Mr Darcy's Struggle

by Martine J Roberts

  In a gentle whisper, Darcy said, “Elizabeth, look at me, Elizabeth.”

  Suddenly feeling shy, she was reluctant to meet his gaze. Sensing this reluctance, he ran a finger lightly down her cheek and tilted her chin up. The smouldering desire he felt was unmistakably visible in his eyes, and suddenly she felt quite breathless.

  He bent his head and let his lips gently caress hers.

  The sensation his brief caress evoked seemed to spark through her entire body. She raised her face a little more, and Darcy was encouraged to deepen the kiss, savouring her timid response. Her lips were delicious beyond belief, and he wanted to prolong the experience for as long as he dared. He craved to awaken the passion and desire that was only now stirring in her, but he knew she did not love him, and that was the one thing he desired above all else.

  With reluctance, Darcy pulled away, mindful of Elizabeth’s innocence. He was pleased she had permitted such an intimate embrace before they were married.

  As she tried to catch her breath and to restore a modicum of composure, Elizabeth realised she would need to be on her guard when in close proximity to Mr Darcy. She enjoyed his kisses far too much!

  “You are a hard man to resist Mr Darcy,” she said breathlessly.

  “And I find you irresistible, Miss Bennet,” he replied.

  This time, Elizabeth did not shy away as he took her hand, and together they made their way back to the parsonage.

  CHAPTER 4

  On the day of her departure, Elizabeth had risen early, and enjoyed a last walk in the grounds around Rosings. She was not looking forward to the journey home. She was sure her mind would be full of images of a certain gentleman. A gentle knock on the door brought Elizabeth back from her reflections, and knowing it must be Charlotte, she bade her enter.

  “Good morning, Lizzie, tis early I know, but I guessed you would be up and dressed. Have you been for a walk in the grove? I thought we might breakfast together in my private parlour before you leave,” she said.

  “Aye, you know me so well, dear Charlotte, and although I am not inclined to eat, I will take a dish of tea with you.”

  “Come Lizzie; you must eat something before your journey. I could not in all good conscience, send you off on an empty stomach.”

  Observing her friend’s countenance, Charlotte could see she was in low spirits, and must conclude it was because of her betrothal.

  She gently asked, “Elizabeth, you are happy to be marrying Mr Darcy, are you not?”

  Her concerned enquiry was all the encouragement Elizabeth needed. She wanted to share her vexation with someone and knew Charlotte to be completely trustworthy.

  “Oh Charlotte, if only you knew. I am resigned to my fate and even share some of the blame,” Elizabeth sighed. “Had I not let my temper run away with me, this situation would never have come about. And I would not be going home to prepare for my wedding to a man who thinks my station is so decidedly below his,” she expelled.

  Charlotte stared at Elizabeth in disbelief.

  “When you told me of your betrothal you were full of joy and happiness, surely you cannot mean that Mr Darcy imparted such sentiments. His offer of marriage seems to belie such a remark.”

  “Oh, yes, he said that and much more,” replied Elizabeth.

  Charlotte felt the sting of tears prick the back of her eye at this grave and hurtful revelation. Taking hold of her dear friend's hands, Charlotte asked,

  “Lizzie, do you want to talk about it? I do not know the particulars, just what you imparted yesterday. If you are disinclined to wed Mr Darcy, why did you accept him? I have long thought he held you in tender regard, and I am truly not surprised by his offer.”

  Charlotte was puzzled. How could things have changed so much in such a short space of time? For the past few weeks she had observed a thaw in the relationship between Elizabeth and Darcy, even if the other guests at Rosings had not. Elizabeth had seemed at ease in his company, and on several occasions teased him, bringing a smile to both their lips. And when he thought no one was observing him, Darcy let his eyes follow her every move, her every smile. When this was not possible, he resorted to watching her reflection in the window glass. Oh yes, Charlotte was certain Mr Darcy loved her friend most ardently, yet his word seemed quite unkind if he did indeed say them.

  “Yes, we must marry, Charlotte. I vowed I would not marry unless it were a deep, all-consuming love, not because I had been compromised!” Elizabeth snorted.

