by Jean Kincaid
Jonathan had a wide forehead, aqua-colored eyes and a round face. “He looks like Estelle.”
Julianne dished up two bowls of stew and set them on the table. “He sure is sweet.” She turned to the counter behind her and placed fresh bread on the table.
“That he is.” Caleb watched the baby’s eyes slowly shut. “I’m going to lay him down, and then we can eat.”
He carried the baby into Julianne’s bedroom, noticing the neatly made bed and that her things had been put away. A feeling of contentment made him sigh. The baby was well taken care of, the house clean, and dinner smelled delicious. It was what every married man wanted when he came home from a hard day’s work.
Caleb returned and took a seat at the table. She surprised him by asking, “Will you say grace, please?”
As he prayed aloud over the meal, he silently prayed for Julianne.
“Lord, thank you for this food and the nourishment for our bodies.”
And thank you for Julianne.
“And, bless the hands that have prepared it.”
Lord, bless my wife and help her to no longer fear me.
“Keep us safe, in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Caleb raised his head and met her clear blue eyes.
She smiled, and an expression of satisfaction showed in her eyes. Was she thankful she’d married him? He hoped so.
Julianne fiddled with her ring. “Thank you.”
He felt her gaze upon him as he took a bite of the cornbread. Sweetness coated his tongue. Her mama must have taught her that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach.
“This is great.” He chewed and swallowed the tasty treat.
“Thank you.” She twisted the ring again then exclaimed in dismay. “Oh, I forgot your coffee.”
She was up in a flash. Julianne grabbed the coffee and cup all in one action. Caleb watched her pour the hot liquid before returning the pot to the back of the stove.
As soon as she was seated again he asked her. “Do you know what that ring stands for, Julianne?”
She looked at the ring in question. “It means I’m your wife.”
He set his spoon on the table and reached across to capture her hand. Caleb turned the ring watching the gold reflect the sunlight that streamed through the kitchen window. “Yes, it does. What else does it mean to you?”
She tugged on her hand but Caleb refused to release her. “It means I’m yours. I clean the house, cook the meals, and watch after Jonathan.”
“Anything else?” He raised his head and searched her face.
“It means I am to do anything you ask me to.” She whispered and lowered her lashes.
Caleb rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, enjoying the softness of her skin. “Come with me.” He pulled her to her feet.
“But the food will get cold.” She tried again to pull her hand out of his but he hung on tight.
“We won’t be gone that long, Julianne. I just want to show you something.” Caleb pulled her up and around the table. He led her to the door and outside. On the porch he stopped and pulled her in front of him. He dropped her hand and put both hands on her shoulders.
“See the land?”
She nodded.
“It’s yours.”
“See the garden?”
Again he waited for her nod.
“It’s yours. Everything I have is yours.”
He dropped his hands from her shoulders and grabbed her hand again. Caleb led her back into the house. He took her into the bedroom. Julianne stiffened by his side. “See the bed?”
Caleb waited several long moments while she worked up the courage to nod. When she did he announced, “It is yours until you are ready to share it.”
He pulled her to the foot of the bed where Jonathan lay sleeping. “See the baby?”
Julianne kept her gaze on the baby and nodded.
“He is ours.”
Caleb led her back to the kitchen table. “Julianne, this cabin, the land, even the children are ours. Not just mine, not just yours, but ours. Together. We are married, and to me that means everything I have is yours. You are not my slave and I’m not your master. We are partners, and someday I hope that we will become best friends.”
He watched a tear trickle down her face. Gently he led her back to her chair at the table. He knelt beside her and picked up the hand with her wedding band on it. “My grandmother gave me that ring when I was a little boy. She told me to wear it on a chain around my neck so that it would always be close to my heart until the day I found the lady who would hold my heart and the ring.”
A tear fell and ran through both their hands. “That ring means more to me than you will ever know. It means you are my wife, my friend and the woman who holds my heart.”
Her head snapped up. “You don’t love me.”
“You’re right. But I plan to. Love is more than a feeling. It’s actions, too. Try to forget about the past, Julianne, and try to trust me a little. Can you do that?”
Chapter 6
The next morning Julianne pulled her robe on, deciding to make a more concerted effort to be the kind of wife she thought Caleb wanted. It wasn’t as though she’d been asleep. Jonathan had kept her up most of the night. She’d tried to keep him quiet and had succeeded for the most part by draping him over her arm. It seemed to be the only way he found relief from the stomach gripes.
She’d searched her memory all through the night trying to remember if her twin nieces had experienced colic. She didn’t think they had but then they had been breast fed, not bottle fed. She would ask Maggie about it when she saw her next.
She began to prepare breakfast long before she heard rapid movements overhead. Caleb descended the stairs in a rush. “You didn’t have to make breakfast for me. I could have grabbed something at the cookshack.”
“I know. I wanted to.” She set a bowl of gravy and a pan of hot biscuits on the table.
Caleb pulled a chair out and sat down. “Merciful goodness. This is manna. Thank you.”
His smile warmed her insides.
