But that was before I’d decided to call Kelsey. Something had sparked in me when we were on-stage, and it had stayed with me on the ride back to the hotel. I’d called her as soon as I’d walked in the door, finally feeling ready to move forward with my decision. And since I’d done that, I guess there was no harm in keeping my secret from Sabrina any longer.
Elisa rolled her eyes at me. “You should totally call her. I want her to come out with us.”
“Oh, well, since you want it,” I said sarcastically, but I was already pulling out my phone.
“Don’t deny it,” Elisa said around a smirk. “You can’t wait to see her in one of those hot little dresses she always wears.”
Yeah, she had me there. Although it probably wouldn’t help the whole fear of sex thing I’d been experiencing if the stirring in my pants was any indication of what it was going to be like seeing Sabrina’s long legs in one of those dresses. On top of everything else I loved about her, she was just so goddamn hot. I wasn’t sure how much longer I was going to be able to hold out. Maybe I’d just double-up on condoms to be extra sure we were good.
“I’m calling her now,” I told Elisa, not justifying her statement with a response.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sabrina
I wasn’t sure whether to be pissed or mortified or just plain sad. I had no idea what I’d done wrong, but for some reason, ever since the night we’d made up and decided to be exclusive, Phillip had wanted little to nothing to do with me. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, because he’d still been sweet, but something was up, and I was afraid he was regretting his decision. Maybe being a boyfriend wasn’t what he wanted after all.
But I’d stood there after the concert, feeling like an idiot, and I hadn’t been able to say anything. I’d just smiled like a fool and watched him walk away, wishing he’d turn around and walk back to me.
He’d looked so hot all night with a smirky grin on his face as he’d played with the fans, made his trademark sarcastic comments, and wowed them with his voice. He was never sexier to me than when he was on-stage, because in those moments, it felt like he was truly free of every bad thing that had ever happened to him. It was obvious that music made him so happy.
He’d bounded off stage with a flushed face, sweat dampened hair and a wide smile, making me want to pull him into a nearby broom closet and have my way with him. It had been a week, and I was long overdue for some serious alone time with him.
“Hey you,” I’d said to him.
He’d stopped short, and his smile faltered for a few beats before he forced it back in place. He’d been doing that all week, and it had me completely rattled beneath the surface. On the outside, I was trying not to make waves, so I smiled, I flirted, and I hoped that I wasn’t going to lose him.
“Hi there,” he said in his normal flirtatious way, but I had a feeling he talked that way to every girl he encountered. I wasn’t sure it made me special.
But still, I surged forward, looping my arms around his waist and feeling his damp shirt under my hands. I loved how he could make a white polo with a popped collar look so damn sexy. All he had to do was open the buttons at the top, and there was the tease of his chest, which I knew was hard and muscled and completely kissable. I had visions of doing exactly that as soon as we got back to my hotel suite.
“I was thinking,” I told him. “That maybe we could rent a movie . . . we could cuddle on the couch, and then see where the night takes us.”
His mouth tugged up at the corner. “Oh, I think I know where it would take us.”
“Do you?” I teased.
“I have a pretty good guess.”
“Good. I’m glad to see we’re on the same page. Do you want to shower first, or do you want to stay all sweaty for me?”
Phillip smiled, but I could tell he was still forcing it, and I just didn’t understand why. Then I saw him glance over my shoulder. It looked like he was making eye contact with someone, because I watched him shake his head infinitesimally. Then he brought his gaze back to mine.
“Actually, I was going to go out with the guys tonight.”
“Oh,” I said, trying to sound as lighthearted as possible about that news. “Okay.”
“Yeah, it’s just, I haven’t really seen them a lot since we started hanging out and since everything happened with . . . Leah, so I figure I owe them.”
“That’s totally cool,” I told him, since the last thing I wanted him to see me as someone who was going to smother him. If that’s what he was concerned about, then I’d give him as much space as he wanted – even though it wasn’t what I wanted. “I guess girlfriends aren’t invited?”
