DESCENDING INTO MADNESS

by Brown, Stacey Marie

I rolled back my shoulders, my muscles and bones aching from being hunched over for so long. I had no idea how long I’d been here, watching him like a hawk, fearful his one remaining lung would have enough and give out.

  His damaged antlers hooked on either side of the tub, keeping his head from sinking into the dark brown liquid and drowning, his injured body completely submerged in it.

  Against any law of physics I knew, the four bottles filled up the bathtub, somehow gauging how much we needed to fill the tub and multiplied itself accordingly.

  I had given up on things making sense here.

  After getting Rudy in the tub and making sure he was settled and still breathing, I told Hare and Scrooge to get some rest. We all didn’t need to watch him. For some reason, I couldn’t leave his side. The strange connection I had felt between us since the beginning hummed in my veins, needing to be where he was. From the moment I saw him outside the Santa’s Cottage, I was drawn to him. I couldn’t stop myself from following him down the rabbit hole, so to speak.

  “You need rest, Ms. Liddell.” Scrooge had scowled, his gaze going between Rudy and me.

  “So do you, Mr. Scrooge.” I folded my arms, annoyed with his formality with me. Hadn’t we gotten past that? “I’m staying with him.”

  “Fine.” He growled, ire prickling off his shoulders. Without a word, he dragged in a chair for me to sit on before leaving me to my babysitting duties.

  “Wake me up in a few hours and I’ll take over.” He nodded at Rudy, his eyes not meeting mine, irritation swathing his tone.

  “Sure.” I couldn’t look at him either, the awkward tension between us had expanded in the space like the liquor in the tub.

  We had been seconds from having sex, and now everything was uncomfortable and tense.

  Actually, worse, he acted as though nothing had happened between us. Indifferent. Was he glad Rudy’s appearance had interrupted us? Roughly rubbing my forehead, I shoved the infamous Ebenezer Scrooge from my head, focusing on the dying man in front of me.

  I decided not to wake Scrooge up for watch duty, choosing to leave him sleeping until he woke up naturally. It wasn’t like you knew what the time was here, no morning sunshine to tell you it was a new day. I knew I couldn’t have slept anyway. With time to stare down at Rudy, my stomach twisted with worry and desperate need to know he was going to be all right.

  “Please live,” I whispered, rubbing the saturated cloth gently over his facial wounds, cringing every time the rattling in his chest faltered.

  The silence only stirred more questions in me. Why had I been able to see him? Been able to follow him down here? Everyone here thought it wasn’t possible in a land where nothing was impossible. If a magical ban on Winterland was in place and humans were not allowed to enter, how did I? And how do I get out? Would I ever get home? See my parents and my sister again?

  My mind circled, not finding any solution. I rubbed my neck, needing to move about. Standing, I stretched my arms over my head, hearing pops from my bones. I swore my body was still pissed at me for halting the pleasure it had been set on hours before. Though it felt a lifetime ago, fire still raged under my skin. Defensively, I tried to take the same stance as Scrooge was—indifference—without much success.

  Journeying to the sink, I splashed water on my face, the freezing liquid forcing a chill to shake my body. Habitually, I peered up to catch my reflection in the mirror, but knotted wood was all that stared back. It was so bizarre not to have a mirror in the bathroom, not to be able to assess the bags under my eyes, the bruises on my face, or see the disarray my hair was in.

  With a sigh, I patted a dry towel to my face.

  “Al-ice…” A voice rasped through the dead silence.

  A gasp caught in my throat as my head snapped around, following the call.

  “Alice…” Rudy called my name like a whisper on the wind.

  I darted back to him, hope bubbling in my chest, my knees knocking the floor beams as I came down to his eyeline.

  “I’m here,” I replied, searching his face. One lid was still swollen shut, the other lifted just enough I could see the deep brown of his iris, searching me as if he needed to know I was real.

  A deep sigh whistled from his throat. “It’s really you.”

  “Yes. It’s me. I’m right here.” I dipped my arm down into the thick mead, gripping his hand with mine. “I’m not leaving.”

  His mouth opened, appearing to be struggling to speak again.

  “Don’t.” I squeezed his hand. “Just rest. You’re safe now.”

