Rattle His Cage: The Baxter Boys #4 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled)

by Charles, Jane

  “It really is. I just need to get over it, okay.”

  “They are your emotions. Own them and let them out.”

  She lets her head drop back and stares at the ceiling. “You are going to think I’m a horrible person for being upset about something so trivial.”

  “Again. Emotions. Not trivial.” If it’s upsetting her this much, it’s damn important, even if it’s as simple as her mother wearing purple.

  It took a long time for me to get it into my head that we need to own our emotions and not trivialize them and we don’t have to have permission from anyone to have the emotions we do. If we feel them, they are real, and nobody has a right to discount them, and I sure as hell don’t want Mary minimalizing hers. “Is it about visiting your dad’s grave?”

  “No.” She rolls her eyes. “Not really. I was pissed that they blindsided me by showing up without notice, but that argument has been happening since the first birthday after his death.

  “Then what’s bugging you?”

  “Friends,” she says quietly.

  My gut tightens. Is it possible that Mary really doesn’t have close friends? People that she can trust and confide in?

  “We moved every three to four years. Do you know how hard it is to keep a friend when there is a bunch of distance? Your best friend at the age of four isn’t even going to remember you at age eight if you haven’t been going to church or school together, and it’s the same for any age. I have pictures taken with friends when I was a kid. I can’t even remember their names. I thought I was going to have high-school friends, but we up and moved again halfway through my junior year.” She shrugs. “I’m an army brat who moved around a lot and finally gave up on the idea of ever really having a best friend, let alone a group of girlfriends to hang with.”

  “Not even after you went away to college?”

  “Why? A lot of the people I meet are going to be gone in four years. The closest friends I have are Kelsey and Bethany, and I’ve only known Kelsey for a year and a half. With everyone else, it’s casual.” She glances up at me. “Empty. That’s what bugs me. Sometimes there’s so much emptiness inside that it hurts because I don’t have people to fill it like you do.”

  I remember that empty, hollow feeling of being alone. A person can be surrounded by dozens of people, hell hundreds, but still be as alone as if they were the only person on the planet. It sucks and it’s a deep pain that nobody should have to endure.

  I have twelve persons and we are closer than most families. But it was circumstances and Baxter that brought us together. It wasn’t just a high school, but a boarding school, and all we had was each other and the other kids in our class, for four years. For me it was three, but serious bonds get built in situations like that. Slowly and day by day, they filled my space.

  “Who is Bethany?” I hadn’t heard her mention the name before. Why didn’t she go there when she needed a place to stay? Not that I care that she was with us in the brownstone. Hell, I’m really glad she needed a place with us.

  “Another nursing student.” Mary smiles. “She’s home in Kentucky for the holiday, though she might be back now.”

  Kentucky. Another friend that’s going to leave.

  “She hates it there,” Mary laughs. “Bethany will do the family thing, but she plans on living here. Maybe that’s why I didn’t just keep her at a distance like everyone else. I knew she’d be around.”

  “You shouldn’t have to keep anyone at a distance,” I tell her.

  “It’s my own fault,” she says. “You let someone close and then the next thing you know, you’re in a U-Haul, pulling out of a drive and waving. It hurts and I didn’t want to feel that anymore.”

  Mary takes my hand. “I hope you know how lucky you are. I know you’re missing your brother and sisters and doing everything you can to get them back, but you also have an amazing thing with your friends. I hope you appreciate them.”

  I always have, but maybe, just a little bit more now than I did before. And in time, Mary will realize that she has the very same friends.

  “Hey, Mary,” Bethany greets me as I step out of the examination room at the clinic. “Everything okay?”

  Bethany and I started the nursing program at the same time. She wants to work in clinics and got hired on at the University to earn extra cash until she graduates.

  “Everything is good,” I assure her. “You? Did you enjoy your break?” Bethany is from a tiny town in Kentucky and just wanted to get the hell out of there and live somewhere that has some life. A place with more people than cows and horses. Bethany could have gone to Nashville, she admitted, but even that was too close.

