by Robin Roseau
“Yes, Lady Yallameenara. I see the words.”
I brushed Trust, saying it in the words of the Goddess and then in Framaran. “This word is fragile. Trust broken can be hard to recover.”
“Don’t I know it,” she muttered.
“And broken trust tends to break joy.” I brushed those words.
“I know that, too,” she agreed.
I moved around the altar, coming to a stop at Life. I said the word in both languages, brushing the words, then stared for a while before looking up. “Your mother is dying.”
Tessella stared at me for several heartbeats before she said, “When you stop beating around the bush, you get right to it.”
“I am a simple girl of The Hippa,” I said.
“Right,” she said. The sarcasm was clear. “That’s why we’re here?”
“I haven’t seen my own mother since I left The Hippa. I was not yet fourteen. It is unclear whether she still lives. Life on The Hippa is difficult.”
She said nothing, only watching me carefully.
“Your mother’s heart is broken,” I said. “She heavily feels the mistakes of her life, including the way she treated you.”
“Good,” Tessella said. “She should.”
I moved around the altar again, coming to A Gift to be Given. I brushed the letters and said the words. Across from me was the partner to this word, A Gift to be Received. I gestured and said the word.
“Are we talking about an inheritance?”
“No,” I said. “Forgiveness is a gift, one offered, one received.”
“You invited me here to talk me into forgiving my mother? Good luck, Lady Yallameenara. Drop me a note when she keels over, would you?” She turned and headed for the exit, but I stepped quickly, inserting myself in her path. She raised an eyebrow. “You’re awfully quick for a priestess.”
“A simple girl of The Hippa,” I replied.
I’m not sure if I should say the timing was perfect, or perfectly awful. Behind me, the temple door opened, and another woman entered. The door closed, and then she paused.
“Tessella? Is that you?”
“Tarmorleen? Did you get roped into coming?”
Footsteps approached, and I turned. The woman was growing elderly now, but I could see the beauty she had been. She walked with strength and confidence, but she circled Tessella and me until she came to a stop forming the corner of a triangle. She switched her gaze to me. “Lady Yallameenara, I presume.”
I inclined my head. “Thank you for coming, Tarmorleen.”
“I presume this is about Janella,” Tarmorleen said. “What has that woman done now?”
“She’s shown me her heart,” I said. “That’s what she’s done.”
“Excuse me?” Tessella said.
“And my goddess asked me to bring the two of you here,” I said.
Tessella turned to Tarmorleen. “Apparently, Mother is dying.”
“What?” Emotion flittered across the woman’s face. “Dying?”
“The circle of life and all that,” Tessella said. “Lady Yallameenara, thank you for informing me.”
She turned for the door, but it was Tarmorleen who said, “Don’t be like that, Tessella.”
“How can you say that, after how she treated you?”
“She loves you, Tessella. She’s always loved you.”
“She’s done an awful job showing it.”
“She loves you both,” I said. “She’s made such mistakes, but the two of you represent her two greatest regrets.”
They both turned to me. Tessella crossed her arms, and I could see her working her way through caustic things to say. While she worked on it, I pulled on my link to Larien. This was going to go from bad to worse, and I wouldn’t get a second chance, so my only hope was to get everyone in a room and hope for guidance from Yahamala. I felt Larien respond, and I knew she’d be here with Janella in a moment or three.
“I loved her,” Tarmorleen said. “And in spite of this show, I know you still do, too, Tessella.”
“She’s a raving bitch,” Tessella answered. “I hold nothing but contempt for her.”
“She regrets her mistakes,” I repeated. “Well, some of them, anyway.”
The two turned to me. “What do you want, Lady Yallameenara?” Tessella asked. “Do you think I’m going to forgive her? Oh, I’m sorry you’re dying, Momma. Here’s a hug. It makes up for years of poor treatment.”
I looked her in the eye. “My goddess allows me to look into a woman’s heart, if the woman gives me permission. At the same time, she can look into mine.”
