by Becky Cairns
Drowsy.
I need sleep. Want sleep. Never wake up until this hell is over with. Sleep.
‘Wake up. Wake up Alex. Come on.’
Little pats of something against my cheek stirs me.
‘That’s it Alex.’
I pull away wanting it to stop.
‘I need you to wake up.’
Leave me alone. I frown as I feel the beginnings of a penetrating headache.
‘This is going to sting but I need you to keep your head still for me.’
I just want sleep. Let me sl…
‘Ahhhh! Jesus Christ, what was that?’ Hold on, I can talk. Nothing is restricting my mouth movement.
I lick my chapped lips. My tongue runs repeatedly over them, moistening. They taste dry and salty.
‘Stop that,’ the man growls, the sound causing my insides to quiver.
The tip of my tongue peeks out to lick again.
‘I said stop.’
I immediately hide it at his demand. However, I now start to suck my lips, alternating between top and bottom. I can’t seem to stop. Is it out of agitation? Fear? Or something else?
I hear a grown too close for comfort then heated lips crash down on mine, hands grabbing either side of my face holding me in place. It’s demanding and possessive. The contact is rough but smooth. It’s indescribable.
I want to react. I need to react, but I can’t. I shouldn’t.
I yank my lips away refusing to co-operate. The desire left bubbling in the pit of my stomach says otherwise.
He pulls away. ‘I told you to stop. I warned you.’
My tongue goes to taste him on my lips, I can’t resist, but I do not get far before his descend once again. His tongue slips inside my mouth, capturing, exploring. This time my desire is so great I do not refuse and respond to his call.
He tastes sweet but smells of spice. Whisky residue clings to his tongue. I drink him in, every last drop. I consume him. He consumes me. We are lost in a battle of wills.
This is wrong, so very wrong.
Then the image of William’s kind face floats to the forefront of my mind and I rip my lips away from my captor’s in disgust.
I am acting like a cheap whore! Why am I behaving like this? It’s not me!
‘Why?’ I ask myself, not expecting a reply.
‘Why what?’ His ragged breathing bounces off my cheek.
‘Why…Why am I here?’
I sense him pulling away, distancing himself from me, like he is fighting his own inner battle.
‘Your life isn’t safe,’ his voice breaks the silence. ‘Your fiancé isn’t the man you think he is. What you see, what you love, is only half of him. He’s darker, far more dangerous than you’d ever believe.’
What? No, this can’t be true. He doesn’t even know William. How would he?
‘When I tell you the truth, nothing will ever be the same again.’
‘The truth? What truth?’
‘The truth about your brother’s death.’
Chapter Nine
‘Wh-what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got it all wrong. My brother died in a hit and run. It was an accident. Just an accident. No suspicious circumstances.’
No reply, but I know he remains. I feel his presence, hear his steady breathing.
‘You’re lying. You’re lying. You’re just trying to scare me,’ I ramble.
‘Why would I scare you? I get nothing out of it. It would also defy the reason for bringing you here in the first place.’ I hear scuffling of shoes as I presume he moves to stand. ‘I need to gain your trust otherwise there is no hope in hell you will believe what I have to say.’
‘And you expect kidnapping will gain my trust? Christ, you must be more deluded than I thought!’
‘It is the only way I know how.’
‘Well this sounds promising.’
‘What else was I supposed to do? Let you carry on with your life blissfully unaware of how your brother died?’
‘Yes!’ No. ‘It doesn’t matter anyway. It was a simple hit and…’
‘No it wasn’t!’
‘Just fucking tell me and let me go then if it means so much to you that I know the truth!’
I hear soft footfalls as he paces in front of me.
‘I can’t,’ he abruptly whispers into the tense atmosphere.
‘Can’t? Can’t? So what has this all been for then? For Christ sakes! Tell me then let me go so we both can get on with our lives!’
In the quiet following I swear I just heard him mumble something. It sounded like, ‘I have no life,’ but before I am able to think on it further, he speaks.
‘I need you to calm down…’
‘Why? You’re afraid someone will hear me? Come to my rescue? Discover you?’
‘No, but…’
‘Then I won’t stop! I wouldn’t have anyway. I have a right to shout, to scream. I’m fighting for my life here! Not knowing what you will do next!’
‘I told you I wouldn’t hurt you.’
‘That’s a lie for a start. These strings digging into me hurt. You whacked me around the head, knocking me out earlier. That hurt. And you’re hurting me now with these false accusations. So why would you think I’d believe anything else that falls from your mouth!’
Heavy, frustrated sighs accompany his pacing. The moment stretches out, precious seconds trickling away. However, it affords me a chance to think, to regain my wits.
It looks like I’m not going to get out of here anytime soon. I need to co-operate if I want to get out alive, but I’m finding that task more and more difficult as he keeps pressing the right buttons to aggravate me. It’s only placing me in more danger, but I can’t seem to help myself. There’s something about him which ignites the dormant fire in my belly.
