by Sarah Morgan
She’d made him a promise. She’d told him this wouldn’t happen.
And she knew he wasn’t going to change his mind.
He’d reminded her of that last night.
His words had been a warning.
She desperately wanted to talk to her friend but Lizzy was between them so she searched for something else to talk about instead.
“I met Meg Ferguson for the first time. Do you know her?”
“A little. She’s a friend of Agnes’s. She was part of the island woman’s group that Kathleen used to belong to. I remember Brit telling us that they used to go on theatre trips to the mainland.” Emily rescued the paintbrush Lizzy was waving around. “How did you meet her?”
“Alec checks on her when he’s home. All summer he acted like an antisocial hermit, but when he’s on the island he visits her every week and has done so ever since her husband died. That’s a year, Em.”
“I had no idea. He never said anything.”
“He doesn’t. That isn’t his way. Richard used to do things based on how visible they were to the public, but Alec does it because it’s the right thing to do.”
Emily slid the top back onto a tube of glitter. “That’s good. So he’s not as cynical and bitter as he appears on the surface.”
“He isn’t bitter.” Sky leaped to his defense. “I think he blames himself and because of that he’s wary.”
“What’s bitter?” Lizzy lifted her head from her painting and Sky realized they had to be careful what they said.
Emily provided an explanation while Sky stared into the bowl of cranberries.
“He loves art.”
“Who?”
“Alec. I didn’t expect that. I’ve never had anyone I could talk to about that before.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re not upset about Richard.” Emily ushered Lizzy to wash her hands.
“Actually, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. I’m having fun.” And I’m in love, and totally messed up. And I need to talk to you.
Emily’s head was close to Lizzy’s as she washed paint from the little girl’s fingers.
Sky swallowed. She really needed to talk.
Maybe she’d suggest a girls’ night in. Just her, Emily and Brittany.
They could open a couple bottles of wine and chat.
“Are you free tomorrow night?”
Emily dried Lizzy’s hands and lifted her down from the chair. “Sorry, no. We have a fund-raising concert at the school. You’re welcome to join us. It’s going to be fun.”
But there would be no opportunity to talk. Sky shook her head. “How about the night after that?”
“We’re helping Agnes decorate her flat. I’ve made a casserole and Lizzy has made decorations and next on our list is chocolate cake. We’re doing that now.” Emily cleared up the painting materials and then pulled eggs and butter out of the fridge and put them on the table while Lizzy found a bowl and a wooden spoon.
It was clearly a well-oiled routine and Sky thought how much her friend had changed since the beginning of the summer. She was so much more relaxed.
“You’re happy,” she said softly and Emily smiled as she weighed and measured.
“Yes, I am. Who would have thought it.”
Lizzy picked up an egg and tapped it gingerly on the edge of the bowl. Half went into the bowl and the other half slid in a jellied mess onto the table. “Oops.”
Sky watched as her friend wiped it up and showed the little girl how to do it.
She was patient and kind and Sky felt something uncurl inside her.
The best thing in the world was to see Emily with a family.
It wasn’t just Emily who had changed, she realized with a pang.
All their lives had changed.
“You’re brilliant. I love you.”
Emily glanced at her in surprise. “I love you, too.” She helped Lizzy stir the mixture and then spoon it into deep muffin cases. “Have you heard from Richard?”
“Nothing. And I’m relieved. We have nothing to say to each other.” And they never really had. It unsettled her to think that not once in the time she’d spent with Richard had she experienced the intimacy she’d found with Alec. “Alec said the other night he thought Richard might have a touch of narcissistic personality disorder. A lot of politicians do, apparently. It fits.”
And she realized that all she’d done since she’d walked through the door was talk about Alec.
If she couldn’t be with him, all she wanted to do was talk about him, as if a conversation somehow brought him closer.
She’d never felt this way about anyone before.
She put the bowl down, her hands shaking.
She had to get him out of her mind. She had to.
This was supposed to be lighthearted fun to take her mind off Richard. It was never meant to get serious.
Emily didn’t seem to have noticed anything was wrong. She made coffee and put a mug in front of Skylar. “What about your parents? Are they still upset?”
“Of course.” Sky had told Emily about the message from her mother and her friend had been horrified.
“I can’t believe she booked a venue. That’s appalling.”
“My mother would think it was organized. She’s probably going to bill me for the cancellation charge.”
“I don’t understand your parents. It’s as if they don’t care what you want.” Emily looked puzzled. “They don’t respect who you are.”
“That’s because I’m not who they want me to be.”
Lizzy licked the spoon and looked at her solemnly. “Emily says you can be anything you want to be.”
Sky smiled, remembering a time when she’d believed that. “And she’s right.” Just not when you have parents like mine, she thought. Then, you could be who you wanted to be but it came at a price, and that price was grim disapproval.
Emily wiped her hands. “I’m so glad we’re all spending Christmas together. Brittany has invited Agnes, too. It will be fun.”
“It will.” But somehow she was no longer looking forward to it.
What if she couldn’t pretend anymore in front of Alec? What if he guessed how she felt?
