“Well, I suppose that would be me in a nutshell,” I said sarcastically, since I was keen to believe I had a few more layers than that.
“Sabrina, please don’t be difficult about this. I need your help. Phillip needs your help. I’m not in the mood to deal with your ego. Either you’re in or you’re out.”
I fixed my gaze on him for a few seconds, sort of wanting him to sweat it out, before I said, “Okay, I’ll help him. What exactly do you need that to entail?”
“Keep him sober,” Damon said, as if it were that simple.
“You can’t put that on me,” I told him.
“Fair enough,” he agreed. “Then you can be there for him – as a friend, as someone he can talk to, and as someone who knows what he’s going through.”
“And you think he’ll be okay with that?” I questioned, wondering how welcoming Phillip would be of my new role in his life, since it was definitely being forced upon him. We’d only ever met in passing. It wasn’t like we were even friends.
Damon shrugged. “Probably not. Phillip doesn’t let people in easily. He’s guarded.”
Great.
I nodded. “So, this might be the worst idea ever.”
“It’s the only idea we have. He needs someone available, who can keep an eye on him and stop him from making another mistake.”
“Ah, so you want me to be his babysitter.”
“If that’s what it takes.”
“Damon, you’re asking a lot from me.”
“I know,” he said, sounding genuinely sincere for the first time since we’d sat down. “But the last thing I want to do is try to replace Phillip. Not only would it be a hassle to find someone as talented as him, but Westside has been successful because of the four guys in the band; their chemistry, the mix of their voices, and how they play off of each other. Losing Phillip could mean losing fans and ultimately money. I’m not ready for Westside to fizzle out. He’s in a better place right now, but that could change overnight. I need him to keep his head in the game, and you’re the best person I can think of to make that happen.”
“What if I fail?”
Damon shook his head. “I’m hoping you won’t.”
I nodded and absently took a bite of my salad, already planning to call Mandy, my own sponsor, to try and figure out how I was supposed to do what Damon was asking. Because I didn’t know Phillip, there was a good chance he was going to dismiss me outright. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try.
Even though my knowledge of him and the way in which Damon had described him didn’t make me very excited about inserting myself into his life, I had a soft spot for addicts. I knew how many of them lost the war when it came to their addictions, no matter how many battles they won along the way. It was a long, hard road, and too many people succumbed to the clutches of the demons that haunted them, that they couldn’t fight off. I’d lost people I loved who couldn’t figure out a way to keep drugs and alcohol out of their lives. If I could help someone else get to the place of clarity I’d found, it might be worth it.
I looked up and met Damon’s gaze. “No promises, but I’ll do what I can.”
“Thank you,” he said, sounding truly grateful. “Oh, and I need this to be completely confidential. Outside of the band, Katherine and myself, very few people know that Phillip has a problem. I’d like to keep it that way.”
I nodded. “So, I’ll just be his friend in the eyes of the public. Got it.”
“I’m glad you understand how things need to be.”
“Of course,” I said coolly. “I’ve been in this business long enough. I know how things work.”
“Great. Then I’m sure you’ll have no problem being his date to the Oscars in two weeks.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “The Oscars? Really?”
I hadn’t planned on attending the Oscars, since I had zero ties to the movie industry, and was sort of wondering why Phillip was going.
Damon nodded. “Since the band had to take time-off while Phillip was in rehab, Dillon and Cam spent that time working on a movie script about an MMA fighter from a rough neighborhood in Detroit. One of the studios picked it up last month, and they’re exploring options to shoot it later this year, after the tour’s over. Exposure for them can’t hurt, so the band is attending the Oscars. Phillip is the only one without a girlfriend, so you can go with him.”
I sighed. “Great, so now everyone is going to think we’re dating.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” Damon asked, smiling coyly.
“Nothing,” I said, not even wanting to bother arguing with the PR machine that was behind most of what the public saw when it came to Westside.
