The Restarting Point

by Marci Bolden

  The uneasy shift in the air around them wasn’t something Jade wanted lingering. She hoped once they left the store, Darby would work her magic and lift their spirits, but for whatever reason, Jade handing out cash to cover Parker’s expenses had sucked the joy out of the afternoon.

  As they stepped out of the store, Jade slid her sunglasses on and started digging for her keys.

  “Hey,” Parker called, distracting her.

  Jade asked her friends to give them a minute and gave Parker a warm smile. “Hi.”

  “That wasn’t my money, Jade,” Parker stated, not quite angry but with an edge to her voice. Defensiveness maybe. “We both know that.”

  “I didn’t want you to have to put stuff back.”

  Parker shifted as if she didn’t know what to say. “I’ll pay you back.”

  “Okay.”

  As she glanced around the parking lot, Parker shifted again. “Could you… Could you not tell Liam? He helps me out a lot, and I don’t want him to think he’s not doing enough.”

  “It’s our secret,” Jade said.

  Parker nodded, but she still looked embarrassed. “Thanks. Um, here’s your change.”

  Jade accepted the bills and coins rather than insisting that Parker keep it. She didn’t want to ask, but she assumed Parker wouldn’t have a single dime in her wallet until her next paycheck without it. She’d rather Parker kept the money, but Jade figured she’d done more than enough to ding the young woman’s pride.

  After putting the cash into Jade’s palm, Parker finally met her gaze. “I’ll get you the rest as soon as I can.”

  Again, Jade was tempted to tell her to keep the money but simply smiled. Before Parker could walk away looking like she was on the verge of tears, Jade gripped her hand. “I was your age when I had my son,” Jade whispered. “There might be times when all of this feels like too much, but everything is going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

  For a moment Parker smiled and a little light sparkled in her eye, but the twinkle faded, and her underlying shame returned. “Thanks, Jade. I’ll see you later.”

  As soon as Parker turned away, Darby rushed up and wrapped Jade in a big hug. “Oh my God. You’re like a fairy godmother or something. That was so sweet.”

  Jade discounted the praise with a wave of her hand. “I’m happy to help her. I like her. Besides, I’ve been there before, not knowing which groceries to put away because you just can’t stretch your budget any further. It’s humiliating.”

  “But you’re rich,” Darby said.

  Jade pressed the button on her remote to unlock her sedan. “I was pregnant and married at seventeen, remember? I might have financial security now, but back then, I was just another teen mom struggling to make ends meet, wondering how we were going to survive.” She glanced to where Parker was getting into her beat-up car. “I remember how hard it was being so young and staring down so much responsibility. It’s terrifying.”

  Since Darby had called shotgun—loudly as she rushed toward the car—Taylor was in the back seat. She hadn’t said a word since putting the excess groceries away.

  Jade adjusted the mirror to see her better. “Hey. You okay?”

  Taylor nodded, but clearly she wasn’t. The tension rolling off her was palpable and filled the car. Darby turned in her seat to look at their friend.

  “What’s up, Tay?”

  “Nothing,” Taylor said.

  Jade turned as well and furrowed her brow. “Are you mad that I gave Parker money?”

  With a quick glance at her, Taylor shrugged. “No. That was nice.”

  “Something’s wrong,” Darby said. “You’re doing that brooding thing you do right before telling someone off.”

  Taylor glanced at them. “I’m not brooding, I’m…”

  “Brooding,” Jade and Darby said at the same time.

  Looking out the window of the car, Taylor twisted her mouth into a frown and heaved a sigh. “One of the few memories I have of my mom was her screaming at the cashier because she didn’t have enough money to buy all the shit she’d put in the cart. She accused him of overcharging her and made this huge scene.” Much like Parker had, Taylor shifted as if uncomfortable in her skin. “It didn’t happen once. She did that all the time. That was her way of getting them to give her the groceries to get her out of the store.” She glanced at her friends. “She had problems. Drugs and stuff. Whenever she didn’t have some guy hanging around to buy us food, she… She would pick a store, load up the cart, and throw a fit until they either kicked us out or gave her a discount to shut her up.”

