Finding Forever

by Gael, Christine

  “Yeah?” The worry on Cee-cee’s face had been replaced with curiosity. “What’s he like?”

  “You know those escape room things that he’s building?” said Max. “It turns out he’s actually really into that stuff. Puzzles, storytelling, adventures… He’s a bit like a kid in that way. It’s nice to see someone so passionate about something. But he’s also very smart and savvy.” Realizing she was rambling, she clamped her mouth shut, shrinking under the women’s gazes.

  “Well, he is handsome,” Anna remarked, “it’s obvious by the way you’re talking about him that you like him. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, Max. You’ve got to get back on that horse.”

  Max opened her mouth, ready to continue to downplay her feelings as she risked a glimpse at her alarm clock. “Look, I don’t want to rush you guys out but he’s going to be here any minute…”

  Cee-cee laughed. “Look at her, like a teenager on prom night again!”

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Max said, herding them out of her room and through the apartment as they chuckled. “Keep me posted if Aunt Steph has anything else to say between now and Sunday.”

  “Only if you tell us how things go with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome,” Anna replied, turning to wink at her as they jogged down the stairs.

  Max snorted as they reached the door. “Fine, fine. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

  She rushed through a goodbye, watching them disappear down the sidewalk before slumping down onto the bottom step. Not two minutes later, the doorbell rang, and she pulled it open to reveal Ian in all his casual, drool-worthy glory.

  “Hey, you,” he said, grinning as he held up a takeout bag. Max had no idea what was in it, but it smelled absolutely delicious. Their original plan had been to go out for a movie and a walk on the pier, but that went out the window as soon as she caught a whiff of the food he’d brought. “Hoping you didn’t eat dinner yet?”

  “Well, I had planned to have popcorn for dinner,” Max joked, “but if you insist…” He laughed and followed her inside, but Max paused when they reached the kitchen doorway, turning back around to face him.

  “You know what?” she said on a whim. “What if we don’t go out at all. We can eat in the living room, find a movie…” There was a brief moment when she was on the verge of taking the offer back, wondering if he would take the suggestion the wrong way, but Ian was already nodding.

  “That sounds great,” he said. “I could stand a lazy evening in, if I’m being honest.”

  He grinned, and that alone was enough to make Max go all melty inside. It was all she could do to focus on the task at hand as they found a dramatic movie on demand and began to tuck into a feast of heroes and fries. They watched as they ate, and Max was caught off-guard by how sad the movie was – it was one of those ones that started out as a normal romance before devolving into tragedy after tragedy. She had always been a weeper, especially during films, and tonight was no exception; she found herself tearing up towards the end, and was surprised when Ian pulled her close against his body, letting her rest her head on his chest. He didn’t seem to mind that she was getting tear stains on his shirt, and that moment confirmed for Max something she had already known for a long time.

  Ian Thackery was a good guy.

  And when the evening turned to night, and the movie ended, Ian shifted slightly in his seat, taking a long breath.

  “Well,” he said, stretching out and turning to look at Max, “it’s getting late. I guess I should probably head out.”

  Max bit her lip for a moment, her heart pounding as she sat up and looked into his dark eyes. “Or maybe you could… stay?”

  Ian cleared his throat, touching her shoulder with one sturdy hand.

  “I was hoping to keep things casual between us, Max. At least until we figured out this whole lease thing. I don’t want any lingering resentment between us. Mixing business with pleasure is a recipe for--”

  His eyes met Max’s for a long moment, a surge of electricity passing between them, and then he let out a groan.

  “To hell with it,” he muttered, and an instant later, his mouth slanted over hers.

  18

  Sasha

  Sasha let out a long sigh, closing her eyes against the summer sun and allowing it to warm her face. Birds were singing in the trees, a cool breeze was wafting between the houses on the block, and in the distance, the gentle sounds of the ocean swept over them.

