by Elin Peer
“That’s crazy. Why would he do that?”
Her eyes were alight with fire. “For the same reason that he’d ask Sara to put a gun to her head and pull the trigger.”
“But Conor didn’t even know Nathan was out there.”
“Yes, he did. I saw him looking out the window from the schoolroom. He knew!”
I rubbed my forehead feeling myself getting defensive. My mentor had already suffered with people spreading untrue rumors about him. The last thing he needed was us insiders to turn on him. “Conor probably just heard you shouting and running through the house. That’s why he went to the window to see what was happening.”
“But why would he go to the window to the back yard? Why not come downstairs to see what was wrong?”
“Saffron sweetie, you’re overthinking this. You heard what Conor said. Nathan has a history of creating drama. We shouldn’t fall for it.”
“Fall for it?” Her tone was incredulous. “That boy in there almost died trying to prove his loyalty to O’Brien.”
The accusation was so far out that I scoffed. “No, he didn’t. Conor had nothing to do with it.”
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, but didn’t speak.
“You really choose to believe Nathan?” I asked.
“Yes!”
I was stunned and took a step back. “Well, I’m taking the word of the adult. Conor wouldn’t lie.”
We stood staring at each other with a wall of frustration suddenly feeling like a physical barrier between us.
Footsteps made us turn to see Ciara with a tray in her hands. “I’ve got the tea and some toast for him.”
Liv took it and I opened the door for her to enter the room. Ciara and I didn’t question that Liv was the one to care for him. After all, she had slept in Nathan’s and River’s room since she got here, and she’d been the one to pull Nathan out of the pond. I was, however, upset that Nathan’s desperate call for attention had come between Liv and me.
“I’m taking a shower. I’ll talk to you later?”
She nodded before closing the door, but there was no smile from her and I got the feeling that she wasn’t happy with me.
CHAPTER 21
When Adults Lie
Liv
When the Red Manor had been built for the first family who lived here in the late eighteen hundreds, River’s and Nathan’s room had housed five children. Their governess had slept in the room next door, which was now O’Brien’s room. Nathan had told me as much on my first night sleeping in here when I’d asked about the connecting door.
After Nathan fell asleep that first night, River had told me that both she and Nathan suffered from nightmares and that’s why Conor insisted on keeping them close so they could run to him if they needed comforting.
I’d only experienced Nathan’s having a few nightmares in the time I’d shared their room, and both times he’d woken up screaming about a yellow snake in his bed. I looked to calm him down, but of course there was nothing there.
River didn’t scream in her dreams. She made small whimpers, and I found that the easiest way to calm her down was to hum a melody and hold her hand.
As the younger sister in my own family, I hadn’t had small siblings to care for like this, but I found that it came natural to me. In fact, my bond with the children was growing fast.
“Is Nathan going to be all right?” River asked in a brittle voice.
“Yes.” I gave her a small smile of reassurance. “You and I are going to warm him up again. I just need to change out of these wet clothes.” I changed in the hallway powder room and hurried back into the children’s room. It was large. Even with my mattress on the floor, and the two beds that were placed against opposite walls, there was room for River’s toys, a large closet, and Nathan’s collection of Star Wars ships that spread out over his side of the room.
I got into Nathan’s bed and positioned myself sitting against the wall while helping him sit up against me to sip from the tea cup. He was shaking less than he had downstairs and his breathing was better too.
“River, were you there when Conor asked Nathan to go meditate in the pond?”
River had moved to sit at the foot end of the bed and was rubbing Nathan’s feet again.
“River?”
She looked down.
“It’s okay. You can tell me. I know Nathan would never do something like that on his own accord.”
River stayed quiet while I helped Nathan take a tiny sip more.
“Are you afraid that Conor will get mad at you for telling me the truth?” I asked her.
She bit her lip. “It’s just that sometimes we children get confused.”
Looking straight into her eyes, I kept my voice calm. “Did you hear Conor tell Nathan to go meditate in the pond? I won’t tell a soul outside this room. All I want is for you to tell me what you heard.”
Still biting her lip, she nodded her head. “I did.”
“Do you think he was making a joke?”
A line formed between her eyebrows. “Conor was angry. He said Nathan wasn’t trying hard enough and that he didn’t appreciate everything Conor is doing for him.”
I stroked the boy’s hair and helped him drink another sip while asking him in a soft voice. “And did you feel like you needed to prove that you do?”
He nodded, pulled the duvet higher, and spoke in a weak voice that was still shaky. “I’m not ungrateful. I know that… that I owe Conor everything. I’m an orphan and he took me in. If not for him…. I wou… would have been in an orphanage.”
I kept stroking his hair, relieved to see the color in his lips returning.
“Nathan, I want you to listen to me.” I paused to be sure he was focused. “I believe you!”
He closed his eyes.
“I believe you.” I let the words hang in the air.
“I’m sorry Conor made you look like a liar. It’s not right, but I want you to know that I believe you over him.”
He still had his eyes closed but tears were running down now.