If Katherine wanted to spin something a certain way, she’d do it with or without my permission. Given our history – the fact that I’d not only dated her son and she partially blamed me for his death, she used to represent me. We had bad blood, and I didn’t trust her. But I did trust that she’d represent her client well, so I wasn’t in any real danger of my reputation being tarnished – I hoped. One walk down a red carpet with Phillip wasn’t going to kill me.
“Sounds like an absolute blast,” I told Damon
“Consider it work.”
“Oh, I’m sure it will be,” I agreed, getting the message and at the same time wondering if I should try to set up time to talk with Phillip before that night.
If I was going to be tasked with keeping him away from the bar, I probably needed to know what to expect. Had he gone to rehab voluntarily or had he been forced? Where was his head at about being sober? Was he fighting massive cravings, would he try to sneak around to get a fix, or was he going to be more zen about his current state? I figured it would be good to have a full understanding of all that before attending a televised event with him.
“So, is Phillip on-board with me being his sponsor?” I asked Damon.
“I haven’t told him yet. I figured I’d get you to agree before I let him know.”
I nodded, figuring that was a smart decision. “Okay, well, let me know when he knows. I’ll set up some time for us to get together.”
“Thank you, Sabrina. I know this isn’t an ideal situation, but it’s important.”
“I know. I get it. I’ll do what I can.”
He nodded before cutting into his steak that had been sitting untouched on his plate. I sent a text to Mandy, asking her if we could grab coffee that afternoon. I had a lot to talk to her about.
Chapter Four
Phillip
“I can’t believe I have to go to this event with that nut job as my date,” I said to Van, scowling at my reflection in the mirror in his bathroom.
I looked pale, and my tux felt like it was choking me. I hated red carpet events, which was why I’d always preferred to be halfway to fucked up when I’d had to walk them in the past. A few pills to mellow me out, a few drinks to make me smile, and maybe a bump to give me some energy. It was a cocktail I’d perfected years earlier, and I suddenly found myself missing what I’d once been able to enjoy.
If only I hadn’t fallen off the rails, chasing that elusive high that had seemed harder and harder to achieve as the years went on. If only I could be a functioning alcoholic or recreational drug user, like I’d been in high school. That would have been good. But I guess I’d lost that right.
My chest felt tight, and I looked longingly at the glass of wine that Elisa, Van’s fiancée, was holding as she lounged on his bed. A glass or two would take the edge off enough for me to not feel like I was going to suffocate in my own skin. But that was what had gotten me in trouble the last time. I’d felt drinking wasn’t nearly as bad as the drugs I used to take, so I’d allowed myself to cheat on my sobriety. But I sucked at that too, since enough was never enough, and I’d let things go too far.
I sighed, feeling the wave of realization crash over me like it did frequently these days. I was an addict, and there was nothing I could do about it if I wanted to keep my life intact. If I wanted to give
it all up, I could go back to partying, spending my time in a zoned-out state of mind, and stop caring. But I knew that probably wasn’t a good idea.
First and foremost, Leah would cut me out of her life. I knew that couldn’t happen, not after seeing her and Gavin the last time. Being around them was the most settled I’d felt in years. Second, I’d run the risk of alienating my bandmates, which would leave me without anyone in my life who gave a shit about me. And third, I would be risking my job, the only thing that gave me some sense of accomplishment and pride. That wasn’t happening.
So yeah, sobriety was going to be it for me.
I felt like I’d been doing all right – better than the last time at least. I’d been on track, talking to my therapist, meeting up with Frank, my sponsor, for coffee a few times since I’d been back in L.A., and keeping busy enough that I didn’t have a chance to think about getting high – most of the time. But facing my first big public outing had me considering throwing it all away.
I had a feeling it was partly because of the fact that Damon had hired a babysitter for me. Walking the red carpet, smiling, and answering inane questions completely sober would have been exhausting and tedious anyway, but it would be ten times worse with Sabrina Tyler, ex-druggie and all-around bat-shit crazy chick, as my ‘date’ – which was the loosest of terms in our case. In truth, she was there to make sure I didn’t ingest anything on the no-no list, which I found to be more than comical considering the shit she’d been into a few years back.
