Even Rhythm (Offbeat #2)

by S. Moose

  “Hi Ry,” I wipe my tears, and set down the flowers. “So Mandy went to California to talk to Tyler. I know I should’ve gone too. I’m not ready to talk to him or tell him anything. I’m so scared. I’ve never been this scared in my life and here I am about to embark on a new path and I have no one.” I laugh lightly, “You’re going to be an uncle. Don’t worry though, because he or she will know about you and how much you would have loved them. They’ll know you like we do and everything will always be okay.” I sigh and bring my knees up to my chest. “Can you see me right now?” I tilt my head to the clear skies and close my eyes, feeling the warmth of his presence near me. “I can see you,” I mutter.

  Sitting here with Ryan helps me. It’s my own therapy session. I come here almost every day and talk to him about what’s going on and what I should do. I know I won’t get a response from him. It’s nice being here.

  “What do you think I should do?” Silence. I look around and see the leaves in the trees blow a little. The light breeze in the air feels nice. Sucking in a deep breath, I blow out the air and relax my body. My tense shoulders feel better and the weight on my chest isn’t there anymore. Chewing on my bottom lip, I play with the leaves around me.

  “I have to wait to tell him, you know? I’m not sure if he’s going to come back home from California. The right thing is to tell him. Only I’ve ruined his life enough.” Leaves fall on my shoulders and tumble in front of me. I smile. “I know you hate this plan,” I laugh. “It’s something I have to do.” More leaves fall.

  Getting up I spin around, holding my arms out, and pretend Ryan’s spinning with me.

  “I’ll see you later, Ry. I miss you and love you.” Leaning over to kiss his tombstone, I stare at his name. Turning to leave, I walk back to my car and make the drive home.

  Settling in my room, I pull out my MacBook and look up information for Mandy’s upcoming wedding. Being her Maid of Honor it’s my duty to make sure she has the best wedding and everything goes well. The day is coming soon and I’m excited to see my best friend have the wedding of her dreams. According to Damon, nothing is too expensive for his girl. I swoon thinking about how sweet he is to her and I’m glad he finally got his head out of his ass and made it official.

  Confirming her upcoming appointments, I finish my planning and text her sister, Alice, to let her know what I’ve done. We’re planning a trip to Vegas in the next few weeks. A surprise for Mandy. Instead of having just the girls, we’re doing a coed party and have all the rooms reserved at the Aria hotel.

  I’m a little nervous about going. It’s Vegas, which means partying, drinking and losing control. Only I can’t do anything of that nature so I’ll be pool side, enjoying the shows and taking in the day life of Vegas.

  My phone vibrates and it’s a message from Mandy.

  Mandy: I’m finally freaking home!

  Me: Yeah Damon told Seth you were pissed about being stuck. Glad you’re okay. Do you want to get lunch or something today?

  Mandy: Yeah let me get some rest. Maybe do dinner instead?

  Me: Sure. I’m going over some things for your wedding then probably will squeeze in a nap.

  Mandy: Be sure you’re getting enough sleep and that you’re okay!

  Me: I promise I’m okay.

  Mandy: Side note . . . I’M GETTING MARRIED SOON!

  Me: I know =) <3

  I smile and put down my phone on my nightstand. Feeling tired from today’s events, I slide under the covers and settle on my bed. I can’t get comfortable. My mind plays all the possibilities of what’ll happen when Tyler finds out or the possibility I can’t handle being pregnant and being a mom. The next few months are going to be exhausting if I let my mind take over.

  ***

  MAKING MY WAY into the office on a Monday morning is rough. I settle behind my desk and get to work. Slowly sipping my black coffee, I check the emails and respond to the ones I can, and make a note of those that are requesting Damon’s time. With the upcoming wedding, we’re trying to get his meetings planned and out of the way before they take their three month honeymoon to Hawaii.

  “Knock, knock!” I look up and see Mandy coming in with breakfast. My mouth salivates as the smell of my omelet with home fries fills my nose. “Morning sunshine!”

