Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime

by Barbara Park

“But Grace’s hair is springier and curlier,” I said. “And that is cute as a button.”

  Lucille made squinty eyes at me.

  “But I have a big-screen TV. And a pool!” she said real loud.

  That’s how come me and that Grace leaned our heads together. And we got in a huggle.

  Finally, I looked up at Lucille.

  “Okay. Here’s what we came up with,” I said. “Grace can whistle through her teeth. Plus she can wiggle her ears. And also, she can dribble a basketball through her legs while she’s running.”

  Lucille jumped up and down.

  “BUT I HAVE A PONY!” she hollered.

  I patted her very sympathetic.

  “Sorry,” I said real soft. “Grace has a snake.”

  After that, Lucille’s shoulders got very sagging. And she sat down in the grass.

  ’Cause boys love snakes better than anything.

  Pretty soon, that Grace sat down next to Lucille. And she put her arm around Lucille’s shoulders. And she patted her.

  ’Cause guess what else?

  Grace is a good sport.

  5/Valentime’s Time

  Valentime’s Day came on Friday!

  And guess what? My grandma Helen Miller bought me a special Valentime’s outfit! And it matched my heart antennas very perfect!

  That day at school, I skipped all around Room Nine. ’Cause I was a treat for the eyes, I tell you!

  Finally, I sat in my seat. And Mrs. took attendance.

  And guess what? Nobody was absent! ’Cause who wants to miss a party, that’s why!

  After attendance, Mrs. put on a special Valentime’s apron. It had a big heart pocket in the front.

  Then Mrs. filled the heart pocket with Valentime’s cards from the box. And she delivered them to all of the children.

  And wait till you hear this!

  The very first valentime was delivered to me! To Junie B. Jones! And it said my name right on the envelope!

  “YAHOO!” I shouted real thrilled. “I AM FIRST AGAIN, MRS.! YAHOO! YAHOO!”

  After that, Mrs. kept on delivering cards until the whole valentimes box was empty.

  Then all of us got to open up our cards. And it was as fun as a birthday party, I tell you!

  After Lucille finished opening her valentimes, she called Grace to our table.

  “Come here, Grace! Come here and bring your valentines! Then you and I can count our cards. And we’ll see who got the most from the boys,” she said.

  Grace came over.

  She smiled kind of nervous.

  “Well…okay. Here goes,” she said.

  Then Grace put all of her valentimes in front of me and Lucille. And she counted them one by one.

  Pretty soon, Grace wasn’t smiling anymore.

  “Rats. I knew I shouldn’t have come over here,” she said.

  Lucille grinned a teeny bit.

  “Why, Grace?” she asked. “How many did you get? You have to tell me, Grace. How many?”

  Grace did a big sigh.

  “I only got seventeen,” she said. “I only got one card from every person. And that’s all. No extras.”

  Lucille’s face lighted up very bright. She flipped her hair all around in the air.

  “Gee, I am sorry to hear that, Grace,” she said. “Well, I suppose I should count mine now.”

  After that, Lucille counted her cards in front of me and Grace. She counted them right out loud.

  “Thirteen…fourteen…fifteen…sixteen…”

  All of a sudden, Lucille stopped counting. ’Cause there was only one more valentime left in her pile, that’s why.

  She quick stood up at her seat. And looked all around herself.

  First, she looked under the table. Then she looked on top of her chair. And all over the floor.

  Also she looked in her pockets. And her backpack. And her purse.

  Finally, she sat back down real upset.

  “I don’t understand,” she said. “How could this be happening? Every day my nanna tells me how special I am. But seventeen valentines isn’t special at all. Seventeen valentines is just the same as everybody else.”

  I did a sigh.

  “Nannas,” I said. “You can’t believe a word they say.”

  Grace looked cheerier.

  “Count yours, Junie B. Count your valentines and see if you got seventeen like Lucille and me.”

  “Of course I got seventeen, silly Grace,” I told her. “Everybody in this whole room got seventeen. It was the rule, remember?”

  After that, I put all my cards in a pile. And I counted them out loud, just like Lucille.

