Chances Come

by Ney Mitch

  “Indeed,” Darcy replied, sympathetic, for Darcy was always very well aware of Richard’s situation. Being born the second son was always a cruel fate. Not only was Richard to inherit nothing from his father or mother, and therefore, be a man of trade, but he also had the misfortune to be the second oldest to Jeffrey Fitzwilliam, who was the worst sort of son to be the heir of Matlock.

  “I know,” Darcy responded. “It is most unfair to you.”

  “Most unfair to everyone,” Richard responded, bitter. “Jeffrey cares little to nothing for the estate, he does not know how to economize, and therefore, once our parents pass away, he shall run Matlock into debt. It shall never be fair that an inheritance cannot be dispensed of accordingly, and by the parents choosing what child receives what. No! For that would be too fair, too logical, for this world that prides itself on logic. But is not always so. And whoever he marries, she will have to be a fool to put up with him.”

  “Do you think any woman would marry him?”

  “It’s marriage; some woman is bound to make a mistake. There is always one who is willing to walk into the alliance, with her eyes wide shut. And he does that, while I might have to spend my life as a bachelor. After all, poverty commands it.”

  “Richard, you shall find your heiress,” Mr. Darcy said with a confident smile.

  Richard nodded and sighed. “I would rather it be sooner than later. I want to see one child of mine come into this world before I leave it.”

  After they were fed their main course, Richard turned to the servants.

  “You all may go for now, and take a beautiful rest,” he ordered. “We shall call you again if you are needed.”

  The servants looked to Darcy, for usually it was him who gave such an order. Darcy allowed it to pass and the servants all left. Once they were gone, Richard stopped cutting his ham and then his eyes took on a conspiratorial hue.

  “So, now that I have mentioned the traditional things that we usually talk about, I feel that I have stalled long enough. Come now, cousin, tell me the real reason that you were late in seeing me.”

  Darcy could feel himself relax. “Oh, so that whole time, you were just stalling until we could have a moment alone.”

  “I am always keen to talk about my brother but talking about my misfortunes on being a second son has been spoken of to death and recited so much that I could speak it in my sleep. Now, are you afraid to confide in me?”

  “I am not…well, it is complicated.”

  “And there is that word again. Nothing can be so complicated if it has to be spoken about.”

  “It is simply that… I feel embarrassed now.”

  “Did you fall down in public?”

  “No. Thank goodness. The world can forgive bad manners, slander and even murder, but they would never forgive me for that.”

  “Too right. Always try to avoid falling down in public. It is the eighth deadly sin. It would have made it into the top seven, but pride managed to squeeze its way in there, just under the bar.”

  “Very well, here it is.”

  Richard sat there, waiting for the explanation that Darcy found hard to say.

  Darcy opened his mouth and then closed it again. Next, he fiddled with his fork.

  “If it will help you to confess,” Richard added, “then here is a past shame of mine. One time, I accidentally kissed a man.”

  Darcy dropped his fork.

  “What!”

  Richard looked down at his food, red in the face.

  “I stress the word accident,” he pressed, “and I mean accident in every sense of the word.”

  “How did that happen?”

  “I was engaged in a bit of foolishness and revelry with my soldiers. We had gotten deep into the cups, I was heavily inebriated, one of them was dressed up as a woman, out of fun, and you can imagine the rest. Let us leave it there. The next day, we all woke up with splitting headaches, and all were content to forget the events of the previous night.”

  Darcy ran his hands over his lips and then chuckled.

  “Feel more apt to share now?” his cousin suggested.

  “Yes, I suppose I am. I was late because, actually, I think… that I am in love.”

  Richard’s fork landed on the table. Unfortunately, at the angle that it fell, it bounced and then clanged onto the floor. Darcy watched the fork’s progress.

  “Well, that was a unique reaction,” Darcy noted.

  “Can you repeat what you just said?” Richard asked.

  “I said that I am in love.”

  “Truly?”

  “Yes.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes.”

  “You are not in jest?”

  “No. Why are you surprised by this?”

  “Who would not be?”

  “You kissed a man, for the love of god!”

  “That is not nearly as surprising as news like this!”

  Darcy leaned back in his chair.

  “Perhaps you have a point.”

  After getting over his initial shock, Richard began to find his way back to his usually sparkling demeanor.

  “Who is the lucky woman? And when am I to offer you happiness?”

  “You can offer me no congratulations. First, I am not certain that she loves me in return. In truth, there was a time where she despised me.”

  “Hatred can lead to love, actually. You know not, how oft I have seen, where one emotion would glide into the next one. Just be happy that she got your disdain for you out of the way before you married. This way, she is less likely to hate you after you are married. She got all of her animosity out of the way before the nuptials.”

  “Richard, do be serious.”

  He shook his head and smiled. “Forgive me; it is merely so amusing. For you to be in the same predicament that we mortal men so often find ourselves in. Do not be so forlorn about it. Cherish it. To be tossed in love is good for us humans, every now and again. It gives us a sort of distinction amongst our friends and acquaintances.”

