If You Fall (Brimstone #1)

by S. E. Lund

  “Because I’m a fucking horndog?”

  “Because you fell for her,” Casey said, her voice chiding. “You read her letters. You mooned over her for weeks. When you met her, you were a goner. Tell her the truth.”

  “What do you mean, I mooned over her for weeks?”

  “You did, Beckett, you bastard,” Casey said with a laugh. “You are such a dick. You’re in love with this girl and you couldn’t stop yourself.”

  “I’m not in love,” I said, frowning. Love was a word I couldn’t face. Being in love was that feeling of being swallowed up in a warm ocean, the water blissful, but you are unable to breathe…

  Kind of the way I felt when thinking of Miranda. When talking with Miranda. When lying naked with Miranda. …

  Fucking Christ…

  I spent the next day busy with the retreat, doing all these team building exercises designed to bring us together after the trauma of losing one of the founders, and half the staff. I tried to focus, but found myself distracted by thoughts of Miranda and the turmoil in my mind over what I should do about her.

  I knew what Casey said was right. I had to confess.

  But really, truthfully, what good would that do? I couldn’t tell her I was in the crash – my presence there was confidential. SAD ops were never publicized or admitted in public, nor were operatives permitted to reference any particular operation.

  In truth, I had to deny I was even at the crash site by law. The only people who knew what I did in Afghanistan, outside of those directly involved, were Graham and Brandon and that was only because they were part owners of Brimstone.

  I couldn’t have a relationship with Miranda. For fuck’s sake – her brand new husband died because of me. A brutal nasty death. It was because of my mission with SAD that we were in that part of Iran. Yes, Dan was always at risk when he was deployed, but this was purely to see if my tech worked in the field.

  I should have just walked away. Not called her. Not seen her again.

  She’d be pissed. She’d be hurt but she’d move on. Go back to Manhattan and her classes and then the FBI internship after Christmas. She’d meet some smart young FBI Special Agent and they’d fall in love…

  Fuck.

  I didn’t want to think of losing a woman like her.

  So I didn’t.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Miranda

  The next day went extremely slowly and it was all I could do to keep from squealing out loud with excitement that at the end of my afternoon shift, I’d be whisked away in Beckett’s limo or on his bike to his hotel room where I’d be treated to a double orgasm. And then some more. He’d promised we’d spend the entire evening in pleasurable pursuits and frankly, it had been so long since I had sex, I couldn’t wait.

  Leah arrived for her afternoon shift as a cocktail waitress and she leaned against the bar and smiled at me.

  “So¸ how did it go? I haven’t really spoken to you since lunch yesterday.”

  “I’ve been busy,” I said and tried not to smile. “Looks like you’ve been busy, too.”

  She grinned. “Brandon is an absolute doll,” she said and sighed. “He’s smart. And he’s extremely fun in bed as well as out.”

  I laughed. “So is Beckett.”

  “Oh my God,” she said and leaned against the bar, her arms reaching out to grab my apron. “Tell me you are no longer re-virginized!”

  “De-re-virginized,” I said quietly, glancing around to make sure no one could hear me. “Twice. Hoping for more tonight, as a matter of fact.”

  “Did you spend the night with him?” she asked, her face eager, eyes wide. “Tell me. Deets, please!”

  “He’s very well-endowed and knows how to use all his body parts, shall we say,” I said, wagging my eyebrows, grinning like a fool.

  “Oh, my God, Mira! I’m so happy for you. Finally,” she said and wiped her brow in mock relief. “I was beginning to think you’d become an old cat lady.”

  “Not yet, at least. Can’t make any promises. Beckett is definitely easy on the eyes and body. I have a feeling there aren’t too many like him roaming around free…”

  “He really likes you,” she said with a sly smile. “Are you going to see him when you get back to Manhattan?”

  I shrugged, trying not to get too excited about it. “He said something about me making him dinner when I get back to Manhattan…”

  “Oh, he really does like you,” she said.