Hugging him from behind, I rocked his body. “And I also want you to know that there are a ton of people out there who would love to have a son like you. You’re kind, smart, funny, and driven. Conor is lucky to have you in his life. Do you understand?”
Nathan’s chest bobbed as he was sobbing now.
River’s face was drooping with sympathy. “Liv is right. I feel lucky that you’re my brother. I know you think it’s annoying that you have to share a room with me, but you still let me play with your Star Wars and you wake me up from my nightmares and hold my hand. Remember that time when you sang for me? I don’t think many big brothers would do that.” She and I were tearing up too.
“Nathan.” I said his name in a soothing voice and kept rocking his body as I held him against my chest. Reaching for a tissue on his night table, I dried his nose, which was running, and like a small child, he turned his body and clung to me while sobbing his heart out.
“It’s okay. I’m right here.”
At fourteen, Nathan was small for his age but in that moment, it felt like the seven-year-old boy whose mom had committed suicide was letting out all his grief in my arms.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you, and I believe you. You’re not crazy and you didn’t lie.” I kept repeating words to soothe him while letting him cry out his sorrow and frustration.
River and I stayed with Nathan and when he ran out of tears, we gave him tissues to blow his nose and dry his eyes.
“Ciara made you some toast. Do you want to eat it?” I reached for the plate to offer him the food.
Nathan shook his head. “No. I’m not hungry.”
“How do you feel?”
“I’m still cold but it’s better now.”
“It’s because of River’s foot rubs, isn’t it?”
My heart leaped when Nathan’s lips lifted in a tiny smile and he looked to the blond girl. “Yes, I think it is.”
It only made River
massage his feet with more gusto.
I hadn’t planned on bringing it up again, but then Nathan turned his head and asked me, “Why does Conor lie so much?”
Telling them the truth was a big risk. I couldn’t take the chance that words like psychopath or narcissist might find their way back to Conor. Not until we had enough evidence to arrest him.
“Conor lies because he’s a proud man who doesn’t want to admit he was wrong.” It was the most diplomatic answer I could give them.
“I hate when he does it,” Nathan mumbled low.
“Adults shouldn’t be allowed to lie,” River chimed in.
“No, they shouldn’t.” I was thoughtful for a moment before I asked. “Did you ever hear the story of the two brothers?”
“What brothers?” Nathan was still leaning against me.
“There once were two brothers. One had become a drunk and a criminal who ended up in prison. When he was asked what the reason for his failure was, he answered, ‘My father.’ Now, the other brother was extremely successful in life with a beautiful family and a great job. When he was asked what caused his success, he answered, ‘My father.’”
Both children looked at me and then each other.
“I don’t get it.” River played with her hair. “Is it because the father was only nice to one of them?”
Shaking my head, I stroked Nathan’s hair. “No, the point is that one brother let his father’s behavior break him, while the other grew up with a clear image of what he didn’t want to become himself. The story is to remind you that you two get to decide what kind of adults you want to be. You’re smart enough to see that not all adults behave in the best manner. But here’s the good news; you get to observe and think to yourself., I’m never going to do that when I grow up, or if you see something you like, you can put that on the list of things to strive for.”
“I’m never going to lie!” Nathan declared with a solemn expression on his face.
I squeezed him a little harder. “If you grow up to be one of the few adults who can live up to that promise, then being cold in a pond for a few hours will be worth it. Maybe the universe put you through this pain so that you could become a better adult than the rest of us.”
“You think?”
I placed my chin on top of his hair, still with my arms wrapped around him from behind. “No matter how old you get, I think you’ll always remember the trauma of what happened today. Ten or twenty years from now you can look back and be filled with rage that Conor’s pride cost you so much pain and suffering. Or you can look back and think of this day as a defining moment in your life that made you a better person.”
“I guess.” He turned his head to look at me. “But why does he hate me so much?”
The pain in his beautiful brown eyes made my throat swell up with emotion. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t want the love of the man who killed his mother anyway, and that he was way too good for Conor, but I had to be careful with my words. “We’re all flawed people, Nathan. Not everyone has the capacity to love unconditionally. Conor’s pride makes him say and do things he shouldn’t, but his shortcomings have nothing to do with you.” I stroked his hair again. “You’re a precious and beautiful young man. I’ve only known you for a few weeks and I already love you. That’s how easy you are to love.”
Nathan lifted his hand to hold my wrist and then he squeezed a little. “Thank you, Liv.”
“What about me? Do you love me too?” River’s eyebrows were knitted closely together.
“You know I do!”
The worried expression on her face lifted as she lit up in a smile. “I love you too, Liv. I wish you were my mother.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet. I can be a fun aunt if you want.”
“Aunt Liv.” Nathan smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
I held out my hand. “All right, then let’s make a pact. From now on I’ll be your crazy but fun aunt, whom you can always call if you need to be pulled out of a pond or something.”
Nathan placed his hand on top of mine, and River sandwiched our hands with her right palm under my hand and her left palm on top of Nathan’s.
“Family for life on three. One, two, three...”
