Connie Cobbler

by James DeSalvo

  "Excuse me? I didn't hear you," said Bubbles.

  "Oh, I was just saying I wouldn't want the price to change...uh, when I order it."

  "I'm afraid the cost will be a bit more. Miss Bombshell bought that piece for her little Foo-foo two years ago. The price of diamonds has gone up somewhat." He smiled and looked around to make sure no one was listening. "I could try to get a discount for a friend. I could get the information for you and get you a price by the end of the week."

  "That sounds great," I said. "Bubbles, you've been wonderful. I'll see you at the end of the week."

  He looked like he was about to say something, then hesitated. "Miss...uh, Connie?"

  "Yes?"

  "Oh, never mind. I wouldn't want to impose on a friend." His hands were under the counter and appeared to be fiddling with something.

  "What is it?" I asked, hoping my desire to leave didn't creep into my voice.

  He pulled out the picture and a pen. "Autograph?"

  Anything for a fan. And a case.

  Chapter Four

  With my hair snuggly tucked back under my fedora, I headed on over to Action Jim's office. When I arrived, I pulled into spot marked 'For Action Jim's Valued Customers.' I wasn't a customer, but it was nice to know that I was valued.

  I checked the directory in the lobby and saw that A.J.'s office was on the twentieth floor. A.J. always did like heights. I was more of a 'keep your feet on the ground' kind of toy. The elevator doors opened and I got in. I hit twenty and prayed the elevator didn't get stuck.

  On the way up, I kept wondering how A.J. could have traded a life of adventure for a chair behind a desk. He used to be traveling the globe, enjoying life, and saving the world. Then he met Mary. I'd never seen him fall in love so hard.

  Mary was a nice doll. She was everything Brenda Bombshell wasn't. She didn't care about wealth or appearances. She saw past A.J.'s rough exterior and found the kind-hearted action figure I'd always thought was in there. They fell in love in a heartbeat and he gave up his adventures when he crashed while racing cars. He never seemed to regret it. I was happy for him. He was my one true friend.

  The elevator doors opened and I stepped out. I found A.J.'s office and introduced myself to the secretary.

  "Hello, I'm Connie Cobbler. I have an appointment to see A.J."

  "I'm sorry. Who? There's no A.J. here," said the stuffed bunny behind the desk. He seemed a bit confused. The phone rang. "Excuse me. I have to get this. 'Good morning, Action Jim's Accounting Firm,'" he said as he held the receiver up to one giant floppy ear. "Oh, yes. Yes, sir. I'll send her right in. Action Jim will see you, Miss Cobbler."

  I wondered how A.J. had known I'd arrived when I saw the tiny camera hidden in the flowers on the bunny's desk. A.J. may have retired, but he still played it safe.

  "Thank you." I walked towards the large oak door behind rows of accountants.

  "Oh!" I heard behind me. "A.J.! Action Jim! Now I get it!" Bunnies aren't always the brightest.

  As I approached the door, it swung open. A.J. came charging towards me, his arms out for a hug. I bent down, picked him up, and returned the bone-crushing hug he gave me. A.J. may be small, but he's one powerful toy.

  I put him down and he rushed me into his office. Photos lined the walls, each one a picture of him risking his neck for adventure. "Connie! Wait until you see what I found on Brenda Bombshell." He sat down at his desk and pushed some papers towards me.

  I read them. Then I reread them. "A.J., if this is true, then that means Brenda Bombshell is..."

  "Broke," he finished. "She owes money on her mansion, cars, everything. However, look at the last page. When she bought the dog collar, she had it insured for one million dollars. That's standard procedure for jewelry, but recently she had it reinsured for three million."

  A big piece of the mystery just opened up. Brenda wanted the millions, but why lose the pooch?

  "Do you think she's running some kind of insurance fraud?" asked A.J.

  "It looks like it," I answered. Now I knew what happened to the collar, but where was Foo-foo?

  "A.J., I have to go. Do you mind if I take these papers with me?"

  "Of course not, Connie. I hope I helped."

  I put the papers in my coat pocket and stood up. "As always." I shook his hand and headed out the door. It was time to pay Brenda Bombshell an early visit.