  “But—”

  “Later.”

  His brow furrowed like he didn’t want to wait.

  “Rest.” I touched his face with my other hand. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

  He stared at me for a moment before his other lid dropped, sleep reclaiming him. He let out a wispy sigh that strangely sounded like he said, “Frosty,” before he fell unconscious.

  “He seems to have a thing for you.” A deep voice came from behind, my heart leaping up into my throat.

  “Shit!” I whipped my head around, grabbing my chest. Whether from fear or the fact the man sucked air out of your lungs because he was so damn sexy, my bones shivered at the figure leaning against the doorframe. His arms folded over his chest, hair ruffled, his pants barely hanging on his hips. Fuck. Me. “You scared the fudge out of me.”

  “Pleasant thought, Ms. Liddell.” He stared into me, his timbre showing no indication of his mood.

  “You can’t sneak up on a girl that way.” I blew out a breath, patting at my heart, trying to calm it down.

  “I didn’t sneak,” he responded curtly. “You were so engaged with flirting you didn’t hear me.”

  “Flirting?” I scoffed. My gaze was not able to fight against strolling up every inch of his body.

  “You didn’t wake me.” He pushed off the doorframe, advancing to me, his jaw clicking. Intensity billowed off him, raking over my skin. I looked back at the tub, taking in a deep breath as I pushed myself up to my feet.

  “I thought it would be better to let you get a proper night’s sleep, since it was you who hadn’t slept the night before.”

  “I don’t care. I gave you instruction—”

  “Whoa.” I flipped around to face him, barbs popping from me like a puffer fish. “You better be kidding right now.” I tipped my head, my nose flaring. “First of all, no one ‘instructs’ or orders me to do anything, especially in some chauvinistic because I am man stereotype. Second, I am not your soldier, minion, or a meek little girl who will be ordered around. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and taking care of myself.” I stabbed my finger at his chest. The years of working with sexist, condescending, mansplaining men curled in my chest, lashing out at the one standing in front of me.

  His gaze went down to my prodding finger, then he peered at me through his thick dark lashes. “I know you are perfectly capable, Ms. Liddell. More than capable if I recall.” His meaning shivered through my body, his nearness pulsing against my skin. “But you will be of no use to me if you are falling asleep on your feet today.”

  “Of use?” My hand had yet to move away from his chest. “What use do you require from me?”

  A hint of a smirk lifted the side of his mouth, his gaze propelling into me, cutting and hacking through my lungs like a crashing helicopter. “I have many ideas how you could be used.”

  I was still breathing, right?

  “Dee and Rudy are extremely important to me. I need you here with them. I also want you to start preparing to train… an army.”

  “Train an army?” I took a step back.

  “You have proven you can handle a gun and yourself. You have exceptional aim. You’re a decent fighter, think very quickly on your feet, and jump in and take the lead. Many will need your guidance. Your leadership.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I came here with the foolish hope we could find Santa still in there, that
he would help us fight the Queen.” Scrooge rubbed his scruffy jawline. “She genuinely broke him. He is gone, lost in the land of the forgotten and broken.” Scrooge put his hands on his hips. “No matter what, we can’t fight the Queen alone. There are many out there in hiding, faithful to Santa. Hare knows who we need to contact. If we put out the word Santa is back, ready to fight for his kingdom, they will come.”

  “You mean lie.”

  “Lie is such a restricting term. I’d rather think of it as being optimistically ahead of the truth.”

  I snorted, my head waggling. “Now I understand why you are on the naughty list.”

  “You haven’t even begun to see why yet.” He stared, penetrating my skin, as if he could see through me.

  Similar to using a bucket to fetch water, he scooped air out of my lungs, leaving my throat dry of all but a drop of liquid. My focus went down to my toes, watching them curl into the floor.

  “And what are you doing while I’m supposedly training this nonexistent army how to fight for a man who is no longer present?”

  “I’m going to get lost.”

  “What?” My head jerked up. “What do you mean get lost?”

  “Exactly what I said. I’m leaving.”

