Project Integrate Series Boxed Set

by Campbell, Jamie

  Great. “So we’re walking to the motel then.”

  Lola reached down and pulled off her heels. “Then we’d better walk fast.”

  Despite the fact we were both pretty certain the guy with the sore groin wasn’t chasing us, we still kept up a fast pace to the motel. It was only a few blocks but it felt like much further in the middle of the night.

  Our retro motel room was a welcome sight. As we entered, I wished we hadn’t come to Greenfield in the first place. It would have been better not seeing Lochie again. Even if I had to live with the regret of never saying those words, it would have been better than how I was currently feeling.

  We took turns to shower and change, crawling into bed as soon as we were ready. Just like the night before, I stared at the ceiling. Except this time I was replaying our argument over and over again. I didn’t understand how he could say those things to me when he was the one who cheated on me. He wasn’t even sorry.

  That was probably the hardest part, that he was angry with me, like I had done something wrong. I had been nothing but supportive when he said he was considering doing summer school. Even though I didn’t want him to leave, I still made it okay because I wanted him to do what was best for his future.

  And then, when he left, I did my best to make him not miss me. I never complained to him about how much I missed him, or made him regret his choice. I tried my best to make it alright for him, even though it felt like I was short a part of myself.

  But after all that, he wasn’t even sorry he cheated on me? That he never even bothered to break up with me? Technically, we were still together. When he saw me at the party, he should have told me about his new girlfriend, not accuse me of being a tart.

  In the darkness that I normally hated so much, I let the tears fall silently down my cheeks. It was okay for them to come now, nobody could see them. Just like I had always feared, the darkness hid everything.

  I didn’t have any sexy dreams about Lochie that night. I don’t think I dreamed at all. All I knew was that I woke up in the morning feeling as exhausted as I did when I went to bed.

  Lola sat at the table, packing away our few things. I sat on the bed, tying my shoes. We hadn’t said much since we got up. Apparently she thought that was long enough. “So you guys had a big fight, huh?”

  “Our biggest.”

  “Sorry I interrupted it.”

  I gave her a small smile. “Probably best that you did.”

  “Yeah, I guess it could be worse.” She shrugged. “We could have been burying a body this morning.” I laughed, I couldn’t help it. Lola always knew the right thing to say. Even if it was the most inappropriate and random thing possible. “So did you say what you needed to?”

  “Yeah. We can go home and never come back again,” I replied. That plan sounded pretty good. We left the hotel and walked the few blocks back to my car.

  “We should get some coffee,” Lola suggested. Coffee was exactly what I needed. We took a detour and grabbed a few lattes to go, along with a cinnamon bun each for breakfast. Both my mothers would cringe at my nutritional choice.

  We sat in the car as we ate, taking a few minutes before leaving. Lochie was still the single topic of discussion in my head. “Did you see Lochie at the party last night? I mean, before we were fighting?”

  Lola swallowed her mouthful before replying. “I saw him once. He looked like he was going to explode about something. That was probably just before your fight, I guess.”

  “If he was there, that meant his girlfriend probably was too.” The thought made me want to throw up. All the girls at the party had seemed so much more mature than I was. Compared to them, I was nothing but a kid trying too hard. If she was one of them, if Lochie was one of their boyfriends, ugh.

  “He didn’t seem to be with anyone. You’d think she would have gotten involved. I mean, half the party heard you guys yelling at each other.” That was news to me.

  “We were that loud?”

  “Pretty loud. It’s how I knew where you were. I only saw your text this morning.”

  I tried to push that thought away as being inconsequential. I didn’t know the people at the party and would probably never see them again. It didn’t matter if they’d watched our explosive argument. That was Lochie’s problem, not mine.

  “Speak of the devil,” Lola mumbled, nodding at the windscreen. Lochie was approaching the car. He didn’t seem to be any calmer than when I had last seen him. If he was coming over for a second round, I wasn’t interested. I would sooner start the car and get far away from there than go through that again.