  “Oh Lizzie, I did not know. Did he hurt you, are you well? I thought Mr Darcy a gentleman and find it hard to believe he would act so disrespectfully.”

  Charlotte was shocked at this confession. Mr Darcy did not seem the kind of man who would need to force his attention on an unsuspecting female.

  “Yes, of course, he is a gentleman, Charlotte, but compromised I am and Wed I must be.”

  She could see Charlotte’s mind was begging for her unasked questions to be answered; however, Elizabeth needed time to gather her thoughts. Apart from Jane, Charlotte was the only other person whom she would trust with the true version of her betrothal.

  “Come, I will reveal all over breakfast,” Elizabeth said as they walked to the door.

  Once seated in Charlotte’s parlour, Elizabeth busied her hands in the hope she would be able to retell the events without her face revealing how her body had betrayed her. She sipped a little tea and broke off a piece of hot cake to nibble on. Realising she could no longer forestall, she put her cup back on its saucer and met Charlotte’s gaze.

  “Will you let me tell all before you speak or pass judgement on me, Charlotte?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Of course, Lizzie, but I doubt I’ll judge you ill, for I know you to be beyond reproach in all that you do,” Charlotte replied reassuringly.

  Elizabeth gave a weak smile. First, she remembered how much she was enjoying her stay, especially the first few weeks. It was nice to spend time with Charlotte again, even if it meant she also had to endure the company of Mr Collins, who had once proposed to her. Most days she rose early and enjoyed a morning walk before breakfast. Once she was clear from view of both the parsonage and Rosings, either Col. Fitzwilliam or Mr Darcy would join her. No doubt to avoid Lady Catherine knowing their direction. She also wondered whether they were genuinely out for a morning constitutional as they claimed or if they were waiting for her. Elizabeth laughed, either way, she enjoyed their company. Though if they had spied her before she reached the bluff where they usually met, they would surely be very shocked indeed. With only a cursory glance to check she was unobserved, she would run along the leafy, woodland path with her bonnet off and her hair breaking free from its ribbons and pins. But by the time she had been joined by her companion of the day, she was a model of decorum. Once at the peak, they would sit on the rocks or a fallen tree and converse for a while, before falling silent to drink in the beauty and splendour of God’s creation.

  “Dear Charlotte, it was on just such a day, before the Colonel returned to London, that the conversation turned to Mr Bingley.”

  She recalled their conversation and the effect it had on her.

  “How long do you plan to stay in Kent,” Elizabeth asked the Colonel.

  “As long as my cousin requires me, I am completely at his disposal,” he replied.

  “As everyone seems to be,” Elizabeth murmured.

  “From what I heard on our journey here, Darcy recently came to the rescue of one of his friends, Mr Bingley. Are you familiar with the gentleman?”

  “Oh! Yes,” said Elizabeth drily, “Mr Darcy is uncommonly kind to Mr Bingley. I understand he takes care of him prodigiously.”

  “Care of him; yes, I believe he does.”

  “May I ask in what way did Mr Darcy rescue Mr Bingley?”

  “It is a circumstance that Darcy would not wish to be generally known. If it was to be circulated and word got back to the lady's family, it could be most unpleasant. I understand Darcy saved him from an imprudent marriage.” />
  “And did he give voice to his reasons for this interference?”

  “I understand there were some strong objections to the lady.”

  “These objections, Colonel, was it due to her lack of fortune maybe?” Elizabeth enquired.

  “Her family I believe,” replied Colonel Fitzwilliam, unaware it was to her family he referred.

  Elizabeth made no answer but walked on, her chest swelling with indignation. So it was Darcy’s interference that convinced Mr Bingley to leave Netherfield and cause poor Jane’s heart to break. Elizabeth did not want the Colonel to feel he had betrayed a trust, so she abruptly changed the conversation. Then pleading a sudden headache, she asked to return to the parsonage, and so they took a sedate walk back. She then bade him a hasty good day and went inside. Once in her own room, Elizabeth let the tears fall.