  “You’re leaving?” My voice pinged off the walls, sounding shrill. “Seriously? You’re just going to desert us?” I didn’t let him respond before my anger fired at him. “Oh, I see. You’re the kind when the going gets tough, you disappear. Nothing more than a coward dressed up as a wolf.” I shoved his chest, forcing him back until he hit the sink.

  “Ms. Liddell.” He tried to grab my hands. “Alice.”

  “No! You don’t get to use my first name now. I can’t believe you are going to leave. You spineless ass! Do you know how much they adore you?” I pointed to the door. “Hare, Pen, Dum, Dee? Even Rudolph! They all believe in you. It’s not Santa they follow… it’s you! And you’re going to abandon them? Abandon me?” I pushed at him again, rage cooking the blood pumping in my veins. “I guess Frosty was right about you,” I spat, glaring at him like he was a bug. “Deceitful deserter who stood back and watched his wife and child die. Or did you kill them both?” The moment those words slipped off my tongue, I wished them back.

  In a blink, Scrooge caught my wrists in one hand, slamming me back into the wall, stealing the air from my lungs. His free hand wrapped around my throat. His form pressed into mine, his eyes flaming with rage.

  “Believe what you want to about me. You clearly have already decided on my character.” He shoved me harder into the wall, his voice low and threatening. “But don’t you dare bring my boy into your wildly mistaken assumptions. You have no idea what happened. What he went through. What I did.”

  His hand was barely pressing into my throat, but my apology still wouldn’t move up. I knew I was wrong. Went too far. I didn’t even believe it, but as usual my mouth got me in trouble before my mind could stop it.

  My lungs heaved, rubbing my thin tank against his chest, my nipples hardening against the friction. His hand on my throat and his body against mine only aroused my fear into brutal desire. His pupils dilated as his thumb tipped my head back, our eyes meeting with force.

  “And I’m not leaving them.” Ferocity hummed in the air, his body curving more into mine; the feel of him hot and heavy against my stomach almost made me moan. “Or you.”

  “But—”

  His thumb slid over my lips, stopping from speaking.

  “The Land of the Lost and Broken...is a place.” He was so close, every sound brushed over my mouth, pumping more adrenaline in my lungs and confusing my head. I no longer cared if someone else was in the room. My body wanted what it was deprived of earlier. “It’s where items go when they’ve been discarded, misplaced, or forgotten.”

  “Like what?” I swallowed against his palm, his thumb stroking down the line of my esophagus.

  “Toys, games, gifts.”

  “I still don’t understand. What do you need from there?” Embarrassment of my reaction to him heated my cheeks. I also couldn’t deny the crashing wave of relief.

  “Santa.”

  My lids narrowed. “Santa?”

  “It’s where all things go when they are lost and broken.” He pulled away from me, every cell screaming for him to return. He walked toward the door, nodding over his shoulder at Rudy. “He needs you right now.”

  I stared at him in confusion.

  “I will leave as soon as I get everything in place.”

  “You will come back, right?” Dread wrapped my arms around my stomach like a barricade.

  “I will try.” He stopped at the door, peering back at me.

  “What?” I bolted forward in panic. “Try? What do you mean try?”

  “It’s the Land of the Lost and Broken, Ms. Liddell.” His eyebrows tipped up. “You can’t go there and expect not to possibly lose yourself as well.”

  Chapter 27

  “No!” Hare’s voice yelped from down the hall, jerking me out of my slumber, my muscles aching from awkwardly slumping forward. I blinked my lids, rubbing the back of my neck, my gaze going over Rudy to make sure he was still alive. His steady breathing helped relax my shoulders, but my bones groaned as I stood up from my vigilance. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but from the smells coming from the kitchen, it might have been longer than just a few minutes.

  The odor of cinnamon and baking dough sprinkled the air, making my stomach rumble with hunger. The sounds of pans and Pen and Dum singing “My Favorite Things” in horrible harmony echoed down to me. Slipping down the hall, I spotted everyone in the seats they had the night before. Pen twirled on top of the seat, while Dum skipped around the table. Nick sat at one end, still naked besides a pair of black boots, scarfing down food, not paying any attention to anyone.

  “Hare.” Scrooge stood between Dum’s and Pen’s chairs. He had found a white shirt that looked to have belonged to Nick. It was baggy, but the definition of his muscles still could be seen underneath the fabric. He wore the red Santa pants and black boots like he was ready to leave.