  We both sat in the car, frozen. I put my coffee in its holder in anticipation of needing to move fast. If I had to drive to get away from him, I would do it. Anything to avoid any more Lochie-induced pain.

  “He looks mad,” Lola commented.

  “He’s not the only one.”

  Lochie stormed over, ready for a fight. He stopped next to the car, both his hands clenched into fists. He took something out of his pocket and slapped it onto the windscreen. It was a piece of folded paper, he tucked it under the wiper.

  “What’s he doing?” Lola asked quietly. I could only shake my head and watch.

  “You can have this back. I don’t want it,” Lochie said, loudly enough to penetrate through the closed windows of the car. He stormed across the campus lawn exactly as he had approached us. He didn’t stop to look back, just kept going until he was inside Whittington House.

  I opened the door so that I could reach the piece of paper and grabbed it. I opened the page once I was back in my seat.

  “Well? What is it?”

  “It’s a letter,” I replied, my eyes already scanning over the words.

  “Well? What does it say?” Lola asked insistently. The suspense was killing her. The confusion was killing me. I read it out to her, word for word.

  Lochie,

  I can’t accept the choice you’ve made to go to summer school. Long distance relationships never last and I don’t see how we could be any difference. It was selfish of you to leave. Therefore, I’m breaking up with you. I don’t want you to contact me again, it’s best for both of us this way. If you really felt anything for me, you would respect this request. Move on, I already have.

  Amery

  I stared at my name. It wasn’t my signature. I didn’t write the note, that was the only thing I was certain of. Lochie had received it? He’d read it and thought I’d broken up with him? How? Who? A hundred questions ran through my head but no answers sprung up to match them.

  “That’s not your handwriting,” Lola pointed out. If she knew that, why hadn’t Lochie? Why wouldn’t he know that I wouldn’t be so callous with him? If I did want to break up, I wouldn’t have done it by letter. I wouldn’t even have done it by text. I would have done it face to face, just like I thought he should have done.

  There was only one thing I did know for sure: Lochie thought I broke up with him. It certainly explained why he was so angry with me. So hurt. It also explained why he’d moved onto another girlfriend without telling me.

  “I need to tell him the truth,” I said, getting out of the car faster than I had ever done before.

  Before I could think twice, I was sprinting for the building. I needed Lochie to understand that I didn’t write that letter more than I needed to breathe. I couldn’t let him go on believing I was capable of doing that to him. Because I wasn’t. I would never have ended things like that. Never. Not with Lochie.

  With my new found fitness, I made it across the lawn in record time, dashing into the building and frantically wishing I could see him in the crowd. I couldn’t, there were only confused and mildly annoyed people looking back at me.

  I sprinted up the stairs, taking two at a time. I almost knocked a few people down when I reached the top but I kept going anyway, calling back a “Sorry”.

  Lochie wasn’t in the corridor on the second level either. But he had to be in the building, I had seen him enter with my
own eyes.

  His dorm. He had to be in his dorm room. What number was it? Ten? Nineteen? Ugh, I wished my thoughts weren’t so slow to form.

  Sixteen. He was staying in sixteen. I raced up to it and knocked. The noise earned me several glances from the other residents. They weren’t even on my radar.

  “Lochie, let me in,” I said. I knew he was on the other side of the door. I could feel him, even with a piece of flimsy wood between us. His hand was probably on the knob already, trying to debate whether he should do as I asked. If he didn’t, I was already sizing up the door, it didn’t seem very strong. “Lochie, we need to talk. Not yell, but talk.”

  A couple walked past, giving me suspicious looks before whispering amongst themselves. I glared at them and they kept walking. Hopefully they didn’t notice my triangle tattoo.

  “Come on, Lochie. I’m not moving and you know I’ll stay here for as long as I have to.”

