“I couldn’t miss my best friend’s going away party!” I pulled her in tight.
“Hey, Sutton.” Shane slapped me on the back.
“I’m so glad you guys are here,” I said. “This is great.” I planted a kiss right on Luke’s lips, trying to ignore the fact that in less than twenty-four hours I would be back home without him.
We had a great time at the party. Ate way too much pizza, played stupid games then went to goof around on the beach. At about 9:30, things started winding down.
“We better get going babe,” Shane said to Reagan.
“You guys have to drive back tonight?” I asked.
“Well I’m not exactly supposed to be here my mom is away for a few days so we snuck in a quick trip.”
“Ugh. Reagan, you’re seriously the best. I’ll see you soon okay?”
“Yes. You know I’ll definitely be visiting in December; Christmas in Dainstown is unlike any other.” She winked and hugged me.
There was a slight breeze but it was still warm out. My whole family strolled back to the house together. Luke and I walked hand in hand in silence. My mom was in front of us pushing Aunt Helen, Gia walking beside them. Luke was looking to his left. I just watched him as we walked. His skin was golden and his dimples showed as he bit his lip. His hair was sandy and unkempt, bouncing as he took each step. A warm feeling always filled my body when we touched. I felt a stream of tears rolling down my cheeks. Luke squeezed my hand but wouldn’t look in my direction. I couldn’t help but think he was crying, too.
“Let’s make the best of this shit!” Luke said emptying a backpack onto my bed. It was filled with junk of all kinds, candy, energy drinks, chips. “We are spending every last moment possible with each other. That means an all-nighter.” Luke flashed me a cheesy smile and lifted his eyebrows up and down.
We literally stayed up all night. We played stupid games that we made up as we went along, we binge-watched shows on Netflix and we ate almost all the snacks Luke brought with him.
At about 5:30 am I saw the sun peeking through the window. It was rising and it was almost time for me to go home. I looked over at Luke who was starting to doze off. I curled up next to him leaning my head on his chest. I was exhausted but I didn’t want to sleep. I forced my eyes to close and tried to ignore the tears that were falling. Maybe if I just went to sleep this wouldn’t be happening right now. I heard Luke whisper “I love you” and the comfort of those three words helped soothe me and I started to doze off as well.
II.
Chapter 7:
Sleep paralysis. My brain was awake but my body was stuck. I couldn’t move no matter how hard I tried. Half dreaming/ half awake and I tried so hard to just wake up. I heard beeping in the distance. All I saw in my head was darkness. After struggling for what felt like forever finally I jumped up terrified.
I rubbed my eyes and took a look around. What the fuck. I said in my head. I was surrounded by machines and there was a tube shoved down my throat. I was clearly in the hospital but what the hell happened? There was no one in the room other than me.
I thought as hard as I could trying to uncover what had led me here. The last thing I remembered was falling asleep with Luke dreading the idea of leaving him. I was thinking as hard as I possibly could about what happened but I couldn’t figure it out.
Just then, my mom, dad, and Gia walked in the room all hand in hand. I couldn’t speak so I just darted my eyes towards them.
“Oh my gosh. Sutton?!” My mom threw herself to my bedside and started bawling her eyes out kissing me gently.
“I’ll go get the nurse!” My dad ran out of the room as fast as he could.
Doctors and nurses looked me over for what felt like hours. They removed the tube that was in my throat and they talked but it was mostly about me and not directly to me. I had never been so confused in my entire life.
Finally, a middle-aged man with a mask and a seagull scrub cap introduced himself to me as Dr. Grebs. He was the doctor handling my case this entire time. Dr. Grebs made me follow directions and asked me questions about what I remembered, what happened to me, etc. I understood everything he said and followed all the directions I could but I had no answers about what got me here. I told him the last things I remembered, falling asleep with Luke beside me the morning I was set to leave Coopersville. Every time I talked my throat felt like I had swallowed nails. I could speak but my voice was so hoarse and quiet.
“I’m going to go get your family and bring them in, Sutton. I’d like to talk to all of you.” Dr. Grebs smiled and then walked out to gather them. I was really looking forward to finally understanding what was going on. I wondered where Luke was and if Reagan knew about any of this.
“So Sutton, your case is extraordinary. We have done many many tests and you appear to be completely healthy. You have a slightly irritated throat which is expected because of the tube. The laceration located on your temple has healed remarkably.”
I lifted my hand and felt a large scar that I remembered before. It was from when Luke crashed into me on the bike. Although it did feel bigger than it used to. I continued to listen. “Your motor skills look great so far and you’re able to talk and answer questions already. Cognitively, you’re doing well. All of this is nothing short of a miracle.”
My mom squeezed my hand and I smiled at her. Her eyes were swollen like she had been crying forever and my dad had his arm around her and his other arm around Gia. My dad looked prouder than I have ever seen him but Gia was looking at me like she had seen a ghost.
“Sutton, I would like to tell you what got you here and then I’m going to give you some time to talk to your family and ask all the questions you would like. The memories that you have aren’t aligned with the actual events that occurred to get you here. If you can, I would like you to remain calm and just take all of this information with a grain of salt. I want to observe you here in the ICU overnight and you can get some rest. We’ll assess the situation from here tomorrow and make a plan going forward.” I nodded and took a deep breath.
