Torn by Love (Scarred by Love Series Book 4)

by C. A. Harms

  I regretted leaving Tanner, but I couldn’t convince my heart to accept the truth. I had told myself over and over that I wasn’t enough for him, that he needed more than I could give him, and it was only a matter of time before he figured that out, and then I truly would be devastated from the loss.

  A strong hand gripped my hip, and I froze. Taking in a deep breath, I prepared myself for the unexpected. Slowly Tanner turned me to face him, and our eyes connected.

  Without allowing me to speak a word, or before he spoke any of his own, he covered my mouth with his. Momentarily stunned, I closed my eyes. A few seconds passed before I responded by weaving my hands into his hair. Tanner’s tongue probed my lips, and I opened for him, accepting him. He used his grip on my hips to pull me in tighter until our bodies couldn’t get any closer. When our lips parted I took a deep breath as he rested his forehead against mine.

  “I’ve decided I can’t live without you. I can’t go on without the happiness you give me. The love I feel for you isn’t something I can just get over. I need it to live,” he said.

  Tanner ran his hands up my back and gripped the nape of my neck in one hand. “I love you, Lily. I never cheated on you. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I ever hurt you.”

  “I know,” I whispered, then leaned back and looked up at him. “I’m sorry I left.”

  “Don’t ever leave me again,” he demanded. His lips took mine once more, and a moan escaped me.

  Clapping surrounded us, followed by hooting and whistles from his brothers. The heat rose in my neck and cheeks, but I continued to kiss him. I didn’t even care that we were in the presence of his entire family, including his parents.

  ***

  The ceremony was beautiful. I had never, in all the time I’d known him, thought I would see Max tear up. The moment he confessed his love for Bree in front of everyone, the room was in tears as well. It was such a heartwarming, overpowering experience.

  I wanted what Bree had. I wanted the undeniable love.

  Tanner stared at me over Max’s shoulder throughout the entire wedding. Bree matched us up to walk side by side in the wedding procession, and the moment we began to follow each paired-up couple, he kissed me softly. It was as if he was unable to take his eyes off me.

  “Did you drive?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “Can I ride with you to the reception?”

  I smiled up at him as he pulled me close just outside the front entrance. His hands locked together behind my back, and our bodies meshed at our waists.

  “Yes,” I sighed.

  I’d overreacted when I found Olivia’s wallet in his truck. I know I was feeling hurt, but I should have listened to his explanation. It would have saved us both a lot of heartache. Right now I felt like we couldn’t get close enough. Our closeness was sensual, not sexual, and it was much needed.

  I teared up as I relished the feelings he brought out in me.

  “I missed you,” I whispered against the base of his neck. He pulled me in a little tighter and kissed my temple. My eyes fluttered shut as I fought off the tears.

  “I’ve missed you too.” He took a deep breath, making his chest move against mine. “I went through being sad and angry. I was so mad at you for leaving me. I was pissed that you didn’t believe in me enough to know I wouldn’t hurt you.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

  “I was afraid of what I would say when I was able to talk to you. I told myself I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t believe in me, in what we had. But that was all over the moment I saw you,” he whispered.

  His confession broke my heart, but a relief washed over me at the same time. I wasn’t sure what I would have done if he told me we were over instead of kissing me. But in all honesty it would have been my own fault. He was right, I should have given him the trust he deserved. Tanner had never given me a reason to doubt him. In fact, he’d proved on more than one occasion that he was committed to me fully.

  “I’m so sorry I ran off,” I whispered. “I love you…so much. Losing you wouldn’t be easy.”

  “I’m in this completely, Lil. Don’t doubt that, okay?” He forced me to look at him, a fierceness in his eyes. “Don’t doubt what we have.”

  All I could do was nod.

  Chapter Thirty

  Tanner

  I let go of the anger I had toward how Lily had behaved. I think she now understood the depths of my feelings for her. I thought she would’ve known already, but apparently she needed a little reassurance.

  At the reception, we all sat around the table full of the entire wedding party—my parents, my brothers and sister, and the people they have each chosen to share their lives with. I couldn’t help but smile as I saw the happiness in each and every person’s eyes.

  I placed my hand on Lily’s thigh under the table as squeezed. She leaned in toward me a little more and kissed my cheek.

  Max stood and faced the guests, holding his drink high in the air.

  “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” He waited for the room to quiet before he cleared his throat. “Bree and I wanted to take a moment to thank each and every one of you for sharing our special day with us. It means the world to us to have you all here.” He looked down at Bree, who smiled at him as she took his hand and rose from her chair to stand next to him. He released his hold on her hand and wrapped it around her waist, then gripped her hip.

  “Our road wasn’t smooth by any means. Mistakes were made, yet we stand here before all of you, stronger and unbreakable. This girl’s my world.”

  Bree wiped away a lone tear that had run down her cheek. I choked up a bit myself as Max, the intimidating gorilla, confessed his love. I’m not that kind of guy, but seeing Max in this state pulled at my heart.

  “Not only has Bree allowed me to be a part of her life, but she’s also shared Paisley with me.” He winked at Paisley, who sat beside my parents. “My girls have turned me in to a better man, and I can’t thank them enough for each moment they give me.

