Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

The following day at dinner Jo confirmed the plans for the picnic with her parents. Once she was assured the necessary arrangements were in place, her mom’s spirits seemed marginally better than usual. And for a change her dad wasn’t in a nasty mood, only a quiet one.

  Kate showed up unannounced the following weekend, persistent to the point that Jo gave in and went out to dinner with her. Kate appeared to be satisfied with their friendship, although she managed to sneak a quick kiss on Jo’s lips before bouncing down the steps and strutting to her car afterwards.

  Jo couldn’t wrap her brain around the unexpected kiss. She hadn’t kissed either Callie or Cecile when they’d left. She and Kate might be becoming friends—they never had any trouble finding things to talk about. It was kind of nice being pursued too, even though she didn’t feel the slightest spark between them. At the same time, she sometimes felt like Kate was pursuing her with all the ardor she’d devote to tracking down one of America’s Ten Most Wanted.

  None of it mattered, really, since she didn’t have the time or inclination for a relationship. Especially considering how miserably the last one failed. And, as Cecile proved over and over and over, hopping into bed for lustful sex was not a foundation for anything lasting.

  Chapter Ten

  The big day arrived and brought Maria to the farm much earlier than Jo was expecting. Groggy, she answered the door still in her T-shirt and flannel boxers.

  “I’m sorry. I should have called first to get you out of bed.” Maria’s eyes went wide. “Oh…goodness,” she put her hand to her mouth. “Oh, no, I should have called first. You have company.” Her cheeks flushed. “I’m so sorry.”

  Jo rubbed sleep from her eyes as she stepped back to let them in. “No, I don’t have company. Late night.”

  Maria turned a complete circle in the spacious room, now void of all moving boxes. “Wow! You finally put it all away and organized your house.”

  On her way to the kitchen to put on some coffee Jo called over her shoulder, “Not exactly. Whatever you do, don’t go into my office or the guest room.”

  Maria dropped her purse and a canvas shopping bag on the island. “I’m afraid to ask.”

  Jo started the coffee then leaned against the counter. “I put all the boxes out of sight.” She shrugged.

  When Maria finally took in what Jo was wearing, the first thing she noticed was Jo’s nipples straining the fabric of her shirt. She was braless. Of course she was. Who sleeps in their bra? When she lifted her eyes to Jo’s, Jo was smiling at her.

  “Something wrong?” Jo asked.

  Maria closed her eyes briefly and shook her head. “Are you ever going to settle in your home, or are you going to keep living like a tenant?” Jo crossed her arms over her chest, much to Maria’s relief.

  “What’s the rush?”

  Avoiding Jo’s eyes, she pulled a few things from the bag. “I don’t know how you find anything in all the chaos.” Her nerves were tingling. She was sure Jo had noticed her noticing her chest and that now she was standing with her arms covering herself because she’d made her uncomfortable.

  “I did put most of the kitchen stuff away. So if you need anything you can’t find, let me know.”

  Maria raised a DVD case. “Do you have a player? I brought this for Matt to watch while I help you do whatever needs to be done to get your picnic ready.”

  Jo poured two mugs of coffee. “I don’t have the one for the big TV in the living room hooked up yet, but the small TV in my room has one built in.” Jo scooped up her cup. “Let me jump in the shower real quick and get dressed, then he can sit in my room.”

  Maria nodded.

  Jo hurried into the bathroom and after the shower dressed in a V-neck sweater, a nearly new pair of jeans and her good boots. She applied some gel to her wet hair and ran her fingers through it a few times. She didn’t want to try to look too much like someone she wasn’t. She wanted her parents to accept her as she was, not for how she looked. Satisfied with the results, she found Maria in the kitchen with plastic containers of food spread out everywhere.

  “I’d have carried all that in for you.”

  “We managed fine.” Maria tousled Matt’s hair as he stood pressed against her side. “Didn’t we, big guy?”

  Jo looked into Matt’s expressionless eyes. “Well, I’m all done so he can watch his movie or whatever it is.” She picked up the plastic case. “Trains and Planes. Gee, I want to watch too. Can I? Can I?”

