by Robin Roseau
Pray. What is prayer? It wasn’t my habit to ask daily favors of our Prestainamatta. I asked for her guidance only when I most needed it. I didn’t ask for her blessings. I already knew I had those, after all. Instead, I talked to her. Some mornings it was in devotion. Others it was just to share the news of the day.
That day? I told her who was with me, and I talked about Malta and Parmeed for a minute, explaining about the upcoming wedding. Then I paused. “Love,” I said in her word. “Joy. I am overcome with both this morning.” I talked about that for a minute or two. And then I paused before switching back to Framaran. “I am going to pray silently now. It isn’t important what you pray for. Some mornings I only tell her how much I love her. Other times, I thank her for her words. I don’t use this time to ask for favors. I use it only to remain close to her.”
Then I nodded. The others would pray or not as best suited them.
And so I closed my eyes and my mouth. In my heart, I spoke to Yahamala. I spoke for a minute or two, mostly words of love. At the end, I felt her touch, although it was fleeting. I wondered if I had tired her out; she had done much to help Janella, after all. Could goddesses grow tired?
But I felt her touch, and it warmed me.
I paused a moment longer, and then I squeezed the hands on either side and opened my eyes. I looked around, smiling. A few had their heads bowed, and I waited, but most were watching me.
“Let’s get comfortable,” I said finally. We stood, with Juleena helping Alta. Our wife wasn’t to the point she needed help, but Juleena was just being Juleena, and Alta and I both loved her for it. I gestured, moving us to the alcove. There wasn’t really sufficient seating for everyone, but we made it work. I found myself cuddling rather closely with Larien and Terél. Malta and Parmeed sat together in a chair too small for two, but they looked pleased.
The image made me freeze for a moment. Then I smiled. “I remember when I first arrived. You were so stern, Malta. Now look at you.”
She looked at her fiancé and smiled but said nothing.
“Right. Well. I typically pick one word each morning and talk about it for a while. That’s the only part that has become a tradition. Sometimes I talk. Sometimes I ask questions. Sometimes I have a word in mind. Sometimes others ask.”
“Did you have a word picked this morning?” Parmeed asked.
“No.”
“Then could you talk about the difference between A Gift to be Given and A Gift to be Received?”
“Ah. That can confuse people. Okay, maybe not, but it confused me when I first learned.” But I leaned over and kissed Terél’s cheek. “Did you want to tell them what you told me?”
“A gift is a gift,” she said. “Anything can be a gift, or almost nothing at all. I consider the kiss I just received a gift. The joy the two of you have with each other is a gift. A smile is a gift, and at times, quite a treasured gift at that.” And then she smiled to demonstrate. “By itself, a kiss is a kiss, a smile is a smile, a knife is a knife.” She gestured to the wall of shelves with their small gifts to the temple. “The things you see arrayed would all be meaningless, but they came with meaning, and that changes everything.”
This wasn’t at all how she had once explained it to me, but I wasn’t going to interrupt.
But she held her hands. “Imagine a box in my hands.” She gestured to demonstrate the size. “It is wrapped quite gaily, with bright paper and a big bow. It is quite obviously a gift. Imagine I picked this gift with someone in mind. I thought about this person, and what she means to me. Maybe I was in the market, and I saw something that reminded me of her, or perhaps something that will remind her of me.” She offered a little laugh. “In that case, is this a gift from me to her, or a gift for myself, in hopes she’ll think of me.”
She didn’t wait for an answer. “There is meaning in the gift. There is intent. It is a gift to be given. Even if it is a minor gift, it is still sacred.” Then she turned and placed the imaginary box in my lap. “And now it has become a gift to be received. Yalla sees this gift quite differently than I do. Oh, we see part of it the same way. The gift is representative of my feelings for her, and we both recognize that. She knows I love her, and this little gift is a symbol of that, but we both have our own feelings for my love. And we have different feelings for this gift. When we give a gift, we think in one way. When we receive a gift, we think differently.”
“It is not the gift that is important,” Larien said. “It is the giving of the gift, and the receiving.”
“That is the important point,” Terél agreed. “It is not the object that is important, but the giving of the gift, and the receiving.”
We talked for perhaps twenty minutes. Terél asked Parmeed about a gift she’d received recently, asking how she felt to receive it. Then she asked about one she’d given, and how she’d felt to choose it, to prepare it, and then to give it to the recipient. Parmeed spoke slowly and carefully, but she smiled often.
Finally, we grew quiet. Parmeed looked down, staring at her hand, clasped with Malta’s. “That puts an entirely different perspective on it,” she said finally. She looked up. “I don’t think I’ll ever be the same in my future gift exchanging. I won’t be able but to think about these things.”
Several of us smiled. It was Larien who answered her. “How could anyone be touched by a goddess and remain unchanged?”
We broke up after that, with Malta and Juleena heading off together. Parmeed stayed behind, and once the others had disappeared from the temple, she asked if I had duties.