For a few brief seconds, he looked like a caged animal, and I felt my heart sink. “Yeah, I don’t think the other guys are bringing their girlfriends. Not tonight.”
He leaned down and kissed me, making me feel a little better. “Have sweet dreams about me, will you?”
I smiled. “I always do.”
They were always sweeter when he was in bed next to me, but I didn’t tell him that.
Phillip had headed back to the hotel after that, and instead of riding with him like I usually did, I made a lame excuse about having to meet with Dixon. Then I’d hung around while the roadies broke down the Westside set, wondering what it was going to be like when I toured on my next album. I’d do a headlining tour for sure, considering how well my album had been selling and my fan base had been increasing. I felt like I really had achieved the comeback I’d wanted, and sometimes it seemed like a dream.
It would be weird headlining again. I’d done it for a few years when I’d been floating around the pop circuit, but this was different. This was my soul up there on-stage, it was my heart and my past, the things that made me smile and the things that had hurt me, and because of that, the weight of everything I was doing was so much heavier. It would be amazing when it was my tour, with my name at the top of the marquee, and my crowd cheering for me. But considering everything that had unfolded from touring with Westside, I wouldn’t have changed my decision to open for them for the world.
Even if Phillip broke up with me tomorrow, I had a lifetime of memories with him that I would have a hard time forgetting. That might not be for the best in the end, but I still wouldn’t have traded anything that had happened between us – the good and the bad. I loved that boy, and a part of me probably always would, even if he could never love me back. It was just how things were.
After feeling like I’d wasted enough time pondering over how Phillip was making me feel and talking to a few people from my team who were hanging around the venue, I’d decided to head back to the hotel. Maybe I’d just go to bed early and get a good night’s sleep. I probably needed it.
I was just stepping into my hotel suite when my phone rang. I was surprised to see Phillip’s name, since I figured he’d be long gone.
“Hello?”
“Hi,” he said hesitantly.
“I thought you were going out,” I said, trying to mask the bitterness in my voice.
“Yeah, we are, but I realized I told you that girlfriends weren’t coming tonight. I was actually wrong. Elisa and Andi are here, so I wanted to see if you wanted to come out with us.”
Okay, so maybe I’d been reading into things earlier. Maybe we were okay.
“Do you want me to come out with you?” I asked him, because something was telling me his invite wasn’t genuine.
“Of course, I do,” he said, and that time all I heard was authenticity in his words.
I sighed internally, a calmness washing over me. “So, we’re okay?”
“We’re good,” he assured me. “I have some things to share with you, but I’m hoping they won’t affect what we have.”
Well that didn’t sound very good. “What sort of things?”
“Just come out with us. I’ll tell you everything.”
“Phillip, what’s going on?”
“What’s going on is that ever since my g
irlfriend asked me stay all sweaty for her, I’ve sort of had a one-track mind. All I can think about are those long, sexy legs of yours in one of those sinfully short dresses you love so much.”
“Oh really? Which one’s your favorite?”
“That snakeskin one – mostly because you wore it with combat boots. Do you know how fucking hot you look in combat boots?”
I smiled. “I like them because they’re comfortable. I’m not sure I ever thought about the sex appeal of them.”
“Bullshit,” he said, calling me out.
And he was spot-on. I’d tried on heels with the dress he was talking about, but my combat boots had won out. They added a raw sexiness to the outfit that I loved.
“I actually have something else that I think you’ll like,” I teased him, thinking of the new skintight leather pants I’d just gotten and not bothering to tell him that he was right. He didn’t need to hear that. “I’ll let you decide what you think’s sexier on me.”
“Fuck, Sabrina,” he muttered, making me smile. “You’re going to make me want to strip you naked as soon as I see you, aren’t you?”
“Hopefully,” I told him. “It’s been way too long, and there isn’t much I’ve been able to think about aside from being with you again.”
