by Aja Cole
“Tell me everything. And if I don’t like what you have to say, I’ll let my finger slip.”
Keyra and Lauren push off the wall where they’re leaning, walking to me. We ignore Wesley screaming.
“They got it all. They’re picking up Brooks and the others right now, and Bahi.” Lauren says the last part regretfully, and I swallow.
It’s hard, knowing someone you were close to was such a part of hurting you. But I’ll get over it.
The important thing to me right now is that Jasmine is safe, and I can put my past completely behind me now.
“He took the bait?” Keyra asks, nodding towards where Wesley can be heard sobbing, begging someone to help.
“Yep. He’s going to feel like an idiot when he realizes it’s just saline. Now he knows what it feels like to not know what the hell’s going to happen to you, to feel that pinpointed fear.”
“Like I said, your sister chose the wrong career.” Lauren laughs, nodding towards the guards and we head to the exit. “I don’t want you to worry about anything. We’ve got it from here. I don’t want to hear from you about anything other than you RSVPing to my wedding.”
“Got it.” I smile, hugging her. So much weight feels lifted off my shoulders. Keyra and I have been watching this, trying to put the pieces together, and now it’s finished.
I hate that they put Jasmine in danger, hate that I put her in any danger.
I slide into the backseat of the car and Keyra follows, giving a deep sigh. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to sleep.”
“Me neither.”
“You need to call Harlan. Let him know you’re home and okay.”
Harlan.
“I…I’ll do that at some point. He’s got a long next few days. Just…tell Dane I’m okay and he can pass it along.”
“First off, what makes you think Dane and I keep up with each other like that? And second, they’ll be even longer if he doesn’t know if his girlfriend is done being a royal jackass yet.”
“You were pretty into him that night we were drinking, stroking his biceps and all, sitting in his lap.”
“I was not.” She laughs, but I only raise my brow and she sobers. “Are you serious? I don’t remember any of that.”
“The night’s fuzzy, but I do remember that.”
“Okay…that…whatever. We’ll talk more about that later. Anyway, what is your problem?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you trying to push him away? This whole, “I’m strong, I don’t need a man” this is not suiting you.”
“That’s not even what it’s about.” I mumble. And it’s not.
“So what is it? I know it’s still new but I’ve never seen you like this with someone. You haven’t let anyone get this close since…” She trails off.
“Since Wesley.” I finish, nodding.
“I honestly thought Charlie would be a good distraction, but you didn’t let him in either.”
“There is no way you know me if you thought Charlie and I would be a good fit.”
“He grows on you, okay? You didn’t give him a chance to grow.” She laughs. “I think he’s talking to someone new anyway.”
“Good. He annoys the hell out of me, but maybe someone else loves it.”
“I wanna see you happy, Kai. And not fake happy, going through the motions but the kind of happy I’ve seen you when you’re with Harlan. Even if he has a sex tape.” She scowls.
“You think I can’t be that kind of fulfilled and happy without him? He’s not magical, he didn’t walk in and all of a sudden, I’m complete.”
“Did I say that? Catch an attitude if you want, but don’t be mad that I’m calling you on being really shitty to him when all he wanted to do was make you feel better.”
“It’s just too much, Keyra. And I can’t deal with it right now.”
“So, when? In 5 years? 10? You think guys like him just fall out of the sky when you decide you’re ready to not be a shrew anymore?”
“Are you dating anyone right now, Keyra?” I ask sweetly, grateful the car is stopping.
“If I had a man like Harlan wanting to be in my life, then I would be. Don’t be stupid because you’re in your feelings.”
“Yes, I will try not to feel what I feel so I can try not to be stupid. Thanks. Makes perfect sense.” I push the door open, getting out. “I’m going to sleep. I don’t want to be bothered unless it’s about Jazz waking up.”
“Don’t be stupid!” She leans across the seat and I close the door.
Sisters.
Like it’s just that easy.
After tonight, I just…I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to deal with the uncertainty, with wondering when he’s going to decide he wants to do something different with his life that doesn’t include me. Wondering if he’s going to end up being bad for me, what he’s hiding…it’s too early.
I don’t know if I could handle it this time if he’s not everything he seems to be.
It…I can’t.
It’s early enough to bail without too much damage.
That’s what would be best for everyone, and Harlan will see that once I explain it to him.
I hope.
Maybe I’ll just…talk to him less and he’ll breakup with me first. The best plan of action is to make guys think they had the idea first.
Right?
24
Harlan
“Hey man, you ready?” Leo taps his stick to mine as we file out of the room, ready to hit the ice.
I’m not. I’m distracted as hell.
I think my girlfriend’s ghosting me and I can’t do shit about it without being a stalker.
She’s too tired.
She’s taking care of Jazz.
She’s doing appearances for her dad.
She’s volunteering.
She’s doing extra at the bar because her manager quit.
This has never happened to me. Girls don’t…fade on me. I…try not to fade them. You know, unless the situation calls for that.
