by Lexi Archer
Of course lurking in the back of my imagination was the thought of her hand moving up and down some strange guy's cock. Feeling it through his pants.
Damn it. Why wouldn't those thoughts just go away? I didn't want them!
"You have no idea how much I've missed you baby," I said.
She cocked an eyebrow at that. "Obviously not enough to pick up your phone and give me a call or send me a text."
Her phone. That should have stung, but all I could think about was her phone. Text messages. What might be waiting for me if I took a look at her text messages. Damn it. This obsession wasn't leaving my mind no matter how much I wanted it to. I needed to find out for myself. Settle this once and for all.
"How many more times do I have to say I'm sorry?" I asked.
Her look softened. "You're right honey. I shouldn't keep raking you over the coals."
"So what do you think? Maybe we could have a little fun tonight?"
"Oh definitely," she said. "Not seeing you for a week… Let's just say I'm just as worked up as you are!"
That sounded like a good time to me. At least it sounded like a good time if her texts had a clean bill of health.
"I was about to go to the bathroom when you got here," Lisa said. "Think you can wait for a few minutes and then we'll have that fun you were talking about?"
I licked my lips even as my mouth suddenly felt dry. I forced myself not to glance over to her phone sitting out on her desk. All I needed was for her to run to the bathroom and leave it there, though if she was going anywhere she usually took the thing with her. This was such a great opportunity, and yet I couldn't quite believe it was actually going to happen. I couldn't quite believe it was actually going to be that easy.
I shrugged as nonchalantly as possible. It was a miracle I was able to keep myself from looking over to her phone and giving away my intentions.
"Sure," I said. "Sounds like fun!"
She leaned down and kissed me one more time, a lingering kiss that had my cock twitching in my pants. A lingering kiss that very nearly had me blowing my load in my pants. The only thing that saved me was that I was so preoccupied with her going to the bathroom and leaving her phone there.
Lisa pulled away and winked at me. "I'll be right back stud."
She moved towards the door. Not towards her desk. I held my breath, not quite believing that I was actually going to be this lucky. She opened the door and then she was gone. The heavy door shut behind her with a loud thud and a definitive click.
Immediately I was up from my spot on her bed. I looked at the peephole on her dorm door and considered looking out to make sure she wasn't waiting out there in the hallway. Maybe this was some sort of fucked up test to make sure I wouldn't spy on her and she was going to great lengths to make me think the coast was clear. No, that couldn't possibly be the case. The coast was definitely clear.
I turned back to her phone. My pulse was racing. I could feel blood pounding behind my ears. Hell, I could feel blood pounding in my cock. Threatening to overwhelm me. It was a miracle that I had enough blood to keep my cock going while at the same time keeping the rest of my body going. In that moment I felt as hard as a diamond. In that moment I felt like I was in very real danger of losing consciousness because all of my blood was being relocated down south.
I quickly moved across the room and pulled out her phone. Swiped at it. Opened up her texting app. My heart was beating to the point that I worried it might pound right out of my chest. My cock was so fucking hard that I worried it might rip the buttons off the front of my shorts and send them flying across the room.
My eyes devoured all of the messages that had come in. All of the conversations. Most of the messages were names I recognized. Mostly her friends. Only there was one conversation in there from a number that wasn't named. From a number that I didn't recognize.
Not that I was going to recognize any number except for maybe my own and Lisa's in the first place. Who bothered to memorize numbers these days when your phone kept track of everything for you?
I opened that conversation and my heart sank even as my cock threatened to explode. Even as I felt lightheaded with both anger and desire clouding my vision. I couldn't believe it. It was everything that I'd worried about laid out before me.
Scrolling down to the bottom revealed that it was the guy she met in the library. I scanned until I found a name. Jared. Not only had she been talking with him, but it looked like she'd been talking with him for the entire week. The entire time our relationship had been on radio silence. Not only had she been talking with him, but as I glanced through the texts it looked like she'd been talking with him about me! Talking about how unreasonable I was being getting upset at her for wanting to talk to another guy.
Forget arousal, I was just feeling straight up anger now. Who the hell did she think she was talking to this guy about our relationship? Why the hell did she think it was okay to talk to this guy about our relationship? Why the hell did she think it was cool to talk to this guy in the first place?
I knew I was being irrational. I knew I was being jealous. And yet at the same time I couldn't help it. This was such a betrayal of trust. A betrayal even worse than the initial betrayal where she'd given out her phone number in the first place!
I heard her door rattling. She was no doubt putting the key in the lock. I had time to get out of her texting app. I had time to throw myself across the room and hop into her bed and she wouldn't know any better. Only seconds, but I could do it.
I didn't. I stood rooted in front of her desk staring down at those text messages. Staring down at my girlfriend pouring her heart out to some strange guy she'd met and given her phone number to after he hit on her. Staring down at her talking about what an asshole I was being, though she didn't exactly say it in so many words. I could tell that's what she was thinking when she was texting him. A complete stranger!