  I did a frown.

  Then I counted them again.

  And even again.

  ’Cause guess what?

  Somebody broke the rule, that’s what!

  I springed up on my chair.

  “ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE! WHO DIDN’T SEND ME A VALENTIME? AND DO NOT TRY TO DENY IT! BECAUSE I’VE ONLY GOT SIXTEEN CARDS IN MY PILE!”

  I pointed my finger at Meanie Jim.

  “WAS IT YOU, MISTER? HUH? ARE YOU THE MEANIE HEAD WHO DIDN’T SEND ME ONE?”

  I looked all around.

  “OR MAYBE IT WAS YOU, MR. PAULIE ALLEN PUFFER…

  “OR YOU, CHARLOTTE WHO-I-DON’T-ACTUALLY-KNOW-YOUR-LAST-NAME…

  “OR YOU, ROGER…

  “OR—”

  Just then, Mrs. swooped me off my chair.

  “Do not stand on your chair, Junie B.!” she said. “And please don’t fight about valentines. If someone didn’t send you a card, it was just a mistake. No one would do something like that on purpose. I’m sure of it.”

  After that, I sat back down in my seat. And I looked at that woman very curious.

  Because Mrs. is a nice teacher.

  But sometimes she doesn’t understand children at all.

  6/Bingo

  I put my head down on my table. ’Cause I needed to figure out who didn’t send me a valentime, that’s why.

  I thinked and thinked real hard.

  Then, all of a sudden, I springed up.

  “Lucille! I thinked of a plan! I thinked of how to find that guy! All I have to do is see the names of who signed my valentimes! ’Cause whoever is missing is the person who didn’t send me one!”

  Lucille looked admiring at me.

  “That is very smart of you, Junie B.,” she said. “You should be on Cops.”

  “I know it,” I said back. “My head is as sharp as a tack.”

  After that, I got all of my valentimes in a pile. And me and Lucille looked at the people who signed them.

  We kept track of their names very good.

  Only too bad for me. ’Cause seven of my valentimes weren’t even signed!

  “Darn it,” I said. “Now what am I supposed to do?”

  Just then, I saw Mrs. hurrying to my table again.

  “Junie B.? I have some good news for you!” she said. “Guess what I just found in the bottom of the valentines box?”

  I sat up real quick.

  ’Cause guessing games are my favorites, of course.

  “A meatball,” I said.

  Mrs. did a frown.

  “No, Junie B. Why would there be a meatball in the box? Think about it. What have people been putting in the valentines box all week?”

  “Valentime’s cards,” I said real smart.

  “Right,” she said. “And how many valentines did you get today?”

  “Sixteen,” I told her.

  “Yes,” she said. “You were missing one, weren’t you? And so what do you think I found in the bottom of the box just now?”

  This time I thought my hardest.

  “A meatball,” I said.

  Mrs. rolled her eyes up at the ceiling. Then I looked up there, too. But I didn’t see anything.

  Finally, Mrs. pulled a giant envelope from behind her back.

  “No, this, Junie B.,” she said. “This is what I found in the bottom of the box. I found this big envelope. And i
t’s addressed to you!”

  My mouth came open very shocked.

  Then all of a sudden, I clapped my hands very thrilled.

  “HEY! WAIT A SECOND HERE! MAYBE THIS COULD BE MY MISSING VALENTIME!”

  Mrs. looked funny at me. “Bingo,” she said kind of soft.

  “YES!” I shouted. “BINGO! BINGO! BINGO!”

  After that, I jumped up and down. And I danced all around. ’Cause nobody broke the rule after all! And that was very nice of them!

  After I finished dancing, I opened up the envelope.

  And it was the beautifullest card I ever saw!

  It had lace and hearts all over the front! And a purple ribbon was weaved all around the edge!

  “Look, Mrs.! Look! Look! It’s a mushy gushy kind!” I said. “I always wanted one of these things! Who sent it? Huh? Read me their name, okay? Who sent it? Who sent it?”

  Mrs. opened up the card and looked at the name.