  “In truth, cherishing it was the hardest thing. For so long, it felt like the worst thing in the world!”

  “Why would it? What is so very terrible about being in love?”

  “Everything,” Darcy remarked. “Truly, Richard, what is worse than the total terror and shock of being in love?”

  His cousin thought about it and then he saw the truth in it.

  “Oh, indeed,” he agreed, “total terror.”

  “Yes. I have been in that state for months, and you know not how often I wished to have never met her. Love leads to being confused, insecure and always unravelling. I felt like I was always falling down a hill, internally. Being near her gave me no peace. Being away from her gave me no peace.”

  “That was the state you have been in?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, then I am so very sorry.”

  “Why?”

  “Because that is true love. When it tears at your heart to be near or away from them, it means that you feel so deeply, it breaks you. That is the most fundamental yet frightening sort of love.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it is the sort of love that can influence you into behaving in the oddest of ways.”

  “That is precisely what this love has done to me and for me. I have thus ended any care or consideration for the wealth or status of the woman who I choose to marry now. She could come from the most unfortunate family in Britain, and I would not care… as long as it was her that I chose.”

  “You care not for rank? Ah, that is such a surprise. And something that I still envy you for. To be able to marry without care of the woman being with or without a dowry. But, judging by the way that you speak, you clearly have set your cap at a woman who would not be regarded as the best catch in the world.”

  “She is the best sort of woman for me. Yet, the world would not care about that.”

  “And nor would our Aunt, Lady Catherine.”

  Darcy closed his eyes when her nam
e was mentioned.

  “Yes,” Darcy whispered, “yes.”

  Feeling immediate regret for mentioning their aunt, the Colonel changed his tone.

  “Never mind about our aunt,” he stressed. “In fact, let us forget about her now and her plans for you. You are in love with a woman.”

  “Yes.”

  “Is she a gentleman’s daughter at least?”

  “Yes, she is. But her mother’s side is questionable, to say the least. And the family itself is entirely unsuitable. But I love her nevertheless.”

  “And are you prepared to tell me her name?”

  Mr. Darcy rubbed his lips and then he tapped his fork against his plate.

  “And, by that reaction,” Richard responded, “I gather the impression that I may be acquainted with her.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Talking about it will unburden your soul.”

  “I am terribly in love with her.”

  “Then what are you afraid of?”

  “The fact that you shall tell me how she is not suited for our family.”

  “You said she was a gentleman’s daughter. And even if she were not, I would not care very much at all.”

  “You would not?” Darcy asked, his spirits lifted. This optimistic nature of his cousin’s gave him courage.

  “No, I would not. After all, you have the ability to marry for love. I have only the path of being a fortune hunter.”

  “Very well. It is Miss Elizabeth Bennet.”

  When hearing the name, Richard’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “Miss Elizabeth Bennet?”

  “Yes. What do you say to that?”

  Richard broke out into a smile.

  “Marry the woman as soon as you can.”

  This declaration warmed Darcy immediately.

  “You think so? You encourage it?”

  “Do you need my encouragement?”

  “No, but I would like it all the same.”

  “Then you have it, you dolt. After all, I clearly already told you to marry her.”

  “Yes, and I am glad about it. Thank you, Richard. I was worried that you would not approve of my choice.”

  “How could I not? She is perfect for you.”

  “You noticed as well?”

  “Oh yes. Her spirit would complement your own very well. She has liveliness about her that I believe will kindle your own. Also, there is something pleasing about her mouth when she speaks. If that makes any sense.”

  “That makes all the sense in the world, as long as you are admiring her objectively, but not admiring her with any other designs.”

  “Ah, so now you are reaching the stage of jealousy?”

  “I’ve been jealous over her quite often. When you spoke with her at Rosings, I was already apprehensive.”

  Richard laughed. “I was giving you pain, and all the while, I was not aware of it.”

  “I was giving myself pain by not going about my affection for her in the right way. I have been too afraid to say anything.”

  “Because, by you choosing her, you are going against the express wishes of our dear aunt and others in the family.”

  “Precisely.”

  “Yes, Aunt Catherine. She is not going to be overjoyed when she hears this news.”

  “She will despise Elizabeth.”

  “Yes, she shall. But never fear, time can heal any wound. Another rich man will fall into their lives and marry Anne, whether there is much affection in the case or not. Worry not over that, at this time. Think only of the present and—wait, now that we are speaking, I recall when Elizabeth sought me out, concerning the truth about Mr. Wickham.”

  “Yes. As is his way, he imposed himself upon her for months, lying about how I robbed him of his inheritance.”

  “He did that?”

  “Yes, he did.”

  “That man is murder and ought to be ripped out of the world.”

  “I wish he would, for he has made my life so terribly complicated. A few days ago, I came upon him when he was proposing to Elizabeth.”

  “Truly?”

  “Yes. Fortunately for my own happiness, she had already rejected him, but he was in an effort to convince her otherwise, he laid violent hands upon her.”

  “Did you keep her safe?”