  “I like him, too,” I said. “He’s really smart, and hot, and nice. Plus, he understands all about loss.”

  “Did he lose someone? Friends in Iraq, I bet.”

  “I think so. But he seems to have lost a woman, too. He didn’t give me any details, but it sounds like he had a broken heart.”

  She nodded. “Brandon and I made a plan to see each other again, too.”

  I smiled. It was so easy for Leah. She always had some man sniffing around her.

  The rest of the afternoon went by quickly, and before I knew it, Beckett walked in the door to the bar, his motorcycle helmet under his arm and a wide brilliant smile on his handsome face. His blond hair was a bit messy, but he still looked like a hunky Viking. I hoped that soon, he’d be conquering my body and my flesh swelled in anticipation, a pleasant throb in my core.

  “Well, hello lovely lady,” he said and plopped his helmet on the bar. “Your knight riding on a chrome bike is here to take you away from all this,” he said with a laugh. “To mix a few metaphors.”

  “Mix away,” I said with a grin. “I have to finish restocking, but then I’ll be ready to be swept away by you.”

  Beckett sat at one of the stools and watched the game on the big screen television while I restocked the ice hopper and hauled a few cases of beer from the back, restocking the fridge for the evening shift. When Keith arrived, we high-fived each other and I ducked under the bar hatch.

  I winked at Leah, who smiled knowingly at me. She spoke to Beckett while I was in the back cashing out, and when I arrived back, they were leaning in close to each other, and seemed deep in conversation. Their expressions were serious, but when they saw me, they both pasted on bright smiles.

  “Hey, you two,” I said and narrowed my eyes. “What are you two conniving about?”

  “Nothing,” Beckett said. “Just asking about the local cuisine.”

  Leah smiled and then winked at me, before leaving us alone so she could take a drink order.

  Beckett held out his hand and I took it and followed him out of the bar.

  “I really need a shower and a change of clothes,” I said. “Maybe I should go home first…”

  “I won’t hear of it. You’ll come to my hotel and have a nice shower and then, you’re going to be naked for the rest of the night.”

  I laughed, a thrill going through me at the thought. “That’s the plan?”

  “That’s the plan,” he said and handed me a helmet. I smiled as I put it on. Then I climbed on the bike behind him and together, we drove off towards his hotel and what I knew would be a night of pleasure I wouldn’t soon forget.

  I wasn’t wrong. As soon as we arrived back at the hotel and in Beckett’s room, he pulled me to the bathroom, which was large and lined with granite tiles. There was a huge standup shower in addition to the Jacuzzi tub.

  “I’m going to wash every inch of you and then I’m going to eat you and then fuck you,” Beckett said as he began to strip off my clothes. “How does that sound?”

  My heart raced at his words. “It sounds divine.”

  “Good,” he said, as he removed my t-shirt and squeezed my breasts, his hands covering my lacy bra. “Then I’m going to do it again and again.”

  I closed my eyes when he pulled one bra cup down and sucked my nipple.

  He did exactly what he said he would – he washed every inch of me once we were both naked and standing in a stream of hot steamy water under the rain showerhead. The walls of the glass enclosed shower steamed up and my body heated up, the way he touch
ed me, his hands all soapy, slipping deliciously over my skin, into ever crevice, while he kissed me deeply. I returned the favor, lathering up my hands and washing his every inch, and there were a lot of them. I thought he must be almost nine inches and his girth was huge, thick, so that I could barely get my fingers around his shaft. I couldn’t wait to feel him inside me once more, and to come around his cock while he fucked me.

  Before he did, he ate me once more as he promised. When I was fully rinsed off, he turned off the shower and had me lean back against the wall. Then he knelt down on the floor and placed one of my legs over his shoulder while he licked me, holding my hips so I didn’t fall over or slip on the wet surface.