  Then she laughed out loud.

  “Well, well, well…it looks like you’ve got yourself a fan,” she said.

  She ruffled my hair.

  “This card is signed, From Your Secret Admirer.”

  I raised up my eyebrows.

  “Huh? What? Who?”

  Mrs. smiled.

  “A secret admirer is someone who likes you very much, but he’s too shy to tell you,” she explained.

  “I guess your Valentine’s Day turned out pretty good after all, huh?” she said.

  “Yes! My Valentime’s Day turned out almost perfect!” I said. “Now all I have to do is figure out who my secret admirer is, and I will be in business!”

  After that, I put my head on my table. And I closed my eyes.

  ’Cause I needed to think of another plan, of course!

  7/Wink, Wink

  Another plan did not come easy.

  I thinked and thinked for a real long time.

  Finally, I tapped on my bestest friend Lucille.

  “Want to help me, Lucille?” I asked. “Want to help me figure out my secret admirer?”

  Lucille did mad eyes at me.

  “Just because you have a secret admirer doesn’t mean you’re prettier than me,” she said very annoyed.

  I looked surprised at her.

  “I never said I was prettier, Lucille,” I said. “It’s just that someone in Room Nine loves me better than he loves you. And I keep on wondering who it is.”

  Lucille leaned close to my face.

  “It’s a cuckoo head boy, that’s who it is,” she said.

  After that, she scooted her chair to the end of the table. And she turned her head away from me.

  I did a mad breath at that girl.

  “Keep acting like that, and you’ll be sweeping your own castle,” I said.

  After that, I looked all around Room Nine.

  And guess who I saw?

  I saw Crybaby William, that’s who!

  Crybaby William sits right behind me. And is the shyest guy I ever heard of. And so maybe he might be my secret admirer!

  I spinned around in my chair and waved at him.

  “Hello, shy boy,” I said real cute.

  William looked nervous of me. “What do you want?” he said.

  I wrinkled up my nose very darling.

  “Yeah, only you don’t even have to be shy of me anymore, William. ’Cause I think I know your secret,” I said.

  After that, I put my chin on his table. And I winked my eye at him. Only I’m not actually good at winking. And so I have to say the words.

  “Wink, wink, William,” I said. “Wink, wink, wink. See my eye? See how it is trying to wink at you?”

  William’s face started to sweat.

  “Turn around, please,” he said.

  I did a giggle. ’Cause that admirer boy was shyer than I thought.

  “You are a silly sausage, William,” I said.

  Then I tried to tickle him under his chin. But William swatted my hand away.

  I tapped my fingers on the table.

  “Okay. Here’s the thing, William. Swatting my hand is not actually that admiring. And so please do not do that again.”

  After that, I tried to tickle his chin again. But this time, he ducked under the table.

  I did a frown.

  ’Cause something did not seem right here.

  Finally, I bended my head down and I peeked at him.

  “I’m going to take a wild guess here, William. You’re not actually my secret admirer, are you?” I asked.

  “No!” said William. “No, no, no!”

  After that, I did a big sigh. And I turned my chair back to my own table.

  I looked all around Room Nine again.

  And guess what boy I saw next?

  I saw Paulie Allen Puffer, that’s who! And he is always teasing me! And so maybe he is my secret admirer!

  I zoomed to his table speedy fast.

  “Wink, wink, Paulie Allen Puffer,” I said. “Wink, wink, wink.”

  “What’s wrong with your eye?” he said.

  I puckered up my lips. And I blowed that guy a kiss.

  “Thank you for the beautiful valentime, Paul,” I said.

  Paulie Allen Puffer looked strange at me.

  “Paul? Who’s Paul? What beautiful valentine? My valentine was the one with the oozy slime monster on the front,” he said. “Don’t you remember it?”

  Just then, I made a face. ’Cause I remembered it, of course.

  I hurried up back to my seat again.

  That’s when I saw a boy named Ham. And Ham hardly even knows me. And so he was worth a try, I think.

  I quick went to his table.