The doctor took a seat on the edge of my bed and said “Okay Sutton. On June 25, 2019, at 10:28 pm you were in a car accident and ejected from the vehicle. The vehicle hydroplaned on a bridge and you were thrown through the windshield. You were rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury. There were also two other victims in the car. The driver was Shane Johnson and the other passenger was Reagan Larson.” My heart felt like it had dropped out of my chest.
“Both Shane and Reagan were evaluated but had minimal injuries. You, on the other hand, weren’t so lucky. You have been in a coma for almost five months.”
My world was spinning. I tried to wrap my head around everything. “So what about everything that happened after my night with Reagan and Shane? None of that actually happened? What about Luke?” I had tears in my eyes and my head was pounding. My mom grabbed my hand.
“Could I talk to her alone for a few minutes?” My mom asked politely, forcing a smile.
“Of course, I’ll give you all some privacy.” Doctor Grebs stood up and exited the room.
“Honey. Dr. Greb believes that all of the events you have been recalling that occurred after the accident are sort of like a dream. It’s common for people in comas to take pieces of things that are actually occurring around them and dream about events including them.”
“So I’ve never met Luke? I just made everything up in my head?” My face was hot and my head hurt worse than it ever had before. I swore I could feel my brain pulsating inside my skull. Tears streamed down my face.
“Honey a boy named Luke did come to visit you a few times throughout these months. He’s from Coopersville. I’m not sure if you remember but he’s actually the boy who I pointed out to you on the boardwalk that day we had ice cream. Do you remember that?” I nodded and tears continued to flow.
“Luke saw your story in the paper and said he felt a connection to you. You’re at a hospital a few hours away fr
om Coopersville. They transferred you here but Luke has made sure to come visit you and talk to you. Dr. Greb thinks you have taken bits and pieces of this and created your own memories. You never actually met Luke before the coma. He has only met you here in this bed.”
My mom held my hand as the waterworks continued. “Honey we are just so glad you pulled through this.” My dad came over and kissed me on the cheek.
“I missed you,” Gia said, still standing in the doorway. I took a deep breath and said “I’m glad I’m okay and here with you guys. Come here G.” I patted a spot next to me on my bed and she came and put her hand on my leg.
A wave of exhaustion came over me. It was hard work being conscious and alert after practically being lifeless for five months straight. My head was pounding, my throat was sore, but I was just happy to have a second chance at life.
I told my family they could go home but every time I woke up they were camped out on the hospital bed next to me. My mom said she refused to leave me at all until I was out of the ICU. I was sure this is what things had looked like around here for the last few months. Every time I close my eyes, the memories of my summer with Luke played over and over in my head like a movie reel. When I slept it wasn’t restful and I was beyond exhausted.
The next day I was hooked up to even more machines. They monitored every part of me possible. The doctor told me I really was doing well. He was going to remove my feeding tube and introduce me to the hospital psychologist who also had a degree in neurology, Dr. Weston. After my first session with him, Dr. Grebs and my family would join us and we would come up with a plan of action.
“Sutton, it is very nice to meet you; I’m Dr. Weston.” I shook his hand. “I have read everything in your file and it seems like you’ve come a long way very quickly. I’m sure this is all a lot to take in.” I nodded. “Experiences like these can be very traumatic for a person whether they remember them or not. Are you feeling okay?”
“Mostly confused,” I replied.
“So do you remember everything before the accident?” He questioned tapping the tip of his pen on the notepad and looking at me with great interest.
“Yes,” I replied. I remember all my childhood memories. I remember details of the day of the accident but-.” I paused. I wasn’t sure how to describe what I remembered with Luke.
“But I’ve heard you remember even more than that?” I breathed a sigh of relief. He must have already known from my file.
“Yes. I have these memories of the whole summer. Memories that I guess weren’t real at all. I remember details. It’s just crazy to me I have been in a coma for five months and I made it all up.” I rubbed the scar on the side of my head and sighed.
“Is there a way we can look at this as a positive thing?” he asked. “I can think of a positive thing. Your brain was making connections with its outside world all along. We weren’t sure if you were going to be okay Sutton and little did we know the little wheels in your brain were turning the whole time.” Dr. Weston smiled. His smile was big and genuine and it made me feel like I should smile too.
“I guess you’re right. I just feel like I’m crazy or something.” Dr. Weston laughed.
“Sutton I have dealt with a lot of people in this hospital. After reading your case and even just talking with you here for a few minutes I can tell you that you aren’t crazy. You’ve just been through a lot and we have a few things we need to sort out. That’s all.” He explained.
Later that night, Dr. Grebs, Dr. Weston, and my parents all joined me in my room. Both of the doctors agreed I was ready to be moved from the ICU and down to another unit of the hospital. They also agreed it would be best to move me to the rehabilitation unit. There, I would continue to work with both doctors as well as physical therapists to reach a point where I could live a life stably at home. I was satisfied with that.