  Maria snatched the case from Jo’s hand and gave a playful grin. “Only after all your work is done.”

  Jo feigned a pout. “Adulthood is so unfair.” Her shoulders slumped as she led the way down the hall to her semi-organized bedroom and got Matt set up. “I’ll be right back.” Out front on the porch she whistled and Jake came running. He followed her in, tail wagging. She scratched his head. “Your buddy’s here. Today’s gonna be heavenly for you.” Maria and Matt were seated on the end of the bed when she returned.

  “I found you some company, Matt.” Jake went to Matt and dropped his head in Matt’s lap. He started rubbing Jake’s fur while staring impassively at the picture playing on the TV. Jo patted the bed. “Come on, boy.” Jake cocked his head and looked at her. She tried again. “Jake, come on, boy.” The dog jumped up and sat against Matt’s side, eyeing Jo curiously. “He won’t get on the furniture without an invitation.” She joined Maria in the doorway, where they stood watching the two for a moment.

  “He won’t move from that spot. They’ll be fine.”

  Jo smiled at the picture. Jake had settled his head in Matt’s lap. “I wasn’t worried.”

  She let Maria take over the preparation of nearly everything for the “big day” as Maria called it.

  * * *

  The medical transport vehicle rolled up the drive right around twelve. Jo hadn’t believed in the power of prayer for quite sometime, but she said a silent one as she watched the van approach. She wanted this day to be what she hoped for her family. She maneuvered her dad’s wheelchair to the shade of the huge maple in front of the porch. Maria had brought several folding card tables with her. Together they had set them up with table clothes and pitchers of ice tea and lemonade. Maria had thought of everything. Jo knew she’d never begin to be able to repay her selflessness.

  “You have a beautiful farm, Jo Lynn. And it’s so big,” Eileen said and nudged Jo’s dad.

  “It’s a nice piece of property. You won’t have any trouble getting your money back out of it.”

  Jo caught herself before stating that she intended to live there till she died. She set them up with cold drinks, then excused herself to go in the house. Maria was inside, allowing her some time with her parents.

  “Aren’t you coming out to meet my folks?” Jo shoved her hands in her back pockets.

  Maria turned from the sink, wiping her hands. “I thought you were spending some time with them alone.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m a nervous wreck.” She stepped in the direction of the fridge. “I need a beer.”

  Maria quickly blocked her way. “It’s barely lunchtime. You don’t need a beer.” She placed her hands on her hips. “Go back out there with your parents. I’ll be out in a few minutes. I want to finish things in here.”

  Jo dropped her head, her shoulders slumping as she headed back outside. True to her word, Maria emerged from the house with Matt about fifteen minutes later. The longest fifteen minutes of Jo’s life.

  “Mom, Pops, this is Maria West. She’s uh…a friend. She’s the realtor that helped me find this place.” Jo swept a nervous hand around.

  “It’s very nice to meet you both. And this is my son, Matt.” She paused. “He’s autistic.”

  “Autistic?” Eileen asked.

  Maria smoothed a hand over his curly hair. “He doesn’t speak, but we’re working on that at school. Right, big guy?”

  “He’s such a handsome boy,” Eileen commented.

  Maria’s face glowed. “Yes, yes, he is.” She drew him close, t
hen looked over at Jo. “The food is ready whenever you’d like to eat.”

  They gathered at the tables, sitting in a most awkward silence. For Jo it was a lot like every other meal with her parents. She realized this was probably how it would end. She’d been foolish to hope for more. When Maria started clearing things from the table and disappeared into the house with Matt, her dad finally spoke.

  “You still have that horse you bred the champion with?” Jo nodded. “I wouldn’t mind seeing her.”

  Jo’s heart leapt to her throat and she jumped to her feet. “Sure thing, Pops.”

  He exchanged a look with Jo’s mom, who rose quickly. “I’m going to help Maria clean things up. Can you manage, Jo Lynn?”

  Jo nodded again and pushed the chair down the bumpy stone walk to the barn. She joked as the chair bounced. “This could be a rough ride, you want me to get a rope and tie you in?” He only shook his head.

