Through Thick & Thin

by Natasha D Frazier

  At first, Tammy did not leave the restroom, but at the sound of the timer, she opened the door and asked her husband to look at the digital results. She did not want to see another not pregnant reading on the slender white stick. She extended the stick toward him and turned her head.

  He remained silent for a few seconds too long and she assumed that it must have been negative again. She turned her head slightly to take a peek at his face and noticed a huge grin.

  “Does that mean . . . ”

  “Yes! A little ball player!” In all of his excitement, he pulled her close to him, lifting her off her feet, and kissed her lips and then her belly.

  “Thank you Lord!” Tammy squealed, but then she remembered Joshua’s heart condition. They had already met with his doctor and her obstetrician to discuss the risks but it was different now; the pregnancy test was positive. Everything the doctors told them about cardiomyopathy and genetics suddenly rushed to the forefront of her mind. Even if the baby did have the heart condition, there was only a slim chance of it becoming serious. She silently prayed for the baby and that Joshua would be around to see the baby grow up.

  “Looks like we finally did it. I think that is the most work I’ve put in since being off the court,” he said and laughed.

  “Oh and it is much appreciated.” She smiled and kissed him, taking the stick away from him and tossing it to the trash.

  “First things first. We have to get you to the doctor and make sure that everything is okay.”

  ∞

  Joshua saw to it that Tammy received care from the best doctor in the city, Dr. Lena Spencer. He knew there was a chance that the baby could have some sort of heart condition because his heart condition, cardiomyopathy, could be genetic. He figured that if they received the best care early on, the doctors could quickly identify any issues and monitor the baby’s heart, put Tammy on bedrest or whatever it took to ensure they had a healthy baby.

  The couple sat in Dr. Spencer’s waiting room, patiently waiting to be seen. Dr. Spencer was a highly sought after ob/gyn because of her track record with taking care of her patients and excellent bedside manners. Because she was the best, she hardly had time in her schedule for new patients, but with Joshua’s status and money, there was always a way around the red tape.

  Joshua prayed silently, holding Tammy’s hand. All of the things that could be wrong with the baby ran through his mind. Couple that with his recent health scare. He silently prayed that God would have mercy on them and allow them to have a healthy baby and allow him the opportunity to help Tammy raise the baby.

  “Hey, are you all right?” Tammy asked. She figured that some of her anxiety must have been rubbing off on him because his hands felt extremely warm considering the low temperature of the room.

  “I’m good,” he said with a small wince.

  “Are you sure?”

  Her probing was interrupted by the nurse calling them back to see the doctor. Once Tammy had given all of her samples and the nurse left them alone, Tammy asked Joshua to pray for them. He agreed, continuing the silent prayer that he was in the middle of just moments ago. He prayed for his family, for their strength, and for each of them individually. He felt the need to be specific about what He needed God to do in their lives, supporting his requests with Scripture. As Joshua ended the prayer with Amen, the doctor walked in to perform an ultrasound and check the baby’s heartbeat. She was aware of Joshua’s medical condition based on the medical forms that Tammy filled out and wanted to get to it right away.

  While performing the ultrasound, the doctor confirmed that Tammy was about seven weeks pregnant. She watched the monitor and listened closely to the heartbeat for several minutes. She noticed a few skips in the baby’s heart rhythm but did not think it was anything they should worry about. Just to be sure, she suggested Tammy return for an appointment in a couple of weeks, as she wanted to keep an eye on the baby’s heart. The thought of extra visits put both Tammy and Joshua’s mind at ease. The doctor provided the couple with all of the necessary information for new parents and sent them to the nurses’ station to schedule the next appointment. Before leaving, she told them not to worry and that all would be well. She saw this type of thing all the time and the baby was healthy without any lasting problems.

  “I like her; I think I will continue seeing her as my gynecologist even after the baby is born. I’m glad she was able to squeeze us in.”

  “I hear she’s the best and I only want the best for you and our baby . . . I thank God that all is well with the baby and he has a strong heartbeat.” Joshua kissed her forehead and gave her a reassuring hug before leaving the patient room and escorting her to the nurses’ station.

  They were both relieved for the moment, but Tammy couldn’t help but worry based on the research she’d done on Joshua’s heart condition; her internet research had her all kinds of worried, seeing the worst that could happen. She knew that it was possible that the baby could have heart problems, and she wasn’t prepared to deal with that. But she resolved to stand in faith with her husband, pray for her husband and baby’s health, and hope that all would turn out well for their family.

  CHAPTER 35

  Raegan inwardly chastised herself for keeping the knowledge of her pregnancy from Caleb, especially after the fuss she put up about him not being straightforward with her. She figured she had good reason to wait and would tell him after things settled down with Nicholas’ situation. They had other things to focus on right now, and she didn’t want to take the attention away from him uniting with the son he never knew he had. She gently squeezed his hand as they sat on the plane, headed to Atlanta to introduce her to Nicholas and his mother, Natalie.

  Caleb rubbed her fingers.

  “Are you okay? Is something bothering you?” he asked. He felt like he was more in tune with her feelings since the last heart to heart conversation they had—where they discussed Nicholas, how they would be involved, and the other things that bothered her. He felt a sense of relief when she opened up to him.