“Family for life.” We all said it loud and clear.
Nathan fell asleep less than half an hour later, his body and mind exhausted from the stress he had been through.
River and I were talking in low voices when a light knock on the door was followed by Charles popping his head in.
“How is he doing?”
“Better. He’s sleeping.”
I got the feeling that Charles hadn’t moved on from the tension that had been between us earlier, because he had a hard time looking me in the eye.
“Dinner is ready in twenty minutes.”
“Okay. Thank you.” I turned to River. “I’m just going to take a shower before dinner but I’ll meet you down there, okay?”
“All right.”
I was right about Charles being on edge. When I walked out the door, he was serious and would have come across as cold and uninterested if it weren’t because I knew this was his Asperger’s showing its ugly head. Charles had warned me over and over that he was bad at communicating his emotions and this was what it looked like. I had zero doubt that he loved me and wanted us to be close, but tension between us made him hide his head like a tortoise.
I had just poured out all of my love to Nathan and River and I needed to recharge before I focused on getting Charles and me back on track. “How about I meet you downstairs?”
I caught the sideways glance and the press of his lips. “I thought you might want to talk.”
“I do, but I also need a minute to get my head straight. Hopefully a shower can help with that.”
He nodded and we walked side by side in silence until I took the stairs up and he went downstairs. I thought about saying something encouraging, but I was upset with him for believing Conor’s lies.
I was walking down the corridor and had just opened the door to the bathroom when I heard someone call my name.
“Liv, wait up.”
I turned to see Conor jogging toward me and froze halfway into the bathroom.
“I just need to talk to you in private.” Looking over his shoulder, he placed a hand on the door and pushed me gently inside before he closed the door behind us.
“What is it?” My body was stiff and alert from being in an enclosed room with Conor.
“I hope you understand that I’d never hurt Nathan. I see him as my own son. “
It seemed the wisest to agree rather than challenge a crazy person, so I nodded. “Uh-huh.”
His face softened. “Charlie said that Nathan is sleeping now.”
“Yes.”
“That’s fine. We can set aside some dinner for him.”
“Great. Now, if you don’t mind, I would like a shower before we eat.”
“Yes, of course.” He turned and put his hand on the door handle, but changed his mind and turned back to me. “Oh, before I forget. I talked to Mike Hanson like we discussed and I was right. He does have connections to other forensic anthropologists around the world. He didn’t know anyone in Chicago, but he mentioned Denver, Boston, and LA. He’d be happy to meet up and talk to you. Mike could open a lot of doors for you if you play your cards right.” Conor’s smile seemed so genuine and warm that it was unfathomable that this was the same man who had hurt so many people.
“I have his contact information if you want it and I’m happy to be there at your first meeting and make the introductions.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. I’m sure I can handle that part myself.” I gave him a polite smile, relieved that something good might come out of this whole ordeal if I could get in contact with the right people who could help me achieve my dream job.
“Yes, I’m certain Mike will be as taken with you as the rest of us.” Raising his hand up, Conor stepped into my personal space, letting his finger stroke down my ba
re shoulder and arm.
I rolled my shoulder to signal that I didn’t like it, but he ignored my rejection.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Charlotte.”
For him to use my first name annoyed me when he knew perfectly well that I preferred to be called Liv. It was almost like he was demonstrating that he did as he pleased.
A few fingers stroking me became hands rubbing up and down my arms while pulling me closer to him.
“Please stop. I’m not interested. Charles and I are a couple.”
He chuckled. “Charles doesn’t mind sharing you with me. I asked for his permission already.”
That stunned me and I shook my head, refusing to believe him. “Charles would never share me.”
“Maybe you don’t know him as well as you think you do. Charles likes you but he values my friendship and didn’t hesitate when I asked him if he’d share you with me.”
I was so stunned from what he was telling me that tears formed in my eyes. When had Conor asked Charles for permission to come on to me? Was this why Charles had been so withdrawn before?
Before I had a chance to push Conor away, he was kissing my neck and grabbing my butt.
Anger rose inside me and I pushed at him.
“Ah, yes, Charles told me you like a man to take charge.” Without warning, Conor placed his hand on my throat and strangled me. My eyes grew to double size and I tried to say no, but it hurt to push out muffled sounds, and I was busy trying to keep him from pushing down my shorts with his other hand.
His hand on my throat felt like it was burning my skin and made it impossible for me to scream.
“Don’t worry, I had a vasectomy a while back. I won’t get you pregnant.” His voice was raw and horny as he pressed me against a cabinet. My head was pushed back by his hand tight around my throat and my shorts were already down to my knees as he unzipped his own pants. “I’ve always enjoyed a rough fuck myself, and you Americans are so freaky in bed.”
My hands were pushing at his chest trying to create distance between us while I struggled to push the word “No.” past his painful hold on my throat. He tightened his grip. “There’s no need for you to pretend you don’t want this. I’ve seen you look at me and I’m finally going to fulfill your fantasy.” With the cabinet behind me, I had nowhere to go as I struggled against him.