An hour later, I was riding in the comfort of the car he’d sent for me as we pulled up to the posh hotel on the beach. As I got out of the car, I thanked the driver, and he handed me a key card in an envelope. The number of Phillip’s suite was scrawled on the outside.
“I’m assuming he wanted me to go right up?” I asked the driver.
“I’m not sure, miss. I was given instructions to give you this. I don’t have any more information beyond that.”
I nodded. “Well, thank you for driving me. What do I owe you?”
“Mr. Lawton has already handled that.”
“Well, thank you anyway,” I told him, handing him a twenty dollar bill as a tip.
He waved me off. “Mr. Lawton handled that as well. I’ve been more than compensated.”
I smiled. “Well, have a nice night then.”
“You too, miss.”
I walked into the hotel with anxiety and excitement waring inside me. In a matter of minutes, as soon as I could make my way to the elevators and up to the top floor, I’d see Phillip. I wasn’t sure the last time I’d felt this excited and nervous at the same time. I knew it was probably when I’d stepped on-stage for the first time after my comeback. I’d known how risky it was, and I’d been well-aware of the flat-out rejection I could receive from the audience, but at the same time I’d been so excited for a second chance and to be singing songs that I’d written. It was a very similar feeling in knowing that if everything worked out, there was a chance I’d get what I wanted, but if it didn’t, I was going to be devastated.
I knocked tentatively on the door to Phillip’s suite, unsure of what state I was going to find him in. That had been on my mind, since I had no idea what he’d spent the last week doing. Maybe he’d gone on a bender and left the world behind like he’d wanted to a week ago, or maybe he’d been holed up in his hotel room, barely showering or eating. I honestly expected him to be a mess.
But when he opened the door, he looked the same as he always had, wearing jeans and a polo, his hair damp from a shower, and his feet bare. He looked as good as I remembered.
“Hi,” I said tentatively as he pulled me into his arms, surprising me with the force with which he grabbed me.
“God, I missed you,” he said, his lips grazing my neck where his head was buried.
He pulled me into the suite, letting the door close behind us. I let go of my suitcase and let my totebag fall from my arm as he walked us backward, hugging me the whole time. I was aware that we were heading toward the bedroom, and a small pit formed in my stomach as I hoped like hell that really wasn’t the only reason he’d called me. I wasn’t the girl for that – not anymore.
“How are you?” I asked him as we crossed the threshold of the bedroom.
“Today sucked,” he said as he lifted his head to look at me, his gaze intense. “I just want to forget about it.”
The pleading look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know about just how hard burying his best friend had been. I knew that feeling well.
I nodded as I stiffened in his arms. “I can imagine. Do you want to talk about it?”
As he shook his head, I saw the pain in his eyes deepen. “Not right now. Right now I just want to be with you.”
“You want to have sex,” I deduced.
Phillip smirked. “Yeah, well, I was sort of hoping that might be the way this was headed. You smell so good, Sabrina, and you look better than I remembered.”
His hands slid to my waist as he smiled at me.
“I didn’t come here just for sex,” I told him, putting some firmness in my voice to let him know I was serious. “I really hope that’s not the only reason you called me.”
The smirk slid from his face and turned into a frown. “Are you serious?”
I shook my head. “I know it’s not what we’ve done in the past, but the last week has given me a lot of time to think, and I can’t be the girl you run to when you’re horny.”
I was a little surprised to see that Phillip looked stunned – that I was even capable of stunning him.
He shook his head slowly. “That’s not why I called you, Sabrina,” he said slowly, as if he was still comprehending what I’d said. “Is that really what you think?”
“Well, you grabbed me as soon as I walked through the door. I might have assumed that.”
Phillip let go of me and sunk down onto the bed. He looked up at me in confusion. “That’s not what I wanted. I mean, yes, I wanted that, because who wouldn’t – look at you – but that’s not all I wanted. I just sort of got caught up when I saw you. I’m sorry.”
Phillip Lawton was apologizing for wanting sex? This was uncharted territory. And I suddenly felt like a bitch for assuming the worst of him.
I took a step closer to the bed so I was standing right in front of him. He was looking down, so I tilted his chin until he was looking at me.
“I love that you want me and that you think I’m beautiful or sexy or hot–”
“All of the above,” he said quickly, interrupting me, his tone completely serious.
I smiled. “Good to know. It’s actually really nice to hear, because I think the same things about you.”
“Yeah, well, look at me,” he said, trying to be cute.
It was completely working. I liked when he was cute, and I was glad to see I hadn’t crushed him completely.
“I’m sorry for assuming,” I told him. “I wasn’t sure what your call was about, but I was hoping it wasn’t just a booty call.”
“It wasn’t. I promise you, Sabrina. It really wasn’t. I’m not going to lie. I was hoping sex might be a part of it, but it wasn’t the only reason I wanted you to come here. I really did miss you, and I know you probably have questions you want answers to, like why I disappeared this past week, and why I didn’t call, and what I’ve been doing. And I want to tell you about all of it. My life’s been crazy and bad and emotional, and I’ve just lived it because it’s what I had to do, but I hated almost every second of it. I just wanted something good before I had to relive it all with you.”