No, I was too angry. I wanted her to catch me. I wanted this fire to catch and burn. And so I turned around with her phone in my hand so there'd be no doubt as to exactly what I was doing when she opened the door.
It was almost heartbreaking. She had a huge smile on her face and I could tell she was no doubt looking forward to the fun we were about to have. Well, the fun we were about to about to have before I discovered those text messages on her phone. Before I discovered she'd been talking to that asshole.
There wasn't a chance in hell that fun was going to happen now. Not because I didn't want it to happen, but mostly because I knew we were in for one hellacious argument and it wasn't going to be a pretty one. No, there wasn't going to be a happy ending for either of us tonight in any way. Literally or figuratively.
"So I was thinking we could turn on a movie and…"
The smile disappeared from Lisa's face as she saw me standing there with her phone in my hand. She stared at me as though she couldn't quite believe I'd invaded her privacy like that. Then her disbelief slowly turned to something else. Anger. She looked almost as angry as I was feeling right now, but she had no idea. She had no right to be angry. Not after what I'd just read on her phone!
5: Hellacious Argument
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I shrieked.
It wasn't a good thing when I was shrieking, but at the same time I couldn't help myself. The mixture of anger at the betrayal of him snooping through my phone was mixing together with the terror of what he might find there. Even though it was all innocent conversation, at least I told myself it was all innocent conversation, I knew Matt was going to take it the wrong way. I knew he was going to be really pissed off when he saw that.
And from the look in his eyes there was no doubt in my mind that he'd seen it. He'd seen everything. He'd seen it all. There was no going back now.
"What the hell am I doing?" Matt shouted.
I winced at that shout. I didn't like it when he got angry like that, and I particularly didn't like it when he got angry enough and loud enough that everybody on my floor co
uld probably hear him shouting. That didn't stop him from going right ahead with the angry theatrics though.
"You were acting like everything was all fine and dandy and then I get on your phone and find out you've been texting the guy for the last week!"
Damn. Any hope that he might not realize what had been going on disappeared. Not that I figured there was much chance he didn't know what was going on since he was holding my phone and looked so pissed off.
Yet at the same time I couldn't deny how pissed off I was. How dare he go looking through my phone! How dare he act like some innocent texting back and forth with a friendly guy was tantamount to cheating on him when it was nothing of the sort!
"You don't trust me? This is just like before! You don't think I can talk to another guy without wanting to hop into bed with him! You're such a jealous untrusting asshole!"
And that really was the root of why I was so pissed off. It was the root of what I'd talked about with Jared, it turned out his name was Jared, over the past week. And he'd been so nice, so attentive, so willing to listen to my problems and so understanding.
Seeing that example next to how pissed off Matt was acting just made me even more pissed off at my boyfriend even though there was a small voice in the back of my head that was whispering Matt was absolutely right to be upset. Sure I said the reason I was upset was that he was getting mad about me talking to another guy, but the whole week I'd felt like there was something about the way I was going behind Matt's back to talk to this guy that somehow made it worse. That somehow made it different from me just talking to a new guy friend.
But I was so pissed off that you bet your ass I wasn't going to admit to any of that!
"I can't believe you would do this to me," he said. His voice was quiet. That meant he was really mad. Not that I gave a fuck. Then he dropped some words that really made me fly into a rage. "This is just like prom."
My eyes and my nostrils flared at the same time as he mentioned prom. I couldn't believe he was bringing that up six months after the argument was already done and over with! I'd humored that guy, strung him along without actually saying no right away, because I felt bad for him. Sort of the same reason why I gave my phone number out to Jared, and now Matt was trying to throw that back in my face again?
"I can't believe you," I said. "If you're going to be a jealous asshole we're going to have a hell of a hard time in college where we're meeting new people every day, and news flash, half of them are guys and I'm not going to fuck every single one who shows even a little bit of interest in me!"
There was a pause. A funny look came over Matt's face. A funny look I'd never seen before, almost as though he was struggling with something. Almost as though there was something worrying him. Then in a moment that look was gone and the anger was back. Cold, resolute.
"I think we need to seriously consider whether we're going to stay together in college if you think this sort of thing is okay," he said.
My breath caught. I felt something rising in my throat. I felt ice in the pit of my stomach as though I'd been punched there. I couldn't believe he'd actually said that! I couldn't believe he was going to throw our relationship away to win a ridiculous argument where it was obvious he was the one in the wrong being a jealous asshole in the first place. But if that's what he wanted, well then I was more than happy to give it to him.
"Fine," I said. "If that's the way you want it then maybe you should leave."
Matt blinked as though he wasn't expecting that, but it was clear his anger was doing the thinking. "Fine! Maybe you should go ahead and have some fun with that asshole since you seem to like him so much more than me!"