“I have time for you,” I said. I took her hand and pulled her back to the sofa then smiled.
“Thank you for helping with Mother.”
“You’re welcome. When we parted, I thought perhaps she would accept your wishes.”
“She promised to behave,” Parmeed said. “Malta and I talked.”
“Good.”
“You’ve done so much for us.”
I squeezed her hand. “What can I do for you, Parmeed?”
“I don’t want to take more of your time.”
“Spit it out.”
She gestured to the statue. “I don’t know what to think. It’s all overwhelming.”
“I imagine.”
She turned back and lifted a hand towards my hair then froze. But I nodded slightly, and she stroked my hair for a minute, then examined it carefully. “This is quite shocking. I still remember it from before. You wore it so short.”
“I think my father knew who Mother was. This is more than a symbol. It’s something else I don’t understand, but until my hair grew long enough, I couldn’t communicate with her. Now I never cut it.”
“You must.”
“Never. It is exactly the way she wants it to be, and it stays that way. Even if something tries to get snarled in it, the snarl works itself loose. My hair has not seen a sharp blade since I first left Framara.”
“I suppose I shouldn’t find that any more shocking than the rest,” she replied. “Yalla, what does she want of us?”
“I have never seen her ask more than the nine words,” I replied. “She asks us to take them to heart and live by them. Oh, she asks more from me, but she has never asked anything I wasn’t happy to give her.”
“Does she, oh, I don’t know. Work miracles?”
“My hair isn’t a miracle?”
Parmeed laughed. “I think you know what I mean.”
“So you mean miracles that are even better than long, perfect hair?”
She laughed again. “Yes, that is what I mean.”
“We fly.”
“Excuse me?”
“Every time when we greet. Well, we float. I’m not sure it’s the same thing. We hug and kiss and then when I look, I see that we are high in the air, with everyone looking up at us. You’ll see, if you and Malta come for the winter solstice.”
“I imagine it’s cold.”
“Traveling is cold. The home of the goddess is quite comfortable.”
/> “I suppose it would be.” She looked back to the statue. “The words.”
“Yes. That is where it must begin. The words. But remember that Prestainamatta is central to them all. If you can accept the other eight into your heart and into your life, that is a path to accepting her.”
“A path? Not the path?”
“This shocking hair doesn’t come imbued with special wisdom, Parmeed. I remain a simple girl of The Hippa. There are other routes to her, I am sure. I believe some come to her first, and then learn the words. But we are experienced adults. How can I ask you to open your heart to a goddess you can’t even see? But I can ask you to accept these other eight words.”
We talked for a few more minutes before she said she should go. We stood, and I showed her from my wing, hugging her before watching her walk away.
But that day set a trend. Malta didn’t always stay for very long, but she and Parmeed would arrive together for the morning prayer. And, much to my delight, Lady Reese joined them from time to time.
* * * *
The Day arrived. As was my habit on Celebration days, I woke earlier than usual. Está and Níta had tea waiting for me, but I dressed myself, donning casual vestments. I would change into my best later.
I brought the tea with me, setting the pot on a small brazier and the cup beside it. Then I knelt to the statue.
I said nothing for a while, simply letting my emotions flow. But when I spoke, I began with news of the day, and the plans. I didn’t think I told her anything she didn’t already know, but I used this partly as a time to collect my own thoughts. “It will be the first wedding at the temple, and the first I’ve conducted. I practiced, though.”
And I had, utilizing members of my household for the various roles.
I was nervous. I wanted the day to be perfect, but I knew perfect was an ideal, and it could only be as close to perfect as I could achieve. It would be enough, or so I hoped.
Then behind me, the door opened. I wasn’t surprised when Larien and Terél knelt down on either side of me. They bowed their heads, but each reached over and took a hand. “We love you,” Terél said. She spoke Altearan, so I knew the words for me, and not our Prestainamatta.
“Today represents a new highlight,” Larien added. “Would you like some advice?”
“Always.”
“Whatever happens, happens.”
I laughed. “I suppose that’s true.”
“By that, I mean don’t worry if something goes differently than we practiced. Today is about all nine words, and you never explain them the same way twice, anyway.”
“I suppose I don’t,” I agreed.
“If you need us,” Terél said, “You know we’ll be there.”
“But this is best if it’s just me,” I replied.
“Because of past relationships,” she replied. “I know. What were you praying when we entered?”
“Only about the day,” I said.
“Do you think you could talk about Trust?” Larien asked.
“I think I’d like that.”
* * * *
Our celebration of the autumnal equinox had set a pattern I hadn’t been sure I intended to keep, but I thought about it, and I talked to the other priestesses in Framara, especially Larien, Terél, Vérundia, and Hastia. We had all agreed to pattern each celebration after the first, although perhaps with less length.
And so I waited in the school, although this time, my four closest waited with me. There were others at the temple, and the acolytes, too, along with the royal family and their guards. There were plenty of people to offer greetings to those who came from town.
And then it was time. With me in the lead, we stepped from the school and as soon as we were outside, we began to sing, me first, and then the others joined me.