Kaija’s got excuses on excuses.
It’s meant she doesn’t have time for me. We’ve started pre-season games, it’s not like I have a lot of free time, but shit! The free time I do have, I want to spend it with her.
And it’s not looking like she wants the same.
I fucking knew it, I knew that’s why she seemed so distant and secretive and it all just fucking came to head after Jazz being attacked.
I wish I could get in a room with the fucker that saw an opportunity to prey on a young girl.
Luckily, the man who helped pulled through.
I didn’t tell Kaija, but I went to his family, talked to his wife and told her not to worry about the medical bills. His family shouldn’t stress because he was being a good samaritan. Not everyone would’ve stepped in.
I skate out onto the ice on autopilot, going through the motions.
Maybe I’ll drop by the bar after the game. She can’t say she doesn’t have time for me then.
What if s—
SLAM.
I collide with the boards and a Devils player, apologizing when he cusses because I know it’s my fault. Shit. My head’s in the clouds.
I can’t think about this anymore.
“I think I need to end things with Kaija.”
Hanson rubs a towel over his short blonde hair. We tease him about looking like a cherub. The kid’s still young, got the best baby face.
“You chickening out?”
“Of what?”
“Commitment.” He pulls on a t-shirt and stands, walking to his locker.
“What do you mean? I’ve never been afraid of commitment.” I laugh, dapping our goalie as he passes.
“You dated one girl that was terrible and you’ve avoided doing it again ever since.”
“That’s not true. I’ve dated since Delia.”
“We’ve been friends for years, man. You know I’ve looked up to you for your game, and I
was thrilled when you came to New York. But dating? Nope. You’ve gone through women like tissue paper.” He shakes his head.
I stand there after he walks away, stumped.
I’ve dated. Kind of. I mean, it’s not my fault I’ve mostly found women that seem to want to keep things simple. I can’t help who I click with.
And this isn’t my fault anyway!
Kaija’s the one pulling away, not me. I want to now, but only because she is.
“Dane.” I walk over, sitting down on the bench next to him while he texts someone.
“Honestly, it seems like both of you are looking for a way out now, so you might as well get it over with.” He answers without me asking anything. Shit.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t looking for one at first.”
“Does it matter? You are now. End it.” I open my mouth to counter, but I don’t have anything to say.
I said I wanted to end it. He’s saying end it. So what’s the problem?
What if I do just have commitment issues though…Am I running?
“You know what, I’ll even go with you for moral support.” He slaps me on the back, rising. “Come on, we’ll go to the bar, you can end it…then we’ll go to another bar.”
I walk into Pour House with Dane, moving through the crowd, and my damn palms are sweaty.
“Hey, is Kaija around?” I ask the bartender, and they gesture to the back of the bar, near the pool tables.
I haven’t seen her in days, and I falter for a second because she looks amazing. Even in just dark jeans and a tank top with the bar name on it. Her hair’s twisted up in a bun and she’s wearing glasses instead of her contacts.
She hates her glasses. They feel too bulky on her face.
I hesitate, but I forget Dane’s behind me and he nudges me.
“She’s been dodging you, go make her tell you what’s up. No sense for both of you to be dancing around something.” I can always count on him for a dose of reality.
“Yeah. Yeah. You’re right.” I head over there and before I even make it to her fully, I can smell her perfume.
Don’t bitch out. You deserve answers.
Right.
“Kaija? Can we talk?” She startles, turning and I see who she’s talking to and laughing with.
FUCKING CHARLIE.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t make time to see me, but you’re chatting it up with him?” The words fly out of my mouth and I’m too damn annoyed to worry about it.
I’ve been one hundred percent honest with her, been as great of a partner as I could be and she’s been blowing me off but not Charlie.
“I don’t like your tone and I think you should evaluate before you say anything else.” She puts a fake smile on her face, keeping her voice low, but her eyes say she’s pissed off.
“Hey, is everything good?” Charlie stands and I turn to him, putting a hand up.
“Stay out of this. This doesn’t concern you.” I snarl, getting more angry by the second. “You trying to phase me out so you can be with him? That it? You had a change of heart?”
“If I did, so what? You don’t own me. I make my own decisions, and it’s not like we’ve been together that long.”
“When are you going to stop using that excuse? You need a time period before you accept your feelings?” I step closer, and she takes a small step back.
“The only feelings I have right now are that you need to get out of my bar.”
“No. Not until you stop acting like you’re the only one in this and tell me what’s been going on. If you want to end it, say that and stop being a bitch.”
“Alright man, I think you should g—“
“Charlie.” I angle towards him. “I’m going to break your nose if you don’t get the fuck out of my face.”
“You’re making a scene.” Kaija hisses, jerking my arm. “My office. Now.” She stalks away, and I take a breath.
Why the hell couldn’t she just say her office when I asked if I wanted to talk?
I follow her, walking past Dane who raises his beer at me with a sympathetic look on his face.
I close the office door behind me and when I turn around, she pushes me.