That’s another thing. Why do I respond so passionately, in both cases? It doesn’t make any sense! None of this makes sense! All I’m getting is question after question but no answers. Questions that are constantly swimming around and around in in my head, never letting up. They’re slowly driving me insane!
‘Look,’ my head snaps in the direction of his voice, which is surprisingly close once again. When did he stop pacing? ‘You need to know the truth. No, you deserve to know the truth and I will tell you, but not yet. First I need to gain your trust, and yes, I know, this the wrong way of going about it, but I have no other choice. Soon you’ll understand why.’
Losing the battle to argue I sigh, resigning myself to my fate. ‘So how are you going to go about gaining my trust?’
‘I need…I want you to get to know me, but unfortunately it’s not going to be a pleasant task.’
‘Here.’
I startle as something cold is being pressed against my lips.
‘What is it?’ I say turning my head away.
‘Water. You need to keep hydrated.’
‘How thoughtful of you,’ I say sarcastically.
‘Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not here to kill you or rape you. If that was my intention I would have done it by now.’
‘Reassuring thought.’
‘Are you going to drink this or not? Doesn’t matter to me either way.’
I hesitate.
If I don’t die at his hands I will die from dehydration if I continue to refuse his help. Try to think logically Alex.
Giving in to survival, I slowly move my head back round, searching for the glass of water. He places it to the edge of my lips and gradually tips it back. I greedily gulp the water down till there is nothing left. The coolness feels heavenly against my dry throat and chapped lips.
‘Thank you,’ I say.
A grunt of approval replies, but nothing else is forthcoming.
My stomach growls in hunger but the very thought of food makes me want to be sick.
Now what? Do I converse with him? Ask him questions? I have plenty to ask but where to start?
‘Feeling better n
ow?’ he asks.
‘As well as I can be under the circumstances.’
I shiver as my damp clothes begin to take a toll on my health.
Rustling of material is heard and then something heavy and warm is draped around my quivering frame. Instant heat seeps into my aching muscles. I snuggle into the comfort provided, relaxing a little as my body grows accustom to the new feeling.
The musky scent clinging to the jacket’s fabric eases my mind and I close my eyes, resting my head against the brick wall behind me. Though tired and drained I force myself to remain conscious, weary of what could happen if I turn my back.
A random thought pops into my head.
‘Why did you kiss me?’
‘Not a question I thought you’d start off with.’
‘Nor me. So?’
‘Hmm,’ he exhales as he makes his way over to my side, then slides down the wall, his arm making contact with mine slightly, unnerving me. I pull away fractionally but that doesn’t stop me feeling the heat radiating off him. He’s like a walking furnace. Everything he touches turns hot in a matter of seconds.
‘For one, I am a red hot blooded male and can resist only so much. You licking your lips did it for me.’
‘Sounds rather desperate.’
‘Well, six months without any contact from a woman does leave me rather hungry for something. I’m only human after all.’
Only human. Maggie said something like that.
‘But it was something else.’
‘Hmmm,’ I murmur, only half listening.
I am finding his hypnotic voice rather comforting and it is beginning to lull me to sleep.
‘Something…different. You are something different, Alex. That is why it’s going to make it a lot harder for me to tell you the truth. I don’t want to hurt you, but it is unavoidable. You deserve the truth Alex, even if it destroys you. Alex? You still awake?’
Too tired to reply and on the verge of dropping off, I leave him to continue at his own free will.
I hear him sigh in frustration as his head lies back against the wall.
‘I wish I never got involved,’ is the last I hear before slipping into slumber.
I am walking through London’s streets, but I don’t recognise it. I walk pass a rowdy pub I have never seen before. Bright, tacky neon signs are flashing brightly, lighting up the seedy joints littering the stretch of road. Woman parade up and down the paths in nothing more than tarty miniskirts, tight tops leaving little to the imagination, and high heels they can barely walk on. Many are just skin and bone looking like they live off nothing but drugs and alcohol.
A voice inside screams for me to get out, I don’t belong. I am out of my comfort zone, but before I can run away, a man shouts out, ‘You open for business love?’
Open for business? I’m not one of them? Where would he get such a ludicrous idea from?
Peering down at my appearance, I gasp. I am one of them, dressed in a short, black miniskirt, red, tight tank top definitely giving an eyeful, and black high heels I would never have worn in my life!
‘How did I get like this?’
‘It was your own doing love,’ comes a scratchy voice from behind.
I snap round but see nothing, only a glow of cigarette embers burning in the shadows of the alleyway. Smoke dispersing in the air.
‘My doing? How?’
‘It’s been six months, a woman has her needs.’
‘But I don’t need to resort to this! I’m better! It’s not me!’
‘Are you sure about that Alex?’
‘Yes…err….ye-yes I’m sure!’
‘You don’t sound it.’
‘Yes! Yes I am sure!’
‘Do you actually know what you want?’
‘Yes!’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes….No.’
‘Because I know what I want and it’s standing right in front of me.’
‘You can’t want me. You don’t even know me!’
‘It’s been six months for me too, Alex. But you’re something different and I want you. You will be mine.’