  It was the perfect summer afternoon, almost overwhelming in its tranquility, and the sisters couldn’t have chosen a better day to throw a picnic. The whole thing had been Anna’s idea, a way of ushering in the new season while also catching up with everyone for the first time since the wedding, and it seemed to be working wonders on everyone there. Stephanie’s backyard was full of laughter, murmured chatter, and the smells of barbecue wafting over from the grill, where Beckett was busy rotating sizzling bratwurst. On the other side of the lawn, Cee-cee was playing croquet with Max, while Todd was chatting with Ethan over by the rose bushes.

  All in all, it was idyllic, but that didn’t stop the anxiety Sasha could feel brewing in the pit of her stomach. She was doing her best to live in the moment and not think about her ongoing dilemma, but that was difficult when all she had to do was look down at her belly to be reminded of the secret that was hanging over her. She almost jumped when Gabe sidled up next to her, snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her flush against his side.

  “Hey, you,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “What are you thinking about?”

  “Nothing,” she replied, turning and smiling up at him. “Just enjoying the day, that’s all.”

  “It’s a good one,” he agreed, breathing in deeply and closing his eyes for a moment.

  The boyish innocence on his face made her heart melt a little and she rested her head against his chest.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked, cranking her neck so she could look up at him. “You look like the cat that ate the canary.”

  Gabe laughed. “Yeah, I guess I am. It’s gorgeous out, the whole family’s here, I’ve got the love of my life beside me…” He winked, making Sasha chuckle in spite of herself. “What’s not to like?”

  “I guess you’ve got a point there,” she replied, looking back at Anna, who was leaning against the fence with a squirming Teddy in her arms. Stephanie stood next to her, her arms wrapped around her chest as she talked in a low voice.

  “Do you want a beer?” Gabe asked, pulling away from her and nodding towards the door to the kitchen. “I’m thinking of grabbing one.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll stick with water for now.”

  “No problem,” he said, and went back into the house without another word, leaving Sasha alone on the picnic blanket. She had to admit, it was nice to get some downtime. Especially with how things had been going at work lately. Between the new project and the fact that every task she had to do felt impossible to concentrate on, focusing had felt like an uphill battle. None of which gave her the right to keep the monumental secret she was currently keeping from her husband.

  Sasha bit her lip, fingering her wedding ring as she looked around the yard at the laughing party guests. It wasn’t for lack of trying that she hadn’t told Gabe what was going on. The truth was, every time she came close to saying those two little words, it was like she seized up. Her throat always felt like it was closing up, her mouth going dry, and she couldn’t get it out, no matter how much she struggled to. But that wasn’t going to stop her, she’d decided.

  Putting her hand in her jeans pocket, Sasha felt the slip of paper she’d written the letter on. Tonight was the night: after the picnic, once the guests had gone home and they were decompressing back at their house, she was going to give him the note, which would reveal what she couldn’t reveal herself. It had been burning a hole in her pocket, but it had to be at least marginally easier than telling it to his face. If she couldn’t say the words, then she could at l
east make him read them, she reasoned.

  Enough ruminating, she told herself, shaking her head. You’re supposed to be having fun here, remember? Just enjoy the day. You’re with loved ones, the sun is out, you're having great food, and life is good.

  She felt her eyes drifting back to Anna and Teddy, as if drawn by some kind of invisible pull, and before she really even knew what she was doing, Sasha stood up, wiping the stray grass off the seat of her pants and beginning to walk across the lawn towards them. He was wriggling in Anna’s arms, peering around at the world with his wide, bright eyes. His chubby wrists and dimpled knees made him look like a baby doll, and the sun lit up his flawless skin and the dusting of hair on top of his little head. “Hey,” she said, coming to a stop beside Anna just as Steph moved away, looking a little tense.

  “Hey, Sash,” Anna replied, putting up a hand to shield her eyes from the sun. “How’s it hanging?”

  “Not bad,” Sasha told her, looking down at the baby. “He’s adorable.”