“What the hell is your problem? Walking into my place of business like a damned caveman, making demands like you have that right. Are you a child?”
“Are you a child?” I stare at her incredulously, mouth dropping. “You’ve been dodging me instead of being honest, but I’m the immature one.”
She crosses her arms, looking away. “I…I’ve been busy, and you know that. There is a lot going on and I thought you understood that.”
“What I understand is that you’re trying to fade on me and I want to know why.”
“You’re being ridiculous.” She raises her chin, stubborn, brown eyes cool. “I can’t be with you if you’re going to be controlling. I’m sorry, but I’m not in a place in my life right now where I can give you the time that you seem to need.”
“Are you really giving me it’s not me, it’s you right now? That’s what you’re reducing us to?” And she’s so damn calm about it, so matter-of-fact. “You’re going to pretend like you haven’t been distant for weeks and make it seem like I’m just asking for too much.”
“I’m not making it seem like anything. You are. And I can’t do it right now. And while we’re on the topic of asking for too much, I’ve been nothing but patient with you about letting me see what’s on the tape.”
“The TAPE! What does this have to do with that tape?” Have I stepped into an alternate reality? I’m fucking lost.
“I can’t go forward with you if you won’t even share that with me, when it so obviously affected you. I shared my past with you.”
“And you’ve been hiding something in the present. So how does that work?”
“I’m not hiding anything.” She almost makes it without any reaction, but her poker face is shit.
“You know what? I’ll send you the tape since it means so much to you, but consider it a parting gift. I’m done.” Why the hell did I want to stay in this anyway? She’s obviously checked out and I’m the last to get the memo.
“Okay. I hope you have a good season.” I don’t say anything, just walk out.
I’ve been played.
“Let’s go.” Dane looks up from his phone, sliding it to the side a little like he doesn’t want me to see who he’s talking to. What the fuck is it with everyone being secretive?
“You made up?”
“Nope. Broke up.” Even though he told me to do it, his face is surprised.
“Really?”
“What do you mean, really?” I walk out of the bar ahead of him, jamming my hands in my jacket.
“I mean…I just…I thought y’all would hash it out. Move on, all hunky dory and shit.”
“We hashed it out. And ended it.” I mumble, and we walk in silence.
“Sorry, man.”
“She wanted me to break up with her. It’s whatever. Got a season to focus on anyway.”
It was my mistake thinking anything good could come from it anyway.
I’m done making mistakes.
25
Kaija
I stare at the disk on my table.
Keyra and Mickey are next to me, and Jazz is sleeping.
“You gonna stare at it all night?”
“I don’t know.” I rest my elbows on my knees. Maybe if I stare at it long enough, I’ll get some mental image of what’s on it without looking at it.
“Have I told you how fucked up it is that you made him share this with you, but you’re hiding everything that’s gone down?”
“I didn’t make him. I gave him an ultimatum thinking he just didn’t want to so much that it’d be easy to end it, and he sent it over anyway.”
“Semantics. I’m honestly ashamed to call you my sister right now for how callous you’re being.”
“Mickey, leave some admonishment for Keyra.” I huff, taking a drunk from the wine bottle o
n the table.
“Oh don’t worry, you’ve fucked up enough that there’s plenty to go around.” Keyra adds, typing away at her phone.
“What kind of supportive sisters are you two?”
“The kind that are really pissed you’re throwing away a good guy because you’re being a pussy.” Mickey snatches the bottle, drinking from it. “No more wine for you, you don’t deserve it.”
I could get mad, but I know they’re right. I know they’re right, but I can’t do anything about it. I don’t know how to do this.
“My first real boyfriend sold me to a trafficking ring, and just tried to kidnap someone I love. You think I want to bring anyone on this baggage train?”
“You’re looking at Harlan’s baggage right now. So, why not? Don’t give us your excuses, girl. We both know you’re just being thick-headed and guarded.”
“Should I not be!” I yell, standing, pacing away. “I…if I hadn’t fallen for Wesley, none of it would’ve happened. Letting someone in your life, falling for someone…you can’t just do that lightly. It can change everything.”
“It can. It might change it for better, it might change it for worse. But I’m pretty sure Harlan is not Wesley, and you can’t punish him or yourself for those sins.” Keyra grabs my arm as I pass, pulling me back down the couch. She takes my hands, holding my gaze. “You were a child. He preyed on you. You are past that now, you worked through all of that and made yourself who you are today. Don’t let him take anything else away from you by sliding back into the past because it’s convenient.”
I feel myself tearing up and I blink, shaking my head. “I’m scared.”
“You think everyone else isn’t?”
“Mickey isn’t scared of anything.” I glance over, and she stops mid sip, putting the wine bottle down. Keyra clears her throat meaningfully.
“What?” I look back at Keyra and she’s giving Mickey raised eyebrows, like she’s expecting her to say something.
“No, Keyra.”
“Yes, Mickey.”
The two glare at each other for a hot second and I’m left completely out of the loop.