hanging by their pool at their palatial country house, but one night Keri had made the mistake of hooking up with Ryder’s frat brother Jake. Jake was hot but not exactly the kind of guy who was going to call the next day, and he’d done exactly that to Keri. It had been almost a year, but considering she wasn’t someone who made a habit of playing fast and loose with guys, she hadn’t stopped beating herself up over the mistake.
Keri groaned. “I know. Just don’t let me do the same thing this summer,” she said, looking pointedly at me. “I need to only focus on work. I need you to be my conscience.”
I laughed. “I’ll do my best, but I think I’ll have my own problems to worry about.”
Considering everything that was going on in my mind with Van, I was glad Keri was going to be on tour with me. She’d worked as a photographer for Westside and had managed their social media accounts for the past three years. I’d actually met her through Van, which I guess I had him to thank for, even if I’d never admit it out loud. I’d loved Keri from the first time I’d met her, and three years later, not only were we best friends, but we also lived together. I had a feeling I was going to be relying on her pretty heavily in the coming months.
“We’ll fight the good fight together then,” Keri told me.
I grinned. “No boys allowed.”
“Well, that sounds like the most boring tour ever,” Sydney chastised us.
“I don’t need any drama,” I told her, and Keri agreed.
“I disagree. A little drama is good for the soul – in moderation,” Syd said, shrugging like someone who didn’t have to worry about getting her heart broken by another asshole.
I had a feeling her perfect relationship was making her overly positive about the dating situation most single girls faced.
“You’re delusional,” I told her.
She just winked at me. “I’m optimistic that one day my friends will find love too. And with that in mind, I think we should go out.”
“Go out?” Keri questioned, looking at Syd like she was crazy.
And she probably was. Going out hadn’t even crossed my mind considering I had a full day ahead of me with Westside’s first concert at the Staples Center the next night. Since it was the kick-off of what was going to be their biggest tour to date, it was going to be a major event. The band had a series of promo interviews lined up before the show, which I had to make sure ran smoothly and stayed on the timetable I’d outlined, and then we had a huge fan meet and greet planned an hour before the show started. Katherine would be there, and it was my chance to prove to her that she’d made the right call in putting me in charge. I wanted everything to be perfect. I had plans to get up early, go running, and then head over to the arena. I needed a clear head for that.
“Please,” Syd begged, flashing her doe eyes at us that probably got her whatever she wanted when she was talking to Ryder.
“Yeah, sure. I’m in for drinks,” Keri said, caving way too quickly.
Of course, she wasn’t carrying as much weight on her shoulders as I was, since her job pretty much consisted of hanging back and capturing a few key moments from each event. And considering she’d spent the past three years trailing Westside and doing exactly that, I knew her anxiety was probably non-existent. Mine, on the other hand, was starting to feel a little out of control.
“You guys go out,” I told my friends. “I think I’m just going to stay in.”
“Like hell you are,” Sydney argued. “I’m only in town for one more nig
ht, I never see you guys, and you’re both about to take off for seven months. You’re going out with us, El.”
“Syd,” I groaned. “We’ve gone out the past three nights. Aren’t you tired?”
She laughed. “Not at all. I never go out at home. I want to go dancing. Ryder hates dancing. Don’t take this away from me.”
She pouted, having mastered the look long ago, as Keri watched me in anticipation, silently begging me with her eyes to say yes. I hesitated, because I really wanted to say no. I also knew that every excuse I’d give would be promptly shot down by my friends. If I tried to fight them, I was going to lose, and I knew it.
“Fine,” I grumbled. “But I’m not staying out late.”
“Deal,” Syd agreed, grinning widely.
That was how I’d ended up in the VIP section of a hot new club Sydney wanted to try out. I usually wasn’t that cool, but when Syd came to town, Keri and I benefitted from the perks of having a celebrity best friend. We also got to ride around in a limo and were flanked by two bodyguards wherever we went. It was kind of awesome.
At least it was usually awesome. But when I lifted my head from Sydney’s shoulder to take a sip of my drink, my gaze shifted to the door, and I almost choked on my vodka and soda.
“Are you okay?” Keri asked as she turned and followed my gaze to where the last person I wanted to see was walking into the VIP section flanked by two of his bandmates. “Oh, um, that’s Van.”
I didn’t say anything, but I shifted my gaze so Van wouldn’t see me staring at him. The last thing I wanted to do was draw unnecessary attention to myself.
Keri turned back to me. “That’s Van,” she repeated.
“And Dillon and Phillip and Meredith,” Sydney chimed in cheerfully, because she was friends with them all.
I sighed. “Yup. Apparently we picked the wrong club tonight.”
I found it to be a strange twist of irony that I’d managed to avoid Van for two years, and then, right before I was thrust into seeing him daily for months on end, he appeared. I honestly felt a little cheated. I was supposed to have one more night of freedom.
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