“Which one?” she asked coyly. “I feel like there were a lot of favors given out tonight.”
I smiled as I started to move down her body, pressing my lips to her bare skin every few inches. When I got to her song lyric tattoo, I stopped to read it again.
Between the lines, the fear and blame . . . this is my fight song
“What does it mean?” I asked her, knowing both songs, but I also knew Sabrina well enough to know that her interpretation was probably much different than the literal translation.
She looked down and met my gaze. “I carried around so much hatred after Dustin died, after my dad was gone, and even after my mom left reality behind. That’s when I got the first tattoo. The song was a summation of every single thing I was feeling. But when I got out of rehab, I sort of just decided that I’d suffered enough. I couldn’t have done a thing to save any of them, and even though it was a hard reality to face, I had to face it. Because if I didn’t, I’d end up just like them. Getting better, fighting back against my addiction, reclaiming my career and doing it all my way, that was my way of taking back my life. It was all the moments between the fear and the anger and the blame that made me stronger. It was my happy memories of my family before things went south. It was the strength I knew I had in me, and it was my willingness to find a way out of the darkness that had surrounded me for too long. Those were the things that made me fight for what I wanted. They made me strong.”
Holy shit. In that moment, I loved her. I fucking loved her. She was so incredible, and I didn’t deserve one ounce of her affection and attention. Why she wanted to even be around me was a mystery. I wasn’t worthy at all.
And because of that, I said nothing. I just kissed her tattoo once, sealing the words she’d said that would stay with me forever, the power behind them and the pain they forced into my chest, overpowering and silencing me.
That moment was all about Sabrina. I was just lucky to be in her presence, and I was going to make sure she knew it.
Chapter Seventeen
Sabrina
It was late when I awoke to a pounding on the door to my suite. I opened my eyes to find myself disoriented, and then I noticed Phillip asleep beside me, looking so serene and peaceful that for a moment I thought I’d imagined the knocking. When the pounding started again, I slipped out of bed, grabbing my robe on the way.
A glance out the peephole revealed Greg, and I immediately felt a sinking feeling in my gut. It wasn’t like I knew something was wrong outright, but at the same time, Greg had never come knocking on my door before, let alone at three in the morning. It was enough to put my nerves on edge as I opened the door.
“Greg. Hey,” I said tentatively as I wrapped my robe tighter around me. There was a chill in the air, and his expression didn’t help me feel any warmer.
I watched him swallow before he said, “Sabrina. Hi. Is Phillip with you by any chance?”
I nodded. “Yeah, he is.”
“Thank God,” he said in relief. “I was calling him, and he wasn’t answering his phone. None of the guys knew where he was. I didn’t want to bother you, but I didn’t know where else to go.”
“It’s no bother,” I said as I stepped back into the suite. “He’s asleep though. Do you need to talk to him?”
I noticed how distraught Greg looked as he stepped inside my suite. He was normally a stoic guy, but there was an almost ashen tone to his skin that exacerbated his normally calm and collected demeanor, letting me know instantly that something was definitely wrong. It was almost like he was trying so hard to keep it together, but whatever was on his mind was making it nearly impossible.
“Do you mind if I talk to him alone?” Greg asked me, glancing toward my open bedroom door.
“What happened?” I asked him, feeling immediately protective of Phillip.
Knowing what I did about his life, knowing what he’d gone through and how hard he’d worked to overcome his past, I had the urge to shield him from anything else that might hurt him. He’d been doing so well over the past few weeks. He seemed happy. I didn’t want all the progress he’d made to shatter into a million pieces.
“There, uh, there was an accident,” Greg said in an uncharacteristically shaky voice. “It happened a few hours ago, but I just got word. I would have told Phillip sooner, but I didn’t know.”
He sounded even more distraught than he looked.
“An accident?” I questioned, my blood running cold at the thought of something bad happening to someone Phillip loved. Why else would Greg feel the need to wake him up in the middle of the night?