  Jade glanced at Darby. They had wondered more than once what had happened to Taylor to make her so bitter. Now that they were getting a glimpse, Jade almost wished she hadn’t. She couldn’t imagine the pain and damage that had caused a young Taylor.

  “Mom went to jail when I was six. Prison,” Taylor clarified. “That’s why my grandpa raised me.”

  Darby stuck her bottom lip out. “Taylor. That’s tragic.”

  Taylor shrugged and smiled as if she were about to blow it off, but Jade shook her head, silently telling her she didn’t have to.

  “I’m sorry you went through that,” Jade said. “I can’t imagine how scary that was for a little kid.”

  “My grandpa was better,” Taylor said. “He cussed a lot and raised me like a boy, but he was better. He worked hard and took care of me the best he could. I guess that’s… I guess that’s what’s wrong with me.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you,” Jade insisted.

  Taylor rolled her eyes and gawked at her.

  “Okay,” Darby said, “you’re a little cranky and could definitely use a makeover, but other than that…”

  “Shut up,” Taylor said playfully, obviously appreciating Darby’s joke.

  “But other than that,” Darby said softly, “there’s nothing wrong with you.”

  “Where’s your mom now?” Jade asked.

  Taylor shrugged. “I don’t know. I never saw her again after my grandpa took me in. He asked if I wanted to see her, and I told him no. So he never made me.”

  “Do you want to know?” Jade asked. “Now that you’re grown up?”

  After a moment, Taylor shook her head. “No. I don’t. I think she’s done enough damage without inviting her to do more.” She smiled slightly. “Are we heading to the beach or what? Darby’s daiquiris won’t stay frozen forever.”

  “Oh,” Darby gasped, turning in her seat. “Pedal to the metal, Jade. My heart can’t take melted daiquiris.”

  Jade looked at Taylor for a few more seconds before turning in her seat and starting the ignition.

  Jade tucked a blanket more tightly around her as Taylor added a few more logs onto their little bonfire. Though the air around them lightened significantly once they’d reached the beach, there had been something hanging over them the rest of the afternoon.

  Knowing Taylor, as well as she did anyway, Jade couldn’t imagine how difficult opening up had been for her. She and Darby had known there was something in her life that had made her more cynical than most, but for some reason Jade had chalked it up to a broken heart and a bad attitude she’d never outgrown. Taylor’s pain had run so much deeper than that, and Jade was embarrassed she hadn’t seen it.

  Though Taylor had smiled, laughed, and resorted to her customary dry wit as the afternoon went on, Jade sensed the cloud hanging over her. The episode at the store had cut open an old wound that Taylor was going to have to take time to close again.

  The worst part was, she’d once again put a bit of a guard up between herself and her friends. Jade had debated more than once throughout the afternoon how to help Taylor understand that she didn’t need to protect herself from them. Finally, she realized, she needed to confess something that had always weighed on her the way she suspected the truth about her mother had weighed on Taylor.

  “We stole baby formula once,” Jade blurted out. Heat settled over her cheeks. Darby stopped fidgeting, and
Taylor stared wide-eyed at her from across the flames. “We were both working—I’d just started as a receptionist at a marketing firm—but we couldn’t make ends meet. We couldn’t stretch our dollars any further than we had. No matter how we juggled the bills, there just wasn’t enough. Xander was hungry, and we… We didn’t have formula, so we… We stole it. I’d never felt so horrible in all my life. Not just because we stole something but because I was failing. As a mother. I was failing. As we drove home with that can of formula hidden in Nick’s jacket, I promised myself I’d do whatever it took to never have to do that again.”

  She blinked, refocusing on her friends, who sat quietly. “I think that’s why I put everything I had into my career. Every day I saw these executives coming and going in their nice suits, taking vacations, eating at fancy restaurants. And there I was, barely able to feed my baby. I was beyond rock bottom emotionally. I felt like…nothing. I started working overtime, running errands whenever someone needed it. I did whatever I could to earn some extra cash. Some higher-ups took notice of my so-called initiative. I moved up quickly, and when I asked about moving from administrative work to marketing, they helped me go back to school to get my degree. Now I’m one of those executives in nice suits, taking vacations, and eating fancy foods. But I barely know my kids and I lost my husband. I became so determined to never feel like a gigantic failure ever again that…I feel that way for other reasons now.”