  The lock on the door clicked open. A second later it swung inwards. There was absolutely no emotion written on Lochie’s face. He was a wall of stone.

  “Can I come in?” I asked, a little less ticked off than previously. He stepped back from the door so I could enter. The room was exactly as I expected – nothing but two beds, a small kitchenette, and a lot of mess. The disorganization was mostly on one side, my money would be on his roommate’s side. Lochie was tidy.

  “These walls are paper thin. If you yell, everyone will be able to hear every word you say,” Lochie said, a low growl in his voice. He was a bomb, about to explode.

  “I don’t want to yell. I want to talk.”

  “Then talk.”

  I held up the letter. “What the hell is this?”

  “Are you seriously asking me that? Out of every question in the world, that’s what you want to ask?”

  “It seems like the most pressing issue right now,” I pointed out. After all, it was clear we’d broken up. After our previous argument, that didn’t seem like it needed to be rehashed.

  “I can think of a few better ones,” he started, pacing in front of me. His gaze was locked on the floor, he wouldn’t even look at me. “Like how could you do this to me? Did you even think how it would feel to get that in the mail? How it felt to think everything was absolutely fine one day, that I was completely in love with my girlfriend, and then read that? There’s the questions, Amery. Not what the damn letter is. If you want an answer to that one, then I can tell you it’s my worst nightmare. That’s what you’re holding, my worst nightmare.”

  “I didn’t write it.” I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to ache any more. But looking at Lochie, the pain in his eyes, I found a whole new depth to that hurt.

  He finally looked at me, his mouth moving to speak but then nothing coming out.

  “I didn’t write the letter,” I repeated. I would say it a hundred times if that’s what it took for him to believe it. “It’s not my handwriting. Ask Lola, she knew it straight away when she saw it in the car.”

  “Yeah, right. You can’t change what you’ve done.”

  What I’d done? He was the one with the freaking girlfriend. “How about what you’ve done? You’ve replaced me in three weeks. Like I was nothing to you to begin with. If we’re sharing feelings here, how do you think that felt? To know you’d moved on to someone else? Because I can tell you, that was my worst nightmare.”

  “What are you talking about? There is no-one else.”

  “I know all about your new girlfriend. Don’t even try to deny it. Your mom told me all about her.”

  Confusion wrinkled his brow. It actually looked real. That made me stop my tirade. He stopped too. “I don’t have another girlfriend, Amery. I seriously don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “The girl your mom said-”

  He held up his hand to stop me mid-sentence. “Why were you talking to my mom?”

  “Because you weren’t answering your phone. I sent you so many texts and you ignored them all. I had to do something, I thought someone might have hurt you.”

  “I can’t believe this,” Lochie said, it came out almost as a laugh. Except there was nothing funny about what was going on. “My mother is unbelievable.”

  I was completely lost. I doubted I would have been able to work it out even if my brain was functioning on normal capacity and not hung over.

  Lochie’s seemed to be doing okay. “Did you really not write this letter?”

  “I really didn’t. I didn’t want to break up with you. I’ve spent the last three weeks miserable because I missed you so much. The only thing stopping me coming here earlier was your silence.”

  “Your letter said not to contact you. I was trying to respect that. You have no idea how many times I went to call you. It took every bit of my strength not to. I had to delete your voicemails because I couldn’t bear hearing the sound of your voice.” My heart leapt. I was still confused, but it didn’t matter. Lochie had been doing the exact same thing as I had. I’d never given my phone so much attention before. “So you really didn’t break up with me?”

  “No. But your new girlfriend-”

  “I don’t have a new girlfriend.” He ran his hand through his hair, still trying to work things out. I was right there with him. “I’ve been barely able to function without you, all I’ve done is go to classes to distract myself.”

  “Then why would your mom…” I didn’t need an answer to my question, I already knew it. Mrs. Mercury hated me. With Lochie out of the picture it was her chance to interfere. When I turned up at her door, it was the perfect opportunity for some manipulation. “Did she write the letter too?”

