by Elin Peer
She nodded. “I’m on it!”
CHAPTER 14
Reconciliation
Charles
Monday, I went to work in a haze of misery. I stalled while teaching and banged my head against a door because I was too busy looking down at my phone instead of seeing where I was going.
Every minute that I spent away from Liv felt like time wasted. What if she’d already packed up and left Dublin?
The thought left my stomach in a painful knot. I had obsessed about her comment that she had gone through this situation with an ex whose mother didn’t find Liv good enough for her son. How was that even possible? Any man would be lucky to have her as his girlfriend, and I’d meant it when I said I could think for myself.
Not that the two scenarios were close. Conor wasn’t a clingy mother. He was my mentor and friend. Liv might think my issues were cute but he understood them better than she did. He wanted what was best for me, and his warnings had nothing to do with Liv’s not being good enough. It was a matter of his thinking that I wasn’t ready for a relationship with any woman.
Still, if he’d seen how effortless things were between Liv and me, maybe he wouldn’t worry so much.
My fingers kept playing with my phone. My body screamed for me to go after my woman. That’s why, when I got home that afternoon, I texted her.
Charles: Are you there?
When my phone buzzed, I was so eager to pick it up and see if the text was from Liv that I dropped the phone on the floor.
Can you be a bigger idiot? I hurried to see who the sender was. My heart felt like it was pounding right out of my rib cage when the screen said, The cute coffee thief.
“Please don’t write that you’re leaving,” I muttered with bile in my throat from the thought that I’d never see her again.
Liv: Yes, I’m here. Howth Castle is worth a visit. Have you been?
I stared at the text. Why would she write me about Howth Castle? Did I just imagine that she was disappointed and angry when she left yesterday? I put the phone down and felt like fucking crying. Being an Aspie was like navigating the world with minimal hearing and sight. Every time I thought I understood a situation, it turned out that I’d gotten it wrong. I’d been sad and depressed since she left, obsessing about my relationship with Liv, while she didn’t seem to be affected. Picking up the phone, I texted back.
Charles: Yeah, it’s pretty.
God, my answer looked so short and cold. Like I didn’t care about her.
Liv: What are you up to right now?
Pushing you away, destroying my chance of a happy life, proving to myself that I truly am the biggest loser. The long list of things that came to mind was endless.
Charles: I’m in my room. Thinking!
Liv: Me too!
Charles: Not about leaving, I hope.
There… I had to write it because I didn’t want her to leave. What I hadn’t been able to communicate to Conor was that I liked who I became when I was with Liv. She wasn’t like other women; I’d felt relaxed when we were together. Liv didn’t sulk because I said the wrong thing. She confronted me and asked for clarification. She was transparent and honest with me and that made it easy to be around her. A new text popped in.
Liv: You don’t want me to leave?
Charles: NO!
Liv: Okay then. Have you had enough time to process? Are you ready to be my boyfriend and come make love to me?
A sound between a sigh of relief and a loud laugh erupted from me, like one of those happy cows that’s finally allowed on grass in the spring after a long winter, I got up from my chair and did a happy dance. There was so much energy running through my body that I wanted to sprint straight from Howth to her hotel.
Charles: I’m on my way.
Grabbing my jacket, I flew out my door and ran down the stairs taking three steps at a time.
“Whoa, where are you going? Is something on fire?” Nathan, Maximum, and Atlas watched me with big eyes.
“Yes. My heart.” I didn’t stop to clarify but snatched a set of car keys to one of the cars parked outside. Conor had always allowed me to use them whenever I needed to, and right now, I needed to.
The BMW took off so fast that small stones flew up from the ground around me, but I didn’t care. I could afford a new paint job for the car but I couldn’t afford to waste any more time with Liv.
Maybe I wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship. In fact, there was a big chance that Conor was right and I would screw up everything and suffer from a broken heart. But I didn’t have a choice. Missing Liv had made it clear that I would take every second I could get with her. If she was serious about forgiving my quirkiness and still wanted to be with me, then I’d bury my head against her warm body and stay there.
I hated that her hotel didn’t have valet parking because I had to circle the building twice to find a place to park. When I knocked on her door, I was out of breath from running.
All my senses were working overtime, analyzing her footsteps as she approached the door on the other side, and the way she swung the door open wide as if she wasn’t holding any part of herself back.
I was on her before she could say hi. Lifting her up and carrying her inside the room while the heavy door shut behind us, I might not be able to explain how I felt, but at least I could show her.
My kisses were deep and hungry, my breathing ragged. Liv let her tongue dance with mine and didn’t complain when I placed her on the bed and began undressing her. If she asked me to slow down, I’d die. It was like I was drowning and she was my life preserver that I needed to hold on to.
“I need you.” It was all I could get out of the bundled-up emotions in my chest.
“And I need you.” She wrapped her arms and legs around me but I still needed more.