“I was thinking about going to the river and doing some laundry today.” Julianne handed Caleb a plate. She dipped a ladle into the gravy for him. “If you’ll collect your dirty clothes, I’ll wash yours, too.” She sat down across from him.
“I’d rather you wait until I get home this evening. I’ll go down with you.” He ladled gravy over the three biscuits he’d just split apart.
Julianne tore off a piece of bread. “Why?” She watched him chew his food slowly before answering. Would he be angry with her for questioning his decision? She felt heat fill her face as he studied her.
“There are wild animals in the forest. To get to the river, you have to go through part of the woods. I’m worried you might stumble upon a bear with cubs or a snake, or maybe even a cougar. I’m asking you to wait for your own protection.” Caleb didn’t continue eating until she nodded.
She didn’t want to stumble upon those things either, but she had promised Maggie the laundry would be ready after lunch. Julianne chewed on her bottom lip. Maybe if she carried a big walking stick and made lots of noise nothing would bother her.
“Are you afraid to stay alone, now?”
Julianne raised her gaze to his. “No. If I stay close to the house, do you think I’ll be okay?”
He gathered up his coat and hat. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t pick up any cute or cuddly animals.” Caleb opened the door to leave.
“I won’t.” She followed him out onto the porch.
Caleb turned to her. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? You can always come with me, and I’ll drop you off at the cookshack.”
Julianne dusted imaginary flour from her apron. “No, I’ll be fine here.” She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze.
He pulled her into his arms and gave her a quick hug. “I’ll see you tonight, then.” Caleb released her and headed for the barn and his horse.
Was that a flicker of pride she’d seen in
his eyes?
Julianne didn’t think he’d be too proud of her if he knew her plans for the morning.
As soon as he rode away and she was certain he wasn’t coming back, Julianne rushed back inside to her bedroom. She pulled the bag of dirty clothes from under her bed.
The odor from the soiled clothes stung her nose, and she made a mental note to hide them someplace else. What if Caleb got a whiff of them?
“Jonathan, you and I have a lot of work to do today.” She peered into the crib, talking in a soothing voice, hoping he would wake in a good mood. “I’m glad you can’t talk. You’d tell on me for sure.” She changed his diaper with experienced speed.
The baby hadn’t played a part in her earlier plans, and now she had to figure out how to do the laundry and watch him at the same time. She carried Jonathan to the kitchen and warmed milk for his bottle.
“You’ll just have to come with me.” She squirted a couple of drops of milk on the inside of her wrist to test that it wasn’t too hot. Satisfied, she popped the bottle into the baby’s mouth. Her mind worked as he drank. “I can pull the bag behind me and carry you. But how am I going to get the clean clothes back without dragging them and getting them dirty again?” Julianne gently chewed the inside of her lip.
Jonathan emptied the bottle and his eyes began to drift shut.
“Oh, no you don’t, little man. You have to be burped first.” She draped a dish towel over her shoulder and then laid the baby against it. As she patted his back, her gaze moved about the room. A large basket sat in one corner full of blankets and extra bedding.
Jonathan burped and the sound scared him. He flailed his little arms and in the process, grabbed a strand of her hair. Julianne chuckled, and patiently untangled his fingers as she placed him on her bed.
She picked up the basket and dumped its contents beside him. “This will work nicely.” She scooped him up, blankets and all, and laid him in the basket. Satisfied he would be okay, Julianne picked up the basket and baby, testing the weight.
They were a little heavy but she felt sure she could make it to the river and back with no problems. Julianne balanced the basket on her hip and bent down to grab the bag of laundry.
“This isn’t so bad. I can do this.” Julianne made it to the door. She dropped the laundry bag and opened the heavy wooden door, pulled the bag through, dropped it again and closed the door. Beads of sweat trickled down her spine. Julianne glanced down at the baby. He slept soundly with a small thumb securely in his mouth.
She blew pent-up air from her lungs, picked up the bag again and pulled it down the steps and across the yard.
The thought of cougars, bears and snakes slowed her footsteps. Would Caleb lie to keep her from leaving the house? Was it a deliberate manipulation of her thoughts, much as her uncle used to make her do as he wanted? She remembered the serious expression on his face as he’d offered his explanation this morning.
Caleb was a man of God. Julianne knew deep in her heart he hadn’t lied to her. She forced her fears back and began to quote the twenty-third psalm.
“‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.’”
Julianne swallowed hard. She thought about the words she’d just spoken. They were the only verses she knew, and at the moment they didn’t give her a sense of well-being. Still, she mentally repeated the words as she stepped into the darkness of the woods.
Unease washed over her. Julianne knew she’d misled Caleb with her nod when he’d told her not go into the woods without him. But she comforted herself that she really didn’t say she wouldn’t go. She’d nodded and that could have meant she understood what he was saying.
She left the path and entered the tall trees. The shade from their branches immediately cooled her brow and made her feel better. Movement in the underbrush quickened her footsteps.
Julianne forced herself not to run. She focused on the sunshine that peeked through the trees in front of her. The weight of the laundry bag pulled on her arm and snagged on every root on the forest floor.