  His tongue worked wonders on my very hard and throbbing clit. I soon came with his tongue thrusting inside of me while his thumb stroked my clit, my eyes practically rolling back in my head I felt so much pleasure.

  “Mmm,” he murmured against my pussy. He licked me slowly again and again, sending jolts of too-much pleasure through me. “I love your pussy,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I love eating you.”

  I swallowed hard, and closed my eyes. “I love it when you eat me.”

  He finally stood up after licking me again and again, as if he were trying to keep me at a high level of arousal. “Now,” he said and turned me around so that I faced the wall, my hands spread out, my thighs wide. “Stay right there,” he said. “I’m going to get a condom, and then I’m going to fuck you and make you come again.”

  He left the shower and when he returned, I saw the condom on his very erect cock. He stood behind me and slipped his fingers down my body from one breast to my clit while he gripped my hip with the other. He slid his cock inside me and fucked me hard and fast, his fingers stroking my clit. I did come again, very quickly, my orgasm shattering. While I panted, my hands spread on the steamy shower wall, he thrust deeply, hard and fast until he too came, shuddering, his mouth on my shoulder while he ejaculated.

  “Oh, fuck,” he groaned as he thrust, his mouth next to my ear. “Oh, God.”

  Yes, it was an Oh, God moment for me as well.

  My legs started to shake from exertion and finally, he pulled me up and against him, his cock still deep inside of me, his knees bent. “I want to stay like this forever,” he whispered in my ear.

  I smiled and closed my eyes.

  The rest of the evening went pretty much the same, with a break in between bouts of sex for a lovely dinner that Beckett ordered in – fresh catch of the day, salad and French bread, with a lovely white wine. We lounged on the bed naked, watching a game on the pay-per-view and talking about his corporation and my degree in forensic science.

  Late that night, I lay on my stomach and watched as he peeled a banana from a fruit basket that was left for him when he checked in.

  “So you were never close to being married?”

  He smiled briefly and then took a bite of the banana before handing me a piece. “Close but no luck.”

  “So you were close to being married?”

  “I was. It didn’t work out.”

  “What happened?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t really want to talk about it. Let’s just say that I wanted to get married but Fate had other ideas.”

  I frowned, wondering what that meant. I ate the piece of banana he handed me and tried to imagine. Did she cheat on him? Did she run off with his best friend? Did she leave him at the altar?

  Any one of those things would be enough to put you off marriage. I knew better than to ask anything else so I rolled onto my back beside him and watched the television, hoping we could move past the sudden darkness that seemed to descend over Beckett at the mention of his being close to marriage.

  “What about you?” he said, his voice soft. “Tell me more about your husband.”

  Now it was my turn to shake my head. “He was everything to me. As I told you, we had been married for only a few months when he died.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said and squeezed my hand.

  “The anniversary of his death is coming up in a few days,” I said and sighed. “Our family’s going to Arlington for a memorial.”

  “He was a Marine?”

  “No, Navy Hospital Corpsman with Special Operations Forces. The guys who go in where others can’t go. The guys who go in and rescue soldiers who are in danger.”

  “He was a hero,” Beckett said softly.

  I turned to him and smiled. “He was.”

  I glanced away, watching television because I felt guilty being with Beckett and thinking of Dan. I had to stop that – I had to move on. I was moving on.

  Beckett and I seemed to be really good together.

  But there was still a part of me that felt incredibly guilty that I’d been with another man. That another man did to me what Dan used to do, had been inside of me, had made me come. Despite my guilt, a tiny part of me hoped that when I went back to Manhattan, we would see each other. He did mention me cooking a meal for him. I hoped it was more than just him being nice or trying to butter me up.

  I could get used to being with Beckett. Everything about him was easy. His smile, his conversation, sex…

  Sex with Beckett was fantastic.

  We had sex again before midnight, this time on the bed, and it was hot and good and intense. I felt well-used by the time we were lying together, him on top of me, his face beside mine, breathing hard as he recovered from his orgasm and I my fourth one for the night.