The condoms I’d bought were on the night table and, pushing my pants down, I broke free from her hold and put one on at warp speed. Any concern about foreplay was suppressed by my urge to feel her embrace me. All of me.
I pushed inside her with more force than I normally would and she made a small sound of discomfort. Remembering what she’d told me, I placed my hand around her throat and looked into her eyes. “I can’t be gentle. I need you too much for that.”
“It’s okay.”
I pushed deeper, seeing tears form in the edges of her eyes.
“Don’t stop, Charles. I want this as much as you do.” Her words were underlined by the way she was wrapping her body around mine again.
“Don’t leave.” Another two words escaped the hard knot of bundled-up emotions inside me.
The salty taste of her tears was in our kisses. I should ask her why she was crying, but I wouldn’t know how to comfort her so I kissed her tears away and made love to her instead.
I was an expert at hot dominant sex. It had been what my other lovers had wanted from me, but Liv was asking me for something none of the women in my past had ever desired. She wanted me as her partner. Not just her lover, but partner. In her text she had asked me if I was ready to be her boyfriend, and this was my way of showing her that my answer was a big fucking yes.
My kisses down her jaw line turned possessive with the way I nibbled her skin at the same time that I intertwined my fingers with hers. My initial urge to connect with her was soothing now that we were paired. I wasn’t trembling any longer and I was able to look her in the eyes and watch for her reaction to the rhythm and depths of my thrusts.
No words passed my lips. This wasn’t about me being horny, and I wasn’t in the mood to talk dirty. Slowing down my pace, I pushed in deep and just stayed there, enjoying the feeling of being inside the core of my girlfriend.
“Do you want children?” The question came without a filter and seemed to surprise her.
“Eh, yeah, I do, but not now.”
I moved again. “Good.”
“Good that I want children or good that I don’t want them now?”
Lowering my head to her amazing breasts,
I suckled on one of them. “Both.”
She tilted her head on the pillow where her long brown hair lay splayed out, and smiled at me. “Are we having children one day?”
Fuck… her talking about a future us made the butterflies that lived in my body take a victory lap. “We are!” I kissed her again. “But first I’m going to enjoy you. We can travel if you want, and see the world.”
“What about Conor and the others?”
“They’ll be there when we get back.”
There was something in her eyes that I couldn’t decipher. “What is it?”
“Nothing. I just want to make love to you. We don’t have to plan everything right now, but will you promise me something?”
“Mmm.”
“Will you come to Paris with me? It’s the most romantic city in the world and I want to see it with you.”
I smiled and nodded.
“Yes?” She was smiling at me as she asked me to assure her that I was serious.
“Yes!”
She moved to get on top of me, and I let her. Seeing her gorgeous tits sway as she rocked back and forth was the most beautiful sight. She had her feet placed on each side of my hips as she rode me with her eyes roaming my body and face, and intense lust shining from her. The rush it gave me to see her desire for me made my ball sack harden and my moans deepen. Liv was so fucking perfect, like that missing piece to my existence that I’d longed for but never found until now.
“I wanted to do this from the first time I saw you.” Licking her lips, she pressed down on top of me, taking me to the root and moving her hips with a smile of satisfaction.
“I wish you had.” I reached up and pulled her down for a deep kiss. “You’re so goddamn sweet and amazing.”
We kissed and moaned into each other’s mouths, our fingers touching and exploring lips, hair, and warm skin.
After she had done most of the work riding me for a long while, I took a firm hold of her hips and held her up enough for me to pump in and out of her at a fast pace. Liv closed her eyes and leaned back her head, moaning deeply. “Not fair.”
“Why, don’t you like it?” I panted.
“Yeess, but you’re making me addicted to you.” Her voice was hoarse from lust and she ended her sentence with a breathy moan. “Ohh, it feels so right.”
I kept going – hammering in and out of her, and enjoying the sound of sex with my balls slapping against her.
“Ohh… Charles, it’s… oh… Yeess.”
“It’s okay, let it go, Saffron.”
Her moans grew higher in their pitch, as mine grew deeper.
“Come on me, Liv. Fucking come on my cock.”
She squeezed her hands on my chest, digging her fingers into my skin.
I was grateful that I was in great shape and could keep going until she screamed out her orgasm. “Yes, Charles, yeeesss.”
The satisfying sensation of her core muscles milking my cock made me roar out my own orgasm and empty my balls in the thin sheath of rubber that protected her womb.
Her arms were holding on to me tight and she had her face pressed against my neck. Inside I felt a sense of peace fill me from being accepted, desired, and appreciated by Liv. It was so powerful that I felt tears in my eyes, but I blinked them away before she noticed how making love to her made me emotional.
As our breathing calmed, Liv placed her head on my shoulder, while my arms clasped tight around her back.
“I think this is it,” she whispered.
“What is?”
“When you know you’ve found the one.”
It was like a magic trick. She pulled a single thread and just like that, the hundreds of bundled-up threads of confusing emotions untangled in my chest, leaving a freeing sense of complete order and clarity. “Liv…”
“Hmmm?”
