Breaker

by Rae, Harloe

  “Pretty sure you were screeching for help a minute ago.” I fold my arms. “Clearly I’m the one who overreacted.”

  Bear rolls over, offering his belly for a rub. He’s a goner. I know the feeling well.

  Sutton doesn’t hesitate, finding a sweet spot that makes his hind leg shake. “Does he always warm up this quick to strangers?”

  “The few he’s met? Not at all. Bear still growls at Jace when he tries messing with me.”

  “He’s a great judge of character.”

  I stare at her smiling face. The happiness radiates off every feature. “He certainly is.”

  She peeks up from under her long lashes. “Thanks.”

  I rip my gaze off her. “So, you found me. What now?”

  She stands and nudges me, the playful move familiar. “Just returning the favor. Figure it’s only fair since you sought me out last time.”

  “That was different.” And her brother is really to blame, not that she needs to know.

  “Well, yeah. Tracking me down at the bar was a bit unnecessary. But I’ll let it slide.”

  “And I’ll overlook your trespassing.”

  “That’s a tad dramatic.”

  I signal to the open space surrounding us. “Never a dull moment.”

  Sutton follows the motion and a curious glint flickers in her gaze. “Can I have a tour?”

  I’m not prepared for her question, or any of this. My vision narrows on all the flaws and scars littered about. What good is there to see? Then my eyes land on earnest baby blues. Those glittering pools draw me in, calming my breath. This is Sutton. She’s the reason, my motivation, behind all of this. Why wouldn’t I show her?

  Because she’ll dig too deep.

  I shove the warning away, but shackles of doubt remain. “Won’t the food get cold?”

  She swings the bag in her grip. “We can nuke it. I don’t mind.”

  “All right, follow me.”

  I turn on my heel and stride toward the backyard. Sutton’s sandals slap against the ground as she hurries to catch up. Bear lopes off ahead, more than happy to lead the way. We pass by the house without pause. Those bare bones won’t hold any interest. I continue guiding us across the lawn, the last streaks of sunlight painting the grass.

  Her gasp triggers a tightening in my gut. Fuck, that connection is a maze I’ll never solve. A single sound scrambles my ability to function normally. Making it through this evening unscathed will be quite a feat.

  “Oh my gosh.” Surprise elevates Sutton’s tone several octaves.

  When I glance over, she has a few fingers pressed to her lips. She stares at the scene spreading out in front of us, a landscape of vibrant green and blue. I stay quiet and focus on the lake’s sparkling surface. A zing rips up my spine while recalling the first time I saw this view. I bought the place thirty minutes later.

  We stand in silence. The type that’s comforting and easy to get lost in. I watch Sutton take it all in, from the rickety dock to a massive oak reaching over the shore. Wonder colors her cheeks the most beautiful shade of pink. She gobbles up every detail as if this is a decadent meal. Pride threatens to split my chest wide open. Maybe she’ll want to visit more often.

  I shake that idiotic thought away. Beautiful as the sight might be, she doesn’t belong here. To believe she’d actually want to is ridiculous enough. I can’t let myself fall into that trap.

  “So,” I burst the bubble. “What’s the verdict?”

  Her gawking continues. “This place feels familiar. Is that weird? Like a dream I’ve had. There’s so much I love about it.”

  Every fiber in my body misfires. I’m winded without moving a muscle. I wasn’t ready for that answer. Hell, I probably never will be. If Sutton looks hard enough, she’ll see the truth.

  She doesn’t notice the war splitting me apart. “This is a hidden gem. Nice find, Gray.”

  “Are you sticking around Silo Springs?” The question trips out of my mouth without warning. Why the fuck should I care? But I do. There’s no stopping it.

  Sutton flashes those potent baby blues at me. I almost stumble from the magnitude. “That’s my plan. Why?”

  I cough into my fist. “Just curious. You went off to school. Wasn’t sure if you’d land elsewhere.”

  A crinkle forms between her brows. “This is my home. Not sure I could plant roots in another city. I’ll be at my parents for at least a month while looking for my own place in town.”

  “What’re you doing for work?”