  “Same as it’s always been. Mom and Dad planning for the racing season and trying to fix me up with the eligible sons of their friends or the new young and handsome vet in town.” She shakes her head. “I like riding but I’ll be damned if I settle down on some horse farm out in the middle of nowhere.” Her eyes brighten up. “Hey, want to help with the health fair?”

  “Isn’t that at the end of March?” The clinic always has a health fair in the spring. It’s usually just a blood drive, STD awareness, condoms for the taking, and all kinds of basic things aimed at college students before the mating ritual of spring break begins.

  “Yeah, but I’m in charge this year and going to make it bigger than before, and we need all the help we can get.”

  “Sure,” I automatically answer. “Just let me know what you want me to do.”

  “I will.” She grabs her purse and comes from around the desk. “I’ll email you the plans we have so far and you can pick any of the spots not filled.”

  I walk with her and head outside onto the quad and practically run into Christian.

  He seems to be surprised to see me. I’m the one who is a student here, he graduated.

  “Hey,” he says.

  “Hey,” I return. Then he looks at Bethany and his brown eyes soften. “Christian.” He holds out his hand.

  She takes it, a slight blush coming to her cheeks. “I know. Sax, right?”

  The side of his mouth quirks. “Yeah.”

  Okay, so this isn’t awkward. Do they even remember I’m still here?

  “What brings you around?” I finally ask.

  He pushes the dark hair out of his face. “Some frat wants to book us for a gig. Not sure that’s the type of place we want to play.”

  “Well, I need to go get lunch. Only have half an hour.” Bethany steps away. “See you later, Mary, and nice to meet you Christian.”

  “Friend of yours?” He asks as he watches her walk away.

  I watch Bethany stride down the walk, ponytail swinging behind her. “Yeah.”

  At least I didn’t have to answer questions about friends or any of that crap yesterday. Mom and Major decided to head right back home instead of coming by for lunch. I’m not sure why, except that maybe they knew they pissed me off. Their excuse of wanting to get back early so they could rest before going back to work and that the weekend traffic around New York was flimsy, but I didn’t try to convince them to stop for lunch, and was kind of relieved that they decided just to go home.

  “Where you headed?” he asks.

  “Back home, I guess.” I need to make sure I’m ready for classes to start again, and Dylan said he planned on making sure Alex’s room is ready for Nina and was then working on his book, which I do need to get back to reading. We plan on hanging out tonight though.

  “Walk with you to the subway.” He glances back at Bethany. I do the same but she’s already disappeared.

  “Sure.” I smile. “So, why don’t you want to play the frat?”

  Christian just rolls his eyes. “Drunks in a bar are bad enough. These particular frat boys are all about the kegs, bongs, and boobs. They came right out and told me that our band would bring the girls in.” He shakes his head. “I’m not going to be a part of that shit.”

  42

  “Can’t you sleep?” Mary asks.

  I kis
s the top of her head. I tried to sleep but my brain won’t shut down. Nor will my body. Not with Mary curled against me, her head on my chest. I thought by staying with her it would be better than being back at the brownstone, alone in my own bed and thinking about tomorrow. I thought it would be easier to relax and shut off my brain here, in her bed, but I didn’t take into consideration that Mary’s soft, perfect body would keep another part of my anatomy awake.

  She kisses my chest and runs a fingertip across my nipple.

  “That doesn’t help.”

  “What would?” She slides her hand down my abdomen and my muscles contract under her touch.

  I had gotten it in my head that we weren’t going to do anything until the birth control was working. She just got the prescription for the pill today and can’t start taking it until she starts her period. I wish I would have asked when that will be.

  Her hand slips into my boxers and she grasps my cock, gently stroking it.

  I’m not about to lay here and let her give me a hand job. Rolling, I pin her under me and press against her mound, wishing I could be inside of her.

  Kissing me deeply, she wraps her arms around my neck and rubs against me.