  “You’re not a failure,” Taylor stated firmly. “You’ve done everything you could for your family. You’re not a failure.”

  “My mom came here from Mexico,” Darby said. “She tried so hard to give us the American dream that she spent her life in someone else’s restaurant. I loved her, but I resented her at the same time. As hard as she worked, I always had to wear hand-me-down clothes that never fit right. That’s why I learned to sew,” Darby said with a slight smile. “I was trying to make my clothes cool so the other kids didn’t pick on me. It never worked,” she admitted with a smile, though Jade could see a sheen of unshed tears in her eyes.

  Taylor was quiet for a few moments before speaking up. “My grandma died before I was born, and Grandpa didn’t really know how to raise a girl. He let me cuss by the time I was ten, and I learned to hang drywall instead of learning how to walk in high heels, but it was good. He was a good guy. He did the best he could. He was rough around the edges, like me, but he had a good heart.”

  “He’d be proud of you,” Jade said. “For building a business.”

  Taylor scoffed. “My business is a disaster.”

  “It won’t be forever,” Jade said. “We’ll help you.”

  “Yeah,” Darby said. “I mean, I don’t know how to hammer things…”

  “But you know how to do social media,” Jade said. “We’ll get a page set up for O’Shea Construction and start some buzz around town. We’ll get your business going. If that’s what you want.”

  Taylor shrugged and stared into the fire. “I don’t know what I want.”

  “I know that feeling,” Jade added. “I really thought my life was going to be wonderful after beating cancer.”

  “It should have been,” Darby said.

  “It will be,” Taylor stated. “We’ll make sure of that. Won’t we, Darbs?”

  “Yeah. We’re going to take care of you,” Darby told Jade.

  Jade smiled. “We’re going to take care of each other.”

  Darby gasped as she sat straight up. “You guys. We’re like friends now. Like real friends who bond over shit. We’ve bonded.”

  Jade laughed quietly before realizing Darby was right. Looking at Taylor, she saw the same realization dawn on her. They were real friends. “I want you guys to know that if you ever need me, I’d be there for you. Like you’ve been there for me. You just have to ask.”

  “Me too,” Darby promised.

  Again, Taylor stayed quiet, but a few layers of her outer shell seemed to fall away. “Me too,” she finally said.

  Eleven

  For the third Friday evening in a row, Jade wandered the Chammont Point farmers market. She hoped to spend time on the lake this weekend, as the last few weeks, she, Taylor, and Darby had spent exploring the town and surrounding areas rather than kayaking and paddleboarding. She missed being on the water and she hadn’t seen Parker since their run-in at the grocery store. Spending her weekends at the lake had become her new routine after realizing sitting around her big empty house was too depressing. The house had been listed for sale the prior week, and Jade hoped when she returned to Fairfax Sunday, she’d be greeted with the news that there was at least one offer on her house.

  She hadn’t decided what her next move would be. But the more time she spent wandering the market in a sundress and one of those borderline obnoxious wide-brimmed straw hats, the more content she felt. Chammont Point had come to feel more like home than Fairfax had for a long time. And that crappy little cabin, despite the repairs that needed to be made, welcomed her like a hug every Friday when she carried her weekender inside. However, summer was fading quickly, and Jade was uncertain what the change in weather would do to her commute.

  “Hey, Jade,” someone called.

  Turning, she noticed Parker waddling toward her, weaving through the crowd.

  When she got to where Jade was standing, she heaved a big breath and smiled uncertainly. “I owe you this.” She handed Jade a ten-dollar bill. “Thanks again for…you know.”

  “You’re welcome. How are you feeling?” She laughed lightly. “You look like you could burst any moment.”

  “I should be so lucky,” Parker said with a laugh. “Not too much longer to go.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be relieved.”