  “I’m sorry, did you not hear me properly?” A pan of cinnamon rolls landed on the table with a bang. “It was a hell no, then it was a fuck no.”

  Hare, dressed in a holiday-themed apron, which exploded with ruffles and matching mitts, tapped his stubbed foot on the chair where he stood and glowered at Scrooge.

  “I didn’t ask for your opinion.” Scrooge reached for a gooey baked item. Hare whacked Scrooge’s hand with a spatula. “Ow.”

  “No cinnamon rolls for you.” He hit Scrooge’s hand again, his expression twisted with annoyance. “No point for someone to eat them when they’re not going to remember how exceptional they are, or recall us, or even himself.”

  “Hare.” Scrooge sighed, sitting back on his heels, his gaze slyly dipping down the table to the man who was scarfing down the few leftover muffins from the night before, not listening to them. “You know it’s our only choice.”

  “Cinny rolls! Cinny rolls!” Pen lifted his fins up and down. Dum jumped back into his chair, chanting along with Pen.

  “No. It’s not.” Hare ignored Pen and Dum crying out for the rolls. “It’s suicide.”

  “Being a bit dramatic, aren’t we?” Scrooge snorted. Ducking around the spatula, he grabbed a roll and placed it on Penguin’s plate, cutting it for him in little pieces. Penguin’s enthusiasm had him squeaking and prancing in his chair, waiting for Scrooge to finish. Scrooge was so kind and sweet with him; you could see how doting he must have been as a father. He might have lost his son, but it was clear Pen was just as much his family. They all were.

  “You’re an idiot.” Hare scooped a roll the size of the plate onto Dum’s dish, the elf planting his face into the gooey glaze. Lifting his head, the icing dripped down his face as he giggled hysterically.

  “You’re all fucking idiots,” Nick grumbled. “And thieves! You are leaving today. All of you. I want you out.”

  “Definitely
no rolls for you.” Hare snarled down at the man, snapping back to Scrooge as he swiped a roll for himself. “Have you told Alice of your great plan?”

  Scrooge’s frame went rigid, his lip rising. “What does she have to do with anything?”

  “Please.” Hare rolled his eyes. “Are you really going to act like you don’t care?”

  “I don’t care about Ms. Liddell or what her opinion is on the matter.”

  His harsh tone flushed through me. So cold it burned, freezing me to my spot.

  “So, sliding down her chimney last night didn’t mean anything?”

  “Nothing happened.” Scrooge lifted his chin, a tendon popping in his jaw. “It was a mistake anyway.”

  Ouch.

  “You are so full of shit.” Hare shook his head.

  “She doesn’t belong here.”

  Another arrow to my gut.

  “She will go back to her world the moment she can, which will be best for all. She has no story here.”

  “You didn’t either at one time.” Hare dropped the spatula, folding his arms.

  Scrooge’s jaw twitched, lifting his head.

  “I’ve made my decision. I am going. You can act like my wife and nag at me all you want. This is the only way to get him back.” Scrooge motioned down to Nick.

  Nick had snatched three rolls and was busy shoving them down his gullet, muttering between bites how he wished everyone would get out of his house.

  “Clearly someone has to nag at you. Don’t you get what will happen?”

  “Yes. I am more than aware.”

  “It will claim you.”

  “I won’t let it.”

  “You are halfway there anyway.”

  “Hare. This is not up for negotiation. I am the only one who can, and we need him to fight her. He’s the only one powerful enough. The one they will stand behind and fight for.”

  Hare wagged his head, his bad foot tapping harder on the chair. “Fine. But I’m going with you.”

  “No. You’re. Not.”

  “What?” Hare boomed through the room.

  “I need you here. Protecting them.” Scrooge glanced down at Dum and Pen. “Dee and Rudy are barely alive and need constant care. At any moment this place could be found. And you know he won’t lift a finger.” He nodded at Nick. “It shouldn’t be left up to Ms. Liddell to do everything. I need you here more than anyone. I can’t lose you. If you go, there’d be an excellent chance neither of us would come back.”