Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  “Good morning!” Maria’s voice sounded light and bubbly.

  “Mornin’,” Jo croaked.

  “I didn’t get you out of bed, did I?”

  “No.” That was the truth, she hadn’t been in bed.

  “Will you be around later today?”

  Jo’s head felt like someone had filled it with concrete while she’d slept. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

  “Kathleen has some plans with the kids so I can grocery shop and run some errands, so we won’t be out until later this afternoon if that’s okay.”

  After the call, Jo trudged to the shower. Since Maria had been witness to Kate’s blowup several weeks ago, she made it a point to call before stopping out at the farm. Jo hated that she felt that way. She rather liked it when Maria showed up and surprised her.

  They arrived around four thirty, Maria carrying containers of food for their dinner into the house before locating Jo in the barn. Jo sent Tucker on his way to enjoy what was left of the weekend.

  Jo busied herself saddling Daisy Mae. “Would you like to ride too, or is that out of the question in your current condition?”

  Maria shook her head. “I’m sure it would be fine, but I think I’d rather walk.” She patted her growing tummy. “Exercise is good for us.”

  A quarter mile out, Maria broke the companionable silence they walked in. “There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you.”

  Jo’s heart leapt to her throat.

  “But you have to promise me not to get angry or upset.” Maria’s tone grew serious.

  “Okay…” Jo’s mind flew in a flurry of “what ifs”.

  Maria’s eyes stayed on the ground ahead of them. “You know I mentioned Jack wasn’t ecstatic about this pregnancy.” That had come as no surprise. “Well…that was a bit of an understatement.”

  Heat slowly crept up Jo’s neck, but she bit her tongue.

  “He was furious.” Maria’s voice shook in a way Jo had never before heard. “He said he would not be a part of another child with me.”

  “I’m so sorry, Maria.”

  Maria waved the hand that wasn’t holding the reins. “I’ve had plenty of time to deal with it, and I’m pretty okay with it. It won’t be any different for Matt and me than it is now.”

  Jo wanted to call him every nasty name she could think of, but she continued to honor her promise.

  “He told me last night he’s leaving.”

  Jo’s mouth fell open. Someone could have slapped her and she wouldn’t have felt it. “He’s…he’s abandoning you?”

  “No, no. He’s divorcing me and taking a transfer somewhere down south.”

  “What’s the difference?” Jo asked, hearing the indignation in her own voice.

  When tears slipped from Maria’s eyes and raced down her cheeks, Jo grabbed the bridle and halted their movement. She stepped around Daisy Mae, reached out and gently touched Maria’s hand.

  “I’m sorry, that was pretty harsh.” Maria lowered her eyes. “I’m not really good at this…you know…comforting, but please, if there’s anything I can do, promise you’ll tell me, Maria.”

  Maria’s eyes rose to meet Jo’s as she slipped her hand in Jo’s hand. “Do what you do, Jo.” Jo stared at her blankly. “Be someone I can talk to—and make me laugh.”

  When Maria squeezed her hand, Jo fought every urge she’d ever had to pull Maria into her arms. But she wasn’t sure she knew the difference between the hug of a friend or the hold of a lover. She’d never really had any close friends except Cecile. And Cecile, well, she was cut from such a different fabric Jo didn’t think she’d make the best comparison.

  “Guess I need to work on the laughing part.” She tipped her head with a smile. “But the talking, I’ve got covered—anytime.”

  Jo could tell Maria’s smile was forced when she said, “Thanks.”

  Maria’s gaze remained on her, and Jo wondered how it was that fate had chosen to bring the two of them together. Before either said another word, though, a deep rumble shattered the quiet evening. Jo looked around to see a sky filled with dark clouds rolling toward them.

  “We better get back.”

  “I didn’t know it was supposed to rain.”

  “Me either or we certainly wouldn’t have walked this far out.”

  They walked at a brisk pace and were only fifty yards out when the clouds opened up, unleashing enormous raindrops. They half trotted, but they were soaked by the time they finally reached cover of the barn. In the tack room she grabbed a couple of horse blankets, draping them over Maria and Matt before returning to the barn to put Daisy Mae in her stall. When lightning cracked, Daisy Mae tried to pull from her hold.