The cake in the oven, Lizzy went to play with Cocoa, their spaniel.
The moment she left the room, they both spoke at the same time.
“There’s something I need to tell you—”
They stared at each other and then laughed, remembering the number of times they’d done the same thing in the past.
“You go first.” Sky felt guilty that all she’d done since she’d walked into the room was talk about Alec. “Is it about Something Seashore? How is everything going?”
“Good. We’re all set to open at Easter—but no, that isn’t my news.”
“Then what? What’s wrong?” Sky picked up the mug, noticing for the first time the dark circles under her friend’s eyes. “You look really tired. Is it still that bug? Have you seen a doctor?” She leaned forward, worried. “Tell me. Is it Ryan?”
“No! He’s wonderful. I adore him. I— He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Is it Lizzy?” Seriously concerned, Sky went through the list of possibilities but Emily shook her head and tears suddenly welled in her eyes. “Now you’re scaring me.” Forgetting her own problems, Sky was on her feet and round the table in two strides. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix it together. Do you want me to call Brit?”
“No.” Emily wiped her face with her palm just as Ryan walked into the room.
His murmur of apology died the moment he saw the tears. “Em?” His voice was raw. “Are you ill, sweetheart? What’s wrong?” He nudged Sky out of the way and took Emily in his arms.
Sky stepped back, feeling redundant.
This was how it was now.
Their friendship was changing, too. Things were different.
Brittany had Zach, Emily had Ryan and she had—
No one.
It would be fo
olish to pretend Alec was going to be in her life for long.
Her friends had both fallen in love with the right guys whereas she—she swallowed—she’d fallen for a man who didn’t want anything to do with love.
Maybe her mother was right. She made crap choices.
Except love wasn’t a choice.
Emily leaned her head against Ryan’s chest. “Just being silly. I’m really emotional. Can’t seem to help it, sorry.”
“It will pass, honey.” Ryan stroked Emily’s hair. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
Feeling like an eavesdropper, Sky wondered what it was that would pass and then worked it out. “Holy crap—are you—?”
Emily eased away from Ryan, checking that Lizzy wasn’t in the room. “I’m pregnant. That’s what I was going to tell you. I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s very early, but given that I’m always either sleeping or throwing up these days, it isn’t going to be easy to hide it from the people close to me.”
“Why would you want to hide something so amazing? Emily—” Sky’s eyes filled and she pressed her hand to her chest. “Wow.”
Ryan gave her a wicked smile. “Hey, she didn’t do it on her own. I played my part.”
“Yeah, I bet you did.” Sky punched him on the arm. “Get out of here. This is a girl moment. It’s not every day I learn I’m going to be an auntie. And don’t look at me like that. She may not be my blood sister, but she’s my heart sister and that’s every bit as powerful.” For a moment her own confusion was eclipsed by delight for her friend. Tears spilled over and she brushed them away with her palm. “Crap. Look at me. I’m a mess. Does Brittany know?”
“I do now.” Her voice equally choked, Brittany walked into the room and wrapped Emily in a hug, ignoring Ryan. “You should lock your front door if you don’t want eavesdroppers.”
“This is Puffin Island. No one locks their front doors.”
“No one needs to lock their doors.” Zach followed her into the room. “There is so much snow no one can get anywhere near the doors anyway. Congratulations.”
“Our first baby.” Brit sniffed. “How long have you known?”
“A week or two.” Emily was scarlet. “I was going to tell you.”
But she hadn’t, Sky thought. Because now she has Ryan.
“You don’t share anything you’re not ready to share,” Brittany said softly. “You don’t want people to know?”
“Not yet. We’ll tell Alec of course, but other than that we’re going to keep it to ourselves until after Christmas.”
“I won’t say a word. But this is Puffin Island. There’s a strong chance everyone on the island is going to know the sex of the baby before you do.”
“Sit down.” Ryan urged Emily into the chair and squatted down next to her. “What can I get you, sweetheart?” Seeing him so protective reminded Sky of Alec and she thought about the way he’d picked her up that night, when she was at her lowest point, and carried her to the taxi. About how he’d held her head when she was sick, and comforted her when she’d cried. She thought about his family and Church and Nelson.
She’d probably never see them again.
And her friends, who had been closer than family for so long, were embarking on a new chapter. There’d be a place for her, of course, but it wouldn’t be the same.
It was pathetic to feel so teary, but fortunately she had Emily as the excuse.
And she could see Emily and Ryan didn’t need her around right now.
She was going to have to handle her problem by herself.
Pulling herself together, she picked up her bag and made for the door. “I’m going to leave you two alone. If you need anything, call me.”
Brittany glanced at her. “How did you get here? Did you borrow Alec’s car?”
“No, I walked.”
“It’s snowing again. I’ll give you a ride back to Fisherman’s Cottage.”
“What about Zach?”
“He brought his own car. He’s driving up to the airfield to fly a couple over to Bar Harbor. I’ll give you a ride.”
“Thanks.” Her spirits lifted. She could talk to Brittany. Confide in her.
“Wait.” Emily eased away from Ryan. “Wasn’t there something you wanted to talk about, Sky?”