  “Morning to you too.” Handing me my bag of deliciousness, I take out the container and devour everything in sight. “Hey! They forgot my avocado,” I pout.

  Mandy rolls her eyes and slowly eats her egg-white omelet with veggies. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine,” I grumble, still upset over my avocado. The menu clearly states what’s included, yet some knucklehead didn’t add a very important ingredient. If people paid attention, then customers would always be happy.

  “Why?”

  “You look exhausted.”

  “Gee thanks. Or in other words, I look like shit,” I smirk and grab a bottle of water from my mini fridge. “Honestly I feel fine. I don’t know how else to feel.” I don’t want to worry her at all. Things are okay and I’m happy. I’m fine. Just a few moments of discomfort and sleeping over ten hours a day. Other than that, I’m fine. Perfectly fine.

  “I worry about you, Bay. You don’t talk about Tyler, Ryan or how you’re feeling. I don’t know what’s going on with you and it scares me.”

  “Mandy,” I start to say. “I’m okay, I promise. Things are so good and I’m really okay.” I hate lying to her. I hate not telling my best friend everything. The guilt eats me away. She knows I’m pregnant and I’ll tell Tyler soon. I can’t tell her about the pains I’m feeling.

  There’s a smile tugging on her lips as she looks at me. I know she knows I’m lying. Only Mandy knows I won’t ruin her wedding plans. I refuse to let my issues get in the way of her time and my attention will not be waivered.

  “Oh and I’m going to cancel Vegas.”

  “What?” I screech, “Why? Please don’t say it’s because of me. I don’t have to go.”

  “Because it’ll be fine. We talked and we’re not into the whole let’s get wasted until we’re dead, plus I think a nice dinner party is better. Damon’s totally fine with it. You know he’s not a huge party guy and I don’t want to have a bachelorette party. Maybe for my dirty thirty we can plan on Vegas.”

  I grumble whatever under my breath and turn away to focus on work. “Fine. I’ll tell Alice and we’ll find a place. How does Black and Blue sound?”

  “Perfect,” she sighs and leans back in the chair. “But you are sure everything is okay?”

  “Yes, Mandy. Everything is wonderful. Now go along now, I have a meeting to get ready for.”

  Mandy comes around and kisses the top of my head before leaving my office. I turn around just as the door closes and slump low in my chair.

  Tyler

  PACKING THE LAST of my things, I look around the hotel room and look at nothing in particular. The walls are an off white and there are elaborate paintings hanging on the walls. One is above the couch in the living room, a sunset over the ocean, and another is higher on the wall above the TV. It’s a mosaic of different colors-blue, gray, white and black. I look at that painting a lot, while working, drinking, or thinking. The colors give me comfort. I’m not sure why and I don’t question it.

  Calling the front desk to send up someone to help me with my bags, I grab my carry on and laptop bag and make sure I have my flight information.

  A knock on the door gets my attention. Walking to the door, I reach for the doorknob and find someone I didn’t want to see or talk to.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You’re leaving without saying bye?” Her eyes are red and her face free of make-up.

  Seeing her in front of me is doing nothing to help the situation. When I see her, I see the mistakes and I see Bayleigh. I shouldn’t have allowed my dick to take control. I should’ve avoided her and told her to leave.

  However, my dick won and now I’m paying the price.

  “There’s nothin
g left to say. I told you from the start I didn’t want anything more. I’m sorry if you thought us sleeping together would make me want you. I don’t want you, Anna. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you.”

  “Isn’t there anything I can do to make you stay? We belong together. You can’t leave me, Tyler. I’ll be so alone without you,” she cries, covering her mouth. “Please.”

  “I am leaving, Anna. It’s time you move on with your life and get it out of your head that we have a future.” I don’t feel bad for being a dick to her. She needs to hear these words. “I don’t love you. I don’t like you.” I lean in closer, “I used you for sex. Now get out.”

  “Not until you know what’s going on.”

  I roll my eyes. My patience with her is getting out of control. “What?”