  “Whoa, girl.” She rubbed the side of her head. “Come on now, you never spook.” She talked the horse into the stall, closed the gate and hung a feed bag.

  Maria and Matt were huddled together under the same blanket. Matt seemed fine, but Maria was shivering. Jo turned on the small electric heater in the corner.

  “Sorry, I guess I should have turned this on right away.”

  “It’s okay. Matt’s pretty warm.” Maria continued to shake.

  “But you’re not.” Jo lifted the blanket enough to see Maria’s sweater, soggy from their soaking, while Matt appeared dry under his jacket.

  “You’re soaked and you’ll catch your death of cold, as my mom used to tell me, if you don’t get out of your wet clothes.” Jo peeled off her wet jacket and began to unbutton her dry chambray shirt.

  “What are you doing?”

  She finished with the buttons, pulled the shirt off and stood there in an undershirt. “Here, you need to put something dry on.” Jo held out her shirt.

  Maria’s eyes traveled slowly from Jo’s face to the waist of her jeans and back up as she reached to take the shirt. Her hand trembled noticeably.

  Jo left the room again to grab a couple more hay bales to sit on. Maria was pulling the wet sweater off when she came back in, so she busied herself in the corner setting the bales, with a blanket over them, closer to the heater. When she turned around Maria was buttoning the top buttons of the shirt, which lay taut across her breasts and didn’t quite close over her belly. The sight of Maria’s bare abdomen caused a hot spark to radiate from Jo’s belly. When she raised her eyes to meet Maria’s, Maria was looking at her intently.

  “It appears I’m a bit too big for your shirt.”

  Jo looked again at her bare belly. “At least it’s dry.” Like my mouth.

  Maria wrapped her arms around herself. “Dry…yes, thanks.”

  Jo ushered them to the makeshift seat by the heater and, after they were situated, hung another blanket around them. Maria reached out and touched her fingers lightly to Jo’s upper arm.

  “What happened?”

  “What?” Jo stepped back.

  “That bruise on your arm.”

  Jo looked at her bare arm. She’d forgotten about the little souvenir Kate had given her. If Kate ever tried to manhandle her again, she would be finding out what cowgirls were made of.

  “It’s nothing. I got hung up in a horse lead the other day.”

  “You should be more careful.” It appeared that Maria bought her story.

  Jo hiked a thumb over her shoulder. “I’ve…uh…I’m gonna check on the horses.” She grabbed a blanket and pulled it over her shoulders. “Be right back.”

  Jo felt naked under Maria’s close scrutiny. She leaned against a post in the barn and knocked her head back into it. “Get a grip,” she muttered. It was a good thing Matt was there, otherwise she was likely to do something totally inappropriate. Like put her arm around Maria on the pretense of warming her up, then casually lean in and kiss her. Jo’s skin was cool, but her entire body was aflame.

  Maria was certain her hormones spiked when Jo had given up her shirt. She’d never seen a woman’s body that looked so lean and fit and so…so inviting. She was grateful when Jo finally covered her nearly naked upper body. She was barely able to breathe. It was e
ntirely too easy to imagine what the cowgirl might look like minus those sexy jeans.

  Oh God, and when she’d touched Jo, an electric hot charge had shot through her and settled between her legs. She couldn’t remember ever feeling that sensation and couldn’t believe she was having these lustful thoughts now…for another woman. She pulled Matt to her chest and, holding him tight, stroked his curls. She watched his eyes flutter, staring off at nothing.

  She kissed his forehead. “You’re going to have a little brother or sister before long, someone who will love you as much as I do.” She slowly rocked, gathering him tighter against her.

  Jo watched silently from the doorway for a few minutes before entering. She asked herself how stupid a person could be not to love such a devoted mother and son. She went to the mini fridge.

  “All I can offer is coffee or water, and you’re not supposed to do coffee.”

  “We’re fine,” Maria said softly.

  She saw Matt’s closed eyes and lowered her voice. “Is he asleep?”

  “Hmm…all the excitement, I think.”

  Jo got a bottle of water and joined the twosome by the heat.