I might have almost died of an overdose, but she’d gone off the deep end and hadn’t come back for a good year. And her fall from grace hadn’t been kept under wraps and hidden from the public. No, it was all over the Internet for anyone to see – and there wasn’t much that hadn’t been caught on camera. Most of the world had a front row seat to the mediocre teen pop star almost falling off the face of the earth.
Then she’d disappeared completely for a year and a half, only to resurface as a new, sober version of herself. I wasn’t sure I bought it, though. I knew the pull getting high had, and for as much shit as she’d been into, I had a hard time believing in the new, reborn, clean version of her that she’d been touted as in the public eye since making her grand comeback the year before.
But either way, she was pretty much the last person I wanted as my babysitter for the next six months, because not only was she my date for the Oscars, but she was also going to be our opening act for the whole damn tour. And my new sponsor.
Damon had told me that the week before, and I about shit a brick. Yeah, sure, her album had gotten great reviews, she’d adopted a following of loyal fans, and she must have taken vocal lessons, because she had some serious pipes on her, but did she really need to open for us? According to Damon, yes, because not only was her sound edgy, he needed someone to keep an eye on me.
Great.
And even greater for me, Sabrina was starting her side job in a few short minutes. The limo that was set to pick-up Van, Elisa and me would have her in it. From that point forward, I’d be under her eagle eye. At least I’d get to know for sure if she was bullshitting everyone with her desire to stay clean. If she was faking it, I’d know.
“She’s not bat-shit crazy,” Elisa said, defending Sabrina as she took a sip of her wine that I almost desperately wanted to grab out of her hand. At least I couldn’t smell it.
I turned to stare at her, fixing her with what I hoped was a look of derision. “I’m sorry, I know you work for her, so you’ve probably been exposed to this new enlightened side of her, but tell me you’re not totally ignorant to all the shit she got into a few years back.”
“Dude, lay off,” Van warned me, always so protective of Elisa.
“Hey, I’m just calling things like I see them,” I said, putting my hands up in defense.
He was so whipped on her after almost of year of them being together that it sometimes bothered me. I liked the days when he was single and we played wingman for each other. Now Elisa trailed us whenever we went out, which was less than fun, even if she was kind of cool. I just missed my friend.
I’d initially figured I’d get him back once the tour started, since I knew Elisa wouldn’t be able to go on the road with us. She did PR for Sabrina and Sydney Chase, so she’d be off on a different schedule, in a different city most nights. Not that I wanted Van to be miserable being separated from her, which I knew he probably would be, but I selfishly wanted some bro time.
Of course that wasn’t going to happen now that Sabrina was touring with us. Elisa would be right there with her, and Van would be right by Elisa’s side. And I’d be alone – which was what had gotten me into trouble back in the fall.
Van had gone and asked Elisa to marry him after dating her for two seconds, and they’d gone off to Italy for a week to celebrate. Our tour had just ended, so Dillon was with Meredith, and Cam was with Andi. I was alone, I was bored, and that was when Nadia showed up.
Not that I blamed my bandmates. I knew ending up in rehab again had completely been my fault. I also knew what the catalysts had been. At least I wouldn’t really be alone again. I’d have Sabrina.
If she was really in charge of me, she’d be around all the time, and we’d probably be alone a lot. I could use that to my advantage. She might be crazy, but she was also insanely hot. I wouldn’t mind having her as my fuck-buddy. It was something to at least consider, and knowing how wild she’d been once upon a time, she might be game for it.
“Besides,” I continued, “you and I both know Sabrina went a little nuts a few years back. Aside from getting arrested for almost setting fire to that Denny’s, and falling off the stage at Coachella after high-jacking the mic from the lead singer of Ballyhoo, we’ve all seen the pictures of her business on display too many times to count.”