I should talk about the song for a minute. There were no accomplished musicians amongst the priestesses. Nearly all of them had been selected at a very young age. A few may have once played an instrument, and several played simple instruments, suitable for campfire songs. But there were no great composers or musicians amongst us.
But still, there was joy, much joy, and joy often expresses itself through song.
We also had something else; we had prayers. It was not my style to use crafted prayers, but others did. There were entire books of prayers that had been written by this priestess or that high priestess over the ages. Some of those were simple prayers. Others were written as poems.
And poems could be put to music.
While there wasn’t anyone to devise new music set to the words of our Prestainamatta, there were countless secular songs. And so it was quite common to choose a tune but to sing the words of our Prestainamatta to that tune.
And so that’s what I did.
I chose a prayer of general celebration, and then I set it to a popular Framaran tune. And this meant two things. It meant the other priestesses would know the words, and it meant the attendees would know the tune.
That was the song I sang that day as we walked along the path from the school to the temple. I sang the first verse alone, and the chorus, but then behind me, the others joined in, lifting our voices in joy for the day.
When we’d built the temple, I hadn’t known what to expect. I certainly hadn’t expected the sort of attendance we’d been getting. As I came around the school, I saw people waiting, all of them turned to watch us. My heart soared, and with it, my voice caught for a moment, but I collected myself and rejoined the others.
From inside the temple, I heard others singing.
As I drew closer, I could begin to make out individual faces of our guests. Most were familiar. Some were friends. Some I had barely met. Here and there were new faces, some standing with others I knew, some having clearly come alone.
I’d been singing in this fashion for each event. The song for the autumnal equinox had been a traditional song from Alteara, but in the weeks since, I had been setting prayers to Framaran tunes, and it had become expected. None of the waiting people would know the words – or even be able to pronounce them – but they knew the tune, and some of them were humming with us.
As it always did, my heart was warmed.
As we approached, the people parted, clearing the path for us. A few needed to be reminded, and they were pulled from the path by others. My honor guard dropped off, and so there were five priestesses who passed through the gap.
And then I circled, still singing. My priestesses broke off to greet our guests, also still singing, but sharing touches and hugs. I circled, and then I stepped in amongst the people as well, offering my own touches.
I almost cried when I saw Janella standing with Tessella and Tarmorleen. I gave them each a hug before moving on.
Eventually I climbed the stairs into the temple, and there I greeted my household and the waiting priestesses, including the acolytes, with the others sharing their own greetings. Then I circled the altar once more before coming to a stop, facing the altar.
We sang the song through one final time before we grew still. And then from outside, the people cheered. I thought that was sweet.
I waited for them to quiet, and then I raised my voice. “Our Prestainamatta, Yahamala, on this joyous day, we greet you!” I spoke for a minute, and I could feel her listening. I raised my voice, hoping she could hear.
Then I looked around and smiled before circling the altar and coming to a stop facing the guests. “Greetings, and welcome!”
* * * *
It wasn’t a long celebration, less than a half hour. Half of that was directed to Yahamala, and the other half to the guests, telling them a little about our Prestainamatta. We ended with another song, but for this one, all of us flowed forth from the temple and moved amongst the guests, singing, offering smiles, and touches where appropriate.
Then, while the others stayed outside, I moved back in, circling the altar one more time. The song ended as I stepped to the altar, and then everyone gave another cheer.
It was
Larien who invited people to stay for a while, if they wished to talk, and she reminded them the temple was open to all. It was Ralalta who said, “But there is a more intimate event here afterwards, so if we start nudging you towards the road, please don’t take it personally.”
Of course, Parmeed and Malta were there, both looking quite lovely. Juleena and Alta ushered them into the temple and then walked with them while others came to greet me.
I answered questions. A few asked about my book, and I sent them to Gressa and Tyreen. We gave out a few each week, and we took in donations as offered.
The words were spreading, and I knew I would need another book, perhaps next year.
Finally Ralalta and my wives began nudging people. Some clearly were hoping to stay for whatever special event was coming next, but we knew the guest list, and Ralalta got the rest on their way.
And then every pair of eyes turned to me. And I realized I hadn’t considered something. Every wedding I’d ever attended included some sort of entrance. But we were already gathered. I smiled wryly. “I had an entrance planned.”
“And you performed it admirably,” Malta said.
“No. I had one planned for both of you. I suppose it’s silly to send you in opposite directions just to come back.” I looked at Parmeed. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” she replied.
“Well, we’re going to change my plans,” I said. “We talked about hosting this in the garden near the sea. Is that still what you want?”
“Yes.”
“All right. Then we’ll begin here, and we’ll enter the garden all together. “Lady Reese, will you escort your daughter? You should follow Terél.”
“Of course.” She stepped to Parmeed’s side and then pulled her away from Malta, stepping into the formed gap between them. A few people laughed.
“Malta, I thought perhaps you would like to walk with Ralalta?” I made it a question.