  She beams at me. “I started my own business in media marketing. The large majority is done online so I can be flexible and remote. It’s a lot of scheduling and planning. Building brands and selling products. Most of my clients are authors. Fingers crossed that I’ll find an apartment near Main Street so there’s a coffeehouse or diner nearby. But I’m not too picky.” Sutton pauses with a huff. “Ugh, sorry, I’m rambling. I don’t want to bore you.”

  That’s the very last thing she’s capable of doing. I could listen to her rattle off a list of job duties all night. She’s clearly passionate about this. It gets my blood pumping hotter watching her be so animated.

  I lock my jaw to contain a sloppy confession of truths. Instead, I tuck my chin and look away. “Nah, it’s all good. I’m not surprised you’ve got a swanky job. I’m still roughing it in the trenches.” I hitch a thumb over my shoulder.

  “You’re literally building a future, and I’m glad it’s in Silo Springs. Who’d want to live anywhere else?”

  I snort. “Plenty of people.”

  “Like?”

  “Me.”

  Her eyes bulge in their sockets. “What? You’re going to leave?”

  “Well, not tomorrow. But eventually I’ll be ready to go.”

  Sutton flails her arms out in front of her. “You have a slice of paradise. Where else will you find this?”

  I dig the toe of my boot into the dirt. “I hear Minnesota has a lot of lakes.”

  “And cold ass winters.”

  “Doesn’t bother me.”

  I can feel her penetrating stare on me. It takes all my strength to continue avoiding her.

  “I figured you’d be a lifer,” she whispers.

  It would kill me to stick around, have a front row seat of her settling down and raising a family. I’m not strong enough to face that type of torture. Bile burns the back of my throat. “Nah. There’s nothing locking me down here.”

  She flinches. “Oh. Guess that makes sense.”

  “Let’s not pretend I have a reason to stay, Sutt.”

  “But what if you did?”

  I comb through my shaggy hair. “I don’t want to find out.”

  “Maybe you’ll find one anyway.” Her soft words attempt to revive a semblance of belonging inside of me. It would be easy to agree with her. I could beg her to be mine. She’s capable of healing the hurt, being my one and only happy something. We would be whole, at least for a bit. But eventually she’d start resenting me.

  I can’t look at her. There’s no doubt that hope is reflecting in her sky-blue gaze. “Doubt it. This town doesn’t have room for me. Nothing has changed.”

  “I’d argue the opposite. Clearly we’re different people.” Sutton points at my bike parked in the driveway.

  I squint at her. “You’re right. We’re practically strangers.”

  Sutton turns to me. “I wouldn’t go that far. The boy I grew up with is hiding in there. I’d like to know the man you’ve become.”

  “That kid is long gone. He took everything decent with him,” I mutter.

  She’s quiet for a moment. I’ve ruined this, mostly on purpose. There’s no point pretending we can have anything together.

  Sutton’s focus returns to the shore. “I’d like to be the judge of that.”

  A grunt doused in disapproval is all she gets in response.

  “Well,” she blows out a heavy breath. “Your property is beautiful.”

  The snarl of pressure calms as we vee
r onto safer ground. I try not to let the sag in my posture show. This I can handle. “But not the house?”

  Sutton twists to glance behind us. Her lips part, but nothing comes out. She flounders with wide eyes and knotted fingers. I can almost hear the potential niceties she’s trying to dredge up.

  With a snort, I let her off the hook. “Just fucking with you. I know it’s a mess.”

  “It looks more like a work in progress. And to be fair, I’ve only seen the outside.” She quirks a brow.

  I scratch the back of my neck. “Guess we should eat. Do you wanna come in?”

  She’s already treading backwards. “Thought you’d never ask.”

  Happy something #108: Feeling the wind whip through my hair as I race my horse around the barrels.

  My boots hit the ground in a cloud of dust. The summer heat mixed with minimal rain is turning the arena’s fluffy sand into compacted concrete. I’ll have to water and drag the grounds before my next ride. Not that I have any intention of pushing Daisy faster than a relaxed lope. The need to turn and burn died with Pago. Any riding I do now is strictly for the sake of enjoyment.

