“Anyway, I never wanted to be rich but being an exotic dancer made me comfortable. I could take care of my…responsibilities.” Her words stumbled but she picked up the thread. He wondered what she’d almost said but let the moment go. “My mom and dad died because they lived beyond their means. I saw what too much money can cause, the damage that having more than the have-nots causes. Money is filthy and I don’t like it. It’s necessary to live, to eat, and to breathe above ground, but it’s not something I strive to stockpile. It’s a means to an end. Dancing, on the other hand, has always been something that gives me life, whether it was the ballet kind or the exotic kind.”
“I noticed you do a lot of charity work with Emily.” He said, as if to himself, but he saw her nod her head.
It was nice to just talk to her as an equal for a change, not as an employee or a victim, but just as a man to a woman. This might be the most real conversation they’d ever had.
“I do. For a place designed to make people rich, there sure are a lot of homeless and needy people here. A lot of women come here hoping for love with a guy, for example, only to find out the guy only wanted sex. They end up alone, pregnant, and without a way to support themselves. The sex industry is easy to fall into when you’re desperate. Not that all women in the industry are victims, it’s just that I know a lot of the women that come to us for help are.” She paused again and he wondered if she’d shared too much and would clam up now.
“Why don’t they just go back home?” He asked, not out of judgment but curiosity.
“Most have come from rural areas in North Carolina, Virginia, even West Virginia. Their lives there are uncertain, especially in the places where there are no jobs. They’re lured here by the dream of easy beach living where every day is a party. That’s a stark difference for women from coal country for instance. I’ve met several women from small mining towns and what they’ve told me about poverty and the drugs in those places, the violence that comes from it, is horrifying.”
He wanted to change the subject, not because it made him uncomfortable, but because she looked upset. He didn’t want her to be more upset than she already was.
“Want to walk on the beach?” He asked, to change the subject.
“Sure, that might be good for me, actually. I love the beach, you know? I didn’t come here with any kind of delusions about how fantastic life would be, but I did fall in love with the ocean. It’s really soothing.”
Lincoln agreed. He’d slept better here than he had anywhere else in his life.
“So, what all did you accomplish after MIT, Lincoln?” She asked, making her own subject change as they walked out the back gate to the beach beyond.
“I went on to Harvard Business School, saw my mother get divorced again, and built my business up. Kai and I have a lot of projects together and I’ve spent time all over the world because of that. I’ve even been to China, to the place where my Mom’s Chinese family are from.” He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his shorts as he walked, avoiding the water. His shoes were too expensive to expose to saltwater.
That made him roll his eyes at his own stupidity. Roxie worked with homeless people that had little, donated money to charities that supported at-risk women, and here he was worrying over ruining his expensive deck shoes. It seemed she was making an impact on his thinking already.
“And what about Tanya, your other PA?” She asked, and he stopped to look at her.
There was no jealousy in her face, but she must have noticed what he’d noticed. “What about her?”
“She’s obviously in love with you, even if she insists on calling you, Mr. Young.” Roxie grinned at him in the moonlight, teasing him again. “I think she wants to be more than your assistant.”
“She might, but that’s not happening.” He kicked at a piece of driftwood and stopped caring about how much his shoes cost. “I don’t have any intentions of dating Tanya, no matter what she might think she wants.”
“I hope she figures that out, sooner rather than later.” Roxie wrapped her arms around her waist and looked out at the water, staring at a spot where he could see the moonlight lit up the sea out in the distance. “I’d almost buy a small yacht so I could disappear out on the ocean, be alone, away from everyone.”
“Why would you do that?” He couldn’t imagine the fun-loving, usually cheerful woman he knew being happy alone on the ocean.
“Because then nobody would be able to break my heart again.” She whispered, almost as if she didn’t want him to hear her. “It’d be more peaceful, wouldn’t it?”
She spoke louder on the last sentence. She turned her head to look at him, and he looked at her again with admiration. Strength oozed from her, even if he could see the way her smile trembled, as if about to collapse into a frown.
“I guess, but it would be boring. What would you do?” They stood there and that was fine, even if it was late. He was tired, but he’d stand here with her all night if that was what she needed.
“I don’t know. It’s just something I’ve considered when I’m a little overwhelmed with the world. I’d be like Kevin Costner in Waterworld, traveling the globe alone, with no one depending on me.”
“Yeah, but he ends up with two dependents by the end.” He reminded her and she frowned at him with consternation.
“Spoilsport.”
“Maybe so, but it’s reality.” He shrugged and gave a slight nod of his head. “People need people, even when they want to be alone.”
“You mean like I do now?” She cringed at what she’d said so bluntly and rushed to fix her blunder. “Not that I mind your company, it’s just that I’d usually hide in my apartment until I’d got everything that has happened figured out, absorbed it, you know? Then I’d face the world.”
“I can go in if you’d prefer to be alone. Or we can sort out one of the bedrooms for you now and I can leave you in peace.”
“No, despite what I said, I like having you here now. I never thought I’d say something like that, but yeah, I’m glad you’re here Lincoln.” She shrugged this time and started to strip down. “Ever been skinny dipping in the ocean?”