When I got transferred down to my room in the rehab, they gave me my cell phone back. I had twenty-five text messages and they were all from Reagan. There was lots of apologizing. Telling me how much she missed me and all that was going on in her life. The last few texts were clearly after she had heard I had woken up. She was telling me how much she loved me and to call her when I could.
A few minutes later, I found myself scrolling through my texts, then my contacts. A part of me thought I would end up finding what I was looking for. Nope. No messages with Luke. His name wasn’t even in my contacts. I texted Reagan back, tossed my phone on the side table and turned over to try to rest.
When I woke up a few hours later I decided to call Reagan.
“Oh my God, hello?” She answered with an anxious tone.
“Hi Reagan,” I replied, my voice sort of cracking.
“You have no idea how good it feels to hear your voice.” She said. I could picture her with tears in her eyes. There was some silence for a second. I had no idea what to even say to my best friend and that was a first.
“So how are you feeling? I missed you so much; I’m sure you saw I texted you like seven hundred times.”
“Yes, I did see,” I replied. “I’m glad to know you didn’t forget about me.”
“I would never Sutton,” she said quietly.
“So what have I missed?” I asked matter of fact.
“Well, Shane hasn’t been the same. He blames himself for this and he really has been a wreck. He’s actually been talking about joining the military. He cut all his hair off and has a crew cut! Can you believe that? I’m coming. I’m gonna come see you.”
I felt a knot rising in my throat. My cheeks were hot and I was trying to resist the urge to cry. I just felt depressed and not like myself.
“Tell Shane none of this was his fault. Things just happen sometimes. Maybe you just want to come see me when I’m home?” I asked. “We can facetime every day now that I have my phone back,” I said, doing my absolute best to swallow the knot in my throat.
“Okay, Sutton. Whatever is best for you. Just let me know when you’re getting out and I’ll be there waiting at the hospital doors.” I laughed.
“I love you Reagan; just a lot going on.”
“I’m sure.” She replied.
“Did anyone tell you about Luke?” I asked. My heart skipped a beat as I said his name.
“A little bit.” She answered flatly, probably unsure of what to say.
“I don’t know Reagan, I'm not crazy. I swear I’m not. But it’s like I’m just so confused because everything just felt so real. I can tell you details about him and the things we did.”
“I believe you Sutton,” She replied. I wasn’t sure whether she actually did or not but I appreciated her support.
“I wish I understood any of this,” I said with a sigh.
..
“Great job Sutton. That’s ten laps. You beat your record.” Sarah, my physical therapist lifted up her hand to give me a high five. It had been two weeks since I had woken up from my coma and I was feeling great. Dr. Grebs had been monitoring me and I had sessions with Dr. Weston a few times a week.
I mostly felt normal since waking up except for being so easily exhausted. I was also still confused about everything. I did my best to just live in the moment, but part of my treatment with Dr. Weston included talking through my unconscious thoughts about Luke. He hadn’t come to see me since I had woken up but I didn’t ask about it much. My biggest goal was to just get out of the hospital and get back to my life.
“So Sutton, your homework to complete before the next session is to make a timeline of the events that you remember occurring while you were actually in the coma. We’re going to go over it and make a timeline of what actually was occurring. I want us to try to recognize any relationship that may be connecting the two timelines.” I sighed out loud. “Is something wrong?” Dr. Weston asked.
“I’ve just been doing my best not to think about Luke or anything I thought happened because none of it is real.”
“Hmmm.” Dr. Weston replied, rubbing his hands over his scruffy beard. �
��I don’t think suppressing the events whether they’re real or not will be beneficial to you. Yes, it’s important to recognize what is fiction and what actually occurred but talking through everything is essential to your recovery. Do you agree?” I nodded.
“Yes, you’re right. Thank you, Dr. Weston.” I replied, exiting his office and making my way into the hallway where a nurse was waiting to escort me back to my room. I knew Dr. Weston was right but I was still dreading this assignment.
The next day I sat in my bed with my desk pulled up to me. I looked at the memory game that sat in front of me. I had been playing it nonstop probably more than I ever had as a kid. I tossed it aside and sat staring at a blank sheet of notebook paper in front of me.
It brought me back to a few weeks ago when they asked me to attempt to write again. I was thinking it would be a breeze but my hand felt weak and shook as I wrote. My lettering looked like a five-year-old had written it. I was horrified. It was the same thing when I attempted to walk. I needed a walker at first. It was almost as if I had to start over. The doctors had let me know my body just needed to make connections again and it would heal and he was right. In two short weeks, I was doing much better than before.
“Whatcha doing?” Gia asked, jumping onto my bed and bringing me back to reality.
“Oh. Hi G. I have to make a timeline of the things I remember happening for my homework.” Gia nodded.
“Well if you want I can draw pictures after to make it a really great timeline?” She shot me a big smile. I put my hand on hers.
“I would love that. Where’s mom and dad?” Gia shrugged.
“You know talking to doctors or something. Who knows.” I laughed.
I started out by creating a list of everything I could remember:
Locking eyes with Luke on the boardwalk
Reagan and Shane come visit (night of accident)
Luke crashed into me on his bike
Night at the boardwalk with Luke
Reagan and Shane leave & Luke asks me out
Know Him Page 9