I gave Van a pointed look, knowing he knew exactly what I was talking about. I could remember laughing with him at pictures of Sabrina flashing her shit at anyone who’d look. She couldn’t have cared less that they had a camera.
“He’s kind of right,” Van muttered under his breath after a few seconds of probably debating whether he wanted to lie to Elisa or not about how he truly felt.
“Everyone makes mistakes,” Elisa said coolly, giving Van a pointed look before shifting her gaze to me. “I’d have assumed you would be more understanding of that, Phillip. Didn’t they teach you about forgiveness and acceptance in rehab?”
“No. It was rehab, not a divine intervention.”
I watched Van stifle a laugh as he sat down on the bed next to Elisa, taking her hand in his before kissing her fingertips. “You can’t teach someone compassion who wasn’t born with it, babe.”
“Exactly,” I agreed. “I’m just a soulless bastard underneath it all.”
“Now, I know that’s not true,” Elisa said as she snuggled closer to Van. “You’re not as heartless as you seem, Phillip. I’ve heard you on the phone with Gavin.”
“I reserve my heart for him and him alone,” I told her. “It’s too bad he couldn’t be here tonight. I’d much prefer him as my date than Sabrina.”
“He is a cool kid,” Van agreed.
“Man, he’s the coolest,” I said, glad for the subject change.
The last thing I wanted to do was hash out how heartless I was. I already knew that. I blamed it on having never been hugged as a child and figured there wasn’t much I could do about it now. The damage was done.
“Look, Phillip, I know you’re not thrilled about this set-up, but I think you’ll end up having fun,” Elisa told me, pulling us right back to where the conversation had started. “Sabrina’s a really good person. I’ve gotten to know her pretty well over the past six months, and she’s someone you want in your corner.”
“I’m sure she’s absolutely fantastic,” I told her, the deep-rooted sarcasm I felt in that moment oozing out of every syllable.
“At least give her a chance,” Van urged me, probably because he believed what Elisa was saying, but he also kn
ew I had a hard time trusting people in general. It was why I felt inclined to push Sabrina away from the start.
“I’ll do my best,” I promised them, which was a total lie, and we all knew it.
Regardless of her history, I didn’t let just anyone into my world. For the most part, I kept everyone I’d met in the past few years at arm’s length. Knowing that Sabrina was my date out of obligation and not by choice, and knowing that she’d been assigned as my new sponsor, which she may or may not have been qualified to be, only made me more guarded around her.
I didn’t need a new sponsor. I had Frank. I liked Frank. Okay, that was a lie. I didn’t really like Frank, but that was probably because I didn’t really have anything in common with Frank.
He was in his late forties, he had teenage daughters, he was divorced, and he’d drank and used for most of his life because he was a depressed workaholic who wished his life was better. And he had a comb-over. It wasn’t like I could actually relate to him, and we’d never talked about anything too heavy.
He didn’t know about my past. He’d assumed from the start that I’d gotten sucked into the same vortex as too many other ill-fated musicians, and I hadn’t corrected him. I called him when I had to, and I was polite when he checked in with me, but I didn’t open up to him. That’s what I liked about him, though. He didn’t know my secrets, but he could talk me off the ledge when I needed it.
I didn’t need Sabrina Tyler breathing down my neck, sticking her nose into my business and thinking she could relate to me just because we’d been teen junkies. If anything, that made me dislike her more. Just because we shared an addiction didn’t mean we were alike. Chances were, the reasons we fell into the life we did were completely unrelated.
But I was going along with Damon’s little plan, because he’d told me I didn’t have another choice. I was going to be sullen and possibly uncooperative toward Sabrina, but I wasn’t going to refuse her presence. I knew I was on thin ice as it was, even if Damon hadn’t come out and told me. He’d been different with me after this rehab stint. I could read between the lines. He was irritated that he’d had to cover-up what I’d done, and he didn’t want to have to do it again. Well, good news for him, he wouldn’t have to. With Sabrina Tyler or not, I was going to stay sober.
Westside Series Box Set Page 83