  “That was sooo good,” he said and then grinned. “I mean, great!”

  “You’re going to wear me out,” I said with a laugh. “I’ll be sore in the morning.”

  “But it’s a good kind of sore, I hope…”

  “The very best kind.”

  We lay together for a while, his cock still deep inside of me, slowly deflating. When he pulled out and removed the condom, he lay back down on top of me and leaned on his elbows, stroking my face.

  “I hope I can talk you into staying the night,” he said, his voice soft. “Can’t you text your family and say you’re staying the night at Leah’s or something?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t lie to them. After all they’ve done for me, it would be bad to start now. I’ll go home. Besides,” I said and slipped out from under his body. “I have to get up early and meet Leah at the gym for more rock climbing and the MCMAP.”

  He resisted letting me out from under him, pinning me beneath him then tickling me, making me squeal with laughter.

  “Beckett!” I cried out, twisting in his arms. “I have to go…”

  Finally, he rolled off me and sighed heavily. “I forgot about the MCMAP. Sadly, I have a business meeting so I have to bow out of it.”

  I stood up and nodded, not wanting to say anything about wishing he was going to be there like before. I had to remember the real reason he was here in Topsail Beach. He was attending a convention and holding a retreat for his staff. He wasn’t here to get laid and spend time with a new woman.

  I went to the bathroom and had a quick pee, then washed my hands and face. I was standing naked in front of the mirror when Beckett joined me and took a pee as well. It seemed far too domestic considering we were really strangers, but I guess since I had his cock in my mouth only moments earlier, I shouldn’t feel shy with him.

  It made me think of everything I missed with Dan. He was away deployed so often that we only spent a total of a few months living together so I missed out on a lot of the domestic moments that married couples – or even engaged couples – experienced. Being engaged and then married to a soldier during a war meant that you spent most of your time separated.

  With Beckett, if anything did develop between us, I could have a real relationship and that small part of me that craved it felt sad that after the weekend, I would probably never see him again.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” he said and stood behind me, his arms around me, his chin resting on my shoulder. One hand moved to cup a breast and squeeze.

  I smi
led and met his eyes. “If you keep that up, I’ll never get home.”

  “Mmm,” he said. “Now that I know how easy you are to seduce, I’ll keep you captive for the rest of the week.”

  I smiled when he squeezed me and kissed my cheek. He turned me around in his embrace and we kissed more deeply, and then enjoyed the embrace, our naked skin warm against each other. I could stay like that for hours, but I wanted to get home before it was too late. I didn’t want to wake Dan’s parents when I came in and then have to face any questions about where I was and what I was doing.

  I dressed while Beckett called the limo service. Then, he pulled on his swimming trunks and a t-shirt and sat on the bed and watched me. When I was done, he walked me out of the hotel to the car that was waiting in the driveway.

  “What are you doing tomorrow night?” he said lightly.

  “I’m working the late shift, so I won’t be off until two. I have to clean up and restock for the morning shift.”

  “Conventions over on Wednesday. I’ll be heading back to Manhattan. I’d like to see you before I go. Give me your cell phone.”

  I handed him my phone and he quickly added his phone number and details.

  “Call me when you have some time so I can see you before you go. Lunch. Dinner. Whatever time you have.”

  I smiled and we kissed once more before I slipped into the limo and closed the door. I felt a pang of sadness as the car drove off and I watched him standing under the bright lights of the hotel entrance.

  He waved and stood watching me until we turned a corner and I couldn’t see him any longer.

  I didn’t wake anyone up, luckily. I had a quick shower, and then crawled into bed, nestling into the cool crisp sheets, wishing I was still with Beckett. I lay in the darkness, listening to the sounds of the surf in the distance. He was leaving on Wednesday. I worked all day at the restaurant.

  When would we see each other again?