  “I love you, Tyler. I want us to be together. I will do anything to have you in my life. I mean anything. Please think about it. There’s no way she can make you happy. Who was here for you when you felt alone? I was and I still am. I know you’re confused, but I know deep inside you know I’m the one for you.” She steps closer to me, and reaches for my hand. I pull away.

  “Stop,” I sink my eyes into her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “I know that I can make you happy,” she touches my arm and I pull away again, hate clear on my face.

  This bitch is crazy. “Get out, Anna.”

  “No, please there’s so much I need to tell you.”

  “When are you going to get it?”

  “Can I at least come in? Can we talk?”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” I tell her. “I’m leaving and I don’t plan on coming back. You told me everything you want to and it doesn’t change anything. You were a fuck. A one-time thing.”

  “So you’re really leaving?” I don’t respond. “How dare you?” She slaps me across the face and looks at me. Her lips are quivering, “I gave you everything. I gave you my body and my heart and this is how you repay me?” I don’t say anything. “You heartless bastard.”

  The look on her face doesn’t make me feel bad. She cries and turns away, running down the hall, away from my life. Closing the door, I straighten my clothes and wait to for my taxi to bring me to the airport.

  After getting through security I scan the waiting area where my plane is and then sit down in a chair by the charge station. Getting out my blueberry muffin and opening my energy drink I pull out my laptop and surf around on Facebook to pass the time. Going through my newsfeed I come across Bayleigh’s page and click her name. It brings me to her profile and I read some of the statuses she’s posted. It’s pretty normal I guess, just talking about her day or getting ready for Mandy and Damon’s wedding. There’s a post that catches my eye. It’s a quote. Through the darkness, a light shines from the corners, making life worth it and the fight to keep going grows. I read the quote a few more times and wonder what she’s talking about. Getting my phone I bring up her name and send her a text asking how she’s doing. I won’t tell her I’m coming home. If I tell her then she’ll think of ways to not see me or make excuses. I want to surprise her, and hope it’s going to be a good surprise.

  I see her texting back, then it stops and I wait a few more minutes before locking my phone and going back mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. When the attendant calls for me to board I put away my things and get in line. Walking through the jet way to first class I find my seat fairly quickly and sit down. I check my phone again and there’s no message from Bayleigh. Taking it as a defeat I pull up my music app, put in my ear buds, and do my best to fall asleep.

  The plane lands without any issues and I take a cab home. I text my mom and let her know I’m home and made it safely. After paying the driver, I head inside only to find silence and emptiness. The house is cold, and the once lively and happy place is now full of memories I don’t want to think about.

  I climb the stairs two at a time and open Ryan’s bedroom door. His room remains the same and memories of the day he died come back to me. Stepping inside I touch the cold blankets and look around his room. It’s a weird feeling to be in here knowing he won’t be home again.

  “Hey brother,” I whisper, sitting on top of his bed. “I’m back and I hope you can show me what the hell I need to do to make things right because I’m fucking lost.” I wait for a response, and I hear nothing. “Well, a sign would be helpful asshole,” I laugh and turn away.

  Being in his room is marking me deeper than I want to admit. It’s hard being in this house and I’m wondering if it’s smart. I never thought I’d lose my brother and never see him again. I could handle hating him and knowing he was out there somewhere. His death is tragic and unexpected. Part of me wants to hide myself from the pain and I don’t want to lose anyone close to me again.

  I know death is part of life, but how is death okay when you haven’t lived? It’s not okay. Death shouldn’t be sudden.

  Not being able to stay in the room I get up and leave. Putting away my things and straightening the house, I head outside to do yard work. Looking at Bayleigh’s house, at her bedroom window, then at the tree and thinking about all of the times I climbed up the tree to get to her. Part of me is sad she’s not living there, while the other part is happy she’s moved on with her life. That’s what I want for her. She needs to be on her own and take control of her life. The rape messed her up and I was afraid she’d never come out of her funk. As much as I wished I could have helped it, it was Ryan who brought her back. Part of me will always be jealous. The other part, the greater part, will remain forever grateful.

