by Sarah Morgan
She dragged open the door and gasped as the freezing air hit her.
The sky was gray and overcast, threatening more snow.
She paused, torn between stealing a last look at him and wanting to run. She’d wanted love for so long. She’d had no idea it would feel this painful.
“Merry Christmas, Alec.”
“WHAT DO YOU mean she’s gone? How can she have gone?” Brittany stared at him the next day when Alec headed over to Harbor House for some lunch. “What the hell did you do to her?” Her anger scraped over him like fingernails on a blackboard and Alec gritted his teeth.
There was no blame she could direct at him that he hadn’t already directed at himself. “I didn’t do anything.”
“She was going to have Christmas with us for the first time.” Brittany stalked around him, eyes flashing. “What happened?”
He’d asked himself the same question repeatedly. Looked at it from every angle. “Nothing happened.”
“Something must have happened to make her change her mind.”
Zach frowned. “He’s told you nothing happened.”
“I don’t believe him.” Brittany planted herself in front of him like a warrior confronting the enemy. “So you woke up and found her gone? She left a note?”
“No. She told me she was going.”
“And you didn’t call us?” Emily’s tone was reproachful. “Why didn’t you call us? If we had known, we might have been able to stop her. Did she seem upset?”
He’d asked himself that, too. Gone over and over that morning, as if repeatedly streaming the same movie, looking for something he’d missed.
“No. It didn’t occur to me that she was upset until after she’d left.”
“So what happened after she left?”
Alec breathed. “I found all her paintings in my garden room. She left them there. Every one.” Including one of him, naked, that she must have painted at his parents’ house.
He’d spent an hour looking at it, wondering what she had been thinking when she’d painted it.
Emily pressed her hand to her chest. “There is no way she would have left without those. Unless— Did she say she’d be coming back?”
“No. She told me to have a good time in Antarctica.” And that, he thought, had been the worst part. Her words had left him feeling hollowed out, as if someone had removed all the important parts of him, leaving only the outside.
Brittany cursed under her breath, dragged her phone out of her pocket and dialed Sky’s phone again. “I’ve been calling and calling and it just goes to voice mail. Why isn’t she picking up? Even if she was upset with you she should be calling us.” Misery rippled through the anger and frustration. “Alec, please. You have to tell us. Did you fight? Tell me exactly what happened the last time you were together.”
Alec held her gaze. “We had sex four times in the living room and twice more in the bedroom. Is that enough detail or do you want more?”
Emily turned scarlet and Ryan gave a choked laugh and headed for the kitchen. “Time for a beer or ten.”
“You can’t drink ten by yourself.” Zach virtually sprinted after him.
Brittany didn’t move, but all the anger in her eyes had faded and now she just looked deeply unhappy. “I’m sorry.” She murmured the words and then slid her arms round Alec and hugged him. “I’m sorry to be such a witch, it’s just that I’m worried about her and I don’t know why she didn’t call us. We talk all the time, about everything.”
“Do you?” He hadn’t meant to say it but he was feeling as raw as she was.
Brittany stepped back and gave him a questioning look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” Regretting his words, realizing that there was nothing to be gained by taking his frustration out on them, Alec went to follow Ryan and Zach to the kitchen, but Brittany blocked his path.
“Hold it right there, Shipwreck Hunter. What do you mean?”
Alec sighed. “I don’t mean anything. But if you talk all the time then you should have more of an idea of why she left than I do.”
“We do talk all the time, although obviously not so much lately—” Brittany stared at him and her color rose. She bit her lip and glanced at Emily. “When did you last talk to Sky? Properly, I mean?”
“I talk to her all the time. Lizzy is often with us of course, but—” Emily broke off. “And now that you mention it she said she had something to tell me when she came over here the other day. But then she found out I was pregnant and somehow the conversation never happened.”
That was the day she’d arrived home and locked herself away, Alec thought. “She didn’t give you any clues?”
“No.”
Brit was still staring at Emily. “You never told me that.”
“It slipped my mind. I guess I didn’t realize it was significant. She didn’t seem unhappy. And how about you? You gave her a ride home. Did she say anything then?”
“No. We talked about things—” Brittany frowned. “She seemed fine. Maybe a little distracted. She asked me in for a coffee but I had to meet Zach.”
“She asked me if we could have dinner, the three of us.” Emily looked troubled. “I assumed she was being sociable.”
“Shit.” Brittany stared at her, anguish in her eyes. Then she pulled her phone out again. “All we can do is keep calling. We’ve left a hundred messages. That’s the best we can do. Let’s eat dinner and hope she calls later.”
“You should stay tonight, Alec.”
“It’s only lunchtime.”
“I know, but if she calls you I want to be here to listen. We’re going to curl up and watch Christmas movies.”
Ryan stuck his head round the door. “Zach and I are planning on finding alternative entertainment. Join us.”
It was either that or go back and spend a night on his own in Fisherman’s Cottage, surrounded by memories of Sky. The decorations she’d made filled his house. Her scent still clung to his pillow and he’d found two blond hairs clinging to the sweater he’d pulled on that morning.
“I’ll stay.”