I blinked and took a step back. He was just using words, but it felt as though I'd been slapped. It felt as though I'd been punched just as sure as when he suggested reconsidering our relationship. I couldn't believe that he would be that much of an asshole. That he would actually insinuate that this was about that guy and not about him being such a prick!
Well, if he was going to twist the knife then I was going to do the same right back at him!
"Fine! Maybe I will you asshole!"
And with that Matt was shouldering past me. My door opened and then he slammed it shut. I stood staring at the door for a moment before tears started trickling down my eyes. I couldn't believe that just happened. I couldn't believe this might actually be the end of our relationship. I couldn't believe he was actually accusing me of wanting to cheat on him!
I didn't know how to process all of this. It was all so new, so strange, and above all so unexpected. I needed somebody to talk to, and as fucked up as it sounded there was only one person I could think of who would truly understand the situation. Who really knew what was going on.
Not my girlfriends, definitely not Matt, but Jared. I wiped a tear from my eyes. I felt as though I was still betraying my boyfriend even though it was nothing of the sort and I hated him for making me feel that way in the first place. That he made me feel that way just pissed me off even more.
I started tapping on my phone.
6: Regrets
God I was such an idiot for letting my anger take control of me like that. I blinked back some moisture that was threatening around the corners of my eyes. It was just because I was pissed off. That was all it was!
I made my way down the stairs and out of Lisa's dorm. I ran over the argument we'd just had over and over again. Wondered what I could've done differently. Wondered if there was anything I could have done differently.
I was just so pissed off. So angry at her for acting like everything was okay and then texting that guy! Sure maybe she hadn't actually cheated on me, maybe they hadn't done anything, and how fucked up was it that a part of me was actually disappointed they hadn't done anything? But still, it was the principle of the thing. She was talking to a guy that she knew I had a problem with about our relationship, pouring her heart out to him, and even if they weren't physically cheating it sure as hell felt like she was cheating somehow even as fucked up as that sounded.
I stormed across campus and I saw a couple of people actually jump out of my way on the sidewalk. Maybe I just looked that angry. That scary. And that just made me feel even worse. What if I look that angry with Lisa? Could I really blame her for getting upset with me?
And what the hell was with that parting shot? Telling her to go ahead and have fun with that guy? I knew it was stupid even as I said it, but I couldn't help myself. It was like watching a car accident in slow motion. I knew the result wasn't going to be pretty, I knew it was a disaster in progress, but I couldn't stop myself as my mouth opened and the words started spilling out.
I knew exactly why I said it, and it had nothing to do with being upset. It had nothing to do with actually thinking she was going to cheat on me.
No, it had everything to do with how turned on I was at the idea that something like that might actually happen. I hated myself for letting that fantasy dictate and control me like that. I hated that I'd obviously hurt her because of that obsession. I wished I could go back and take those words back, but there was no changing it now. And even as I walked back to my own dorm to no doubt stew in my anger and confused arousal, maybe have a drink that the RA didn't strictly know about, all I could think about was the idea of her with some nameless guy rolling around in that dorm bed and having fun.
It was a ridiculous fantasy. A ridiculous obsession. And yet I couldn't get it out of my head no matter how hard I tried. It was crazy too. There wasn't a chance that anything like that was going to happen.
Almost I turned to go back to her dorm. To apologize. Only even as I turned I was doing some soul-searching. I realized that part of the reason why I was turning to go back was in the hopes that I might find that strange guy there. And that was what stopped me from returning to her room more than anything.
I needed to get control of this fantasy. I needed to get hold of it before it really endangered our relationship, and I never doubted we were still in a relatio
nship despite the dark tone our argument had taken. More than anything I needed to go back to my dorm, pull one out so I was thinking clearly, and then think about how I could go about apologizing to Lisa for how ridiculous I'd acted tonight.
Because it was ridiculous. I was being unreasonable, and mostly it was because even as I was angry at her for talking to that guy I was also in a strange way angry that nothing had happened. Even as I knew that nothing ever would happen.
Yeah, like I said it was really fucked up. I needed a drink, a tug, and some perspective on this fantasy before it drove me insane and destroyed what I had with Lisa.
7: Temptation
I jumped at the sound of a knock on my door. This was a bad idea. This was a really fucking bad idea.
I also felt butterflies in my stomach even as I felt apprehension when I stood and moved towards my door. The knock was different from Matt.
Matt. I really needed to stop thinking about Matt. About how betrayed he would feel that I was doing this. About how pissed off he would be that I'd actually invited that guy back to my dorm room.
It's not like anything was going to happen. I just desperately needed someone to talk to.
And thinking about Matt also brought up another emotion. Anger. Pure anger. He was the one who said we needed to seriously reconsider our relationship, and if he thought we needed to reconsider our relationship then maybe it wasn't any of his damn business anymore that I was hanging out with another guy. I could do whatever the hell I wanted anyways without worrying about him being jealous. I was my own woman.
I kept telling myself even that even if I didn't quite believe it. I took a deep breath and opened the door.