Greg swallowed, seeming like he was buying time, like he didn’t want to tell me, which only made it worse. A million scenarios ran through my mind, every one worse than the last.
“It was a car accident,” he finally said. “Leah was driving, and they were sideswiped by another car. I guess the other driver came out of nowhere, and after they were hit, Leah tried to swerve to avoid another car, but she lost control and they ended up going through the guardrail and hitting a wall. It sounds like it was pretty bad. I – I need to let Phillip know.”
“Leah?” I questioned, my voice sounding hoarse as I pictured the way she’d hugged Phillip and how he’d looked at her like she was everything to him. “Is she okay?”
Greg shook his head. “I don’t know. She was in surgery when Kelsey called me.” He shook his head again. “Dan didn’t make it. I guess he died at the scene. But Gavin’s okay. He has a gash on his forehead and a broken arm, but other than that, he’s alright.”
“Gavin,” I gasped as my hand went over my mouth. “He was in the car?”
I should have realized when Greg said ‘they’ that he’d meant all four of them – Leah, Kelsey, Dan, and Gavin. They’d all been together at the concert, and it wasn’t likely that they would have taken two cars.
“Yeah, he was,” Greg confirmed. “Kelsey too, but she’s alright – just some scrapes and bruises. But Leah – shit Sabrina, I don’t know. I guess she was unconscious when they pulled her from the car, and they had no idea how bad her injuries really were, but she coded in the ambulance. They took her in for surgery as soon as they got to the hospital. Kelsey was barely holding it together when she called me. I need to tell Phillip. He’s going to want to go to the hospital, and I know Kelsey’s going to want him there. I’ve got a car downstairs that can take us.”
I closed my eyes, imagining how Phillip was going to react when he heard the news. Leah and Kelsey were his family. He was going to lose it when he heard what happened.
“I’ll go get him,” I told Greg.
As I started to walk to the bedroom, I realized my hands were shaking. I had every intention of waking Phillip up and letting Greg tell him the bad news, but as I reached the bed, I knew I couldn’t do that. Greg was his friend, but I loved him. I wanted to be the one to tell him, even if it would be incredibly painful.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, steeling myself for how awful it was going to be. When I opened them, I forced myself to look down at Phillip. He was sleeping on his stomach with his face angled toward me. He looked so much younger than he actually was, and the hardened expression he usually wore was gone. I knew as soon as I woke him up, it was going to be bad. This was the worst news he could be getting right now, and if there was any way I could shield him from it, I would do it. I just wasn’t sure that was an option.
“Phillip,” I said softly, as I told myself I was overacting. Leah was going to be fine. It might seem bad now, but she’d be alright. She had to be. “Phillip?”
“Mmm,” Phillip murmured as he stirred slightly. I knew he was a deep sleeper.
“Phillip, you need to wake up.”
“It’s too early,” he grumbled, sounding so cute that I hated that I was going to have to rip him back to reality. “Go back to sleep, Sabrina.”
I wanted to smile, because even in sleep, he knew my voice. But the moment was so wrong for me to be thinking about that, so I f
orced myself to focus.
“Phillip, you need to get up,” I said gently. “Something’s happened.”
I watched him slowly open his eyes. “What is it?” he asked groggily.
I sat down next to him and looked up at the doorway to the bedroom to see that Greg was standing there.
“We need to go to the hospital,” I told Phillip.
“The hospital?” he asked, sounding much more alert. “What happened?”
“There was an accident,” I said softly. “It’s Leah.”
Before I could tell him the full story, he was bolting out of bed and searching around in the semi-darkness for his clothes. I stood up to get out of his way, not exactly sure what to do. I wanted to hold him, to tell him everything was going to be okay, but as much as I couldn’t even guarantee that, I also didn’t think it would be a welcome gesture.
“Where the fuck are my clothes,” he hissed, looking around frantically in the dark.
I reached over and turned on the bedside lamp, illuminating the room enough so Phillip could see his jeans. I watched him grab them as I located his t-shirt on the chair in the corner. As I walked over to get it, he almost fell over from tugging his jeans up his legs so fast. I turned to hand him his shirt and watched him falter again as he stood upright, his attention shifting to Greg standing in the doorway.