  The shift in her posture seemed to be more from embarrassment than the discomfort of pregnancy. “I guess.” She glanced up but barely held Jade’s gaze. “I wanted you to know that… Well, I’ve applied for assistance. You know…for when the baby comes. I’m going to be able to feed it.”

  For a moment, Jade was thrown back to the time when she and Nick had realized they had no choice but to swipe a can of baby formula if they were going to feed their son. Her heart ached for Parker. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Parker. But listen, I’ve been where you are,” Jade said. “I know how hard it can be. If you need anything…”

  Parker shook her head, as if she could stop Jade from saying whatever she was going to say.

  “…anything,” Jade emphasized, “I can help you. And I promise I won’t judge or tell anyone.”

  A soft laugh left Parker. “I heard what Darby said at the store. About you being like a fairy godmother or something. That’s a nice thought, but you’re not, Jade. So…I appreciate the help, but I’m going to be okay.”

  “I know you will.”

  “Nice hat,” Liam said, interrupting the moment. He seemed to realize, belatedly, that he was butting in where he shouldn’t have.

  Parker put on a bright smile. “I was just telling her that.” She looked at Jade with a silent plea in her eyes not to tell Liam the real reason they’d been talking. “I need to get home. I’m tired.”

  “You okay?” Liam asked, clearly concerned.

  “Yeah. Tired, that’s all. It was good seeing you, Jade. Later, Liam.”

  They both watched Parker walk away before Liam eyed Jade with concern.

  Though Liam still wasn’t her favorite person in the world, Jade had to admit he’d grown on her more than she’d expected he would. His genuine concern for Parker made him seem less like the selfish jerk she’d taken him to be. When he was looking out for Parker, he was almost…human.

  Running into him didn’t irritate her now as much as it would have a month prior. He’d gotten a haircut since the last time she’d seen him. Though his hair was still longer than many men his age would wear it, he’d trimmed away most of the sun-bleached strands, leaving his hair darker brown. He continued to look like a man desperately trying to hold on to his youth, but the shorter strands were on
e step closer to accepting he was nearer to forty than twenty.

  She took a sip and smiled at the girl while Liam doled out compliments on their behalf. He was surprisingly sweet with kids, which reminded her of how he’d taught her boys to paddleboard several weeks prior.

  “Is Parker really okay?” Liam asked.

  “She’s fine,” Jade said. “Starting to feel the toll of pregnancy, I think.”

  “Maybe I should give her some time off.”

  Jade shook her head. “Not unless she asks for it.”

  He eyed her again, and she pointed to the hat. She’d bought it specifically to protect her pale skin while sitting on the beach, but this was the first time she’d actually worn it. This was the first time she’d felt relaxed enough to let herself look a little silly. However, in comparison to some of the other shoppers wandering the aisle between booths, her hat did nothing to make her stand out. Some were dressed in bathing suits, some in brightly colored tunics or caftans, and plenty were wearing big straw hats to ward off the sun. “Were you being sarcastic or giving me a compliment?”

  He smirked. “Both?” As Jade laughed, he gestured toward her bag. “I heard you like kale, but that’s ridiculous.”

  Jade examined her overflowing canvas tote before smiling up at him. “Have you tried kale?”

  “I have. Can’t say I’m a fan.”

  “So I guess you won’t be coming for dinner anytime soon. Darn,” she said sarcastically.

  Liam laughed, and the wrinkles around his eyes deepened. “Well, I might be persuaded to change my mind. Please don’t tell me this is what you’re buying to feed your sons.”

  She looked at her bag. “They aren’t here this weekend.”

  He dipped his head down and grinned. “So you’re on your own?”

  Rather than answering, she stepped around him and continued to the next booth.

  Liam caught up to her. “Did they have a good time when they were here?”

  “Yes, they did. They really enjoyed paddleboarding. Thank you for helping them with that.” She skimmed over the various berries, selected a small basket of blueberries, and handed enough cash to the vendor to cover the cost. “I expect they’ll find the time to come with me again before summer ends. They want to get a canoe and go fishing. They’ve never been fishing, so that should be interesting.”