  “I knew I’d never make it a week.”

  “A week?”

  “Yeah. I should be able to take the first pill in a few days, but, well, we should be good in a week.”

  I start to pull back.

  “Where are you going?”

  “A week.”

  “But I’ve got condoms and spermicide. Was my visit to the clinic for nothing?”

  I have no answer. Words have flown from my brain. Mary is beneath me, her legs around my hips and she wants me. Pushing her shirt up, I pull it from her body and toss it across the room before I center my mouth on one perfectly puckered coral nipple and suck. She hisses in a breath, arches, and I’m gone.

  I kiss my way down her abdomen, pushing her bottoms and panties out of the way. They are already damp and I inhale the sweet sent that is all Mary, which only makes me harder. Parting her folds, I lick across her clit. It swells against my tongue. I need her open and spread her and find her entrance before sliding inside. Her walls tightened around my fingers. An urgency takes over and I nip, lick, and taste her until she convulses around me, her hands locked around the rungs of her headboard, fingertips turning white as her face grimaces and she bites her bottom lip. I know she’s not in pain and only assume it’s so she doesn’t scream. Someday we’ll be in a place with just the two of us and Mary will be able to cry out when her release hits.

  Her legs go slack as she blows out a breath and I sit up on my heels between her open thighs. The afterglow of her orgasm brightens her creamy skin and I just want to look my fill. She’s more beautiful every time I look at her.

  Mary reaches to her night stand, shaky as if a little drunk, even though we haven’t had alcohol in days. “Can’t reach,” she says.

  I lean over and open the drawer.

  “A box for you and a box for me.” She grins. “Or, two boxes for both of us.” One holds spermicide and another condoms.

  I open the spermicide first and remove the packaging around the bullet-shaped baby preventer.

  “Deep as you can,” Mary says. “That, and you.”

  My cock jumps. I can’t wait to be exactly where she wants me.

  I insert the bullet in as far as possible as she grabs the box of condoms, tearing at it as if a treasure lay inside and she can’t wait to get to it. Then she has the square in her hands and is ripping it open. I reach for it, but she sits up. “Let me.”

  I’m not going to argue with Mary if she wants to touch me. Hoping off the bed, I pull my boxers down and kick them away then stand as Mary slowly rolls the latex over the head and down my cock. It jumps at her touch and my balls draw up. If I don’t get in her soon, we’ll have wasted a condom. Not so sure about the spermicide since I don’t know how long that stuff lasts.

  Mary fondles my balls, caressing them and my cock jumps again. With a grin, she jumps up on her knees and then pulls me down to the bed and rolls over me. I blink up and she’s straddled across my hips, poised just above my cock. She positions it at her opening and slides down until she’s seated against me. We both sigh as if this is a relief in itself, and it is. As her walls pulsate around me, she holds up her hands. I take them and my palms act as her balance.

  Slowly she rises as her eyes lock with mine, our fingers entwined, she lowers. She sets a slow rhythm and I don’t move. I could rise up and meet her, but that would rush this, and the last thing I want is a race to the end. But I also can’t last forever. I’ve waited too long and this is Mary, the girl I may be falling in love with.

  My cock swells and my nuts draw up. She lets go of one of my hands and then touches herself. “No.”

  Her eyes widen as if she’s afraid she did something wrong, but her hand falls away.

  “Let me.” I reach between us, my thumb brushing against her still swollen clit. Her breath hitches and her rhythm increases. Moments later, her walls convulse again, but this time around my cock. I grit my teeth, arching into her as Mary braces her hands against my chest, increasing her pace as her climax rolls through her body. My release is there in a second and I bite back a groan, and I thrust fully into her, as far as I can go.

  Breathing hard, Mary falls to the side, gently bouncing on the bed and all I can do is lay there and try to breathe. I’m pretty sure I went blind for a second.

  “Miss Robins!” My instructor’s harsh voice jerks me back to reality. “Is there somewhere else you have to be? Do you find these rounds boring?”