  The Bombshell mansion was in the hills of Toy Town. That's where the wealthy live, high enough to look down on all of the other toys.

  It was just approaching five o'clock as I slowly drove my car up to the gates of the mansion. I wanted to catch Bombshell by surprise. It's amazing what you can find when you arrive to a party early.

  I got out of my car and walked slowly up the long driveway. I stayed close to the overgrown hedges so I wouldn't be seen. As I got closer, I could see that the mansion had seen better days. The paint was faded and cobwebs gathered in the windows. The curtains were in tatters. Something in my gut told me things weren't adding up. Bombshell might have been broke, but she seemed like a toy who kept up appearances.

  I reached the door and knocked. I waited. And waited. I knocked again. This time the door opened slowly. A large figure loomed in the doorway. I smelled bananas. It was the gorilla.

  "My name is Max. May I help you?" said the gorilla in a crisp British accent.

  "Yes. My name is Connie Cobbler. I'm here to see Miss Bombshell."

  "Is she expecting you?" he said. He looked a bit nervous.

  "Yes. Can I come in?" I asked. Something was wrong. I could feel it in my stuffing.

  "Very well. Miss Bombshell will see you in the parlor. Come with me."

  The house wasn't in great condition on the inside either. Dust had settled on almost everything. It looked like the servants had been given a few months off.

  Max pointed to a closed door. "In here, please. I believe Miss Bombshell is waiting for you."

  So much for the element of surprise. I heard Bombshell talking to someone behind the door. As Max opened the door, the talking stopped. I stepped in tentatively, not sure what to expect. I saw Brenda Bombshell sitting on a couch, a forced smile on her face. I looked around. Max entered and closed the door behind him.

  "Miss Cobbler, whatever are you looking for?" she said as her eyes darted around the room.

  "Who were you talking to?" I asked.

  "No one," she said a bit too firmly. "Now please tell me what you've found out."

  I was tempted to sit but I've learned never get too comfortable on this job. "Well, Miss Bombshell, I discovered you spent a pretty penny on that dog collar. Three quarters of a million dollars is a lot of money to spend on a dog."

  Brenda Bombshell gasped. "Well...well, Foo-foo is worth every cent."

  I noticed the other luxuries she lavished on Foo-foo all over the room. A solid gold doggie bed lay next to the couch and a sterling silver food dish full of fresh food sat next to that.

  "Even worth enough to go to jail?"

  "What are you talking about, Miss Cobbler? I've committed no crime."

  "Insurance fraud is considered a major crime in Toy Town," I said as I took A.J.'s papers from my pocket and handed them to her. She started to weep. Tears don't work on me. Not anymore.

  "It's...it's not my fault," she wept. She cried so hard I almost believed her.

  Then it hit me. A dish full of fresh food. Who feeds a missing dog?

  "Where's Foo-foo?"

  "I...I don't know," she answered as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

  "Please, Miss Bombshell. I've been in this game long enough to know when a toy's been yanking my batteries. I'll ask you again, where's the dog?"

  I heard the clicking of a gun.

  "Look behind you," said a voice.

  I slowly turned, expecting to find Max with a gun. I found myself staring at a toy poodle holding a gun. Foo-foo had gotten the drop on me.

  Chapter Five

  Foo-foo gestured with the gun for me to sit d
own. I slowly sat next to Brenda Bombshell on the couch. "You're good, Miss Cobbler, you're very good. I heard that you were a great detective, but to solve a case in a few hours is nothing short of remarkable," said the poodle. "Tell me, what gave me away?"

  "Your stupidity," I said, realizing now that Foo-foo was the other voice I heard when I walked in.

  "Try again," sneered the dog, as he kept the gun pointed at me. "I didn't put together an ingenious plan like this just to be called stupid. What was it?"

  I saw my chance to put this case together and get out of here alive if I could just keep him talking and get myself moving. Slowly I rose to my feet.

  "Where do you think you're going, Miss Cobbler?" Foo-foo said as he moved closer to me.

  "I only want to show you where you went wrong," I told him. He was almost close enough to me where I could knock the gun from his hand. A.J. had shown me that move many times when he was teaching me karate.

  "Alright. Get up very slowly. Max," he said to the ape, "keep an eye on her. If she tries anything, grab her."