“Greg. Hey,” he said, sounding stunned that his bodyguard was in the room. He apparently hadn’t seen him in his haste to get dressed.
“Hey man, I’m so sorry. I’ve got a car downstairs.”
“Thirty seconds,” Phillip said, as he grabbed his hoodie from the floor.
I realized fairly quickly what was happening, and if I didn’t move, I was going to get left behind. I had no idea if Phillip would even want me to go with him, but a part of me didn’t really care. We might have been ‘just friends’ in his mind, but I cared about him too much to let him walk into that hospital alone. Whatever happened, whatever the next few hours brought, good and bad, I’d be right by his side.
He was grabbing his wallet and his phone from the dresser as I threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie as fast as I could. And as he followed Greg out of the suite, I grabbed my bag, keeping pace right behind them. I wasn’t sure Phillip even knew I was there. The look of steely determination on his face made him look like he had blinders on, so when we reached the elevator and waited for it to arrive, I slipped my hand into his, hoping he wouldn’t push me away.
He looked over at me, but before he could say anything, I told him, “I’m coming with you.”
I expected him to tell me no or that he wanted to go alone. I expected an argument, but instead he just said, “Okay.”
I squeezed his hand as the elevator arrived, and the three of us stepped inside.
No one said a word as we made our way down to the parking garage and got into the waiting car. And we were all silent as the car made its way through the streets of Miami that were still busy with people out late having fun. The illuminated numbers on the dashboard told me it was almost three-thirty. The bars and clubs were all still open, and it was surreal to think that people were drinking and partying without a care in the world when everything had just fallen down around us.
Next to me, Phillip dialed Kelsey’s phone every few minutes, but she wasn’t answering for some reason. I knew it was only making him more agitated. I didn’t know Leah very well, but it was like I could feel Phillip’s pain and concern for her radiating off of him. He didn’t have to say a word to let me know he was more than worried, and because of that, I felt like my world was caving in right along with his. Flashbacks to hearing about Jason’s death couldn’t help but replay themselves in my mind. But at least Phillip hadn’t gotten that call. There was still a chance Leah could be okay. With Jason, I’d never had that hope.
“She’s going to be okay,” I told Phillip after he hung up his phone with a sigh, hoping with all my heart that Leah really would be alright.
“You don’t know that,” he said stoically.
I hated how resigned he sounded, even though the rational side of me said he was right to be skeptical. There was no guarantee that Leah was going to be alright, and I knew it could be almost more devastating to be optimistic to the point that you were crushed when reality reared its ugly head. I just didn’t want to think about that happening. I was going to hold onto hope enough for the both of us that Leah would pull through. She had to. If she didn’t, it was going to destroy Phillip.
As we were pulling up to the hospital, I watched Phillip dial Kelsey’s number again. It must have gone to voicemail, because he sighed in frustration and shoved his phone into his back pocket as we got out of the car.
“You’ll see Kelsey in a few minutes,” I promised him, knowing how much he hated being disconnected from what was going on.
“I just need to know that she’s still okay,” he said, his voice sounding strained.
“She’s in surgery,” I said, knowing he was talking about Leah. “It could take hours depending on how extensive her injuries are. Don’t you want the doctor’s to take their time and do it right?”
“Yeah,” he said in a husky voice that sounded thick with emotion.
“Then you have to be patient. I know it’s probably the hardest thing in the world for you to do right now, but you don’t have another choice.”
“I know.”
Phillip hung his head as we walked into the hospital with Greg following us, so I took his hand in mine. A few minutes later we were directed to the third floor where we took a series of turns before we ended up in an almost completely empty waiting room.
Across the room I could see Kelsey sitting in a chair, looking smaller than I remembered her. Her dark hair was pulled back, her cheeks were tearstained, and she had a bandage over her right eye. Gavin was asleep with his head in her lap, his small arm in a cast, and she was absently stroking his blond hair.