  “No, Mrs. Hurt. I apologize.”

  She just frowns at me and continues on with her instruction. We’re on the pediatric ward. I hate seeing so many kids who are sick or injured, and I just want to go through and hug them all, except hugging would hurt some of them. I hope to hell Mrs. Hurt hasn’t told us anything really important that I’ll need to know because I’ll be screwed and possibly the patient I’m assigned to as well.

  My concentration this afternoon is shit.

  Why the hell hasn’t Dylan called or texted? He promised me that as soon as he met Nina he’d let me know. That’s all I asked. I don’t expect him to call or engage in a long text conversation because I want him to spend time talking to her and maybe even getting her moved into Alex’s room, but I’ve heard nothing. I’ve even sent him a text when I hadn’t heard anything by noon, and every hour since, and he hasn’t responded.

  This morning he had been in such high spirits, looking forward to today. He kissed me goodbye and said talk he’d talk to me soon.

  Now, it’s three in the afternoon and nothing but silence. I hope to hell it’s because he’s turned off his phone and is busy spending time with Nina. I won’t accept any other reason. I’ll give him a hard time about not sending back a quick response and he may be irritated. That is preferable to what I’m afraid has happened. That he didn’t meet Nina or she doesn’t want to see him.

  As much as I tell myself that he’s just too busy, my gut is tight. Sick with worry that things are most certainly not okay.

  Last night had been so perfect. More perfect than I dreamed possible, and I came really close to telling Dylan that I was falling in love with him, but held back. It is way too soon for that, but I’m not going to lie to myself about my feelings either.

  We reach the end of the wing and go into a conference room. Before I started spending a lot of time in the hospital for my education, I had no idea that there were conference rooms on every floor, or all the things that were behind the signs of “Hospital Personnel Only Past This Point.”

  Hospitals are small cities. It’s amazing.

  Actually, not that small considering the number of people inside the buildings on any one day. As Bethany put it, “there are more people in this building than the whole county where I come from.”

  “You’ll get your assignments tomorrow,” Mrs. Hurt says after she’
s given us further instructions on what to expect tomorrow. Our class only has about twenty students and there are more patients in the unit than that. We’ll start with one then get more added once our instructors think we can handle it. It’s been the same since we started coming to the hospital.

  “I didn’t know you knew Christian Sucato,” Bethany says to me as we head out of the hospital.

  “He’s a friend of a guy I’m dating.”

  “You’ll have to introduce us.” She grins.

  “I did. Yesterday.”

  Her face turns pink. “I didn’t exactly make a good first impression though.”

  By the way Christian was watching Bethany, I’m pretty sure she made just the right amount of impression, but I don’t tell her that since I can be all wrong. “I’ll see what I can do.” I laugh.

  “Want to get a drink?” Bethany asks. “I need one. My head is swimming.”

  Normally I would. Not that Bethany and I have gone out that often, but after a few grueling days, we’ve been known to stop in at one of the bars near campus. I don’t know why Bethany and I haven’t gotten together more often.

  But, not today. I need to get to Dylan, to the brownstone to find out what the hell is going on.

  “Maybe tomorrow,” I finally say. “I’ve got to be somewhere.” With that, I head to the closest subway stop and board a train to Dylan. Each stop is the slowest. People take forever getting on and getting off. I know, in my mind, that the time is the same as it always is, but everything is going too slow today. The stops, the train, and I just need to get to Dylan. Anxiety has been building. Something is wrong. I know it.

  43

  I’ve walked the neighborhoods that feed the school for hours looking for Nina but can’t find her anywhere. Not that I even know what the fuck she looks like, but I’ve convinced myself that I’d know my own sister if I saw her.

  Mrs. Kragen called at 9:30 to tell me that Nina had graduated a semester early—just a few fucking weeks ago. Nina had busted her ass to get all of the required courses in so she wasn’t faced with being homeless and trying to go to high school.