The sound of running water met her ears. As soon as she exited the trees, Julianne saw the source of the sound.
The river rushed along in front of her. A small shallow stream broke off from the main body, making it the perfect place to do laundry.
She set the baby down by the water’s edge, but not too close. Rolling her skirt up at the waist, she waded out to a big protruding rock, and then bent and tied the drawstring bag to her leg. Warm water sloshed about her body. She hadn’t realized until she’d entered the water that it must be some branch of a hot spring.
The wet clothes became a heavy pull against her body, but most of the stench would be gone by the time she applied the soap and scrubbed them against a rock. She’d hang the clean clothing on the bushes that lined the riverbank.
Lost in the mundane task, Julianne recalled Caleb’s warning of the dangers if she strayed too far from the cabin. What would he do if he found out she’d disobeyed him? The thought of the woodshed behind the cabin came to mind, and she shivered in spite of the heat.
Her face burned as she remembered his quick hug this morning. He’d made her feel like a woman. A desirable woman. Would she be treated like a child for disobeying him?
She allowed her subconscious thoughts to surface. Since the death of her parents, fear and abuse had been her constant companions. Her uncle had not only beaten her, he’d also told her she was no better than a servant. The mental abuse had been worse than the physical. The most hurtful thing of all had been her aunt’s willing consent to this treatment, always quoting Bible passages about discipline. Was this the way Caleb believed? If so, she was in a heap of trouble and the woodshed could be the least of it. Julianne scrubbed the clothes, unaware of the passage of time.
Jonathan’s whimpering pulled her from her reflections. She straightened. Arching her back, she looked up into the afternoon sky. Had she really been washing clothes that long? Drying clothes rested over rocks and branches all around her. Her back and neck ached from leaning over the water.
Since Jonathan didn’t appear in too much distress, she decided to finish the last two shirts. She knew he had to be hungry and wet. She’d forgotten clean diapers, and not realizing the laundry would take so long, she’d counted on the bottle she’d fed him earlier to be sufficient until she returned to the cabin.
The whimpering turned into angry screeches, and she hurried from the water with the two now-clean shirts. As she passed the basket, she looked at the baby, torn between caring for him and finishing her job. His little face had turned bright red and he waved his fist about.
“I’m sorry, Jonathan,” she called, hoping her voice would calm him. She hung the garments and began to gather the dry ones, folding them and laying them on a fairly clean rock on the river bank.
She raised her voice to cover the wails now interspersed with gasps for breath, he was crying so hard. “I’m hurrying, sweetheart. We’ll be home in a few minutes.”
She turned her back on him and continued to fold the clothes. A sense of inadequacy swept over her. Maybe this job was too much for her.
But you’ve done this since you were twelve, her mind argued. Everything was so new to her. Baby Jonathan, Caleb. This vast Washington territory. She should take it easy and get used to things before taking on such a venture. Her husband had paid her debt. She was free. If she didn’t want to, she didn’t have to do laundry.
But you owe him, her conscience nagged.
Jonathan’s cries stopped
. She heard him sucking and sighed. “Poor baby.” He had a habit of sucking his fist when the bottle didn’t get there fast enough. Julianne knew it would be a short reprieve, so she hurriedly folded the last shirt and turned toward the baby.
“No!” The guttural cry tore from her throat.
Chapter 7
The Indian woman looked up from the baby at her breast. White teeth flashed as a smile trembled through the tears running down her face. Two braves stood guard behind her, their arms crossed over their chests. Julianne stumbled toward them, sheer black fright building fearful images in her mind. She fell on her knees in front of the woman.
She pointed at Jonathan whose small fist clasped the woman’s hand, which lay protectively on the side of his head. The sound of slurping blended in with the gentle lapping of water.
“Mine,” Julianne stammered. “He’s mine.” Blood rushed to her head causing the breath to squeeze from her lungs. She placed a finger against the pulse in her neck to stem the rapid flow. She would not pass out now.
Julianne reached for Jonathan, and one of the men stepped forward in silent threat. She sat back on her heels waiting for a blow that didn’t come. She looked up into the face of the warrior closest to her and wondered what tragedy could bring such sorrow to a person’s eyes. Neither man made another move; they just stood silently, watching the young woman feed Jonathan.
Fresh tears joined the tracks already on the woman’s face. She nodded once and brushed the hair off Jonathan’s forehead. Long after Jonathan fell asleep, she gently removed the baby from her breast and held him out for Julianne to take.
Afraid she might change her mind Julianne snatched him to her chest, rocking back and forth, barely stopping the moan threatening to escape. Her gaze moved back to the men. Displeasure showed briefly in their expressions before they melted into the trees, taking the woman with them.
Julianne began to shake and found it difficult to stand. Keeping her eyes on the forest where the Indians disappeared, she backed toward the river. As quickly as her trembling body would allow, she tossed the clothes and empty bag into the basket. She laid Jonathan on top of the clean clothes and ran back through the woods to the cabin. Her heart pounded and her chest felt as if it might burst as she hurried up the steps and through the door.