“Phillip,” she said in relief as soon as she looked up and saw us.
Within a few seconds, Phillip was across the room. I watched Kelsey ease Gavin off of her lap so she could stand and embrace Phillip, hugging him for countless seconds as Greg and I looked on. I suddenly felt out of place, like I was witnessing something so private and intimate. And as strong as my resolve had been when we were back at the hotel, I instantly second-guessed whether I should be there or not.
“Come on,” Greg said, nudging me forward.
I looked up at him in question.
“He wants you here,” he said, practically reading my mind.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve known Phillip a long time, Sabrina. There’s something different about you. He wants you here. If he didn’t, he would have told you to stay at the hotel.”
Well, I guess that was mildly comforting to hear.
I took a deep breath as I walked over to where Kelsey and Phillip were talking in hushed tones. As we got closer, I could make out more of their conversation.
“I called them,” she said in a shaky voice. “Mom is in Tokyo, and Dad’s in Dubai. They’re both booking flights back home.”
Phillip nodded. “They should be here,” he said, glancing over at Gavin.
“I’ve got him,” Kelsey said, following his gaze. “For as long as Leah needs me to be here, I’m here. I already called my agent and left her a message, asking her to reschedule everything on my calendar for the next few weeks. I’m good.”
“I’ll stay too,” Phillip offered.
“You’re in the middle of a tour,” she reminded him.
He shook his head. “I’m staying – at least until I know you guys are okay.”
“Phillip,” she said softly, but I saw weariness in her eyes that told me she wanted to be selfish. She wanted him to stay. She just wasn’t going to say it.
“Kels, Leah’s going to need time to recover,” he said, surprising me with how positive he sounded. It was a complete turnaround from how he’d been when we’d walked into the hospita
l. “She’ll need someone to take care of her, and she’s going to need to rest. She’ll need someone to take Gavin to camp, she’ll need someone to watch him, and she’ll need someone to grocery shop and clean and run errands. I’m not leaving you alone to do all that.”
In light of everything that was going on, I watched Kelsey’s lips twist into a smirk. “You’re going to help clean and run errands?” she asked in disbelief.
Phillip offered her a smirk of his own. “Yeah, well, probably not me, but I’ll hire someone.”
Kelsey shook her head. “That sounds more like the Phillip I know and love. But you can’t stay, babe. You just can’t.”
“I’m not leaving,” Phillip said defiantly, crossing his arms over his chest.
Kelsey looked torn. I could tell she really wanted him to stay, but she knew what sort of obligations he faced and what kind of pressure he was under. Of course I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d leave willingly. I could see in his eyes that he’d throw away his entire career for Leah and Kelsey if that was what had to be done.
“You should stay,” I told him, causing both of them to turn and look at me. Then I shifted my gaze to Kelsey. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting, but he should stay. You guys are his family.”
“You’re not interrupting,” Kelsey said, offering me a small smile. “Thank you for being here.”
I nodded and slipped my hand into Phillip’s. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
“Neither would I,” Phillip said firmly as Kelsey’s gaze shifted to our joined hands.
I watched her expression, wondering what she was thinking. When she looked back up again, she said to Phillip. “Why don’t you guys have a seat. It’s going to be a few more hours.”
“I’m staying,” Phillip told her, just in case there was any confusion. “Damon will just have to understand.”
“Thank you,” Kelsey said softly, and he offered her a small smile.
Exhaustion washed over me as Phillip and I took a seat across from Kelsey and Gavin. Greg sat down on Phillip’s other side. For a while, no one said anything, and even though I was inclined to ask Kelsey what had happened and if she’d heard any word on Leah’s condition, I figured it wasn’t my place. Phillip must have gotten as much information as he could have, because he remained quiet, his gaze locked on a fixed point across the room, his mind no doubt on dark things. He might have been positive for Kelsey, but the hardness of his demeanor and the tightness of his jaw told me he was scared and doubtful and worried all at once.
Westside Series Box Set Page 102