JACKS ARE WILD

by Christopher Greyson

  Jack didn’t hide his smirk as he stopped and turned around. “Besides, the Boar’s Butt isn’t a restaurant.”

  He opened the door for an older couple who hurried out. Jack stepped out of their way. The man smiled and the woman mouthed, “thank you” as they passed.

  “It’s not a restaurant?” Replacement asked.

  “No. It’s a strip club.”

  Replacement froze. She looked at the open door, and then to him and back again. “I’m not going in there,” she blurted out, pointing at the door as she scrunched up her face. “Neither are you.” She pulled the door closed.

  Jack burst out laughing.

  “What?” She stamped her foot. “Are you—” She spun around and looked at the older gray-haired couple getting in their car. “Funny. Ha-ha,” she scoffed as she wiggled her head and then stomped inside.

  “Sorry. It’s just a bar, but it was too good a joke to pass up.”

  “Yeah, thanks. I love being the butt of your jokes.”

  Jack debated about making another butt joke but thought better of it.

  As they walked through the door, Jack scanned the room. The entire restaurant was a large, open room with a kitchen at the back. There were five booths against the wall, and next to them were five large tables, each covered with a checkered red and white vinyl tablecloth. Sawyer Brown blared over the jukebox while the smell of pizza and beer filled the air. On the opposite wall was a long serving bar with a dozen stools. Jammed into the corners were two pinball machines and a jukebox.

  “It’s still a stupid name for a restaurant,” Replacement muttered as she crossed her arms and scowled at him.

  Calling the Boar’s Butt a restaurant was a stretch. The only food it served was pizza and chicken wings. They had beer, hard liquor, and cheap wine—all the essentials for a local bar. Jack scanned the faces for Kendra, and finally spotted her in the corner talking with a young woman dressed in hospital scrubs. Kendra’s friend was around five eight, a little on the chubby side, but, despite an exhausted appearance, wore a bright smile. Jack and Replacement walked across the painted wood floor to where they sat.

  “Hey.” Jack leaned in. Kendra spun around, saw who it was, and hugged him hard.

  “I’m so sorry.” Kendra kissed his cheek and then he felt her tense up.

  Replacement must have her happy face on.

  He let go of Kendra. Replacement stood next to him with her arms crossed, her brows knit together.

  “Hi, I’m Jack. This is Alice. Alice, Kendra and Tina.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Replacement shook their hands.

  Tina’s mouth opened as she exchanged a look with Kendra.

  “Name tag.” Jack smiled, and the woman chuckled.

  “It’s been one of those days.” Tina unclipped the badge from her pocket and slipped it into her purse. “I work at the ER, and it can get a little crazy.”

  Everyone sat back down as the waitress walked up.

  “How you all doin’? Can I get you some drinks?”

  “Whiskey, neat, and an iced tea.”

  Replacement frowned at Jack, and so did the waitress.

  “She’s getting the iced tea, right?” The waitress stuck her thumb toward Replacement.

  “My designated driver.” Jack flashed a big toothy grin.

  “Great.” Replacement grabbed a sugar packet and tossed it into the air. “You get one.”

  “Were you on today?” Jack asked Kendra.

  “Nope. I’m on tomorrow, though.”

  Jack eyed the two empty glasses in front of her.

  “What time?”

  “Not till six. Donald and I are doing the late night. Downtown.”

  “Just watching your back,” Jack explained.

  Kendra leaned into Jack. “You’re usually watching my—hey.” Kendra sat back as a sugar packet whizzed by her head.

  “Oops, sorry.” Replacement picked up a saltshaker as her lips pressed together in a thin smile.

  Jack reached over to squeeze Replacement’s knee and then gave her a quick dirty look.

  “Do you know that officer who was in the car accident?” Tina anxiously stirred her drink. “They were just bringing him in when I was leaving.”

  “Jack, did you hear that Murphy…?” Kendra’s words trailed off as she looked at Jack’s grimace. “Guess you did.”