  “Right?” Anna said, grinning. “He almost makes me want one of my own. Almost. Still, he’s a handful.” She glanced longingly toward the kitchen door before turning back to Sasha and asking, “Listen, would you mind holding him for a second? I just want to run inside and use the bathroom.”

  “Sure, I’d be happy to,” Sasha replied, feeling her face light up for the first time that day. She held out her arms, and a grateful-looking Anna placed Beckett’s grandson gently in her hands before hurrying back towards the door.

  Sasha was left to hold the squirming baby, and she felt her heart melt as he reached up and grabbed her finger in his tiny fist. He was beautiful, soft and perfect, so full of life and potential… Sasha wasn’t stupid. She knew that babies weren’t all sunshine and rainbows: they were also tantrums, dirty diapers, surly teenage years, and endless expenses…

  But even still, looking into Teddy’s wide, inquisitive eyes, none of those things seemed to matter that much. The more time passed, the more she realized she wanted this baby, and that scared her as much as it thrilled her. Not feeling self-conscious in the slightest, she ducked her head and smelled his hair, inhaling the scent of powder and fresh laundry and imagining what this would be like with her own child.

  She was so lost in the beauty of the baby that she didn’t even notice Cee-cee approaching and coming to a stop next to her.

  “He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?” she asked, putting a hand on his head and beaming down at him.

  “He really is,” Sasha agreed.

  “You know,” Cee-cee told her slowly, “I know you guys are planning to wait for a while, so no rush, but… baby looks good on you.”

  “Really?” Sasha asked, turning to look at her mother-in-law.

  “Absolutely,” Cee-cee replied. “You’ve got this glow, you know what I mean? For what it’s worth, whenever you do decide to take the plunge, I think you’re going to be a natural at it.”

  “Thanks,” breathed Sasha, more struck by the comment than she thought Cee-cee realized. “I… That means a lot, Cee-cee.”

  She suddenly felt tears welling up in her eyes, a wave of emotion that was impossible to avoid crashing down on her all at once. It might have just been the hormones, or it might have been the stress of keeping the pregnancy a secret, but it was unavoidable, and she had to swallow back a lump in her throat.

  She turned to her mother-in-law and said, “Hey, would you mind taking him? I need to run inside. Anna should be out any minute.”

  “Of course,” Cee-cee said, gathering up Teddy like it was second nature and allowing Sasha to slip away. She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve as she made a beeline for the door, hoping she just looked like she’d gotten some pollen in her eyes.

  Anna nearly bumped into her on her way out the door, looking vaguely surprised. “Everything good?” she asked. “Where’s Teddy?”

  “Cee-cee has him,” replied Sasha with a forced wink. “You aren’t the only one who needed a bathroom break.”

  “Blame it on the alcohol,” Anna said, laughing, and moved out of the way to let Sasha inside. She found her way to the downstairs bathroom, which was mercifully empty, and felt like she couldn’t shut herself inside quickly enough. Being back in the silence of the house was comforting, and she put down the toilet lid and took a seat, putting her head in her hands.

  The uncertainty of it all was driving her crazy. She knew she just had to do it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, but that was easier said than done. Especially when the truth bomb in question was another human being.

  Clearing her throat, Sasha shut her eyes for a long moment before standing up and fixing her face in the bathroom mirror. She was going to get through this barbecue, and then she was going to break the news to Gabe, and then everything would be fine.

  It would have to be.

  She sucked in a steadying breath and stepped out of the bathroom just in time to see Max rounding the corner into the front room.

  Her sister-in-law had been surprisingly pleasant toward her all day today, not exactly something she’d been expecting, considering the stress Max was currently under. Sasha wasn’t sure what had brought the change about, but she would take it for while it lasted. Which, depending on the outcome of her talk with Gabe, might not be long.

  “Hi,” Max said, putting her hands in her shorts pockets and coming to a stop in front of Sasha.

  “Sorry,” Sasha said. “Do you need the bathroom? I was just cleaning up a little.”