“Later,” he practically growled.
“Is that a promise?”
“It’s a fucking guarantee.”
I laughed. “Then I can’t wait for you to make good on it.”
“How soon can you be ready?”
“Give me ten minutes.”
Ten minutes later on the dot, Phillip was knocking on my suite door. I took one last glance in the mirror at my outfit – hot black leather pants, long black tank, and my combat boots. I’d used an excessive amount of eyeliner for a smoky look, and I’d scrunched my hair into beachy waves. I had a feeling Phillip was going to love it.
I opened the door to see him and Greg standing there, and as soon as Phillip saw me, his eyes got all hooded, and I was afraid he was going to start drooling. If nothing else, my ego felt great.
He stepped toward me and put his arms around my waist, tugging me toward him. I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh, making me crave more of him.
“That is a dangerous outfit, Sabrina. I should ask you to take it off.”
I looked up at him. “Like I told you, you can do just that later. Right now, I want to go dancing.”
He cocked his head to the side. “But I don’t dance. Let’s just stay here.”
I smiled. “I want to go out. If you don’t feel like dancing, you can just watch me.”
“Oh, I will. And I’ll be thinking all sorts of really inappropriate things the whole time.”
“I have no doubt that’s exactly what you’ll be doing.”
Phillip smirked at me. “And just so you know, any guy who tries to touch you will have to deal with me.”
“You really think that’ll be a problem? It’s been all over the tabloids that we’re dating. I’m not sure anyone’s going to try to cross you.”
He puffed out his chest as he said, “They’d better not. That’s all I’m saying.”
I looked over his shoulder at Greg. “He’s the mind, you’re the muscle, I assume?”
“You assume correct.”
I looked back at Phillip. “You wouldn’t want to damage that pretty face of yours now, would you?”
He shook his head. “Nope, that’s why I pay him. And he has explicit instructions to remove anyone who touches you from the premises.”
“Good to know. So where’s everyone else?”
“Downstairs in the car. I told them we’d meet them there.”
“Lead the way.”
* * *
I danced with Elisa and Andi for most of the night, and not only had it been fun to zone out and act like a total girl for a few hours, but I loved that whenever I looked up, as promised, Phillip’s eyes were on me. It was a heady feeling considering what had been filtering through my mind earlier, and I was relieved to know it had all been in my head. We were more than good, it seemed.
“I think I’m going to take a break,” I told the girls who nodded at me.
It was weird to think that they worked for me, because they were two really cool people who I was glad to have on my side. I felt like we genuinely got along, and for the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt like I had friends that weren’t just with me out of convenience. It was a nice change.
Phillip watched me walk over to him and patted the space next to him on the banquette. I smiled as I sat down so close to him that my side was flush against his. “Hey you.”
He put his lips to my ear. “For the record, watching you out there did nothing to help with this little problem I have going on down under.”
I smiled wider as I snuggled closer to him. “I actually checked out the bathrooms a little while ago, and they’re very private,” I said, sliding my hand over his thigh as my tongue darted out to touch my lower lip. “I could find a way to get you a little relief if it would help. Just something to tide you over until later.”
His throat moved up and down as he swallowed and his eyes glazed over. “Holy fuck, there is pretty much nothing else I could want right now that could top that. Just the thought of you on your knees with my dick in your mouth. Fuck, Sabrina. You’re killing me.”
“Then let’s go,” I said, starting to get up, the image he’d described only making me want to do it more. I wanted to look up and watch him fall apart. I loved it.
“I want to,” he said his voice sounding strained as he stopped me and pulled me back down. “I want to so bad, but I’ve sort of been sitting here working up the courage to tell you something all night, and I kind of feel like I need to just do it.”
“Is this going to be bad or good?” I asked him, because I was having a great night, and ruining it wasn’t something I cared to do.