AFTER LUNCH BRITTANY joined Emily in the kitchen and closed the door.
“What do you think?”
“I have no idea.” Emily stacked plates into the dishwasher without concentrating. “I feel terrible. I was so wrapped up in myself I didn’t ask the right questions. Does it sound awful to admit I’d almost forgotten she’s only just broken up with Richard? She seemed so normal and fine about it.”
“She did seem fine. Those plates are covered in food, Em. You need to rinse them.”
Emily stared vacantly at the plates. “But what if she wasn’t? What if she was traumatized and she didn’t tell us?”
Brittany shook her head. “You saw her and Alec the other night—they were laughing and having a good time. She didn’t look traumatized. She looked happy.”
“So why did she leave? And what did she want to talk about? Breaking up with Richard definitely had an impact on her relationship with her parents. She must have been worried about that. That must have been why she went home instead of coming here. They probably put pressure on her.”
Brittany flopped into a chair. “I wish she’d told us.”
“Me, too.”
“If we don’t hear from her tomorrow I’m calling her parents. And it won’t be to wish them a Merry Christmas. Do I smell burning? You need to remove whatever is in the oven.”
“Oh. I forgot the cobbler.” Emily was pulling dessert from the oven when a phone rang.
“It’s mine.” Brittany made a grab for the phone. “It’s her! Sky? Holy crap, we’ve been worried about you. Why didn’t you call?”
Emily put the cobbler down. “I want to talk to her, too. Put her on speaker.”
Brittany put the phone on the kitchen table so that they could both hear.
“I’m fine.” Sky’s voice echoed round the kitchen. “I’m at my parents’ house.”
Brittany swore under her br
eath. “Sky—”
Emily put her finger to her lips and shook her head to silence her. “Why, honey? I thought you were going to spend Christmas here, with us.”
“That was the plan, but, well, things changed.”
“What changed?”
There was a silence. “There were things I needed to do. I needed to get away for a while.”
Brittany frowned. “I thought you loved the island in the winter, and we had so many plans for Christmas. We’ve all been cooking and I even made you a stocking and stuffed it full of presents. Real presents, not empty ones. It was going to be our first Christmas together. What the hell is going on? What aren’t you telling us?”
“It’s not the island.” Her voice was strangled. “I needed to think. There are things I need to sort out.”
“Is this about Richard?” Brittany looked at Emily for inspiration. “Is he there?”
“Yes.”
Brittany’s face darkened. “Has he upset you?”
“No. In fact we cleared the air. It was probably the best talk we’ve ever had. Look, I can’t really talk now, but you left a ton of messages and I didn’t want you to worry. I’ll call you soon.”
“We’re officially worried.” Ignoring Emily, Brittany dragged the phone toward her. “Something’s wrong. Why won’t you talk to us? Since when don’t we talk to each other?”
There was a silence. “You’re both busy with other things.”
“We’re never too busy for our friendship. Except—” Brittany hesitated. “You suggested having a coffee and I didn’t realize— I didn’t know you wanted to talk.”
“You don’t have to apologize. Everything is changing—our lives are changing.”
“But we’re still there for each other. Always.” Emily spoke quietly and Brittany cleared her throat.
“Sky, please. Whatever it was you wanted to talk to us about and we were too stupid and self-absorbed to listen to, tell us now.”
There was silence. “My whole life I’ve wanted to be in love. Really in love.”
“We know.” Emily bit her lip. “Is it hard for you, because Brittany and I are with Zach and Ryan?”
“No! I’m happy for you.”
“But it has made it even more difficult that you don’t feel that way yourself.”
“I do feel that way. That’s why I had to leave.”
It was their turn to be silent.
Brittany glanced at Emily, who gave a bemused shrug.
“Sky, if you’re going to tell us you suddenly woke up and realized you were in love with Richard—”
“No.” Sky’s voice was barely audible. “Not Richard.”
“But—” Brit transferred her gaze from Emily to the phone. “Are you saying—?”
“That big love I wanted to find? I found it. Except that it isn’t how I imagined it because he doesn’t love me back.”
Emily dragged the phone back toward her. “Are you crying?”
“No! I’m not that pathetic. But I needed to get away while I sort my head out because I don’t want him to know and I wasn’t sure I could hide it.”
“Why would you have to hide it?” Brittany’s gaze locked with Emily’s. “Are we talking about Alec?”
“Yes. But I don’t want him to know. It’s very important he doesn’t know.”
“Why?” Emily rubbed her fingers over her forehead. “Maybe he feels the same way.”
“He doesn’t. You know he doesn’t. You were the one who warned me to be careful. And I wasn’t worried, because to begin with I didn’t think this could possibly happen. We were only ever having fun, that’s all. That’s what we agreed. I’m the one who changed the rules.”
“Rules?”
“It was never supposed to be serious. And I know it doesn’t make sense, so don’t waste time telling me that. You’ll say I’m on the rebound, or you’ll point out that we spent all summer sniping at each other, but these last couple of weeks … well, it’s been the best time of my life.”
“We could see you were having fun, but—” Emily swallowed. “You love him?”