  I reach for Daisy’s reins and loop them over her head, leading us to the hitching post. Her velvet nose wiggles against my pocket in search of a treat. With a laugh, I remove her bridle and pass one over. My horse chomps the apple wafer while I slip on her halter. I loosen the cinch and slide the saddle off Daisy’s back. After grabbing the pad, I set both on the nearby stand. The movements come automatically out of habit, regardless of the months that have passed since I’ve done this.

  The early morning sun gains strength as I drift a brush along her shiny coat. Her neck is still damp, but she’s cooled off. May has officially faded into June and taken any remaining chill with the passing spring. Today will be great for the lake. Not that there’s ever a bad one.

  Memories from the other night filter in with that image. If I try hard enough, the lazy slap of water against the shore echoes in my ears. I wasn’t sure what to expect when pulling into Grady’s driveway. It wasn’t the massive German Shepherd trying to claw his way through my door panel. When I got over the initial shock from Bear and stepped out of the car, all the air was yanked from my lungs.

  His house is… the house.

  It’s a place I once described very vividly as a happy something. It needs a ton of work, but the bones are all there. I could see a new wraparound porch with two chairs sitting out front. The colonial pillars will need a fresh coat of paint but they’re solid. I absently wonder if he plans to add a swing to that large oak by the lake. If Grady doesn’t think I noticed, he’s more lost than I pegged him for.

  Daisy bumps my hip and those thoughts vanish in a whoosh. I’m stretching out the tremble from my fingers when she knocks into me again. She earns a soothing stroke down her blaze. I untie her lead rope and head toward the gate. “Ready to roam, pretty girl?”

  The rapid clomp of her hooves is my only response. I pass over another treat and set her free. Daisy doesn’t hesitate. She kicks up her hind legs and runs off to find our other horse. That spunk never translates while riding her. I let a giggle loose while walking to the barn.

  “What’s so funny?”

  I lift a hand to shade my eyes. Jace is leaning against the fence, waiting for me to approach. I smile at him. “Daisy is feeling her oats.”

  He nods. “She doesn’t get out much. I’m sure the exercise gave her a boost.”

  “She did seem overly eager for attention. What happened to all the lesson kids?”

  “Mom still works with a few. They tend to choose Buster and his spots.” He shrugs.

  Our other remaining horse is an appaloosa and a favorite with kids. “Sad news for Daisy.”

  He nudges my shoulder. “She’s got you.”

  “It was nice getting back in the saddle.”

  Jace’s blue eyes laser into mine. “Do you ever miss competing?”

  It’s my turn to shrug. “That depends.”

  “He was just a—”

  I hold up a palm. “Don’t even start with that shit. You’re not attached to animals, but I sure am. Don’t pass more judgment about how I feel. Horses are like dogs—part of the family.”

  His scoff drives a stake through my heart. “To you, maybe.”

  “And every other little kid who has felt that bond.” I continue striding toward the barn, more than done with this conversation.

  Jace jogs to catch up. “Speaking of, we should get another dog.”

  “You mean mom and dad?”

  Without looking at him, I know his gaze is set on the empty kennel. “Every farm needs at least one.”

  “No argument from me. Maybe a big breed that’ll protect the land.”

  He grunts. “Pretty sure Maggie never chased anyone away.”

  A grin curls my lips recalling our old Yellow Labrador. “You’re right. She loved everyone.”

  “I heard the Allen clan is raising Boxers.”

  “Or we could ask Grady where he got Bear.”

  His steps come to an abrupt halt. “You met his dog?”

  I turn to face him. “Sure did. I went over to his place earlier this week.”

  “Why?” My brother peers down at me. I almost squirm under the pressure. “Wait. You’re not still harboring that stupid crush on him, right?”

  “What?” I cough to cover my gasp. “That’s silly. I’d like to be his friend.” If nothing else, I add silently.

  Jace doesn’t relent, seeing way too much. “Pretty sure he’s not interested.”

  I rub at the slap his words hit my cheek with. “Blunt much?”