  “We, um…” Max shifted his gaze to Bree and smiled. “We found out a few weeks ago that we’re gonna be parents.” Gasps and ahhs filled the room. “We heard our baby’s heartbeat together, and that moment has forever changed me. I will be forever grateful for the love Bree has shown me and for the life she has given me.”

  Applause and congratulations filtered through the room, and I looked over just in time to watch Lily clean the tears from her cheeks.

  “Pretty cool, huh?” I tucked a curl behind her ear, which gave me a better view of her eyes. “Max’s gonna be a dad.”

  “Yeah, crazy, huh?” She sniffled, still staring forward. Her eyes locked on Bree and Max as they continued to talk with their guests.

  “Well, T, looks like you’re next. Need to get working on a little one. All our kids need to grow up together,” Mason said from across the table.

  I chuckled as I picked my beer up from the table. “Yeah, I think I’ll hold off on that. I’m in no hurry to change shitty diapers or smell like baby puke.”

  Lily pushed back from the table and stood quickly, looking a bit nervous. “I need to use the restroom.”

  I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Want me to walk with you?”

  I started to stand as she reached out and placed her hand on my shoulder. “No,” she said, “I’m fine.” She rushed off before I could argue, leaving me puzzled.

  Kate stood as well and leaned over to give Carson a kiss. She looked at me and smiled. “I’ll check on her.”

  I nodded as I watched her walk off toward the hallway my girl had just escaped down.

  Relationships and girls were so damn confusing.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Lily

  “Oh my God,” I whispered as I splashed cold water on my face while my stomach coiled and my head pounded. I couldn’t get sick, not now, not again.

  I had done so well today, but then again, Tanner had helped ease m
y nerves until just a few moments ago. The reality of my current situation came crashing back the moment he fired back at Mason.

  I took in a deep breath, attempting to calm myself.

  The low creak of the bathroom door startled me. I placed my hand over my stomach and spun to face the door. I was relieved when Kate came into view. I wasn’t sure I could face Tanner at this moment. I knew I would cave.

  “Hey,” she whispered as she closed the door behind her. “You okay?”

  “I’m pregnant.” It rushed out of me before I could stop it. I slapped my hand over my mouth, and her eyes grew wide.

  “Okay then, um…” She took another step toward me. “I’m a little shocked. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting that. Does Tanner know?”

  I shook my head. “After that comment, I don’t know how he’ll react.”

  “How far?” Kate asked as she leaned back against the counter next to me.

  “I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, but I know I’m not that far along. It’s my fault. I never got my shot when I was supposed to,” I confessed, feeling the guilt take me over once more.

  I’d known since the day I arrived at my brother’s house. I think that was part of the reason I was so devastated and pigheaded about Tanner afterward.

  “Lil, he’s been lost without you. He loves you, and he’ll love this baby too. You can’t think otherwise. Your baby is part of both of you, one created in love. He may be nervous, a little freaked out at first, but he would never regret creating a life with you.”

  Kate’s words calmed me just a little. Carson and she had been in a similar situation. With the way babies were popping up everywhere, it seemed the Parks boys had super sperm.

  I knew she was right. Tanner would accept he was going to be a father, but knowing that didn’t make me any less nervous to tell him. I had gotten the shot shortly after we started seeing each other as more than just friends. Three months later when I should have made my appointment for a second shot, I had moved in with Tanner and didn’t leave a forwarding address. All mail had instead gone to my brother’s place in Texas. The reminder letter had gotten lost in the chaos of unpacking, and needless to say I’d been so busy helping Tanner with the house and so wrapped up in being with him that I’d just forgotten to get the second shot.

  “You need to tell him,” she pushed.

  “I will. I just have to find the right time,” I assured her.

  She smiled and placed her hand on my shoulder before giving it a light squeeze. “Don’t analyze it so much. Go for the shock and awe. Believe me, it makes for better stories later.” She winked and walked toward the door. “You coming?” she hollered back over her shoulder.

  “Yeah,” I replied before taking a deep breath.

  It was time to face the music. Time to face the fact that I had made a mistake and now Tanner and I would be parents along with Max and Bree.

  Tanner looked worried as I approached the table. I sat in the chair next to him, and he reached out and pulled it closer. “You good?”

  “I’m great,” I assured him.

  He kissed me and traced my jaw with his thumb. “I can tell something’s wrong, but I’ll leave it alone for now.” He hooked his hand around the back of my neck, and I leaned into his touch. “We’ll be talking about whatever is on your mind, though. Because I know something’s bothering you.”

  He never took his stare from mine, and I almost looked away, his eyes were so intense. I should have known better than to tell him I was fine. He had the ability to read me better than anyone else.

  “Okay,” I admitted. “You’re right, but we’ll talk later.”

  He nodded in agreement, and we turned back to enjoy the company of everyone else. Allowing my stomach to settle, I joined in the conversation as if I didn’t have something life-changing to share with Tanner.