“And you want to look into mine? You won’t like what you see.”
“That isn’t where I was going,” I said. “Your mother invited me to look into hers.”
“You meant that literally,” Tarmorleen said. “It wasn’t just a figure of speech.”
“No. It’s not just a figure of speech. Oh, it’s not literally her heart. It’s that part of her mind that we associate with the heart. I think you understand that. I looked into your mother’s heart, and then my Prestainamatta filled me, and I asked her how I could help this woman. And she asked me to bring all of you here.”
At that, my timing was perfect. Larien opened the seaside doors, gesturing Janella into the temple. The woman came to a stop, staring at her daughter and former lover. “Tessella,” she whispered. “Tarmorleen.”
“You look like shit, Janella,” Tarmorleen said.
The woman stepped forward, her gaze shifting back and forth between the two people most important to her. “Tessella,” she said again. “Tarmorleen. I’ve been such a fool.” She came to a stop perhaps even with the altar, several paces from the three of us. Larien remained at the entrance, closing the door quietly and then waiting.
The three looked at each other until Tessella broke the silence. “You were a horrible mother.”
“You turned out all right,” Janella replied. “In spite of a difficult to please mother.”
“Difficult to please? Is that what you’re calling it?”
“I know I’m horrible at showing it, but I love you.”
“Nothing I ever did was good enough for you,” Tessella spat. “Nothing. Whenever I accomplished something, you told me how inconsequential it was. You told me how I could have done it better. Not once did you offer a single word of praise.”
“I know,” Janella said. “I was wrong.”
“Damned right you were!” Tessella yelled. “So now, what? What did you pay Lady Yallameenara to lure us here?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I brought you here because my Prestainamatta asked me to.”
The three turned to me. “Why?” Tarmorleen asked.
“I don’t particularly care why,” Tessella said.
“Don’t you?” Janella asked. “Maybe we’re here so you could yell at me. Maybe hearing me agree with you will help you find closure. I imagine doing it while I can hear you is far more cathartic than waiting until I’m gone.”
“Is that supposed to be funny, Mother?” Tessella asked.
“Have you ever heard me make a joke?” Janella replied.
“Prestainamatta,” I said. “I don’t know how to help these women.”
She filled me. “Look into their hearts, Yalla, the three together.”
Tarmorleen noticed first. She took a double take, and then she stared at me. Then she tugged on Tessella’s arm and gestured with her chin. Janella turned as well, and I found all three staring at me.
Behind me, Larien approached slowly. “Prestainamatta?”
I turned to face my priestess. “She loves you so much,” I said in the words of the Goddess. Then I turned back to our guests.
“You’re glowing, Yallameenara,” Janella said.
I smiled. “Our Prestainamatta offers a gift. Are you interested?” I didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, I backed towards the altar, gesturing for them to follow me. They did, moving slowly. I bumped into the altar and then hopped up, rotatin
g and shifting until I was seated entirely atop the stone. I gestured again, and the women approached.
“What are you doing?” Tarmorleen asked.
“I am offering a gift,” I said. I lay down flat upon the altar, spreading my arms. “Janella, here please.” I waved my hand furthest from the other two. She circled the altar, and I added, “Give me your hands.” She set both in mine, and then I turned my head and looked at the others. “Do not be afraid.”
It was Tarmorleen who offered first, setting both her hands in mine. Then she nudged Tessella with her shoulder and asked, “When are you going to get another chance?”
“A chance for what?”
“Give her your hands and find out,” Tarmorleen said.
Tessella paused, but then she added her hands to Tarmorleen’s. I nodded to them.
“Bring forth the magic,” Yahamala said to me, “but direct it out to the three of them, Yalla.”
I did what she said. It wasn’t hard. I drew forth the magic she had taught me, and then I shared with each of them.
There was a gasp; I’m not sure who it was from.
“This is the best we can do, Yalla,” said my Prestainamatta. “Then they must decide.”