“Uh, no.” He immediately answered, staring at her in worry. Was this safe? He’d seen Jaws, he knew what happened to people swimming in the ocean at night. Besides, what if there were rip currents they couldn’t see?
“It’s fine, there’s not a prehistoric shark down there looking to chomp your dick off, or anything like that.” She laughed with a huge grin and he watched as she walked towards the edge of the water, completely comfortable with her own nudity.
“Roxie, don’t.” He stopped her, fear for her safety overwhelming him when he realized how reckless this was. “You could be swept out to sea, or…”
“Or what, Lincoln? Burned alive in a fire? Get a knife in my heart for not giving up something I own? Be killed for a stupid reason beyond my control? It’s not like simply choosing to live comes without risks, you know?” She turned to him, unashamed of what she had to display. He tried not to let her nudity distract him, but she had a beautiful body, an incredibly beautiful body. “We aren’t safe from life, Lincoln. Sometimes a risk is a good thing. It reminds you of why you choose to keep breathing.”
“But...” He started, but she’d turned away to walk into the foamy surf. He couldn’t let her go in there alone and started to strip off his clothes. Normally he only wore suits, but since he’d moved down here, he’d invested in some shorts and t-shirts for wearing around the house. “Roxie, wait for me.”
“No, slowpoke. Keep up or stay behind.” She called with reckless abandon as she dove into a wave.
She’d forgotten he was a competitive swimmer then, he thought with a grin. He’d won medal after medal. Catching her would be child’s play.
He was a powerful swimmer and despite the darkness, he could see her in the blaze of moonlight. He swam towards her with sure strokes that propelled him towards her like a torpedo that had found a target. He wasn’t sure what h
e should do when he caught her, but he’d think of something.
She swerved away from him when he was almost near enough to grab a slim foot. He had to give it to her, she was a good swimmer. He changed directions and decided to let her have her way. She’d had a nasty surprise waiting for her at home tonight, she needed to distract herself. The tug and pull of the ocean would exert her enough that she might be able to get some sleep.
He kept an eye on her while he treaded water, making sure she didn’t go out too far or get into trouble. His worry slipped away as she moved in the water. She finally swam up to him, watching him as they both moved to stay above the surging ocean around them. “So how do you like it?”
“Like what?” The question could have been about anything, so he asked for clarification.
“You can be so obtuse, Lincoln. Skinny dipping in the ocean, duh.” She gave him a look of exasperation that melted into a smile.
“Ah, that. It’s not bad. As you said, my dick hasn’t been bitten off yet.” His grin was less smirk and more relief. “Not that I was actually worried about that until you reminded me.”
“I see.” She swam closer and he watched her, wondering what she had in mind now. “So you’re perfectly capable then.”
“Of?” His left eyebrow quirked, and he noticed how her lips twitched and her eyes widened a little. Was she…?
“Fucking me. What else?”
The air seemed to rush out of his lungs when she answered. He stared at her, shocked at her bluntness. Not that he should be, not now that he’d gotten to know this new version of her better.
“Oh, I’m capable, alright. The question is, is that what you really want, Roxie?”
19
Roxie
Instead of answering, she swam away to the shore, where she gathered her clothes up. He’d follow her if he really wanted the answer. She walked into his house, tracking sand in but she didn’t care. Tomorrow she’d sweep it up. She had other plans right now. Sweeping wasn’t in any of those plans.
She’d decorated and filled this house and knew it intimately now. A quick pilfer through a cabinet produced towels and she was soon on the stairs to a bathroom. When the shower water was right, she got in and started to rinse the salt from her skin. By the time she had her hair washed he was at the door to the bathroom. Through the glass pane that kept water in the shower stall, she saw him and watched.
There was uncertainty on his face, but he didn’t look away. There were no virginal blushes or feigned modesty on his part. He just looked at her through the glass, sizing up the situation.
“I don’t think it’s fucking you want, Roxie.” He pulled off his own clothes, which meant he’d taken the time to dress again before he left the beach, she noted with amusement. “But I’ll give you whatever you need.”
“What do you think I really need, then, Lincoln, if it’s not sex?” She looked up at him as he stepped into the shower. She devoured his handsome face with her eyes, loving the features she’d never forgotten.
Water moistened his skin, made him blink as he stepped closer, then closer, until he was under the spray in the black-tiled shower, his eyes a magnet she couldn’t look away from. Her back was pressed against the wall, but she didn’t notice the jolt of the cold ceramic, all she saw was the fire in his eyes.
“I think you need something you haven’t had in a long time, Roxie. Something that I’ve wanted to do from the moment I saw you on that stage at the Thompson’s gala.” He paused, his brown eyes on her lips, then on the blue of her eyes. “I think you need a long, comforting hug.”
His arms slipped around her shoulders, pulled her up next to his body. Her first thought was to protest, to demand he get out of the shower if he wasn’t going to fuck her brains out, to deny that she needed comfort. But it felt too good to be in his arms.
His left hand came up to her head, pressed her face to his shoulder, and she cradled her cheek in a hollow there automatically. He felt like home.