  "You told me no one would get hurt," protested Max.

  "No one will as long as you stick to the plan," said Foo-foo. "Now, Miss Cobbler, if you would, please explain."

  "Well," I said, trying to get a bit closer to the poodle, "your first mistake was keeping your bowl full of food. Why would a missing dog need food?" I inched a bit closer.

  Foo-foo shook his head. "I should have known. And my second mistake?"

  "Letting me up," I said as I knocked the gun from his paw. I did a spinning back kick that sent the poodle crashing across the room. I heard grunting behind me. Max came charging at me full speed. I tried to step out of his way, but he threw me to the floor. I knew how to fall, but it still hurt. I felt a couple of buttons loosen on me.

  "I didn't want to hurt anyone!" yelled Max as he swung his fists down towards me. I rolled to one side just as I heard the floor shatter into splinters. I kicked his legs out from under him and he went tumbling down. His head hit the floor and he was out cold.

  I turned to see how Brenda Bombshell was doing. She was still on the couch, a look of disbelief in her eyes. She was pointing at something behind me. The growling I heard let me know that Foo-foo was back for more. I readied myself and turned to face him.

  "You miserable doll!" he snarled at me. "I will not let you undo months of planning! I will get my millions! I will get what's coming to me!"

  I was happy to oblige. Foo-foo came at me with some moves that an amateur must have taught him. I flipped him over my shoulder and had him yelping before he knew it. Then I felt the pain. His teeth sank into my arm like I was a chew toy. I pulled away, holding my arm.

  Foo-foo grabbed for the gun that was still on the floor. I was too far away to stop him. "Now," he said, "it's time to put an end to Connie Cobbler." He pointed the gun at me and I heard a loud sound. Foo-foo went limp and fell to the floor. Behind Foo-foo stood Brenda Bombshell holding his silver dog dish.

  "Bad dog," was all she could say.

  After Brenda found some rope, we tied up Foo-foo and Max. I called Captain Cuddles. He said he'd be over with some toys from the force to arrest the poodle and gorilla.

  "He...he made me spend all of my money on him," she said as we waited for the police. "It started with that collar. I didn't mind at first. I thought he was worth it. Then he wanted more and more. Before I knew it, I was out of money. I had to fire most of the servants, except for Max."

  "How did this all start?" I asked as I wrapped my arm in some gauze I had found in a medicine chest.

  "Foo-foo got greedy. It's as simple as that, I guess," Brenda said. "I spoiled him rotten. When the money started to run out, he came up with a plan to get more."

  "Let me guess. Insure the collar for three million and then make it disappear. How close am I?"

  "Very good, Miss Cobbler. It wasn't insured against loss, only theft. He said if it looked like he was taken, I could make a claim on the collar. I...I didn't want to go along, but he forced me." She began to weep again.

  "How could he force you? He's a toy poodle," I said.

  She turned her face from me, trying to hide her tears and a secret. "He had some unflattering information about me," she cried.

  "What is it?"

  "I can't tell you! It's too embarrassing."

  I gave her a choice. "Either tell me or explain it to the police when they get here."

  She composed herself and turned to face me once more. "I'm...I'm not a natural blonde!" she said. "Please don't judge me."

  "That's it? You risked jail time to protect a secret like that?

  "Miss Cobbler, you've had your share of fame. You understand how judgmental the public can be. I'm the most famous doll in the world. It's all I have...had. Now my secret will get out and I'll be ruined. I've lost not only my fortune, but my fame!" she said as her eyes welled up again.

  I hated to agree with her, but she was right. I remembered being in the spotlight. Reporters and photographers followed me everywhere, broadcasting my every move. I actually felt sorry for Brenda Bombshell.

  "Miss Bombshell," I said, "let me talk to Captain Cuddles when he gets here. I'm sure he can find a way to keep it from getting out to the public."

  "You'd do that for me?" she asked as she started to smile for the first time that evening.

  "Anything for a client." I could hear the sirens quickly approaching. "Sounds like the cavalry is coming. Before they get here, tell me something else. How come Max went along with this?"

  She started to smooth out her clothing and primp to prepare for the arriving company. "He'd do anything to protect me and my secrets. I'm Brenda Bombshell."