  “Yes, I’m fine. You know, I’m glad that we’re doing this, although I am a little nervous.” She never would have guessed that she would be meeting a child of her husband’s and the child’s mother. She could say that this was outrageous, but not as outlandish as the situation had started when Caleb first asked her to marry him.

  “Me too. Our lives are getting kind of crazy, huh?” He chuckled at the thought of everything they’d been through since they reconnected.

  “Tell me about it.” And it’s about to get crazier, she added silently, thinking about the news of the baby.

  Raegan tried to imagine what life would be like with their unborn child and Nicholas. How would they function? Would Nicholas come to spend a few months with them? Would her husband want to go to Atlanta and spend time there? She figured that he must not have many worries about it since he’d drifted off to sleep with his mouth slightly open. She shrugged and decided to join him before their plane landed in the next forty-five minutes.

  The slight turbulence interrupted Raegan’s rest each time that she made herself comfortable on her husband’s shoulder. The next thing she knew, the pilot was welcoming them to Atlanta and announcing the time and temperature.

  Caleb shifted in his seat at the voice of the flight attendant instructing the passengers that she was coming around one last time to pick up trash and that they should place their tray tables and seat backs into an upright position.

  “Are you good?” he asked his wife after yawning and doing as the flight attendant had instructed.

  “Yeah . . . and you seem to be even better considering you were snoring.” She smiled and kissed him.

  Raegan couldn’t help but have a weird feeling about all of this. It would seem normal that a mother would want to meet the woman her child’s father was with, but something didn’t feel right and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

  They went through the usual procedures of picking up their luggage from baggag
e claim, renting a car and checking into a hotel.

  Raegan had noticed that Caleb had given her a funny look earlier as he was removing their luggage from the car. Sometimes she swore that he could see right through her and wondered if he knew she was pregnant or at least had a suspicion.

  “Would you like to get some rest before we meet with Natalie?” Caleb asked Raegan. He wondered if she was pregnant. Her body did look different, but he’d learned a long time ago not to ask a woman if she was pregnant. He knew most would instantly think that you were calling them overweight. Although he hoped it to be true, he decided not to mention it until she brought it up. There was no nice way to suggest to your wife that she should take a pregnancy test without any support other than “you look like you need to.”

  “I think I’m all right. Check to see if she’s ready, and if so we can go ahead and meet with her. I can rest later.”

  Raegan sat on the bed and listened intently to the exchange between her husband and his child’s mother, watching his body language and facial expressions. He’d never spoken much about Natalie until all of this came up, so she was very curious to know who she was and how he interacted with her.

  Caleb’s conversation with Natalie was brief and to the point. He exchanged a quick pleasantry with her before asking about her schedule and if they would still meet as planned. He wasn’t rude but he wasn’t necessarily friendly either. Part of him still harbored resentment toward her for keeping his child away from him for so long. They agreed upon a place and time to meet and Caleb ended the call.

  “Are we good on the details?” Raegan asked, noticing the creases in his forehead as he put his phone back into his pocket.

  “Yeah, same time and place. That means we have a few minutes,” he said, kneeling in front of her and removing her shoes to give her a foot massage. Seeing how much she was enjoying it, he made himself comfortable on the floor in front of her to continue. “Cami, I appreciate you sticking with me in all of this. I know this isn’t how you envisioned your life would be.”

  “I think it’s safe to say that life has thrown us a curveball in more ways than one,” she agreed, letting out a soft chuckle. “But I meant what I said at that altar a few months ago. Forever I do. I love you and I know that we can work through this together,” she said through soft moans, enjoying the foot rub he was giving her.

  When Caleb saw the kind of pleasure his wife was getting from the massage he was giving her, he couldn’t help himself. He raised himself up and planted his hands on either side of her and massaged her lips with a kiss, one that he hoped proved to her in that moment how grateful he was that she was standing by his side.

  ∞

  “Good to meet you,” Raegan said, extending her hand toward Natalie after Caleb made the introductions. She smiled as she sized the woman up, surprised that Caleb had dated someone like her. She was pretty but physically quite the opposite of Raegan. Her clothes left little to the imagination and her make-up was overdone. Raegan noticed the tattoo on her wrist as well as her different colored manicured nails and bangle jewelry on her wrist.

  “Nice meeting you, Mrs. McKinney,” Natalie said, accepting Raegan’s handshake.

  “Where is Nicholas?” Caleb asked, looking around for the little boy as they took their seats in the restaurant.

  “Oh, he’s not here. You’ll get a chance to see him later, but we need to talk first.”

  “What is this about, Natalie? That was not the agreement we had,” he said, looking over to his wife, who appeared to be confused as well but remained silent, watching the interaction between the two of them. She was still in disbelief that he had actually dated her.

  “Chill out. He’s fine but I need to talk with you about something first, so please just hear me out.” She glanced from Raegan to Caleb, hoping to have their full attention.

  “Okay, go ahead,” he relented. He took hold of his wife’s hand as they sat down, determining to listen to what Natalie had to say.

