Lavender Girl

by Paula Hickford

  Monica searched her handbag for something to write her address on. ‘Would you be able to start on Monday?’ she asked. Nick had no plans so Monday was agreed. ‘If you can’t get there for eight o’clock don’t worry. I’ll leave the key with Liz.’

  ‘Number seventy three,’ added Liz.

  ‘Great,’ said Nick, smiling warmly at Liz as he took the address from Monica before saying his goodbyes.

  Monica, Tammy and Sasha had all noticed that Liz seemed to be in a Doris Day haze as her eyes followed Nick to the exit. It was fairly obvious that he liked her too.

  ‘He seems nice,’ said Monica to Liz, ‘and he seems to like you.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ said Liz. ‘I hadn’t noticed.’ Tammy raised her eyebrows.

  Chapter 12

  Tammy and Sasha went off to find potting compost and small plastic flower pots. Liz and Monica had sat down with coffee and were talking about decorating Tammy’s room.

  ‘Any idea on colours?’ asked Liz.

  ‘I’ll leave it to Tammy. She seems to know what she wants.’

  ‘Oh, that reminds me,’ said Liz. ‘I need to pick up some more plants. The ones in the garden are looking a bit ragged. Have you heard from Kevin?’

  ‘He emails me a lot,’ said Monica, ‘mostly jokes and funny things that he has seen and thought I might like.’

  ‘That’s good,’ said Liz. ‘He sounds like he has a sense of humour.’

  ‘He’ll need one,’ added Monica. ‘I know I’m leaping ahead but so much has happened since we last met. I now have a ten year old to look after.’

  ‘It’s way too early to tell,’ said Liz, ‘but if he cares about you enough he’ll make the effort to get on with Tammy. I know it’s none of my business but what was Tammy’s dad like? Is he around?’

  ‘Max? No, he was off like a rocket when Joanna told him she was pregnant. Not that she minded. He was a great boyfriend, fun and unpredictable, but not father material, at least not then.’

  ‘Are you in touch?’

  ‘No, not for a very long time. I think he did try a couple of times when Tammy was four or five but Joanna would have none of it by then and I’ve not heard anything since.’

  ‘Did he come to the funeral?’

  ‘I don’t think he knew she had died. Besides it would have been awkward.’

  ‘Does Tammy ever ask about him?’

  ‘It’s strange,’ said Monica. ‘I thought she might have when Joanna died. I thought it might be important to her to find her dad, not to feel so alone, but she hasn’t asked yet. I’ve got pictures of Joanna with Max and I have gathered some things together just in case. Tammy has his smile and his sense of fun. I would help her find him if she wanted to but I’ll wait until she asks. I’m not going to do anything to seek him out unless Tammy wants me to.’

  Monica had tears in her eyes. Liz had never seen her cry. She had often been overwhelmed, frustrated, angry even but never tearful.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ asked Liz.

  ‘I miss her,’ said Monica. ‘I miss Joanna. I didn’t think we were close when she was alive. We led very different lives and we only caught up now and again but I miss not being able to give her a call when I have some news. I would have been on the phone to her soon after bumping into Kevin to ask her what she thought.’

  ‘I know what you mean,’ said Liz. ‘I still have Jim’s mobile number on mine. I can’t bring myself to delete it even though he sometimes drove me mad. I’d be at work or out somewhere and he’d call me to ask me to make a note of something because he didn’t have a pen. He called me when he was bored or stuck in traffic. Other times he’d ring to tell me about things that happened during the day. After he died I used to ring it, just to hear his voice, which is funny when I look back because all it said was, ‘Jim here. Sorry I can’t get to the phone right now,’ and she started to laugh, ‘but if you leave me a message,’ she laughed more and Monica started laughing too, it was infectious. Liz laughed so much that she could barely get out the last bit, ‘I’ll get back to you when I can’. The pair of them were now laughing hysterically as other people at the café looked on completely bemused by the sudden outburst.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Monica when she finally recovered, tears of laughter rolling down her face. ‘I needed that.’