  “That moron killed the Charger. Do you think anything will happen to him?” Jack’s hands went out. “No. Of course not.”

  Kendra leaned forward as she snapped, “But you get suspended for sending an email? Where’s the fairness in that?”

  Damn.

  The waitress, setting the drinks down, interrupted the silence that had descended over the table. Jack picked up his glass and pounded the shot.

  “What email?” Replacement dropped the saltshaker as she leaned closer to Kendra.

  “I’ll take another shot.” Kendra swallowed before she looked up at the waitress. “Can I talk to you?” She grabbed Jack by the elbow.

  “What email?” Replacement’s hands went out.

  “It’s nothing. Why don’t you order a pizza?” Jack called back as Kendra dragged him to the dance floor.

  “Does she not know?” Kendra whispered as they walked over to the small square of tiles in front of the jukebox that served as the dance floor.

  As Jack stopped, he shook his head. “She doesn’t need to know.”

  “What’s the deal with you two?” Kendra started to dance but Jack looked confused.

  “I don’t dance.” He nervously chuckled.

  The song changed to a slow country ballad, which prompted Kendra to lean her head forward slightly and look up at him through her long lashes.

  “One dance?” She took his hand in hers as she put her other hand on his shoulder. “It can’t hurt.”

  “It actually could,” he muttered. Jack looked back at Replacement, but she was talking with Tina.

  “Seriously, Jack. She’s living with you, right?”

  Jack nodded.

  “Are you two…you know?”

  Jack laughed.

  “What?” She made a face.

  “I never volunteer an answer when someone doesn’t ask the question. Come on, we use that trick all the time.” Jack lowered his voice. “Do you know why I pulled you over?” He exhaled. “When I ask that, I’m just fishing to see what someone did wrong. I want the guy to say, ‘I was speeding, I ran the red light, or I have a body in the trunk.’”

  Kendra laughed. “Fine.” She took a deep breath. “Are you two doing the wild thing?”

  Jack shook his head. “No.”

  “Because I didn’t know if it’s a roommate type of thing or you’re, like, hot and heavy, going at it.”

  “We’re friends.”

  Kendra squeezed his hand. “Do you think Collins is going to press about the email?”

  Jack nodded.

  “What’re you going to do?” she asked.

  “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Jack shrugged. “I need to ask you a favor.”

  Kendra’s hands moved a little lower on his hips. “Really?”

  “Seriously. I need you to keep an eye out for a group of guys. Either Italian or Asian.”

  Kendra smirked. “You didn’t get that memo about racial profiling, did you?”

  Jack cracked his neck. “Look. You know I’m looking for Marisa, but some other people are, too. Could be only two guys, but I’m thinking maybe three or four.”

  “What do I do if I notice a group like that?”

  “Call me. I have some free time on my hands.” Jack sarcastically rolled his eyes.

  He inhaled as Kendra moved her hands up his sides. He was used to her flirting, but he could tell this was something different. Her hands went back to his hips when he saw the color rise in her cheeks.

  “Well, I was thinking, if we’re not working together…and if you’re not hot with her…” Kendra raised an eyebrow as she pulled him a little closer. He could
tell she was a little bolder after a couple of drinks.

  Great.

  “Kendra, right now—”

  “Don’t tell me tonight. I’m still holding out hope you stay on the force.”

  Jack looked up and exhaled. “Me too.”

  He glanced back at the table where Replacement was still talking animatedly with Tina.

  That’s not good.

  Kendra pulled Jack’s chin around. He shrugged. “I gotta go check on her.”

  “Tina’s with her.”

  “She could be upset about the email.”

  And I’m amazed she didn’t go ballistic over me dancing with you.

  Jack headed back for the table with Kendra in tow.

  “Why would Alice get upset about the email?” Kendra asked.

  She sent it. I can’t tell her that either.

  When Replacement looked up, her face said it all—she knew.

  “That stupid email I sent, that’s why you’re suspended?” Replacement put her hands on the table and looked up at Kendra.

  “You sent it?” Kendra put her hand on her hip.