“You don’t owe me any explanations, Phillip. I didn’t come here expecting you to talk about something that’s uncomfortable for you. I just wanted to see you.”
“But you want to know,” he ventured.
I nodded. “I’d love to know, but only if you want to tell me.”
“I do – mostly because I know you’ll understand. And I know if I don’t talk about it, I might explode.”
I nodded. “So we’ll talk then,” I said as I lowered myself onto his lap so I was straddling him. Then I gently eased him onto his back.
He looked up at me with a questioning smirk. “This is a cruel way to make me sit if we’re going to talk.”
I leaned toward him, lowering my mouth to his, stopping when we were only millimeters apart. “We’ll talk later. Right now I want to focus on that good part you were referring to. I could use some of that too.”
“Could you?”
I nodded as I brought my lips to his. “Of course.”
* * *
“I miss her so much,” Phillip said for probably the hundredth time. His arm was bent and tucked under his head as he faced me on the pillow.
True to his word, after we’d reconnected – twice – he’d rehashed the past week to me, his words burning a hole in my heart as I listened to how painful it had been for him. More than ever, I wished he would have called me, but I knew him well enough to know he’d reached out when he was ready. He hadn’t been ready before, but he was now, and I had to be okay with that. At least he’d had Kelsey. I was glad they’d leaned on each other. It made me feel like he hadn’t been so alone, which for Phillip was the worst place he could be.
“How’s Gavin doing?” I asked him.
“He’s hanging in there, I suppose. It hasn’t been easy. Most days I’m not sure he knows what to feel, just like the rest of us.”
Poor kid. Sadly I knew what losing a parent was like. It was
one of the worst things a kid could go through.
“What’s going to happen to him?”
“Kelsey’s going to get custody of him. We talked about it today. It just makes sense.”
“I think that’s good. At least he’ll be with family. You’re going to miss him, though, aren’t you?”
Phillip nodded. “Yeah, I will. But I’m used to it. We’ve spent weeks together before, on vacations and when I’ve visited him and Leah in the past. After we have some good bonding time, I go back to my life, and we talk every few weeks. I’ll see him enough. Kelsey lives in New York, and I’ve been spending more time there since I bought my loft. I almost like it better than L.A. sometimes. I appreciate the anonymity of the city, and it’ll be fun to show Gav all of the cool things there are to do. I think he’s going to like it once he gets adjusted.”
“I think it’s really cool that you’ve been there for him.”
Phillip looked sheepish as he said, “Yeah, well, someone wise reminded me that he looks up to me. I just went with that and hoped for the best.”
“I’m sure he appreciated it more than you know.”
“He drew a picture of his family,” Phillip said solemnly. “I was in it.”
“Phillip, that’s awesome.”
He tried to hold back his smirk, but I could see it was hard. “Yeah, well, he’s like my family too, I guess. He always has been. I’m just not sure I was ever lucid enough in the past to really process what that meant. I might be his crazy, fun pseudo uncle, but you were right. He looks up to me more than I ever realized.”
“I know he does. I keep telling you that.”
“Yeah, you do,” he said sheepishly. “But not for nothing, taking care of a kid is harder than I ever imagined. It’s like nonstop action. I have no idea how Leah did it.”
I smiled. “Lots of practice, I’m sure.”
“I guess. Let me just say I had a lot of firsts this week. It was an adventure if nothing else. Oh, and I learned how to cook!”
I felt my eyebrows rise as I registered what he’d said. “You learned how to cook?”
“Yeah, I did,” he said proudly. “I can make scrambled eggs, toast, and even grilled cheese. Oh, and one time I helped Kelsey make spaghetti and meatballs because she got tired of eating takeout.”
I stifled a laugh as I said, “I’m sorry, did you say toast?”
“Yeah, I did,” he said sheepishly.
“Phillip, you’re twenty-four years old. How is that you never learned to make toast?”
“I don’t know. We had a cook growing up, and I had nannies. I never had to learn how to make anything.”
“But you’ve lived on your own since you were nineteen. You’re telling me in five years you never figured out how to stick two slices of bread in a toaster and press a button? It’s literally the easiest thing to make. Even Charlie Brown can do it.”
He shook his head as he smirked at me. “Well, that’s a sad reality to know that Charlie Brown is better than me at something, but it’s not really my fault. I don’t even own a toaster.”
“Oh, my God. You’re a total mess!” I teased him.
“I know. Gavin had to teach me how to turn on the stove. I wasn’t even sure how it worked.”
By the time he finished his sentence, I was laughing with the image in my head of a six year-old who could barely see the top of the stove teaching a grown man how to use it. I could only imaging the look of puzzlement on Phillip’s face as he tried to outsmart an appliance.
“Don’t laugh,” Phillip chastised me, but he was smiling. “It’s not funny.”
“No, you’re right,” I told him around a laugh. “It’s not funny. It’s freaking hilarious!”
“Oh, you’re so going to get it,” he said as he rolled on top of me, pressing me to the mattress as I continued to laugh.
Phillip pinned my arms on either side of my head as I tried to squirm away from him, my laughter getting the best of me.