  The girls came back from exploring the garden centre. Tammy told Monica about the pots and compost that she wanted to buy and Sasha had found a display of water features. Liz bought the girls lemonade and crisps before going to collect a trolley. When they finished at the café Liz pulled the trolley over to the aisle where pallets were piled high with bags of compost and picked up a small one. They could always come back for more if it wasn’t enough.

  Tammy ran off and came back with five packs of small brown plastic pots, ideal for her Lavender cuttings, and Liz picked up more Lavender plants. She had decided to border one of the beds with Lavender. She also picked up a few bedding plants although she had no idea where she would put them. They parked the trolley and went to inspect the water features. Sasha knew something about ponds as one of her friends had a huge pond in the garden containing Koi Carp.

  The garden centre had several troughs with fish at various stages of development. Despite the sign that asked visitors not to touch the girls couldn’t resist putting their fingers into the water and then squealing with delight as the fish approached, assuming they were food. The water features were next to the troughs. Some of the ponds were very ornate with fountains in the centre and water cascading out of the mouths of dolphins or the tops of jugs or urns. The girls were highly amused by one fountain where a nude cherub appeared to be peeing into the water.

  Next to these were the modern fountains. Liz found one that had water cascading over the top of an oblong granite block.

  ‘I think I’d like something like this,’ she said to Monica.

  ‘I like it,’ said Tammy, ‘although I would like to have some fish too.’

  ‘No fish,’ said Liz. ‘I want to know that I can go away for a few days without worrying about feeding the pets.’

  ‘Are you planning a trip.’ said Monica.

  ‘Not exactly,’ said Liz. ‘I have no idea where or when but I definitely intend to go away somewhere this year.’

  When they had finished at the garden centre Tammy and Monica went off to buy paint for Tammy’s room. Liz asked Sasha what she wanted to do next and Sasha decided on the cinema. Liz hadn’t been to a cinema in years. The last time was a Star Wars film when Adam was a small boy but she remembered the rubbish everywhere and the way people spoke throughout the film. It was an experience she wasn’t keen to repeat. She much preferred to wait for the DVD to be released.

  Her fears turned out to be unfounded. The cinema in the town had since been developed into a multiplex. It was now a large glass fronted building with ten screens showing new releases for the Easter holiday. Sasha made her choice and Liz bought the tickets. They stocked up with a selection of sweets from the wall of containers in the foyer before going in to find that it was fairly quiet.

  Liz was relieved to find that Sasha seemed to be enjoying herself as she had been worried that she would be bored. After all it was a world away from her life of privilege. At home she had a games room and an indoor swimming pool, she played tennis and rode her pony. Liz was pleasantly surprised at how easy she was to amuse.

  Sasha was just as chatty as Tammy and had opinions on everything and everyone. Liz found out more about the lives of Adam and Georgina in an afternoon with Sasha than she had from talking to Adam in the last ten years.

  Grandpa Jo had lost his driving licence. He had apparently driven the wrong way down a duel carriageway. His eyesight is now so poor he would be dangerous behind the wheel of a car and Grandma Betty is very forgetful and tends to repeat things all the time. Georgina gets irritated with both of them and says their days are numbered. She’s started to collect brochures for residential homes in the area.

  Sasha told L
iz all about Georgina’s ideas for going back to work. She once opened a tea shop but apparently she couldn’t stand the customers, or the staff for that matter, so it didn’t last very long. She joined some sort of pyramid scheme but stopped when her friends started to avoid her.

  She tried selling costume jewellery and resort wear on the internet but became very disillusioned when she had to start returning goods and fending off dissatisfied customers. Her latest venture was party planning. It was Adam’s idea. He said she was made for it so she hired someone to build her a website. Sasha was hoping her birthday trip would be her mum’s first project.

  Adam played golf badly, probably because he hated it. He only played for work. Leo also played golf and was really good at it and had won lots of tournaments. Adam was hardly ever home nowadays and even when he was there he was working. Leo was at boarding school during term time and only came home for the holidays so she was very lonely sometimes, even with Grandma Betty there as she just liked to knit and watch TV.