Yes, the fact that I’m in love with Alec and it’s amazing and exciting and agonizing because he’s not in love with me. Sky smiled brightly and shook her head. “It was nothing.”
“PREGNANT! WOW. Can you believe that?” Brittany drove carefully in the snowy conditions. “Talk about a steep learning curve. Em’s has been more like a vertical cliff.”
“But she has Ryan.”
“Yeah.” Brittany’s voice was husky. “Those two are so cute together. And I take full responsibility. If I hadn’t sent him to keep an eye on her—”
“I love seeing her so happy. And you with Zach.”
“You’ll be next. Now that you’ve finally dumped Richard the Rat you can find someone insanely hot who will appreciate you.”
She’d found someone.
And he didn’t want her. At least, not in that way.
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Hey, I know you’re feeling bruised right now, but give it some time. I’m so glad you’re having rebound sex with Alec. That’s exactly what you need.” Brittany slowed down as she approached a bend in the road. “All the fun, with no risk of emotion. Crap, these roads are slick.”
There was plenty of emotion on her side. More emotion than she’d ever felt in her life. Her heart was full with it and she had no idea what she was going to do.
It was the cruelest irony that she’d found the one thing she’d always wanted with the one man who couldn’t give it to her.
To Alec, a relationship was a cage. Something to trap him and prevent him from living the life he wanted.
It was no good telling herself that she wasn’t like that, because in the end the only thing that mattered was the way he felt.
Emotion clogged her throat. “Brit—”
“I know you two don’t have much in common outside the bedroom but it isn’t as if you’ll see much of each other once the holidays are over. He’s off to Antarctica or something, isn’t he?”
“Yes.” And she was excited for him, but also sad and a little bit envious. She pushed that aside. “Do you think Em is all right about being pregnant?”
“You mean because she never wanted this? Yes, I do. It wasn’t that she didn’t want it exactly, but she was scared.”
“We ought to find a time to talk to her. Give her a chance to talk about how she’s really feeling.” And maybe that would give her a chance to talk, too. “We haven’t got together for ages.”
“She has Ryan. Did you see him with her? It was adorable. She didn’t notice us. Nothing makes me more mushy than a big strong guy being kind and gentle.”
“A lot has changed since the beginning of the summer.” Sky stared at her hands. “Have you noticed?”
“Yeah. Our friend has had a lifestyle and personality transplant. I’m living with my ex-husband and you’re having crazy sex with a man you wanted to kill. No one can say we don’t keep life interesting.”
Sky turned her head and looked out of the window.
The island looked different, snow-covered, familiar and yet unfamiliar.
Like their friendship.
Everything had changed, except her. She’d stayed the same, hoping for something that was never going to happen. Trying to live her dream while also doing her best to please her parents.
Except she wasn’t the same, was she?
She’d finally found the big love she’d wanted all her life.
Brittany pulled up at the end of the lane. “Can you walk from here? If I drive down there, I’ll get stuck.”
“Do you want to come in for a while?” The words rushed out of her mouth. “It would be great to catch up and talk.” Did she sound desperate? Oh, God, she hoped not.
“
Tempting, but I can’t.” Distracted, Britt glanced at her phone. “When Zach gets back from his flight we’re meeting Philip. He saw the doctors again last week.”
“Oh.” Feeling selfish, Sky pushed her own uncertainties aside. “How’s he doing?”
“They’ve changed his meds. Zach worries. Philip and Celia are going to Florida for a couple of months after Christmas in search of better weather. Spend some time together. We might even join them.” She gazed at the cottage and the sea beyond. “I love this part of the island. The perfect romantic hideaway. Do you and Alec even find things to talk about when you’re not having sex?”
They didn’t stop talking, and the talking was almost as exciting as the sex.
She never had to apologize with Alec.
She’d stopped asking him if her hair drove him crazy.
She’d stopped excusing herself for the fact her work was spread all over his garden room.
She never paused before pulling her camera out of her pocket.
Finally, she felt as if she’d found someone who liked her the way she was.
She was about to say as much when Brittany’s phone buzzed.
“That will be my honey, reminding me to walk Jaws. I get all the good jobs.”
“How is Jaws?”
“As physically challenged as ever but healthy.” Brittany read the text. “He is a success story.”
“It was good of you both to take him in.”
“Zach was the one who took him in and they came as a package deal, but Jaws is about as much responsibility as we can handle right now. He’s our baby. We should have dinner sometime soon, all six of us.”
All six of us.
“I’d like that. And maybe we could find some time on our own, too.”
But Brittany didn’t seem to hear her. She was busy texting Zach. She glanced up as Sky opened the door and let in a punch of cold air. “Hey, wait a minute—”
Sky paused, hopeful. “Yes?”
“I had this brilliant idea for Zach for Christmas. Did I ever tell you that when he was little he was never allowed to eat the chocolate from the Christmas tree?”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Probably not something I’m supposed to share, but Lizzy and I are going to hang so much chocolate from the tree this year he is going to feast for a week.” Brittany was grinning, delighted with herself, and Sky smiled, too, pleased to see her friend so happy.