  In the barn, she stopped the chair in front of Daisy Mae’s stall. She’d brought her in earlier in the event Matt wanted to take a ride. She slid her hand under his arm and helped him when he struggled to push up from the chair. To Jo, her dad had always been a strapping big fellow at six-two and two hundred pounds. Now, though, he seemed so much smaller, his frame stooped and weighing forty plus pounds less. He clung to the gate while the horse ambled closer.

  Daisy Mae snorted as he rubbed her neck. “She’s a beauty.” He glanced at Jo, then back at the horse. “Like you.”

  Jo choked back emotion. It felt like an eternity before she could respond, and when she did, her voice quivered. “I’m real sorry, Pops, that I never wore dresses and was girly like you and Mom wanted.”

  He laughed lightly. “My tomboy Jo.”

  Jo thought she was hallucinating. She couldn’t remember the last time her dad had laughed around her.

  “And I never gave you and Mom any grandkids.”

  He looked into Jo’s watery eyes. “Are you happy with the life that you live?”

  “Mostly.”

  He reached for her hand. “That’s all I want for you.” He squeezed gently. “Besides, there’s still time to have kids if you want.”

  Tears slipped down her cheeks. It was too late to make her Pops a Grand-Pops.

  He pulled Jo into a weak embrace. “Promise me you’ll take care of your mother,” he said softly.

  Jo choked on the words. “I promise.” She then cried against the hollow chest that had once been so strong.

  The return ride for her parents came promptly at three. With Jake keeping Matt occupied on the porch, Maria accompanied them to the van.

  “Oh…Jo Lynn, honey, I left my purse on the table. Would you be a dear and get it for me, please?”

  Jo was gone in a flash, and when she started back she caught the handshake between her dad and Maria. Her dad was wearing a hint of a smile as he spoke, so Jo took her time returning. She hugged her mom and kissed her dad’s cheek.

  “I’ll see you after church tomorrow.”

  “There’s a dinner following the service tomorrow at the church. Would you like to go with us?” Eileen asked.

  As monumental a step forward today had been, Jo wasn’t ready to put herself under the scrutiny of the people at her parents’ church.

  “Actually I was planning to stop by later in the afternoon.”

  Eileen allowed the strong young fellow driving the van to help her inside. “All right, dear. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Only after the van circled around and headed down the long drive did Jo exhale, the tension in her body beginning to abate.

  “I think that went rather well, don’t you?”

  Jo faced Maria. “God, I need a beer. May I have one now?”

  “You’re a big girl.” Maria grinned at her.

  Jo frowned. “Funny, ‘cause you weren’t treating me like one a few hours ago when I wanted one.”

  “Your parents are church-going people. I didn’t think they’d appreciate smelling alcohol.” She caught Jo’s arm and pulled her toward the house. “Come on, let’s get you a beer.”

  Back out on the porch, bottle in hand, Jo relaxed back into a chair. “My dad shook your hand.”

  “Yes.”

  “I was shocked that he even spoke to you. Mind if I ask what he said?”

  Maria looked out over the drive, avoiding Jo’s eyes. “He said he liked the food and that I’m a good cook.”

  Jo watched her closely. If there was more, and Jo suspected there was, Maria wasn’t giving it up. Never play poker with this woman.

  “Thanks for being here today.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. I was glad to be able to meet your parents. Besides, I had my own selfish reason for coming.”

  “Really,” Jo sipped her beer. “And what might that be?”

  “This.” Maria raised her hands, palms up. “The peace and quiet of the country. And…” she smiled, “that my son gets to visit with one of his best friends.”

  It warmed Jo’s heart to think she could be the source of some happiness for Maria and Matt.

  “Maybe we should take Matt to visit his other friend. She’s in the barn.”

  “Maybe you can take him to see her.”

  Jo cocked her head and held out her beer to Maria. “Here.”

  Maria took the bottle, but sat looking at Jo looking at her. “What?”

  “Courage in a bottle.” Maria remained seated, only gazing up at Jo with those dark eyes. “Come on, drink up. You’ll never get past the fear if you don’t keep trying.”