  Maria pulled Matt into her lap. “Sit, I promise I won’t let him kick you.” Jo laughed lightly. “Since it seems you bruise easily.”

  Jo was ashamed for the lie, but she did it because…well, she wasn’t sure why she lied. Oh, who was she kidding? That too was a lie. She didn’t want Maria to think she could be weak or vulnerable in any way. She rubbed her hand over the arm hidden beneath the blanket.

  “Apparently I do.”

  The uneasiness in Jo’s eyes made Maria suspect there was something more to the story of the bruise. For now, though, she’d let her keep her secret, whatever her reasons. She tried to lean back against the wall, but her short legs wouldn’t allow it.

  “I don’t suppose you have any pillows in here to go with all these blankets, do you?”

  Jo chuckled. “No, sorry.”

  “Is it still raining hard?”

  “Unfortunately, and there seems to be a moat developing around the barn.”

  Maria shifted. “I’ve got to get up. He’s pressing on my bladder.”

  Allowing the blanket to slide off her shoulders, Jo stood and gently lifted Matt out of her lap and held him. Maria swiftly went to the closet-size bathroom. When she stepped back out, she stopped dead in her tracks. There Jo stood cradling Matt in her powerful arms, and she knew, unquestioningly, that she had never felt so much desire for another person in her life. Jo Marchal took her breath away.

  They waited and waited for the rain to stop. Jo kept checking and they kept the conversation on non-personal topics. Both of them, she suspected, were feeling emotionally raw. Maria was more than a little fearful where things could go if desire reigned.

  “It’s still raining, but not nearly as bad,” Jo came back and reported. “I can get the Gator and we can make a run for the house under the blankets if you want.”

  “I’m hungry so you must be starving.”

  “I’ll be back.”

  Jo pulled on her wet jacket and disappeared. A few minutes later Maria heard the faint sound of an engine and Jo returned. Water dripped from her and her hair was plastered to her head. Even looking like a drowned rat, she was gorgeous. Jo threw an extra dry blanket over Maria with Matt in her lap and raced them to the house in the steady rain. She dropped her soaking jacket on the hearth and stooped to light a fire while Maria settled Matt on the couch. When the flames leapt toward the chimney she stood. Maria couldn’t take her eyes off her. The rain had soaked completely through the denim jacket to her undershirt. She fixated on Jo’s breasts. Given what it was revealing of her erect nipples, the material might as well have not been there. Jo turned back to the fireplace and rubbed her hands together briskly.

  “I’ll go find you something else to wear.”

  She tossed another log on the fire and headed down the hall. Maria was seated at the fireplace when she returned a few minutes later in a dry T-shirt and jeans. Jo handed over a well-worn sweater and as Maria started to unbutton the shirt, Jo abruptly headed for the kitchen.

  Jo called into the living room. “I guess we better eat before it gets any later.”

  It was nearing seven thirty. Jo wanted a beer to calm her nerves, but opted for a water, knowing the smell of beer made Maria nauseous. After eating their dinner, Jo again started to feel more at ease in Maria’s company. There’d been something in her eyes when they’d been out in the barn that made her more nervous than she remembered ever being around a woman. With Matt sleeping at the end of the couch, his head in Maria’s lap and Rosie curled against him, Jo sat on the hearth poking at the dying fire.

  “We should get going.”

  Jo peered out the front door. “It’s still raining.” She wanted to keep them safe there with her.

  Maria startled Jo by stepping dangerously close behind her. “I have driven in the rain before.” She smiled up at Jo when she looked around.

  Jo swallowed. “Uh…I’m sure you have, but I bet with all this rain Buck Creek’s running across the road.” She took a step away. “I’ll get online and check.” Several minutes later she returned. “They got the bridge closed tonight. If you take the detour it could take you hours longer. I’m sure that’s not the only bridge under water.”

  “I know the route.” Maria walked over to where Matt slept.

  “You should just stay here tonight,” Jo blurted out.

  “We couldn’t possibly impose on you like that.”

  “Please,” she waved a hand around. “I’m in this big house by myself.”