  “Okay, Ham. I’m running out of patience here. So listen very careful.”

  I faced my eyeball at him.

  “Wink, wink, okay? Now are you my secret admirer or not? And please tell me the truth. Or you will be sorry.”

  Ham sticked out his tongue at me.

  Also he put his thumbs in his ears. And he flapped his hands up and down.

  “All rightie,” I said. “I’m going to take that as a no.”

  After that, I went back to my table. And I sat down real fusstrated.

  I put my head in my hands very glum.

  ’Cause guess what?

  Finding a secret admirer is not as easy as it sounds.

  8/Who Knew?

  Pretty soon, the bell rang for recess.

  I hurried over to my friend Grace. ’Cause maybe she would help me find my secret admirer.

  Both of us skipped outside to the playground.

  Then all of a sudden, I stopped real fast! ’Cause I accidentally left my beautiful valentime on the table! And I didn’t want anyone to take that lovely thing!

  “Wait, Grace! Wait right here! I will be back in a jiffy!” I said.

  After that, I ran my fastest back to Room Nine.

  And guess what?

  I spied that Meanie Jim at my table!

  And he was picking up my beautiful card!

  “HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, MISTER?” I yelled real loud.

  Then I zoomed to my table zippedy quick. And I yanked that card right out of his mitts!

  After that, I started running to the door. But Meanie Jim springed in front of me. And he held up his hand.

  “Stop!” he yelled. “Don’t take that valentine outside! If you take it outside, you’ll get it dirty.”

  I made squinty eyes at that boy.

  “No, I will not get it dirty,” I said back. “And anyway, this is not your beeswax, Jim.”

  Jim stamped his foot.

  “Yes, it too my beeswax, Looney B. Jones!” he yelled. “That card costed me a whole month’s allowance! And I don’t want you to get dirt on it!”

  As soon as he said it, he quick put his hands over his mouth.

  But I already heard his words.

  I did a gasp.

  “You, Jim? You are the one who bought this card?” I asked. “Why? How come? Is this some k
ind of meanie boy joke?”

  Jim started sputtering a real lot.

  “Yes. I mean, no. Uh, I mean, I didn’t buy that card. It just looks like it costed a lot of money, that’s all. And whoever bought it spent his whole allowance, I bet.”

  I kept on staring at that boy. ’Cause something smelled like fish here, that’s why.

  “But if you’re not the one who gave me that valentime, then how come you’re acting so funny, Jim?” I asked. “And how come your words are sputtery and nervous? And how come your face is reddish and blotchish?”

  Just then, Jim clunked himself in the head.

  “Darn it! I knew I’d ruin it! I always ruin everything! Now everybody in Room Nine will know that I like you! And I wanted it to stay a secret!” he said.

  All of a sudden, my whole face felt happy.

  “You like me, Jim? You really, really like me? ’Cause you never acted like you like me. And so since when did you like me? That’s what I would like to know.”

  Jim’s face got a silly look on it.

  “I’ve always liked you,” he said real quiet. “I just act like I don’t like you, so nobody will know I like you.”

  I looked confused at him.

  “But if you like me, how come you always call me names?” I asked.

  Jim shrugged his shoulders.

  “Because you call me names,” he said.

  I did a big breath.

  “Yes, Jim. I know I call you names. But that’s because you started it first,” I explained.

  “No, I did not,” he said. “You started it first.”

  I shook my head.

  “No, Jim. You did,” I said.

  “No, Junie B. You did,” he said back.

  “No, you did.”

  “No, you did.”

  “No, you!”

  All of a sudden, Jim raised his hand in the air. And he waved it all around.

  I called on him.

  “Jim?” I said.

  “Maybe we both started it, Junie B.,” he said. “Maybe we both started calling each other names on the very same day.”

  Just then, I started to smile. ’Cause that would be fair of us, I think!

  After that, I skipped around him in a happy circle. On account of this was a nice development.

  I grabbed his hand.

  “Hey, Jim. Let’s go tell Mrs. that we’re friends. Want to? ’Cause she will get a kick out of this, probably,” I said.