I looked at each of them. Tessella was the most hurt, and she held much anger towards her mother. But I asked a simple question, and I received my answer. Do you love your mother?
She did.
Do you want to watch her die?
She began to cry. Janella began to cry. Tarmorleen began to cry. And I’d been crying for a while.
They pulled away from me, but then Larien was there, leaning over the altar and holding me. I felt her love, both for me and for our Prestainamatta.
“Help me up,” I whispered.
She did, and I opened my eyes to look at the women. Janella stood at Tessella’s shoulder, saying, “I’m so sorry,” over and over.
Finally Tessella said, not turning around, “I don’t want you to die, Mother.”
Janella set her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. Tarmorleen looked at me. “How long?” she asked, her tone subdued.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Perhaps the Goddess does, but this is so far for her.” I switched languages. “Prestainamatta, can you tell how quickly she is dying?”
“With care, and if she avoids anything that weakens her, I believe she will see the spring equinox, but I believe she has seen her last summer solstice. But something that weakens her could take her much more quickly. Yalla, this is difficult for me, but I’ll see you very soon.”
“Thank you for helping, Yahamala.”
“You are welcome, Yalla. I am sorry I cannot do more. Please kiss our priestesses for me and tell them I miss them.”
“I will.”
I felt her fade, and I knew that I stopped glowing. I relayed what the Goddess had said, apologizing we couldn’t do more. Tarmorleen nodded and then turned to her former lover. “I’d like you to come home with me, Janella.” She looked at Tessella. “Perhaps we can be a proper family in the time we have left.”
Janella choked a sob but nodded. Tessella turned around, looking first at Tarmorleen and her mother. Finally she nodded. Tarmorleen began to escort Janella out, but the woman turned away and hurried to me, wrapping me in a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered into her ear.
And then the three stepped from our temple.
* * * *
I want to spare only another moment or three to discuss Janella a little longer. It was two days later, and I was in the palace temple. With Gressa’s help, Terél and I were working together on another translation. One of the pages stepped in. They used to knock, which I found annoying, but now they knew the temple was always open, and they should enter. “Lady Yallameenara, you have a visitor.” She stepped forward and gave me a card.
I turned it to me. Tessella of Windy Point Orchards. I read it then showed it to Larien. “Please show her in, Marmie.”
“Very good, Lady Yallameenara.”
“Should we give you privacy, Yalla?” Larien asked.
“Let’s see what she wants,” I replied.
It was only a moment before the door entered, and Marmie led Tessella into the temple. The three of us stood. I thanked Marmie and then offered a tentative smile.
Tessella looked around for a moment. The most obvious feature, of course, was the statue. It was immediately in front of the door, after all, and very difficult to miss. She stepped closer and looked at it. “Am I supposed to kneel?”
“The only rule is that you are respectful. If this is a good meeting, we can talk here. If it is to be a bad meeting, may we go somewhere else?”
She glanced at me. “It’s a good meeting,” she replied. She glanced at Larien and Gressa then turned her focus back to the statue. Larien and I moved closer, coming to a stop at one point of a triangle.
“Did you want privacy?”
“I’m sorry if I interrupted something.”
“I’m glad you came,” I replied. “This is Larien, and the young scribe is Gressa.”
“She’s not a priestess?”
“She’s an acolyte, but today she is also a scribe,” I said. “I can send her on an errand.”
“That isn’t necessary,” Tessella said. “That’s her?” She gestured with her chin. “Your goddess?”
“Yes,” I said. “Other than coloring, an exact likeness. She made it herself before my very eyes, and that of Princess Juleena as well.”
Tessella stared at the statue for a half minute before saying, “I’ve never believed in gods.”
“I didn’t even know the concept,” I said. “And my own mother the high priestess before me.”
That usually spawns a conversation, but Tessella let it lie. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there.”
“Ah. I don’t blame you for that.”