Chapter Ten
‘It’s been six months for me too, Alex. But you’re something different and I want you. You will be mine.’
I look down at myself one more time, but gazing back up my surroundings change.
What the…?
I am now standing on the corner of the street next to a dingy Fish ‘n’ Chips shop with a strip club, aptly named Tits ‘n’ Bits, on the opposite side of the road.
From the corner of my eye I catch movement. A dark coated man steps out from the rowdy pub at the end of the road, cigarette perching at the edge of his lips, shielding it with his hands as he lights up. With the wind gently ruffling his dirty blonde mane he takes a deep breath and inhales a lungful of smoke before expertly puffing out ringlets of it into the air.
He stuffs a leather gloved hand into his long, black coat pocket and inhales once again before turning to walk towards the strip club.
Three drunken men stumble out of the pub doors he had recently come through, but he takes no notice of them, just continues forward to his destination.
A few “ladies of the night” grope him as he passes by and try to tempt him for business, but again he ignores what’s on offer and brushes them off like they are rubbish littering the street.
He heads for me, looking straight through like I don’t exist. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I’ve become a ghost. He brushes past me without a care in the world.
Strong, purpose strides pushes him forward, determination in every step. Taking note of nothing around him except what lies ahead. He is a forceful man on a mission and not someone you’d mess with.
He reaches the side alley backing onto the strip club, chucks the butt end of his cigarette and grinds it into the pavement. He looks around before reaching into his pocket and pulling out another.
He takes a third inhalation of smoke when a tall, dark haired man in a slightly rumpled charcoal suit steps out from the darkness of the alley and shakes the hand of the mysterious guy. Together they look like a force not to be reckoned with.
They move slightly into the dark, away from the neon light of the strip club’s sign that aluminates the street at the front entrance. Secret words pass between the two and with wary looks; a package is exchanged for money. The guy in the charcoal suit quickly shoves the brown package into his jacket, while the mysterious, black coated guy shoves the money into his.
Then the atmosphere changes and everything is tense. The guy in the charcoal suit spots a man with dark, wavy hair and a blue and white pin stripe shirt heading straight towards them.
Panicking, charcoal suit guy rushes into the alley and away from his associate, while the mysterious man casually leans against the wall and puffs another cloud of smoke into the atmosphere before conversing with pin stripe guy.
Minutes later, confused and skeptical, the pin stripe guy makes his way back across the road from where he came, but all of a sudden all hell breaks loose.
A black Mercedes Benz comes hurtling around the corner like a crazy maniac, screeching of the tires echo in the air, speeding up as he drives along the road without any indication of slowing down.
The loud crunching of bones and tearing of flesh is heard as metal hits human at an alarming rate, but the car does not stop. It continues off into the distance and around the corner out of sight, leaving a path of disruption and chaos behind.
I wake from the nightmare with my heart wildly beating, palms sweaty, everything feverish and eyes stinging with unshed tears.
What the hell was that all about? Where did it come from?
And what on earth am I lying on?
Something soft and warm is tickling my nose. I go to wipe it away with my hand and almost punch myself in the face.
Huh? Oh, I remember.
I am blind, gagged…no not gagged, not anymore. Blind, tied and held up in a
place unknown with a man who scares me but strangely, makes me feel safe in ways I have never experienced before. And now I find myself lying against his side wrapped in the comfort of his jacket after having fallen asleep at some point, with only the sounds of his shallow breathing to fill the air.
I try lifting my head but I’m weak - weak, tired and helpless. I have no energy left. No energy to think, no energy to move. I’m hungry, thirsty and confused. I don’t know what’s right or wrong. The lines have started to blur. I don’t know what to feel. I am numb.
How long have I been missing? Could be days, hours or just minutes, I have no awareness of time. I am lost.
There’s a piercing ache in my head and I frown to concentrate on its location but it only results in intensifying the pain. I feel nauseous and groan in agony as the dizziness consumes me.
I swear I am going to be sick. I can feel bile rising in my throat, choking me, wanting an escape, but I cough instead. Rough and dry coughs which scratch my throat and disturbs my companion at my side.
He shifts and I grow rigid, breath caught. Heart thumps wildly, waiting.
Please don’t wake, please don’t wake. My eyes squeeze shut in silent prayer.
And as he settles, steady breathing returning, I know my prayer has been answered, for now. I may not be so lucky next time.
The longer I am here the more vulnerable I become. Not knowing what is to happen, his intentions and the strange sensations he ignites in me leaves me open. He is digging into a new part of me I never knew existed. Well, not for certain anyway. Somehow I knew I had more to give, but it wasn’t until this man came along and showed me did I believe it was real. But the question I should be asking myself is do I like what I’m discovering?
It is wrong to feel anything towards him. Everything is wrong about this situation. I should be screaming, lashing out at my captor, but instead I’m resting my head comfortably against his shoulder like it is the most natural thing in the world. This is not right, not one bit.
I should be at home, with William, with my head resting on his shoulder. I should be enjoying his comforting scents, his warm embrace, not this stranger’s. God what is happening to me?