  “I did. He is gone, and Elizabeth is safe now. I have seen to it.”

  “But I am worried. Men like Wickham never fully seem to dissolve. Their intentions have a way of returning. He is out of your life at present, but I still feel his presence out there in the world.”

  Darcy said, “He will not come near her again. I swear it.”

  “Well, you would know better than I. Well, when shall you propose to Elizabeth?”

  He glanced away and frowned. “I do not know.”

  “With a woman such as herself, you do not have all the time in the world. She may not be wealthy, but there will always be another man out there in the world who is willing to overlook it.”

  “It is not that I am taking my time out of carelessness, but from a prudential light. I am not certain that she loves me. At all. Over time, her feelings towards me have changed and improved, but there was a time that she did not favor me at all. I have recently just learned that there was a time that she held me in contempt, slightly. I need time to develop a relationship with her, to help develop a bond between us. I want her to come to me, prepared to fall in love with me, in her way.”

  Richard leaned back in his chair, marveling at his cousin.

  “Well, Darcy, my dear boy, you amaze me. I always knew you to be a steady, loyal sort of person, but not with this sort of patience.”

  “Yes, I have always been the sort of man who, when I desire something, I try to obtain it. I do want her, but I want to do things properly. I do not want her to come to me because I protected her from Wickham. I want her to come to me because she loves me. If she does not love me, then what is the point?”

  “Now, while I do believe that she can come to love you,” Richard supported, keeping his tone delicate, “let us pretend as if the world is a dark place for a moment, and there is no chance that a man can have any hope at all. What will happen if she does not love you?”

  Darcy leaned back in his chair and looked down at his food.

  “I suppose… I would be heartbroken.”

  “Yes. I was worried that you would be. And, despite the world’s constant declarations that the pains of the heart are not something to be cared for or considered, they are there. No amount of logic will take it away.”

  “Are you trying to frighten me?”

  “No, I am simply making it evident that I shall be here for you.”

  “Oh,” Darcy said. “Thank you, Richard, I appreciate it.”

  “And… I also do not want you to go into this courtship believing that she will say yes. Too oft, we men go into a romance, believing the women will eventually say yes. And then, they are shocked to find that some women do not ever expect to. Here is my advice: get to know her, believing in yourself and hoping for the best sort of outcome. But acknowledge that things may not turn out as you desire. If you go into it with that sort of mindset, then you shall do everything right.”

  Darcy answered, “But can I? I am worried that, after this discussion, I will be too nervous to say anything correctly to her. You know how it is with love. You want to be charming and possess the grandest suavity and gentility, but when you meet the woman, your tongue gets lost in the past.”

  “Precisely.”

  “When I speak with her, I lose my confidence and I sometimes misinterpret our conversations. I worry about reading her emotions erroneously.”

  “Then tell her this.”

  “What? Impossible.”

  “Yes, very possible. Elizabeth is the sort of woman who, if you sincerely confess to a flaw, she will work herself around it, rather than working to get away from it. Or, at least, that is what I have deduced from her. If you are silent with her, tell her that you simply
are worried about saying something that will give awkwardness, and this will give her the chance to make a decision about where you both ought to go from thenceforth. Give her power in the conversation. From what father says, women love that.”

  Darcy chuckled.

  “Yes, I suppose that they do.”

  Both men returned to their dinner.

  Chapter 6

  The First Step

  The next day, Jane and I received two letters: first, there was an invitation for the Gardiners and us to Mr. Darcy’s home. Yet, since the arrangement had already been made, it was more of a reminder that was done through formality.

  The second was from Kitty, whose letter was a surprise. When sitting down to read it, Jane was nearby, so I began to speak it aloud.

  Dear Jane and Lizzy,

  * * *

  I feel greatly used and quite put out. Oh, forgive me, I start at the end of things. Rest assured that all is well, and we have received no edicts from any quarter that is evicting us from the premises of Longbourn. We still have a home.

  Yet, our peace in that quarter gives me the freedom and right to complain about trivial matters. Lizzy and Jane, news has been going around Meryton and Hertfordshire, that the soldiers are to leave Meryton. Yes, the militia is to vacate the premises and travel to Brighton where they shall stay.

  This has, of course, been a great shock to all of us. Yet, unfairness has found its way into the situation as well. Colonel Forster’s wife, Mrs. Forster, asked and invited Lydia to go with her to Brighton, as her particular companion. Is it not fair? Mrs. Forster ought to have asked me as well as Lydia. I may not be her particular friend, but I have just as much a right as she has. Moreover, for I am two years older than Lydia. Lydia triumphs over me, and I confess, it makes me hate the sight of her. There, I said it! I know that you both are wishing to reprimand me for my passionate speech, but I am not going to apologize. For what are our voices if not to be raised every once in a while?

  Yet, my feelings of ill-usage run deeper than that. I know that my feelings matter to no one—for I have been shown that on multiple occasions, but I tire of not being able to speak about it to a single creature. Please, be patient with me, and let me speak. Let me write how I feel and allow me to do so without fear of censure or of being despised.