“Tell me you’re impressed by my cooking skills,” he said, holding me down at the same time he fought the urge to smile.
“I can’t!” I said, shaking my head dramatically. “I can’t do it!”
“Hey, I kept a kid alive this week,” he said pleadingly. “That has to count for something.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll give you that,” I told him, because it was kind of impressive. I wasn’t sure I could easily do something like that.
“You’d better,” he said around a smile as he leaned down and kissed me.
When he pulled back, he settled his weight on top of me, his gaze locked with mine as he gave me a small smile. “Did I tell you how good it is to see you?” he asked me as his thumb traced my bottom lip.
“A few times, but you can tell me again. It’s good to see you too. After we parted ways a week ago, I wasn’t sure what to think. I’m glad to have the real you back.”
“Yeah, that was kind of an intense night.”
“Intense. That’s a good word for it.”
“It was. I can only imagine what you must have thought when you found me. That day feels like a giant blur, but I know that had it not been for you, I would be in a very different place right now. Thank you for being persistent and for always knowing how to get through to me. I’m not sure I said it in the moment, or if I’ve ever said it, but the fact that you cared enough about me to follow me to hell means more to me than you’ll probably ever know.”
“You’re welcome,” I said, knowing I wanted to say so much more.
I wanted him to know that I’d follow him anywhere, and that if he found himself on the road to hell once again, I’d go after him again and again. I’d do it forever. I cared about him that much. But I knew I couldn’t say that. He knew how I felt, and for now that was enough.
“So, speaking of that,” I said instead.” How was the past week – in that sense?
“In that sense, it was okay. I’m not going to say I didn’t think about checking out a dozen times, but it was never bad enough that I did anything about it.”
“That’s good. It’s normal.”
Phillip sighed. “Nothing really feels normal right now, but if you say so.”
“I do,” I said, smiling up at him, hoping to lighten the mood.
“Oh yeah? What else do you say?” he asked coyly.
“I say that you’re sexy and really hot, and that thing pressing into my thigh is kind of turning me on right now.”
“What thing are you referring to?” he asked, teasingly grinding his erection into my leg.
I smiled. “I think you know exactly what thing I’m referring to,” I said as I widened my hips, cradling him between my thighs.
“I think I do to. How would you like me to do something about it?”
“I think I would love for you to do something about it.”
Sometimes I felt like I could never get enough of him.
“And I would,” he said. “I’d happily do it, but we’re out of condoms.”
“Oh. How did that happen?”
“Simple math. We had two left, and we used them.”
I gave him a look. “There’s no need to be sarcastic. And that sucks. You got me all excited.”
“I’m a little excited to,” he said as he pressed into my core, making me suck in a breath. He wasn’t helping matters.
“You’d better stop doing that,” I teased him. “It’s not nice.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got you,” he said as things got a whole lot more intense.
“Phillip, don’t,” I warned him as I felt my breath growing shallow.
If he wasn’t careful, we were going to have a situation on our hands. Neither one of us were wearing clothes, and he was dangerously close to being exactly where I wanted him, but only if he was properly attired.
I saw him watching me carefully as he said, “Well, maybe we don’t have to use one.”
“A condom? Uh, yes we do,” I told him emphatically. We’d always used condoms. I always used co
ndoms. Going bare was a deal-breaker for me.
“Would your answer maybe change if I said I wanted to be exclusive?”
For a few seconds I wondered if I’d heard him correctly.
“I – what? You want to be exclusive?”
Even though I’d sort of already assumed that neither of us were seeing anyone else, I’d never expected Phillip to utter those words. I was kind of in shock.
“Uh, yeah, I do. For the record, I’m not sure I even know how to be a boyfriend, but for the first time in my life I sort of want to try – with you. If you want to. I know things have been weird between us, and the last time you saw me wasn’t exactly a positive experience. I really am sorry for putting you through that, and I’m going to try to keep my shit together from here on out. I’ve thought a lot about that night, and you were kind of this incredible force that pulled me out of the darkness. It was sort of amazing, and I think you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known. I was a dick for not calling you last week. I’m sorry for that too. I should have called. But it doesn’t mean that you’re not important to me. You are. I really like you, Sabrina. And I just figured, or rather I hoped, that after what you said last week, you know, about how you feel about me, that you might be okay with giving me a chance.”
Great, he was bringing up the fact that I’d told him I loved him. It was like the elephant in the room reminding me of how inequitable our feelings for each other were. But then again, he had just asked me to be his girlfriend. And he had called me incredible and amazing, and he said that he really liked me. That had to count for something.
“Wow,” I said, feeling sort of speechless. “I didn’t expect that.”
“So, are you saying no?” he prompted.
I shook my head as I smiled. “No, I’m not saying no, Phillip. I’d actually love to be your girlfriend – as long as it involves you cooking toast for me. I love toast.”
“You had to go there,” he said, smirking as he shook his head.
“I did,” I said as he lowered his head and kissed me, long and deep, making me groan.
He pressed against me again, making me crave more than the tiny big of friction he was offering. “So, you’re my girlfriend?”
Westside Series Box Set Page 108