A long sigh escaped her lips as the heat of the shower and his strong arms took away the tension that made knots in her neck and back. She stood there with him, completely naked physically. Thoughts flitted around in her brain. They told her this was a mistake, that it was heaven, that she should run, that she didn’t want to be anywhere else but right there with him.
Lincoln didn’t move other than to breathe steadily against her cheek. He didn’t grope her or thrust anything at her, he simply held her. It had been so long since a man held her like this. That was her own doing, she’d barely let Nathan hold her in the same way, but then she’d rarely needed comforting like this.
She’d had a few close calls since the night her parents died but she’d always handled matters in her own way. She’d concluded after that night that she didn’t need anyone to assure her everything would be alright. There had been moments when she’d needed help and she hadn’t hesitated to ask for it, but comfort? That wasn’t something she’d let herself need.
Still, it was probably telling that the two times in her life when she’d questioned everything she thought she knew about the world, Lincoln was there. She’d thought Nathan would be the man she’d marry. She thought they’d sort out this arson business and settle his substance abuse, that she could help him to overcome his addiction.
Now it was clear that was all based on stupidity. Her relationship with Nathan was over, dead and buried as far as she was concerned. He’d told her it was over, but that wasn’t what sealed the fate of the relationship. He’d called her a whore and that was unacceptable.
“I knew deep down, when he admitted to me that he burned down Elmo’s that it was over between us.” She said, not caring if he caught on to what she was talking about. She was talking more to herself than to him. “I almost died that night. Emily almost died. I thought she had when I lost her in the smoke and flames. People were rushing around crazily and someone knocked me away from her. I let her go and I’ve had nightmares since where I never find her, that she dies in the flames, waiting for me to save her.”
“But she didn’t die, Roxie.” He responded, reminding her of the truth. He kissed the top of her wet head but didn’t move otherwise.
“No, she didn’t. But what if she had? I can’t be with someone that has so little regard for the lives of others. Or someone that thinks it’s okay to burn down a building for his own gain.” The wet streaks running down her face might be from the shower, or they might be tears. She wasn’t sure and it didn’t matter.
“You’re a forgiving, compassionate person, Rox. Don’t kick yourself.” His right hand came up to hold her head, to massage that place where her head and neck met, but only to comfort her.
“I know my parents fucked up a lot, they must have, but they did teach me one thing. Violence is never the way. They both told me to never accept violence from someone who says they love me. To never let someone abuse me because there’s never a reason for a man to put his hands on a woman with anger in his heart.”
“Some would say the stuff that goes on in your world is abuse, Roxie.” He rebutted, but she didn’t push him away.
“No, we go into those situations knowing what’s going to happen. When it’s all done right, the sting of a lash or a hand isn’t abuse, it’s pleasure that can’t be described or understood unless you’ve been there. That stuff isn’t done out of anger or to abuse, it’s done to inflict pleasure, and that’s different.”
“I see. What Nathan did isn’t the same at all then.”
“No, it’s not.” She moved back a little, pushed her head off his shoulder. He wiped away the moisture from her eyes, and she wondered if it was tears. She hadn’t cried since the night her parents died, not until Nathan came into her life. She should have known when she shed the first tear, even if it was frustrated tears, that she needed to let the man go. No man that caused these kind of tears was worth her time.
“You know you didn’t deserve any of that, don’t you? The destruction of your home, the things he
said, the things he did. None of that was your fault.” He murmured, his thumbs now behind her ears, tilting her face up to his.
She examined his eyes, needing to know what came next, but his eyes were two brown orbs conveying only…care. “I know he was a dick, Lincoln. I’m not upset that it’s over if I’m honest. That relationship has been dead for a long time. I just didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want it to be over. I put a lot of hope into it, but it’s okay. It’s done.”
A smile chased away the shadows of regret in her face. Lincoln smiled back, relieved that she wasn’t going to break down.
The atmosphere changed as she stood there clutched in his arms, protected from the world outside that wanted to break her. Awareness flared into life, though it had been simmering on the back burner all day long, even before the incident with Nathan. She’d known all day this was how the night would end, if only he’d allow it to happen.
Lincoln’s jaw was centimeters from her lips, his face right there, just above hers. She made a sound that could have been a groan, or maybe it was just a sigh. She was acutely aware of how his skin pressed into her breasts, of how his hips pressed into her abdomen, as he held her against the wall. His hands still held her head, but they moved now, to take her hands in his. To move her arms over her head. To hold her hands clamped in his.
She started to move, to tell him to kiss her, but he just shook his head.
“Don’t.”
She didn’t want to argue, not when he was giving her what she’d wanted all along. What she’d wanted from the moment she saw him in the audience at that gala. She’d known, even then, that she couldn’t escape him. Lincoln had always had this quiet determination about him. She’d seen that look in his eyes that night, as if he’d been looking for her for a long time and now that he’d found her, he wasn’t going to let her go. It was the same look he had now.
“Let me just look at you, Roxie. I want to see you.” His right hand, gentle and unafraid, moved down her arm, along her face to cup her cheek, before he moved away so that his hand could move lower.
Dancing With Lies (Barre To Bar Book 1) Page 17