  Maria finally relented but didn’t drink any beer. She seemed only slightly less apprehensive when they returned to the house later.

  “See, that wasn’t so bad.”

  “Says you.”

  “Surely you’re not going to let a six-year-old show more bravery than you.”

  “He’s a child…a male child. The only thing they’re afraid of is soap.”

  Jo laughed. “You’re kidding?”

  Maria shook her head. “Oh no, I grew up with brothers and Kathleen has three. Believe me, hand washing and taking baths are pure torture for boys.”

  “Wow! I guess my folks were glad I’m a girl. I mean, I was a tomboy and all, but I didn’t mind washing the dirt off.”

  Maria glanced at her watch. “We should be going.”

  Jo popped up. “Let me help load the stuff in your car.”

  Maria stooped to retie Matt’s shoelace. “Why don’t you keep the leftovers? I can collect my dishes next time we come to visit.”

  “You sure?” Jo relished the idea of missing a few frozen dinners in the upcoming week.

  “Yes, but I will let you help me load the tables in the car.”

  Jo folded and carried the tables to the car while Maria fastened Matt into his car seat. As she placed the tables in the back of the wagon, Maria saw the car of Jo’s deputy slowly approaching.

  “Hey, Jo.” She looked across the car’s roof at Maria and nodded. “Ma’am.”

  Maria smiled at Kate, then at Jo. “Thanks, Jo. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Jo walked around and held the door for her. “Yeah, let me know about the cookout.”

  Maria gazed up at Jo affectionately, then started the car and headed out, keeping an eye on her in her rearview mirror—which also showed Kate watching Jo watching the car. Interesting that Jo hadn’t mentioned the deputy. One thing was fairly certain. The officer didn’t drink wine because the bottle she’d given Jo as a house warming gift still sat on the kitchen island.

  Jo opened the fridge and pulled out beers.

  “Wow, I’ve never seen so much in your refrigerator. You cook?”

  Jo handed Kate a beer and leaned against the counter to face her. “Nah. It’s left over stuff from what Maria brought.”

  Kate took a long drink of her beer, eyeing Jo intently. “You know, it may be none of my business, but is there something with this Maria?”

  “You’re right. It’s none of your business. But no.�
� Jo paused a long beat before taking a pull on her beer, annoyed by Kate’s prying where Maria was concerned. “In case you couldn’t tell, she’s straight.” Jo shook her head. “She’s married with a kid…and oh, did I mention…she’s straight!”

  “Okay.” Kate raised a hand. “I’m sorry I asked. It’s just…well, I see her here all the time—”

  “This is exactly the second time you’ve seen her here in four months. That hardly qualifies as ‘all the time’.” She stopped herself from saying more, knowing that it would likely sound defensive—or reveal that she did have a thing for Maria, hopeless as it was.

  “Okay, okay, forget I brought it up.”

  “Forgotten.” Jo sipped her beer.

  “You look really nice.” Kate flashed a smile. “How about you let me take you out some place for dinner?”

  Guilt for not being completely honest about her feelings for Maria was the only thing Jo could fathom that made her accept the dinner invite. And dinner was pleasant enough that afterward Jo gave in and let Kate take her to a little rural bar that wasn’t a gay bar, but had a number of obviously gay women there.

  Standing in the drive around midnight and feeling the effects of her many beers, Jo pecked Kate quickly on the cheek and said her goodnight. Why in the hell did I do that? She asked herself as she strolled to the house. She opened the fridge and reached for a bottle of beer—then returned it to the shelf and closed the door. She’d been drinking more. Because of her dad’s diagnosis, she reasoned, and in order to temper her anger at his stubbornness. But now that the visit with them at her farm had gone so well and they’d reconciled, she realized she needed to dial it back. Unless Maria unsettled her nerves. Then she might indulge a bit to calm herself.

  Chapter Eleven

  “I got something to show you in my truck when you have a minute, boss.” Tucker was unusually jubilant for a Monday morning. Jo followed him out to his truck, where he threw a horse blanket off an old saddle that had a number of straps and add-ons attached to it.

  “What is it?” Jo asked jokingly. “A saddle from another planet?”