  “I was pretending to be Jack. I sent the email. Can I tell someone? Collins? They shouldn’t…I’m so sorry.” Replacement’s lip trembled.

  “Don’t you start worrying.” Jack put his hand on her shoulder. “I’ll figure it out, kid.”

  Kendra looked at him to see Jack shake his head once.

  Jack flagged down the waitress. “Two cheese pizzas. One for the table, one to go, please.”

  “Are we leaving?” Replacement asked.

  Jack nodded. He was tempted to get another drink, but he had to get back to the apartment to see Kiku.

  Tina sniffed. “Alice was just telling me about all you have done for her, and I just want to say…you’re the nicest man.”

  Jack shook his head. “I’m not, really.”

  “Why don’t you just tell Collins?” Kendra whispered.

  Jack’s hands went out as he glanced at Replacement. “What? I can’t say she wrote the email.”

  The three women started to speak at once. All of them offered their opinions of what he should do. Jack held up his hands.

  “Hold up. Let me explain something. I can’t say anything. If I do, I jack up Alice and…”

  Tina exhaled as she put her hand on her chest. “I understand. You’d never do that to your girlfriend.”

  Jack’s eyebrows went up, but Kendra’s went down.

  “Girlfriend?” Kendra asked.

  Tina nodded while Jack shook his head. Kendra glared at him.

  He mouthed, “we’re not.”

  Kendra shot him an “I sort of believe you look.”

  He leaned toward her. “Just do me a favor, don’t say anything about that stupid email. Keep a lookout for those guys. I’ve got to go.”

  The waitress came over and put one pizza down before she handed a pizza box to Jack. Jack gave the box to Replacement.

  He took out a handful of cash, passed it to the waitress and then turned to Tina. “Nice meeting you.”

  “See ya.” Kendra gave him a sideways sulk as he headed for the exit.

  “What was all that with Kendra?” Replacement asked as they walked out the door, headed for the car.

  “I don’t get you.” Jack put the pizza box in the trunk. “You’re driving.” He tossed her the keys.

  “What did I do now?”

  “I thought you were going to stop messing with my head.”

  “I’m not.” Replacement started the car, but when she put it in reverse, she gave it too much gas, which made it hop back before she jammed on the brake.

  “Well then, you’re messing with my life. Don’t tell people we’re together,” Jack cautioned her.

  “Kendra? You go dance with a girl right in front of me and think I won’t say anything? Kendra was all over you, and I could have made a huge scene or planted a little mine. So I planted a little mine and told Tina we’re a thing.”

  “We’re not. You said stop.” He shook his head. “Hell, we never started.”

  Replacement gripped the steering wheel as she sat up straighter. “Stop doesn’t mean end. I have my business going, but I still need to get established.”

  “Whatever. Seriously. No more showers. No bathroom. No bed. No kissing. No flirting.”

  “I don’t flirt.”

  “You always do.” Jack glared. Replacement scrunched up her lips and looked at the ceiling. “No anything.”

  “Fine.” She wrinkled up her nose. “Okay. Stopped. That means you, too.”

  “Me?”

  “You kissed me in the shower.” She dipped her head down toward her chest.

  “You got in and started washing me. Come on.”

  “If I was a nurse would you kiss me?”

  “If you were a hot-looking nurse who got in the shower with me and started washing me with the water running all over your…yeah. Yeah, I would. I’d do a lot more than just kiss you.”

  “You thought I looked hot?”

  “No…you’re in my shirt, and it’s all wet and clinging to your…and the water’s on. You put your head back, and then you leaned in a little. Stop, just stop.”

  “It’s your fault. You always get naked.”

  “What the hell does that mean? In the shower, I get naked—that’s right. What do you expect me to do, wear a scuba suit? Anyway, how’s that my fault?”

  “Well, don’t ask me to come in when you’re naked.” She cut the wheel too hard, which made Jack grab the dashboard.

  “Ask you? I don’t ask you to come in. You just do it.”