  Sasha loved her pony. She called it Ebony and she couldn’t wait for Liz to meet her. She had won quite a few rosettes already. She really wanted a dog for her birthday but Adam and Georgina had categorically refused to get one because live in pets were too much of a tie. Besides, daddy had been offered a job in New York. ‘Ooops.’

  ‘Ooops,’ repeated Liz.

  ‘That was a secret. I wasn’t supposed to talk about it.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Liz. ‘My lips are sealed.’

  ‘It’s a five year contract,’ continued Sasha, ‘and we would only come back for holidays once a year. Mum and dad can’t decide whether it’s best to sell or let the house. I don’t want to leave,’ said Sasha miserably.

  Liz thought about Adam. He would be mortified to hear his daughter telling his secrets, especially as he was very unlikely to tell her about it himself.

  She wondered how Georgina would feel about leaving her parents behind. They were at least ten years older than Liz. She couldn’t imagine them upping sticks and moving to America, unless they would be able to move in with Adam and Georgina, of course, or they could find an appropriate retirement home which seemed more likely, especially in the light of Sasha’s revelations.

  She was tempted to ask Sasha but decided against it. It hurt her to think that Adam had known about this for a while and had not bothered to tell her. She doubted that he had given a moment’s thought to the fact that she was on her own. She felt sad for Sasha too, the girl who appeared to have everything, especially now she knew her better. She would really miss her.

  ‘It will be fantastic,’ said Liz, trying to sound cheerful to mask her own disappointment and not wanting to upset Sasha. ‘I’ll come to see you in the holidays. I’ve never been to America.’ Sasha smiled.

  * * *

  Monica had taken Tammy to the local DIY store to look at paint colour charts and she picked out a couple of colours. Monica wasn’t convinced that the colours would gel on the walls but she had promised Tammy that it was her room and therefore her choice so she bought two tins of each and white paint for the woodwork and ceiling. It had been a long day and she couldn’t wait to get home, although she was starting to feel she had more energy. She picked up fish and chips on the way home.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she said to Tammy, ‘I’m only eating the fish.’

  * * *

  On Sunday Monica had planned to visit one of her aunts. She wanted Tammy to get to know them all a bit better but she had to change her plans. Nick was now coming to paint on Monday morning so they would have to clear everything out of Tammy’s room.

  ‘You’ll have to sleep in my bed for a few days,’ she said to Tammy as they took the bedding off. ‘Unless you can stay next door with Sasha.’ Tammy was quite happy about either arrangement.

  After breakfast they emptied all the cupboards and drawers. Monica had been saving boxes, which was very unlike her.

  She was definitely getting more organised. Between them they moved clothes, shoes and anything Tammy still played with into boxes that Monica labelled as they went along before stacking the boxes in her room and in the corner of the living room. She also managed to free some hanging space in her own wardrobe so she could squeeze some of Tammy’s school clothes in for the time being.

  Tammy had a couple of boxes containing things that had belonged to her mother. They were still taped up. Monica assumed that Tammy hadn’t looked at them since they collected them from the flat after Joanna’s funeral. She had encouraged Tammy to pick up anything she wanted, anything at all no matter how big or small. So while Monica searched for photographs and papers that she might need Tammy was incredibly brave and boxed up the hairdressing equipment, brushes and curling tongs that had made such a difference to the friends and clients that came to the house and held so many happy memories.

  Monica’s old place was a tiny one bedroom flat so there was definitely no room for all of Joanna’s clothes and furniture. Joanna had the knack of making something out of nothing. She was always finding abandoned bits and pieces. She couldn’t go past a skip without looking in. Monica would cross the road to avoid it, too embarrassed to be next to Joanna as she rummaged. Joanna didn’t care at all.

  ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,’ she would say, as she transformed old cupboards and chairs into shabby chic works of art. Her home was an eclectic mix of unique items cobbled together from her imagination. She was such a hard act to follow.