  Maria glanced back at Matt sleeping soundly. “Are you sure it’s not an imposition?”

  Jo tipped her head. “Heck no, I’ll throw some fresh sheets on the bed and we’ll be all set.”

  “Oh, don’t go to all the trouble. Unless…” Maria hesitated. “Unless you…” Jo lifted a brow. “Unless you know…you…”

  “Unless I recently had company in my bed,” Jo said, her cheeks growing warm. She shook her head.

  “I didn’t mean to imply…” Maria shook her head. “I suppose I should drop it.” She pulled her gaze from Jo.

  She walked to the end of the couch. “I’ll call Kathleen and tell her we’re staying over just to be safe.”

  Jo waited until she finished her call, then asked, “Do you want to put him to bed now?” Maria nodded so she scooped him up and carried him to the bedroom. “You two take my room, it has the bigger bed.”

  When Jo stopped beside it, she felt Maria’s touch on her arm. “We’re not going to run you out of your own bed.”

  Jo looked at Maria’s hand, then into her eyes. “Would you mind pulling down the covers?” Jo angled her head toward the door across the room. “Besides, there’s a bathroom, it’ll be more convenient.”

  Jo gently placed Matt down and Maria undressed him down to his T-shirt and underwear. Once done, she pulled the covers up and sat on the edge of the bed. Jo came out of the bathroom with her flannel robe and rummaged in the dresser drawers. She located an oversized novelty T that Cecile had given her as a birthday gift several years ago. Although she had never worn it, she’d kept it.

  She handed Maria the robe and shirt. “These should work for you tonight.”

  Maria shook out the T-shirt and held it up. It read “Cowgirls do it in the dirt.” She rolled her eyes up to meet Jo’s. “Really?”

  Jo grinned as if to say “but of course” as her cheeks burned with a blush. “Is there anything else you need?”

  Maria scanned the room. “Would you happen to have a night light?”

  “Sure.” Jo got the one from the hall bathroom. “Anything else?”

  “I think we’ll be fine. Thanks for taking care of us.”

  “I’m glad to do it.” Jo grabbed an undershirt and boxer shorts from the top dresser drawer, then shoved a hand in her pocket. “If you need anything, I’ll be right across the hall.”

 
“Goodnight, Jo.”

  She pulled the door closed. Settling herself in the guest room, she wondered how sleepless this night would be with Maria only twenty feet away.

  Maria lay staring at the ceiling, distracted by the smell of Jo on the bed covers. In her mind she saw the defensiveness, then compassion in Jo’s eyes when she’d told her that her husband was leaving and the image of Jo holding Matt in her arms as if he were her own. After an hour she gave in to the restlessness and quietly got up.

  Jo had been watching the glowing digital numbers tick by on the bedside clock for at least an hour when her pulse suddenly quickened. Shifting her eyes toward the door, she saw Maria’s silhouette there. She held her breath and lay motionless and watched Maria in the darkness watching her. After a very long moment Maria pulled the door almost shut and Jo finally breathed. When a faint light appeared through the crack in the door, she slipped from bed to take a look. The light came from the kitchen. She opened the door a bit more, hoping to catch a glimpse of Maria when she returned to bed. But after watching ten more minutes tick off the clock, she went to the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway, she observed Maria sitting at the island staring into a steaming mug.

  “Couldn’t sleep?” Jo asked softly, hoping not to startle her. She didn’t seem surprised by Jo’s appearance in the doorway.

  “I’m sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”

  Jo crossed to the end of the counter. “You didn’t. Do you mind if I join you?”

  “No. Would you like something to drink?” Maria started to get up.

  “Stay put, I’ll get it.” Jo moved behind her to the fridge and took out a beer, then, again recalling Maria’s sensitivity to smells, traded it for a bottle of water. She sat across from her, wanting the counter as a barrier between them. Jo didn’t trust all the feelings ping-ponging between her heart and libido. Maria stared again into the mug nestled in her hands. Jo took a drink, waiting another moment before breaking the silence.

  “We should be more like kids and wear out quickly.” When Maria looked up with sadness in her eyes and worry etched around them, Jo’s heart broke. “Do you want to talk about it?”