  Natalie again apologized for keeping Nicholas away from him for so long and then admitted why she finally decided to show up on his doorstep. She was in no place to take care of him the way he needed, and she believed that it was best if Caleb took Nicholas for a while.

  Caleb couldn’t believe his ears; this was far more than he thought their meeting would be about. He felt Raegan’s hand tense up inside of his. He returned the squeeze and looked at her, trying to read her expression. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. He was certain that was the last thing she was expecting to hear today. At most, they planned to meet Natalie and Nicholas, spend time with him, set up custody arrangements, and return to Houston. Natalie changed the deal and he couldn’t wait to hear why.

  CHAPTER 36

  How could you give up your child? Raegan thought. She wanted to blurt it out, but tried to be mindful not to judge Natalie. She didn’t know much about Natalie, so she didn’t understand her situation or know what she was going through. However, Raegan knew in her heart of hearts, no matter how tough things became, she could never willingly give up her own child. There just has to be more to this story, Raegan thought as she listened to her and glanced back and forth between Natalie and her husband. She could tell that he was in shock and didn’t expect that Natalie wanted to place the child in his care.

  “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. What is going on with you, Natalie?” Caleb asked. His mind began to consider all the possible things that she wasn’t telling him. Was she on drugs? Did she no longer want to be a mother? Did she want Nicholas to stay with them forever?

  “So many things,” Natalie said and began to rattle them off. “Mainly severe depression. Things just aren’t good for me right now and I need to go away for a while so that I can become a better mother—the type of mother he needs.” Her voice was cracked and shaky. Natalie had suffered a bout of postpartum depression since giving birth to Nicholas. Because she was embarrassed to admit it or discuss her feelings with her doctor, her depression became more severe. She tried her best to explain this to Caleb and Raegan, hoping that they could care for Nicholas while she received treatment. She’d often had feelings of hurting herself and even Nicholas, and she could no longer put him in harm’s way. Being in the care of his father was the best place for him right now.

  “I can hardly take care of myself, so I am in no position to take care of him. I’m checking myself into a hospital and I don’t know how long I’ll be,” Natalie concluded, her head low and eyes closed from shame.

  Caleb had so many questions and this was all becoming very complicated. If he needed to care for his child, he would, but he wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of Nicholas being away from his mother. What would that do to Nicholas?

  “So what does this mean? What does this look like for us? Do you want Nicholas to come back to Houston with us now? What will you tell him? When will you visit him?” Caleb fired away with questions.

  “Yes. He leaves with you. We can make arrangements for me to visit him when I’m ready, when I can be the mother he needs.”

  “Are you sure?” Raegan interrupted. In a moment of compassion, Raegan reached over and covered Natalie’s hand with hers. She’d heard a lot about postpartum depression but had no idea that it could be this serious. It was hard for her to imagine what could be going on in Natalie’s mind.

  “Yes,” Natalie muttered, bowing her head, squeezing her eyes shut. It was one of the hardest decisions that she’d made, but she was certain it was best for her baby boy. He didn’t need to see his mother that way. She wanted to be a mother he could be proud of when he got older. Besides, she’d done some research on Raegan, and based on what she knew about Caleb, she was certain that Raegan would be a good influence and care for Nicholas as if he was her own.

  Raegan could see that Natalie was in pain and her heart broke for her. She got up from the table to wrap her arms around the woman. She figured that whatever the woman was going through, it had to be mighty tough in order fo
r her to even consider giving up her child. Natalie began to cry but quickly wiped her tears away with her thumbs.

  “I’m fine, I’m fine. Can he come with you?” she questioned, jumping back to the matter at hand and fidgeting with her purse strap.

  Raegan nodded, letting Caleb know that it was okay to give a definitive answer. There was no way she could say no to that. What kind of wife would she be? What kind of mother would she be?

  “We’ll take care of him. Where is he?” he asked, now a bit of excitement and anxiety creeping into his heart.

  “One of my friends is keeping an eye on him for me. I’d like to spend one more night with him. I can bring him to you tomorrow with his clothes and favorite toys. Is that all right?” Natalie asked, hopeful. She tried her best to keep the knot from forming in her throat and to keep her eyes dry, but nothing worked. She’d rehearsed this a thousand times before the moment she decided to knock on Caleb’s door, but that didn’t make it any easier. However, she felt like this was best for Nicholas at this point in his life.

  “Yes. Take all the time you need and give us a call in the morning,” Caleb agreed as he stood up from the table. They had never ordered anything, but after that conversation, he didn’t think he’d be able to eat for a while at this point. Natalie had given them enough to chew on.

  Hand in hand, Caleb and Raegan said good-bye and walked back to their hotel, which was less than a half mile away from the restaurant where they met Natalie. The walk was silent as they pondered their private thoughts about everything that just happened.

  Raegan wondered if there would be a good time to tell him about the baby. She figured he would probably pass out from excitement or horror in knowing that they would soon have two small children at home. She chuckled at the thought.

  “Why the giggle?” Caleb asked. That was the first thing he’d said to her since they left their meeting with Natalie.

  “Oh nothing. I was just thinking.”