“I think I’ll let you decide, and when I tell you, if you still want to sneak away to the bathroom, I’m in.”
“Well that sounds like bad news to me,” I said, dread filling me as I heard a song by Timeflies come on overhead.
“Just hear me out,” Phillip said. “I’m sort of hoping you’ll be able to find the silver lining and it won’t be completely bad.”
Now he was making me really nervous. “Okay, just tell me,” I said, not able to take the suspense.
My mind was already in overdrive as I thought of all the things he could possibly say. And none of them were good.
“Fine, he said, rubbing his hands over his thighs. “So just do me a favor and listen to the whole story before you say anything. Please.”
I nodded and slipped my hand into his, wondering if it might help if I was holding onto him when he dropped whatever bomb was coming next. “Sure.”
He gave me a nervous smile as he leaned closer to me. It was one thing to talk loudly over the music about generic things, but something told me this was a conversation he didn’t want anyone else to hear. He lowered his voice as he said, “Okay, so remember when I told you I didn’t know who Gavin’s father was?”
I nodded, but per his request, I didn’t say anything.
He nodded too. “A week ago, when Kelsey and I went to meet with Leah’s lawyer, he told us that I was listed as Gavin’s father on his birth certificate. He also said that a few months ago, I guess after I got my shit together, Leah changed her will so I would be Gavin’s primary custodian if anything should happen to her.”
Oh.
That had not been what I’d expected him to say – at all. I couldn’t help it, I felt my eyebrows rise on their own as I stared at him in disbelief, trying to process what he was saying. Essentially he’d just found out that he was a father – of a six year-old. No wonder he’d been acting weird.
“Wow,” I muttered, blinking a few times as I let the news sink in.
Phillip squeezed my hand. “I, um, I wasn’t sure if it was true, because Leah never allu
ded to the fact that I might be Gavin’s father. From the start she’d gone with the one-night stand with a college guy story, and I believed her. I knew we’d slept together, but I figured she knew better than me that the timing didn’t line up. I guess a part of me didn’t want to consider the possibility that I’d gotten her pregnant, so I didn’t question what she’d said. I never questioned it – not once in six years. I honestly had no clue he was mine. And last week when I found out that my name was on his birth certificate, a part of me wondered if she’d put it on there for a different reason, like she couldn’t remember the father’s full name or something. I don’t know, but the fact that Leah had lied about something so huge seemed too far-fetched. I couldn’t imagine she’d do that to me. So I had a DNA test done, and I got the results earlier today. I’m his father.”
“Phillip,” I said softly.
“I know. It’s insane. It’s probably the craziest thing I’ve ever gone through.”
“I’m so sorry,” I told him, because I had no idea what else to say. He was right. This was insane.
He shook his head. “There’s more.”
There was more? What else could there be?
I nodded as supportively as I could, even though a part of me was feeling slighted that he’d kept this news from me. What did that say about us? But I knew I couldn’t ask any of that. Not right now.
“You seem strangely okay with this,” I said instead. “Are you really?”
He sighed. “I’ve had a week to process everything and to consider the possibility that I might be a father. I’m calm now, but trust me when I tell you that I’ve gone through every emotion in the book. At the end of the day, I’m just really hurt that Leah never told me, even though I can sort of understand why. I mean, I was kind of a train wreck for a long time, but I still think I should have known that I had a son.”
I didn’t say anything, but I had to agree with him. I’d never once considered not telling Jason that I was pregnant and that he was the father. It seemed like such a cruel thing to do, but I also knew that Leah wasn’t cruel. Maybe she was just protective. I hadn’t known Phillip when he was heavy into drugs, so I had no idea what he’d been like. Maybe Leah had a hard time dealing with the way he’d self-medicated his way through life, and although she was okay with him being Gavin’s godfather, she wasn’t okay with him being his father. It was weird, but she probably had her reasons, even if I couldn’t understand them.
Westside Series Box Set Page 112