  “Whatever.” She jammed the gas down so Jack was pushed back into the seat.

  Yeah. Whatever.

  “Let’s just get back to the apartment and wait for Kiku,” Jack grumbled.

  Replacement stared straight ahead.

  Jack took his phones out. There were no messages on either one.

  Damn.

  Miss Manners

  Jack paced the floor in his apartment as he looked again at the clock: 2:15 a.m.

  What’s keeping her?

  He stopped, dropped to the floor, and started doing push-ups. Replacement was typing away at the computer.

  “Can you look up a translation for Orsacchiotto?” Jack asked from the floor.

  “Orsa-what?”

  “Orsacchiotto. It’s Italian. Marisa called Paolo that.”

  Replacement typed, clicked, and started to read. A moment later, her shoulders slumped. “It means teddy bear.”

  Jack got up, walked over to his jacket, and took out the photo again. He handed it to Replacement.

  “The guy in the middle. His name’s Paolo.”

  “He looks like a teddy bear,” she remarked.

  Jack remembered the old man’s eyes. “More like a Grizzly. That guy’s scary.”

  He walked back, dropped to the floor, and started doing sit-ups.

  “This Arber de Lorme is a scumbag.” Replacement thrust one hand toward the monitor.

  “I thought you said he was a supermodel.”

  “He’s a rich, supermodel, scumbag. The translation on these pages isn’t the best, but look.” Replacement opened a few different windows on the computer. “He went to three different universities in France, but I think he was booted out of them. His father is loaded. That’s where he gets his money. He has a huge shipping business in Europe.”

  “Why do you think he got kicked out of the universities?”

  “I found him at two different schools he doesn’t list on his biography.”

  “Maybe he switched schools.”

  Replacement shook her head. “Two of the schools were right around Paris. I did a search and found him listed on a French site called Girl Beware. Girls post about guys they think other girls should watch out for. The site got closed down, but you should read the posts about him.”

  “If the site was closed down, how can you still see the posts?” Jack hopped up.

  “
Nothing is ever removed once it goes on the Web. Nothing.” She clicked a few buttons and a page appeared. “There are plenty of sites that capture the data but the Internet Archive is the best. It’s all about a free and open Internet. It allows anyone to upload and download anything digital to its data cluster, but the bulk of the data gets collected automatically by Web crawlers. The bots work to preserve as much of the public Web as possible. It’s got a Web archive, the Wayback Machine, that has over one hundred fifty billion Web captures. Here it is.”

  Jack viewed the screen.

  “Like I said, the translation sucks but the bottom line is a few girls accused him of getting them drunk and having S&M sex: tying them down, that kind of stuff.”

  Jack read over the accounts. “That’s not sex. It’s rape. Nothing happened to him?”

  “Not there, but he left the schools. He posted to his Facebook when he switched. Then something did happen.”

  She clicked and a French newspaper article appeared. There was a picture of a huge house with crime scene tape across it.

  “At a party at his father’s summer house, a girl drowned in the pool. She was only seventeen. It was eventually ruled an accidental drowning. I guess the girl’s family kept pushing the police to reopen the case. They said he got off because he was rich. That was five years ago, and that’s when he came to America.”

  “Why would…why would Marisa date a—?”

  Someone knocked on the door. Replacement hopped up, but Jack was already moving and held up his hand to stop her. She froze. As he looked through the keyhole, he could see a shadow from someone standing next to the door. He took a step back and to the right.

  “Who is it?”

  “Hello, Officer,” Kiku answered.

  He opened the door, and she walked in carrying a brown shopping bag.

  “I did not expect you both to wait up for me.” She smiled as she glided over to the kitchen counter to set the bag down.

  Jack locked the door. “What did you find out?”

  Kiku turned to saunter back over to him. “I know you are an American, and I do not want to be rude, but you really need to work on your etiquette.” She took off her short winter jacket and handed it to him.

  “You know what?” Replacement stepped forward. “Our friend is missing, so save the Miss Manners speech and tell us if the scumbag had anything to do with it.”