  “There were strong objections against the lady,” Colonel Fitzwilliam had said. These strong objections he spoke of were probably an uncle who was a country attorney, and another who was in trade. She could guess his thoughts on their residing in Cheapside. Elizabeth was annoyed that she had let her feelings soften towards him, that she had even occasionally imagined him making an offer for her. How could he share her company, knowing what he had done to his friend, and her dear, sweet sister?

  “To Jane herself, there could be no objection, she is all kindness and goodness. Mary and Kitty are quite inoffensive though my mother and Lydia are not so easy to excuse,” Elizabeth reasoned aloud.

  Her tears turned to sobs, and she threw herself on the bed. Sometimes the injustices of life were too harsh to deal with when far from home. The tears had compounded her headache, and Elizabeth decided she could not be in the company of Mr Darcy, and trust herself not to speak ill to him. She would not give him further reason to scorn her family.

  Elizabeth paused in her narration and looked at Charlotte, who had remained silent as asked,

  “I know you were party to some of the events that I have recounted Charlotte; have you no observation or questions at this point?”

  “Dear Lizzie,” said Charlotte, “though I now understand the reason you did not come to Rosings with us, I’ve heard nothing that indicates you have been compromised. If this is all, I see no reason for a hasty marriage.”

  “Oh, Charlotte, if only that were all.”

  Drawing a deep breath, Elizabeth continued her telling of the events that led to Mr Collins entering the parlour and finding her in Mr Darcy’s embrace.

  Having revealed all, and nursing a fierce blush, Elizabeth asked,

  “Please say you do not think ill of me dear friend?”

  Charlotte squeezed Lizzie’s hands and smiled a knowing smile.

  “Oh Lizzie, I am neither shocked nor surprised. I have always known that you possessed a passionate nature. I have also suspected for several months that Mr Darcy had feelings for you. Indeed, he watches you most prodigiously; especially when he thinks no one else is looking. Did you know he timed his arrival at Rosings to coincide with your visit? No, I thought not. So you see, I already suspected he was considering making you an offer. It is unfortunate that you do not yet return his sentiment, but I am sure that will come in time,” Charlotte offered reassuringly.

  Managing a weak smile, Elizabeth looked at the clock. Time had passed more swiftly than she had realised. Soon she would have to depart, but before she did so, she must make an earnest request of her friend.

  “Charlotte, I know not a word of this will pass your lips, but if Mr Collins ...” Her words faltered as Charlotte held up her hand to silence her.

  “Fear not Lizzie, I will impress upon my husband the version of events that will be universally accepted as the truth.”

  Relieved, Elizabeth embraced her friend and kissed her cheek. Charlotte felt she could not let Elizabeth depart without first reminding her of Lady Catherine’s presumed displeasure, and with all seriousness turned and said,

  “Of course, you realise Lady Catherine will not accept your engagement. She has long harboured the belief that Mr Darcy will marry Anne.”

  “I expect not Charlotte, but I understand from Mr Darcy that it is only her wish. He has spoken to his cousin at length on the matter, and fortunately, she is adamant she would not have him either. Apparently, her affections are already engaged elsewhere.”

  She had been both relieved and surprised when Darcy had reassured her that he was the master of his own destiny, and free to marry at will. Anne de Burgh appeared a slight and sickly girl, only mediocre in looks and completely dominated by her mother. She would be quite unable to satisfy Miss Bingley’s requirements to be considered an accomplished lady, only her wealth would compensate for anything thought lacking.

  “Then there are no obstacles to you both enjoying a long, and happy marriage. Now come, say your farewells to Mr Collins as the carriage is waiting. Write soon, and let me know when the wedding date is set, and I will ensure my attendance. Oh, I am going to miss you, Lizzie.”

  “And I you, Charlotte.”

  CHAPTER 5

  The journey home was uneventful. Elizabeth intended to read her book, but after going over the same page several times, she decided to forgo trying. She conversed a few times with Bessie, Charlotte’s maid, but soon the young girl’s eyes drooped as she struggled to stay awake against the rhythm of the carriage. Turning towards the window, Elizabeth closed her eyes and feigned sleep, hoping Bessie would feel free to do the same. Soon her travelling companion was enjoying her slumber. Unfortunately, that luxury evaded Elizabeth.