  Lochie took it from my hand, it was a bit more crumpled than it had been before. He looked at the words intently, as if it would reveal everything if he stared at it for long enough. “I don’t know. I don’t pay attention to handwriting.” Obviously, he hadn’t recognized that it wasn’t mine.

  It started to sink in what was happening. Lochie didn’t have a new girlfriend. He thought I broke up with him because of the whole long distance thing. But I didn’t and he didn’t move on.

  “Are we still together?” I asked. I held my breath as my heart beat out the seconds that passed. It felt like my entire future was on the edge of a precipice and it could fall either way with nothing but a slight tap.

  “I don’t know,” Lochie replied. “Are we?”

  “Do you want to be broken up?” I didn’t move. It felt like if even one tiny muscle in my body shifted, I might change something and plunge over the edge.

  “I never did,” Lochie said quietly. The hurt wasn’t written on his face anymore. As those beautiful blue eyes scanned over me, they were hopeful, intense. They were Lochie again.

  “I never did either.”

  We stood there in silence. All the love I felt for him that I had tried pushing away rushed to the surface. It had never made it far. I wanted to run to him, wrap myself around him and never let go.

  But I didn’t know if that was right anymore. Something was different now. We’d both suffered in the past few weeks. Our hearts were bruised, if not broken anymore. I didn’t think it was as easy as it once might have been. Even though we hadn’t intentionally hurt one another, it was still difficult remembering that.

  Lochie took a few steps toward me. I met him halfway as we collided in the middle in an embrace. My head lay on his chest, hearing the beats of his racing heart. Like always, we fit together so perfectly it was like we were made for each other. Just each other, no-one else.

  His hand cradled my head against him, getting tangled in my long hair. His body was warm against mine, almost too warm. He kissed the top of my head. “I love you so much, Ame. So, so much.”

  “I love you too,” I mumbled. A few tears escaped and were soaked up in his shirt. He was going to have a wet patch there when he finally let me go.

  “You have to know I would never cheat on you. No girl could ever compare to you. None.”

  I swatted at his ch
est. “You better not. It broke my heart.”

  I wasn’t sure how long we stood there. It could have been seconds or it could have been minutes, I just didn’t know. It felt like there couldn’t be anything more important than us at that moment.

  Lochie gave me a squeeze before releasing his hold. He moved both his hands to cradle my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. His thumbs brushed my tears away. He didn’t say anything though, just leaned down and gently placed his lips on mine. I kissed him back, a sweet kiss that could only promise more later on. Not now, not yet. We needed to heal some more first.

  We stared at each other, Lochie still holding my head. I didn’t know what to say. Lola popped into my head. “Lola is waiting for me. We were going to go home.”

  “Have you had breakfast? Maybe we could get something?” I nodded, that sounded safe. We might not argue again if we were in public, eating, with Lola.

  Lochie grabbed his keys and followed me out. Some of the people still mingling around gave us a look as we passed. The gossip mill would be in overdrive. Lochie was going to be the talk of the campus. Even more so if they realized I was an alien.

  He didn’t hold my hand as we walked, something I was acutely aware of with every step. I kept my hand there, dangling freely so he had the opportunity. But he didn’t. We made it back to the car with no physical contact. No fighting either, so I guessed that was progress.

  Lola was leaning against the car door. “Well, neither of you are dead, so I guess that’s a good sign.” Her eyes scanned over us. “And you don’t look bruised…”

  I didn’t even know where to start explaining everything to her, not when I was still a little fuzzy on the details myself. I gave it a shot anyway, I could give her the full details on the drive home. “We’re not broken up. It was all a misunderstanding.”

  Her eyes flicked between us, sizing up whether she was going to believe us.

  “So breakfast is on me,” Lochie declared, forcing happiness into his voice. I gave Lola a pleading look, hoping she would go along with it. She had to know I’d dish all the details later.