  Finishing up the yard work, I head back inside and try to figure out what I want for dinner. Looking through some old menus from the kitchen drawer nothing is appealing. I think about going to Wegmans and picking up an already prepared meal. Instead of thinking about food I toss around the idea of going to see her now.

  My phone vibrates in my jeans and I grab it, hoping it’s Bayleigh.

  Mandy: We’re having a small dinner at Damon’s tonight. Love for you to come

  If she’s having a party tonight, that means Bayleigh will be there.

  Me: Will it be a good idea?

  Mandy: Yes. You are my best friend too =)

  Me: Sounds good

  Mandy: Party starts at 6:30pm. Dress nicely!

  Me: Haha okay

  It’s now or never. I’d rather see her around our friends so she doesn’t think I’m ambushing her. Maybe tonight will be good and we’ll start working on us again.

  I finish getting ready and head out to Damon’s. I put the address into my GPS and take the short ride down the road to his house. It’s in a nice and rich neighborhood. These houses cost more than a million dollars. Parking my car, I look at the massive house and notice the cars- all sports cars and top of the line. My eyes search for Bayleigh’s and I don’t see it. She wouldn’t miss this party, so I know she’s here.

  Ringing the doorbell I wait on the porch, my hands in my suit pockets, waiting for someone to answer the door. When the door opens, my heart drops. It’s been two months since I’ve seen her, and touched her. Two months since our breakup, and I’ve been feeling lost without her. I soak in the sight of her before me. She’s thinner and looks tired. Even though she’s beautifully dressed with a dark purple dress and her hair and makeup are done, I can tell she’s not sleeping or she’s upset.

  “Hi Tyler,” she says, breaking me out of my trance. The sound of her voice knocks me out. God, I miss her. I miss everything about her.

  “Bay,” I manage to say.

  “Come in,” she tells me and opens the door wider. Her eyes don’t leave mine. I see the slight shake of her hand. She’s nervous and so am I.

  “Thank you.” Walking in, I see people dressed nicely and there are wait staff going around with drinks and hors d’oeuvres. I’m not surprised about this party. When Mandy is celebrating something, she goes all out.

  I turn around and see her following me. Hurt fl
ashes in her eyes and it’s destroying me. The last time we saw one another, I’d hurt her. Her heart broke and I didn’t have the strength to fight. When she dismissed me I thought it was time to get away and try to move on with my life. There seemed to be nothing to fight for and honestly I gave up.

  Until now.

  “So you’re back?”

  “Yeah,” I answer her and smile. I don’t want anything bad between us. Whatever I have to do to make her smile and happy again I’ll do it. “I’m done in California and I’m working downtown now. I texted you, but you never texted me back.” I tell her matter-of-factly.

  “I know,” she sighs. “I didn’t know what to say. I chickened out. I knew I was going to see you anyways. I’m glad you’re back.”

  I reach for her hand and she doesn’t pull away. “I get it. I know we have a lot to talk about. So how are you doing?”

  Convincing Bayleigh I’m back for good and I want to be with her might be a challenge. I’m not sure what’s going on in her pretty head or what she’s feeling. Getting her back and making her see how right we are for each other is my main focus. It might not be easy, and that’s okay. When you love someone you fight until you can’t fight anymore. If there’s still hope, even a flicker of hope, then you take it and run to the one you love and pray that’ll be worth it. Looking at her, seeing the crease lines on her forehead, I know she’s thinking.

  “Okay.” She pushes a few strands of her hair to the side. “Busy working. Things are getting crazy at the office.”

  “You look like you haven’t been sleeping. Are you okay?”

  She brushes me off with a slight smile, trying to pull her hand back. I hold on tighter and intensity hits me. I’m not ready to let her go. “Fine. Everything is good. Like I said just busy with work.”

  I squeeze her hand, and she still doesn’t pull back. We stand in the middle of the room, around several other people, and it feels like we’re the only ones here. “I’m glad to be home,” I smile. “I’m not going to lie to you, Bay. I’m fucking happy as hell to stand here with you. Do you know how much I’ve missed you?”