  Initially, after Joanna died Monica tried to live in Joanna’s flat with Tammy to avoid disrupting her, but it was a bad idea and Tammy rejected everything that Monica tried to do.

  Joanna’s essence was in every nook and cranny and Tammy didn’t miss an opportunity to let her know that she was a poor substitute for her mother. She spent a lot of the time angry and confused, and being in Joanna’s flat with the furniture she had made and her paintings on the walls was a constant reminder of what they had both lost.

  After a few months Monica decided that things might improve if they moved away so she put what she could of Joanna’s in storage and let Tammy bring whatever she wanted to her tiny flat until she had saved a bit more money and could look for something a bit bigger. Tammy was very unhappy to leave familiar surroundings and her behaviour worsened.

  Monica had done everything she could to ensure Tammy could be with her and had been granted kinship care of Tammy. Social Services were really helpful but Monica knew that Tammy had only agreed to it because she felt it was the lesser of two evils, foster care or Monica. She lost count of how many times she had heard Tammy scream the mantra, ‘You are not my mother.’ That was the better behaviour. Worse was when she would sink deeper and deeper into silent rage where she would not speak for days on end.

  When Monica had moved next door to Liz she was at the end of her tether. She had decided to give it three more months before seeking help from Social Services or giving up Tammy altogether. She didn’t think she would ever get to the point where Tammy would accept her.

  Now Tammy’s old bed and the tatty wardrobe were all that remained of her old furniture. It didn’t look the same in the new flat anyway. It was time to let it go.

  ‘What shall we do with it?’ said Monica. ‘We could just pile it up outside and ask the council to come and collect it, or,’ she paused for effect, ‘we could break it apart and ask Liz to help us take it to the dump.’

  ‘I think breaking it apart would be more fun’, said Tammy.

  ‘I think you’re right,’ Monica agreed. ‘It’s falling apart anyway.’

  Tammy ran next door to ask Liz and Sasha if they would like to take part in the ceremonial trashing of the old furniture. Sasha was very keen. She never did anything like this at home. Her parents would definitely disapprove which made it a lot more fun and she couldn’t wait to tell them.

  Liz went down to the shed and brought back screwdrivers and one of the drills. She had seen Jim using it to put up shelves, to push screws in and remove the
m when necessary too. She had never used it herself but how hard could it be?

  ‘Flat head or Phillips?’ she asked Monica, who didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. Liz explained the difference between screw heads.

  ‘Phillips,’ Monica replied, once she’d inspected them. She was impressed as Liz set the drill to reverse and used it to loosen the screws which the girls then took out completely with the screwdrivers.

  They enjoyed breaking up the wood and carrying it outside, each taking an end and trying to steer each other into obstacles as they went out the door. They ferried drawers and bits of broken panels to the front of the house. When Monica and Liz came out to see where they were putting it they were amazed to find that they had fashioned a seesaw from the broken furniture. They had piled wood in the centre as the cantilever and each sat on one end of the plank from the long side of Tammy’s bed to go up and down.

  ‘Can I have a go?’ said Monica.

  ‘I wouldn’t risk it,’ said Tammy seriously.

  Liz took the larger pieces to the dump in her car as it was bigger than Monica’s and the back seats folded down. Sasha had to sit at the back as the sides of the bed went almost up to the windscreen and Liz had to fold the front seat back to accommodate them. They loaded the smaller broken bits into Monica’s car. Tammy wanted to keep the slats that held the mattress in place. She thought that they would make great shelves.

  Monica suspected that it would be one of those things that you never get round to doing but she had room in the garage so agreed.

  ‘You are definitely your mother’s daughter,’ she said to Tammy.

  Chapter 13

  It was raining hard on Monday morning. Monica held on until eight fifteen before leaving for work but she couldn’t chance leaving any later. She had escaped a formal warning earlier in the year and she didn’t want to give them any reason to doubt her commitment now. She was worried that Nick wasn’t going to turn up at all but she left her keys with Liz, just in case.