  “No, that’s okay,” replied Max, waving her off. “I actually…” She hesitated. “I actually wanted to talk to you.”

  “Oh.” There it was. It had all just been an act, right? She still wasn’t over Sasha’s past with her brother, and now that she had her alone, she was going to give her the sisterly ‘Don’t hurt my brother again or I’ll kill you’ speech. Sasha blew out a sigh and forced a smile. “What about?”

  Max shuffled her feet awkwardly, looking at the floor as if she were searching for the right words. “Listen, I’ve been meaning to say this for a while now,” she began, her tone not aggressive at all. In fact, it was almost tentative. Squaring her shoulders, she met Sasha’s gaze, her expression soft. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you,” she said.

  “Max,” Sasha began, “it’s okay. You don’t have to--”

  “No, I do,” Max insisted, swallowing before continuing. “The truth is, I was in a pretty bad place last year. Between my dad cheating on my mom and the breakup, and then you and Gabe. I think maybe I let all of it color the way I saw you, and it wasn’t fair. I know my brother is far from perfect, and I shouldn’t have judged you. So I wanted to apologize.” She took an unsteady breath. “I just went through a breakup, myself. Things have been rough, and I know that’s not a good excuse for waiting this long to put out the olive branch, but… there it is.” She nodded, sincerity in her eyes. “The point is, I think I’ve grown a bit, Sasha. And I want to do better… starting with how I treat you. Is that all right?”

  Sasha blinked. “I… yeah, Max. Of course that’s all right. Thank you for saying that. No hard feelings, okay?”

  Max surprised her again then, pulling her in gently for a brief hug. “Thanks, Sash. I’ll see you back outside,” she said, before retreating into the bathroom herself.

  In spite of the relief she was feeling at Max’s sudden kindness, Sasha couldn’t help but feel a fresh surge of fear as she watched her sister-in-law disappear into the bathroom.

  What a mess, she thought, touching her stomach as she moved away from the bathroom, passing by the living room on her way back to the yard. What she saw when she glanced through the door was enough to make her heart stop and all anxiety about the pregnancy leave her mind in a rush.

  Pop was lying motionless in the middle of the floor.

  “Oh my God!” Sasha cried, dropping to her knees and shaking his shoulder. “Pop, are you okay?”

  He didn’t respond, and panic flooded her as she noticed the pallor of hi
s usually ruddy skin.

  Then, she began to scream.

  “Help!” she yelled as she laid her head against his chest, searching in vain for a heartbeat. “Somebody help!”

  19

  Max

  The lump in Max’s throat was practically making it difficult to breathe, and she wasn’t sure if she could remember a time when she’d ever been this afraid in her life. She supposed the only time that had even come close had been the house fire, which also happened to revolve around her grandfather.

  It had all happened so fast – Sasha’s screams from the other room, the panicked response from the rest of the family members at the barbecue – that it all felt like a blur in her mind. In retrospect, having half a dozen panicked loved ones all gathered around him probably hadn’t done Pop any favors, but in the moment, she hadn’t been thinking rationally. None of them had.

  His breathing had been labored, and his pulse had been irregular, at best, although Sasha had been in such a state when the others found her that it wouldn’t surprise Max if her sister-in-law had taken it incorrectly. This all felt like a bad dream. One minute, they had been laughing and enjoying the barbecue, and she had been wondering if things were finally looking up for them as a family. And then, in the space of five minutes, everything had been turned upside-down.

  Now here she was, pacing back and forth along a six-foot stretch of waiting room wall as she watched her aunts and their significant others talk in low voices in the corner. She felt too on edge to sit down, and one look at her mother told her Cee-cee was in a similar state; she was bouncing her knee frantically up and down, fidgeting with her fingernails and rummaging in her purse. Aunt Stephanie was gripping Ethan’s hand so hard that her knuckles had turned white, and her eyes kept darting down to her purse – no doubt in search of her stash of prescription meds.