“Yeah. And I know it’s crazy because back in the summer I would have killed him as soon as kissed him but now … because I wasn’t trying to please him, I was myself. Really myself, for the first time ever. And I had fun. I felt free. I love him for so many reasons, but the biggest one is because he makes me happy.”
A sound in the doorway made both girls turn.
Alec was standing there, his face white as he stared at the phone on the table.
Brittany made a grab for it but he crossed the room in two strides and trapped her hand in an iron grip, shaking his head.
Emily swallowed. “Sky, we should talk about this another time—”
“No. I want to talk about it now. I can’t tell him, but if I don’t tell someone, I’ll go mad. The crazy thing is that all the things he keeps apologizing for are the things I love about him. I love that he gets so absorbed in a piece of work he forgets that I’m there. I’m exactly the same. It used to drive Richard crazy because I’d get an idea and instantly want to work on it and he wasn’t like that. I’m a spontaneous person. And Alec is like me. He’s spontaneous. He hates to be trapped and so do I. That’s how it felt with my parents all these years. They made me feel trapped. I was trapped trying to be this person they wanted me to be and I’m just not that person. And I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“That’s great,” Brittany said, her eyes on Alec’s ashen features. “But—”
“There are no buts. You can control a lot of things, Brit, but you can’t control your heart.” Her voice broke. “You can’t control that. And my heart belongs to him even though he doesn’t want it. It may have been a short relationship, but it was the most honest, true, real relationship I’ve ever had. With him, I never felt like I should try harder to be something different.”
Emily’s cheeks were wet. “Why would you? You’re wonderful.”
“But I’m not easy to live with. I can’t be with him, but spending time with him showed me that I like being myself. And maybe I will never find another person who likes me the way I am, but this is the way I want to be now. It’s like being liberated. It’s—it’s like wearing control underwear and suddenly taking it off.”
Brittany frowned. “When have you ever worn control underwear?” She shook her head. “Never mind. So what happens now?” She was looking at Alec as she spoke, but his gaze was fixed on the phone.
“I talked to my parents today. I had a proper talk, where they did the listening for once. Watching the way Alec was with his parents made me realize that some of the blame lies with me. I’ve been allowing them to interfere with my life. I told them how I felt. And I can’t honestly say it was well received, but the ball is in their court now. I don’t know what will happen, but they either accept me or they don’t. Living with them made me feel like a flower deprived of water. Tomorrow I’m coming back to the island and spending Christmas where I want to spend Christmas—with people who love me the way I am.”
Brittany stared at the phone. “You’re coming back?”
“Yes, I wasn’t going to, because I wasn’t sure I could hide how I feel about Alec, but then I realized that I want to spend Christmas on Puffin Island with all of you. If I stop coming to the island because I’m afraid to bump into him, then I won’t ever see you and that’s too high a price to pay. I’ve worked out a lot of things today, and I think I can handle it. I’m not the world’s best actress, but I can do this. I can act as if nothing has changed and he is never going to know.”
Brittany covered her face with her hands. “Kill me now.”
“You’re worried it’s going to be awkward, but I promise you it’s not.”
“Good.” Brittany let her hands drop, her expression resigned. “See you tomorrow. Have you hired a car? Zach will fly and pick you up.”
“Thank you. You promise you won’t tell Alec?”
Brittany’s gaze locked w
ith Alec’s. “I won’t tell him. But I think he might know.”
“He won’t know.” Sky’s voice sounded muffled. “I’ve been practicing in front of the mirror. There is no way he is going to find out. Just watch me. My smile is going to be bigger than Alaska.”
Emily cut the connection and gave Brittany and Alec an agonized look. “What happens now?”
Brittany rolled her eyes. “We’re screwed. Completely, utterly screwed.” She glared at Alec. “This is all your fault. Why did you have to walk into the kitchen at that point?”
“It’s not his fault,” Emily said reasonably. “You put the call on speakerphone.”
“Because we both wanted to talk to her! We didn’t know we were going to have an uninvited guest. Since when did men ever show themselves when there is work to be done in the kitchen?” Brittany said testily. “You’d better pretend you don’t know, or I will kill you with my bare hands and bury your body so deep you’ll be oil before anyone finds you. If she finds out you heard that conversation, she’ll be mortified.”
Alec said nothing, just gripped the table until his knuckles were white.
“Alec?” Emily’s voice was cautious. “Say something.”
“She said that I make her happy.” He sounded like a robot and Emily looked at him with concern.
“Yes, she did. What are you going to do, Alec?”
He stared at them for a long moment.
Then, without answering them, he turned and strode out of the kitchen.
Moments later they heard the front door slam.
“Crap, crap, crappity, crap.” Brittany lowered her head onto the table. “What the hell do we do now? Think we should tell her?”
“No! If you tell her, she won’t come home.” Emily stood up and paced the kitchen. “We’re all going to have a lovely friend Christmas for the first time in our lives and nothing is going to spoil it.”
“Is Alec even coming back?”
“I have no idea. But even if he does—” Emily looked at her in despair “—we need a miracle.”
Brittany shrugged helplessly, clearly unconvinced. “It’s the season for it.”