  Some dolls never change.

  Chapter Six

  After filling in Captain Cuddles on the events of that evening, I headed home for a quick bite and some overdue sleep. As my head hit the pillow, my brain kept going back to one thing, the thing that still gets to me: fame. That day brought it all back. I tried to push it out of my head as I drifted off to sleep, but it enveloped me and dragged me down to sleep. I knew what dream was coming, but I was powerless to stop it. It seemed to start before my eyes closed all the way.

  I was back on the set of Connie Cobbler and the Pastry Pals in my dream. All of the Pastry Pals were there with me, ready to shoot a new episode of our show. Debbie Danish, Priscilla Pie, Tiffany Tart, Tracy Turnover, and I were best friends. We would sing and dance and bake during each show. Our show was watched all over Toy Town and we were rich and famous. Life was good, or so we thought. All it takes is one simple event to change everything.

  We were filming this episode in Bakery Land. The Pastry Pals and I had to cross the Gumdrop Bridge over the Custard River. When we reached the other side, we were going to sing a song about friendship. One by one, we crossed the bridge. I was the last in line, just behind Tiffany Tart. Tiffany was having a hard time because she was afraid of heights.

  "Don't worry, Tiffany!" I said as I held out my hand. "I'll go with you. That's what friends do!"

  Tiffany took my hand and we started to cross. She kept looking around her. "Don't drop me!" she pleaded. We had reached the top of the bridge as it crested over the Custard River. Below the custard bubbled and churned.

  "I won't let go of your hand," I promised as we slowly continued. That's when it happened. I felt the bridge start to give way. Tiffany screamed and grabbed me.

  "Ow, Tiffany. Not so tight!" I yelled.

  Tiffany tightened her grip on me. The bridge lurched and we both tumbled against the railing. It started to give way. Tiffany leaned against it for support and it snapped. She slipped and almost fell. I still had her hand. "Hold on, Tiffany!" I hollered over her screams. "Someone, please help us!" I shouted. We were too far out on the bridge to be rescued and it was quickly falling apart.

  I felt her hand start to slip from mine. I reached out with my other hand and tried to pull her up. The bridge jolted again and I felt my grasp loosen. "Please, Ti
ffany, reach up with your other hand and hold mine!" She kept looking up at me, terror in her eyes. I felt her fingers slipping. I tried to hold on.

  I failed. I watched in horror as Tiffany Tart fell the long distance into the Custard River, never to be seen again.

  I woke with a start. I felt cold and wrapped a blanket around myself, but I couldn't sleep again that night.

  Chapter Seven

  As the sun rose over Toy Town, I tried to shake the specter of last night’s dream with a good shower. Usually, when I have the dream the memory fades fast. This time it was different. The dream was more vivid, almost realistic. I even thought I smelled custard for a moment.

  I looked in my closet for something to wear. Most of what I wore on my job were dark clothes. They blend in and toys don’t notice you as much. That morning I decided to brighten it up. Maybe it was the dream or the sun as it shone in my bedroom window.

  As I reached in the closet for a colorful outfit, my hand knocked a piece of clothing off a hanger. I picked it up and held it out in front of me. I couldn’t believe what I saw.

  It was one of my old Pastry Pals outfits. It shouldn’t have been there. I thought I had burned them all after I quit the show. I guess when the past comes to visit in the night it can overstay its welcome. I put the outfit back on the rack and picked a dark shirt and pants. So much for a cheery disposition that day.

  I put my coat on and was about to head out the door when the phone rang. Before I could even say hello, a gruff voice on the other end said, “Cobbler, it’s Cuddles. I want to see you down at the station.”

  “It’s nice to say please,” I reminded him. That always annoyed him.

  “Hey,” he yelled. “I cleaned up after your mess last night. I want you here now.” There was a pause. “Please,” he added before hanging up.

  I walked out the door and got into my car. I headed downtown to the police station, wondering what Cuddles wanted. His voice had a hint of urgency.

  I pulled up to the station a few minutes later. Contrary to what you might have seen on television, this police station was quiet and clean. As I said before, Toy Town is a nice place to live. There weren’t too many crimes on a daily basis.