  He folds his arms. “Just speaking the truth. I barely see Grady. He’s been shoving a lot more distance between us lately.”

  “He mentioned leaving Silo Springs,” I murmur.

  Jace scratches at his smooth jaw. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

  My stomach plummets to the gravel ground. “How could it not?”

  His lips flatten into a thin line. “Grady has never felt at home in this town.”

  “He always has a spot in our family.”

  “Not sure that’s enough for him,” he admits on a sigh.

  “I wish it was.” I suck in a sharp breath, willing my eyes to stop watering.

  “You’re better off spending that energy elsewhere.”

  That doesn’t sit well with me. At all. “But what about the house he’s fixing up? Why spend all that time and effort if he’s just going to leave?”

  Jace hitches a shoulder up. “Turning a profit.”

  I furrow my brow. “It feels like a place to stay.”

  “So what? Why does this matter so much to you?”

  “Because I care about him.” His glare has me backpedaling. “Not like that. He’s been close to our family for years.”

  “Well, you’ve been gone. Things change. Just leave him be.”

  That was my initial plan. Grady Bowen should no longer have a hold on me. I was supposed to ignore him the way he’d been avoiding me. But there’s no resisting his steely exterior and hardened expression. Letting him go is a battle I’ll always lose. I’m more likely to win the lottery and get struck by lightning in the same afternoon.

  I release a slow exhale. “What happened to Grady?”

  Jace’s narrowed gaze snaps to mine. “Not sure what you mean.”

  “He isn’t the Grady I knew. Not even close. Sure, he’s always been guarded. This is something else entirely. He’s different in a glaring and drastic way. Why?”

  My brother is no dummy. He can read the reason I’m asking clear across my forehead. I’m sure he has similar concerns about our friend. It’s impossible not to. I’ve buried the need to check on Grady. Four long years biting my tongue. But staying silent hasn’t done me any favors.

  Jace’s exhale is forced. “People haven’t been kind to him, Sutt. The majority have been really shitty, if we’re being honest. There has always been a countdown to the point where he�
�d crack.”

  Heat creeps up my neck while I try collecting courage. “But he managed for the first twenty years in Silo Springs. How terrible were the last four?”

  He keeps his eyes averted. “I’d say pretty damn bad. Whatever gave him a shred of happiness suddenly vanished. He stopped giving a shit. Can’t really blame him, Sutt. Life hasn’t been kind to Grady.”

  The blow is swift and direct. Does my brother see more than he’s telling? Maybe I deserve it. I left Grady behind, knowing full well he wasn’t in a good place. But he’d made it perfectly clear I’d never be more than Jace’s little sister. Even so, the toxicity of abandonment slithers across my skin.

  Moisture clings to my lashes when I blink. I should have tried harder, for Grady’s sake. A cramp twists my stomach and I drag in a sharp breath. If Jace doesn’t already know my true feelings toward his best friend, continuing this conversation is bound to expose me.

  I almost gag around the boulder in my throat. “How long has Grady been making furniture?”

  “Nice, Sutt.” Jace snorts over my abrupt change in subject. “That’s just a hobby.”

  “He doesn’t sell any pieces?”

  “Why?” He chuckles. “You in the market for some chairs?”

  “Maybe. I really like his dining table.”

  Jace gawks at me. “Grady let you inside his house?”

  “Uh, yeah?” My voice takes on an unsure note.

  “Huh. He never lets anyone go in there.”

  I quirk a brow. “Why?”

  “Fuck if I know. Grady is really private about it.”

  “Okay? But it’s just a house.” That lie is easy enough to weave, even as the truth settles in my chest.

  He shrugs. “Not to him. There’s some reason he doesn’t let people through the front door.”

  I dig my boot into the dirt. “Grady called it a mess. Maybe he’s embarrassed to show people around.”

  Jace shoots me a look. “Get real. You honestly think that’s a possibility?”

  I tuck my chin. “No. He’s never cared what others think.”

  “Only a select few,” he muses.

  A flurry of romanticized flutters attacks my belly. “Oh?”