She turned to me, looking at me carefully for the first time since she arrived. “I read your book.”
“I’m glad,” I said.
“I’m not really sure why I’m here.”
“I do.”
She offered a brief smile. “Perhaps you’ll enlighten me.”
“You’re here for several reasons,” I said. “You’re here to tell me whether you will be spending more time with your mother. And you’re here wondering if I’m going to attempt to recruit you to my cause.”
“I can’t really forgive her,” she said. “But what happened? I’m trying to move past it. She’s really dying, isn’t she?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t even know if your mother still lives.”
“Which gives me empathy for your position, Tessella.”
She turned more fully, looking at me squarely. “So. Are you?”
“Going to recruit you to the cause? Do you want me to?”
She cocked her head. “You’re not at all what I envision when I think of a religious zealot.”
“You’ve felt Her touch,” I said. “And now you’ve read of the nine words. You can make up your own mind from that.”
“That’s it?” she asked. “No impassioned speech?”
I smiled. “That’s not really my style. Perhaps you’ll begin to join us for our services. We hold them every eight days.”
“Mother has asked Tarmorleen and me if we’ll take her.”
“And?”
“Mother has spent her entire life demanding the things she wants,” Tessella said. “Now, she asks. One seems to be more effective for her than the other has been.”
“Is that good?”
She paused, considering, and then nodded. “Perhaps it is.
Wedding
Parmeed and Malta set a new pattern, one that would last. Parmeed began coming to the palace with Malta every morning, joining us in the temple. There were other times I might be alone, but my morning devotion schedule was known, and I nearly always had company. Larien and Terél attended with me every morning, of course. Juleena and Alta joined me most mornings, an
d Ralalta came often enough.
The first morning, Parmeed and Malta were already waiting as I approached the temple doors. I imagine for Parmeed this was somewhat intimidating. Four was about the limit of her comfort level, but she faced a high priestess, two princesses, two priestesses, and this morning, two maid-spies. It was Está who whispered in Altearan, “We’ll come back later.”
“No,” I said to them. “I want you here.” And so she and Nita nodded.
“Welcome,” I said, then stepped straight to Parmeed and hugged her before Malta. Into Malta’s ear I whispered, “You didn't have to wait out here.”
“I know,” she whispered back. “But Parmeed wanted to enter with you.”
I nodded, and we separated. I smiled again. “This is not a formal celebration. It is my custom. I will go in. Some mornings I putter around a little. Then I kneel to the statue. It is only a statue. It was made by divine magic, but it is not our Prestainamatta. But it is her temple, and she says she can hear me better when I’m there. I like to hold hands in a chain. Parmeed, is that all right?”
“Yes, Yalla.”
“I will pray for a few minutes. I pray aloud for part of it and silently for the rest. After that, I like to pick one of the words and talk about it.”
“Malta has told me,” Parmeed said.
“Good. When I pray, I pray in her language. I do not understand why, but she cannot understand our languages, and so I must speak in hers. But later, we’ll speak in Framaran. All right?”
Parmeed nodded. The rest already knew all this. I smiled and gestured.
* * * *
The temple wasn’t new to anyone here, and Malta had joined me from time to time in the past. But I gave our guests time to wander the room before I moved to my place before the statue. I knelt, and that was the signal for the others.
One request I’d made of everyone, shortly after the temple was completed, was to not grow accustomed to some sort of assigned place when joining me. So I didn’t necessarily have Alta to one side and Juleena to the other, for instance. Instead, it shifted. Some mornings I held hands with Larien and Alta. Others might find Naddí on my left and Ralalta on my right. It shifted, which was exactly what I wanted.
This time, my household left the places immediately beside me free, although Está and Níta held back. And so Parmeed knelt down on my left, with Malta past her. I took Parmeed’s hand, and then Níta filled the space on my right. Soon we had a chain, with Alta at one end holding Malta’s hand, and Está at the other end. I smiled up at the statue then began praying aloud.