“I think I love you.”
She lifted her head and looked into my eyes. “I think I love you too.”
CHAPTER 15
Moving In
Liv
“I’m happy you came.” I was circling my fingers on Charles’ chest as we lay cuddled up in the hotel bed.
“Do you mean in a sexual way or that I came to see you?”
I kissed his nipple. “I’m happy you came to see me. I was looking at tickets for Rome but I just couldn’t go yet.”
Charles pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. “I’m glad I came too.”
“So, what happened? What did Conor tell you to make you freak out like that?”
“It’s not important.”
“To me it is. I don’t want him to fill your head with doubt again.”
“Conor wants what’s best for me. He worries about my issues being too much for you and what will happen if you break my heart. You have to understand that I was in a bad state when I met Conor.”
“Bad how?”
“My trust in people was low. I’m not a social person to begin with and I tend to misunderstand situations because of my Asperger’s. I say the wrong things and end up offending people without wanting to. I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging when I have my tics.” He paused and played with my hand. “I have few friends and every relationship I’ve ever had with women have been purely physical. And then there’s the massive amount of pressure that came with working for Solver Industries, where everyone compared me to my grandfather. I haven’t told you this but McCann was my mother’s maiden name. My real last name is Robertson and Charles Robertson Senior is my grandfather.”
“Okaaay.” Part of me wanted to reveal that I already knew that, but we had just overcome one crisis, and I didn’t want to rock the boat before I was a thousand percent certain that he knew how real my feelings for him were.
He looked at me like he was waiting for a bigger reaction, but when I still said nothing, he continued, “I was working at Solver when I first came to Ireland. My grandfather is old and he has been grooming me to take over ever since I graduated.”
“But you don’t want to?”
“I’m not sure. I felt suffocated for so long.” Charles looked up at the ceiling. “And lost. I felt so goddamn lost. Like I was locked into a position from the day I was born with no regard to what I wanted. I happen to love international law, but I don’t recall there ever being a choice for me. My grandfather would preach about the sacrifices that we leaders must make for our employees. A lot of families depend on their salary to pay bills, feed their children, and send them to school. Being at the top might look glamorous from the outside, but it comes with a heavy burden of worries.” Charles turned a little toward me. “Conor was the first to tell me that I wasn’t locked down, and that I had the right to walk away. Did you know there was a king in England who chose to pass the crown to his younger brother when he felt suffocated? That empowered me to step away from the path I’d been on and take time to discover what I would want to do if it was entirely up to me.”
“You know that the king you talk about abdicated to be with the woman he loved, right?”
“Did he?” Charles frowned.
“Yes, she was American and already married twice, which made her unsuited to be queen.”
“Right, but what I got from it was that you always have a choice.”
“Hmm, do you know what I got from it?”
He turned his head to look me in the eye before I continued,
“That not even a crown, scepter, and a great kingdom can make a man happy if he’s not with the woman he loves.”
We smiled at each other and he kissed my nose. “Good point.”
“So, what you’re saying is that Conor suggested that our relationship wouldn’t last.”
Charles scrunched his nose with a round of tics. “That, and he also pointed out that you’re a distraction from the work I’ve been doing and that he didn’t think I was ready to take such a big step.”
“But you were ready yesterday morning. Remember, when I had doubts and you were the one staying strong and holding on to me?�
�� I kept my tone serious.
“I know, but he has some valid points, Liv. I’m pretty sure I’ll be a terrible boyfriend. When I get pressured, my ability to communicate my emotions shuts down. You saw it yourself.”
“Yes, I saw it. That’s why I left. I had to trust that you’d recognize how special this thing between us is. How many times have you experienced something like what we share?”
Charles closed his eyes. “Never.”
“Me neither.”
We were silent for a moment before I asked, “Are all your doubts gone or will they come back the moment he raises his concerns again?”
A triangle formed between Charles’ eyebrows, but he didn’t answer.
“Can I be honest with you for a second? I don’t think Conor knows what we have. Don’t you see, Charles? He’s never had that with anyone. It sounds to me like he has sex but no real commitment with any of his women. You’re not like that. What works for him won’t necessarily work for you.”
Charles lifted a hand to his forehead and his eyes went back to the ceiling. “Conor might not follow the norms of society, but that’s because he sees through the conventions and limitations that are put upon us. If you knew him better, you’d know he’s a genius and that getting to be one of his insiders is a huge privilege.”
I wanted to scream at him: Do you hear yourself? but this was Charles’ reality and for me to help him see the truth about the charlatan whose influence he was under, I had to tread carefully.
“What does him being a genius have to do with commitment? He has children with Ciara but made sure to point out to me that he’s not married. All I’m saying is that he doesn’t have to agree with our definition of a relationship. Quite frankly I’m only interested in two opinions and that would be yours and mine.” I pointed to his chest.