  ***

  The reception had died out, and it was down to just the brothers, Zander, and Riley. On more than one occasion, Tanner had tried to get me a drink, but I stuck to water. I told him it was because I had to drive him home, and he bought my excuse. He was buzzed, I could tell, but not enough that he didn’t know what he was saying or doing.

  “Dance with me,” he said as he stood up and held out his hand toward me.

  I grinned up at him like a lovesick fool. “Okay.”

  He led me toward the dance floor, where Kate and Carson were dry-humping one another. I caught Tanner rolling his eyes and giggled at his reaction.

  “You wanna show ’em how it’s done?” he said as he wagged his eyebrows. That only made me smile more.

  “Sure.” I pushed against him.

  The moment his hips pushed forward and his hardness pressed against my stomach, I knew I was in trouble. Our bodies moved together, and I could tell by the look on his face he was turned on. Tanner and alcohol led to horny and naked. That was his mantra, and I benefited quite often from his drunken nights with his brothers.

  “I’ve missed you at night,” he whispered against my neck. “I’ve missed you more than just then, but the nights have been real hard without you. I love your warmth, the way you curl around me and tuck yourself close.” He paused for just a few seconds before sliding his hands lower to cop a feel. “But not feeling you naked beneath me was torture. Your scent covered the sheets, and I had to lie in bed, breathing you in, without being able to touch you.”

  He pressed his lips against my neck, just below my ear. “I need you, Lily. I need you in every aspect of my life.”

  “I need you too. So much,” I replied.

  “One day we’ll be dancing at our own wedding. That I can promise you.” His breath warmed my neck and chest. “You’re my forever, Lil.”

  I pulled back and looked up at him, judging the look in his eyes. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I had to know I was safe to speak them.

  Yes, his eyes were a little bloodshot, but his smile and the way he looked back at me gave me the answer I needed.

  “I need to tell you something,” I said, taking in a few much-needed breaths. “I, um…” My heart was racing.

  He leaned forward and kissed me gently. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. I promise you.”

  I nodded and just went for it.

  “I’m pregnant.” The words rushed out of me almost like they had earlier with Kate.

  Tanner’s hips stopped swaying, and his eyes narrowed. Thinking he was about to yell or become angry, I felt my heart sink.

  “Pregnant?” he whispered.

  I nodded, still staring back at him in silence.

  His eyes never left mine as he moved his hands from my hips to run them through his hair.

  He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He did this three or four times before he was finally able to speak.

  “I’m gonna be a dad?” It was a question, but I wasn’t sure he needed me to answer it. I was sure he was only saying it to himself. Allowing it to sink in fully.

  He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up to spin me around. My yelp drew the attention of everyone else.

  “Oh shit,” he gasped. He lowered me back to the ground and made sure I was stable. “I’m sorry, doll. Are you okay?”

  I giggled at his question. “I’m fine, are you okay?”

  “Fuck yeah, I’m okay. Hell, I’m more than okay.” He gripped the sides of my face and took my mouth with his. His deep kiss told me what I needed to know. We would be okay. This wasn’t the end, this was just the beginning.

  Our lips parted, and his huge smile was almost unlike him.

  “You all hear that shit?” he asked, looking around at the puzzled faces of his brothers and sister. “Big T here is gonna be a dad.” He paused and looked back down at me. “And my girl here just agreed to marry me.”

  I arched a brow, and he spun back around just in time to see my questioning look. “Don’t argue, you know that the last time you tried it, I won. I’ll win this one too, so there’s no point in wasting your time
telling me different.”

  He winked, and all I could do was laugh. He was right. I’d marry him tomorrow if that was what he wanted.

  Epilogue

  Tanner

  “Am I hurting you?” I asked her as I slowly began to enter her.

  “No, please don’t stop,” she panted.

  I was completely consumed by Lily’s warmth as I pressed my hips forward. My fair-skinned beauty was needy beneath me, and seeing her stomach swollen with my child made pride fill my chest. Lily was my wife, my world, the mother of my unborn child, and the one that held my heart in her hands. There wasn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for her, nothing I wouldn’t give her.

  We were married three months ago, and it was pretty much a reincarnation of Max and Bree’s ceremony. Lily said she would have married me at the courthouse, but I wanted her to have her special day to look back on. The girls pulled it all together with the help of my more than happy mother.

  We were only a week from her due date, and she’d been horny night and day. I wasn’t complaining. I was more than willing to offer my services without her asking. One look was all I needed, and I was naked and hard in two seconds flat.

  In fact we were on round two, and from the sounds of her moans, she was close. Being woken up at one in the morning to my wife stroking my cock wasn’t such a bad thing.

  “Faster, Tanner,” she growled.

  Holy fuck, my girl was a demanding little thing. I obliged, pumping my hips harder and faster. The second her eyes rolled back in her head and she tightened around me, I let go, groaning as her body shook against mine.

  Damn, I was one lucky man. I would never forget what Lily had given me. She was and would forever be my girl.

  ***

  Lily

  I don’t know what it was about me, but I felt like a sex-crazed maniac. Or maybe it wasn’t me. I had a sexy man who was willing and ready at all times. Who wouldn’t take advantage of that?