  The events of the past three days swirled around her mind. Although she had some reservations about becoming Mr Darcy’s wife, Elizabeth knew the decision was irreversible, without begetting disgrace. She and Darcy must marry; she would fulfil her obligations and duties as wife and mistress of Pemberley. It was regrettable she did not love him, but she did respect him. Indeed, if it had not been for his interference with Jane and Bingley’s budding romance, who knew where her affections for him might be. Neither was she ignorant of the benefits it would bring to her family, especially her sisters. And she could not deny that when they were in each other’s presence, he had a most unsettling physical effect on her. Besides, had Darcy not declared to love her most ardently, and with passion? Perhaps, in time, her regard would grow into love. Charlotte’s sensible advice had given Elizabeth reason to hope for a happy future, or at least a content one. Indeed, Charlotte seemed to be at peace with her lot and was she not married to the most ridiculous of men? Eventually, the swaying of the carriage made her eyelids heavy, and Elizabeth happily let sleep take her too.

  The carriage rounded the bend and drew off the lane onto the gravel driveway of Longbourn, her family home. It was modest as manor houses went, but had more than enough space for their needs. On the lower level were all the usual rooms that genteel people considered a necessity whilst the second floor consisted of eight bedrooms, Mrs Bennet’s dressing room and a nursery suite, now mainly used by the Gardiner children. The two attic rooms were for the serving girls under instruction from Mrs Hill. The grounds included a large lawn area to the front and rear of the house, two glasshouses, and a stable block. To the side was a small walled orchard with seats to take one’s ease. Lastly, there was the farm that was situated a half mile away and overseen by Mr Hill. It provided the family with the majority of their fresh vegetables, meat and dairy products. Financially, the main income of the estate came from the tenant farms, yielding two thousand pounds a year.

  As the carriage drew nearer to the house, and the familiar sights and sounds washed over her, Elizabeth thought how good it was to be home.

  As she alighted, her sisters came forward to welcome her home. Jane was full of questions, and Kitty and Lydia were running around screeching in their usual boisterous fashion. Only Mary stood quietly waiting by the door, hoping to be noticed. Jane stepped forward, gave her a warm embrace, and kissed her cheek.

  “I am so glad you are home Lizzie; it has been excess
ively dull without you. Well, until yesterday that is,” Jane teased “When we had a most unexpected visit from a certain gentleman of our acquaintance.”

  “I have missed you too Jane, and you also Mary,” Elizabeth replied, purposely ignoring Jane’s comment as she turned and embraced Mary before entering the house.

  “Where have Lydia and Kitty gone,” she enquired.

  “Mama has sent the girls into Meryton. They are to place a special order with the butcher for tonight’s repast. Though I do not think we are expecting guests, and the cupboards are fully stocked, but Mama insisted.”

  As Elizabeth placed her bonnet and gloves on the hall table, she thought she could guess the answer to Jane’s question, but did not offer to share it with her.

  Just at that moment, Mrs Bennet came bustling down the hallway. After giving Elizabeth a brief kiss on the cheek, she took her by the hand and began to propel her back along the corridor towards her father’s library.

  “Welcome back Lizzie, I must say you certainly know how to cause a stir, even when you are away from home. It has made my nerves all of a flutter. That does not mean it is an unpleasant, or unwelcome surprise, though, quite the opposite. Come, your father is waiting to speak with you most urgently; there is not a moment to lose, hurry child.”

  With a firm push, her mother propelled her through the door and closed it behind her. Elizabeth had little doubt what the interview was about, and her mother’s broad smile and speed of deliverance confirmed what she suspected.

  Once ensconced in her father’s book room, she realised how much she had missed the time they spent in here together. They alone shared a love of books and knowledge while her mother and younger siblings looked upon it as a waste of time. It was just one example of why she was her father’s favourite. Elizabeth assumed that Mr Darcy had spoken to her father and that the match had been approved, giving her mother great joy at the prospect of having at least one daughter married.