Breaker

by Rae, Harloe

  It was difficult to dispute the truth. But I still give it a shot. “Well, things certainly had changed. There’s no blaming you. Negatively speaking, what was the alternative?”

  His nostrils flare. “Maybe I would’ve sold the house and moved away.”

  “You’d actually leave? Give our home to someone else?”

  A muscle in his cheek jumps. “That was my plan. Not sure I ever would’ve gone through with it.”

  I bury my face in his shirt, inhaling smoke and fresh pine and a man always meant to be mine. My fingers twist in the fabric and cling on for extra security. “Well, it’s a damn good thing we’ll never have to find out.”

  Happy something #27: Playing board games. This wasn’t a tradition in my house, considering we never owned any.

  The following Saturday, we drive 70 miles north to meet Sutton’s friends. Having my girl clinging to me while we fly down the freeway is a great way to spend an hour. That might’ve been my favorite ride yet. An electric buzz hums in my veins from having her lush curves pressing so close. But there’s no time for sneaking off to a secluded area.

  I press a palm into the dip low on Sutton’s spine. That notch at the base of her back is fit for my hand. As if proving my silent claim, she pushes against my subtle touch. The smile she graces me with over her shoulder is icing on the damn cake. My woman loves the possessive parts of me.

  We walk across the brewery parking lot with the sun beaming behind us. This is the type of day meant to be spent outside. Bottom Up Brew House appears to be a great place to do just that.

  “How’d you hear about this spot?” I tuck her into my side as we wedge through the entrance.

  Sutton bumps her hip into mine. “Harlyn lives nearby. I guess it’s her new stomping ground.”

  “This isn’t one of the many bars you frequented?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Very funny. No, all of those clubs are by campus. This is the first summer Bottom Up has been open.”

  “Maybe you’ll show me a favorite haunt one day.”

  “Other than Bronco Buck?” She flutters her lashes at me.

  “Smart ass. I want to fill in the gaps. There are four years worth of memories I’m missing.” I raise my voice above the growing chatter enveloping us.

  The mid-afternoon crowd is gathering, with more pulling in. There’s a taco truck boxed in along one side. Fried cheese and spiced meat pepper the air. An array of picnic benches, iron tables, and lone standing stools decorate the concrete patio. Most of the seating is already taken. We manage to snag an open space with four chairs and a small slice of shade.

  “Popular area,” I say.

  She nods. “It’s close to downtown. Being on the outskirts has benefits.”

  I glance up and around, taking in the view. “I can see the appeal. This industrial style awning is a nice touch.” I motion to the slatted wood structure above us.

  Sutton follows my line of sight. “You’re such a carpenter.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Do you want me to set up a website for you?”

  I kiss her red-stained lips. “Sweet of you to offer, but I don’t need all that. Simple and easy works for me.”

  She swipes a thumb over my mouth. “You’re the furthest thing from either of those, Gray.”

  “For you, Sutt. Most barely give me a second glance or assume the worst. You’re the only one who sees me as anything more.”

  Her sigh is long. “Sucks for all them. I’m living the best life with you.”

  “And that’s all I care about,” I add. She nibbles on her bottom lip. I tug on the plump flesh being held hostage. “What’s on your mind, Sutt?”

  She peeks over at me. “Did your mom come home yet?”

  Sutton is well aware of my mother’s disappearing act. She’s a saint for letting me vent about all the problems that woman causes. I bob my head. “Her neighbor called me this morning. She stumbled in at the ass crack of dawn. I guess she looks even worse than usual. It would probably be best if I check on her tomorrow.”

  “Want me to come with you?”

  “You’d do that?”

  She reaches for my hand. “Of course, Gray. I’ll always support you with everything.”

  I suck in a choppy breath and glance off into the distance. “Are you sure?”

  Her fingers squeeze mine. “Positive.”

  My swallow is rough. “Okay. I’ll warn you, the sight isn’t pretty. She’s harsh reality in the cruelest form.”

  She offers a timid smile. “I can handle that. Don’t worry about me. I love you, Gray. Let me be there for you.”

  I ghost my mouth over hers. “I love you so damn much, Sutt. Having you with me will make all the difference. I want to share all my truths. No more hiding.”

  She closes the remaining distance between our lips for a quick kiss. “Glad we settled that.”

  “Me too, baby. You amaze me.”

  “Look, I found them.” A feminine tone comes from in front of us.

  I lift my gaze and catch a couple approaching us. The woman tugs her guy along, dodging groups of people standing in their path. Her bright pink hair stands out in the masses. She’s sporting a huge grin aimed at Sutton. I take a wild guess and assume this is Harlyn.

  My girl blinks at this newcomer, her jaw going slack. “Oh my gosh. You finally went through with it.”

  “Whatcha think? Too crazy?” Harlyn tosses some neon curls this way and that.

  Sutton stands and wraps her friend in a hug. “You’re stunning, as always. The color suits you. Now that vibrant personality of yours can really shine.”

  She winks. “I figured why the heck not, right? If I ever wanted to go pink, it needed to happen before school starts. Come September, I have to be professional.”

  “I’m sure the kids would think you’re cool.”

  “Maybe, but I need tenure before taking big risks.” Harlyn laughs at her own words.

  Sutton crosses her arms. “Oh, whatever. The principal is already halfway in love with you.”

  “Hopefully not too much,” the man beside Harlyn grumbles.

  She cups his jaw. “She’s a her, cowboy. And super married. Nothing to worry about.”

  “I’m happy to see the bubbling bliss hasn’t worn off,” Sutton coos at them.

  “Not in the slightest,” Harlyn agrees. Her gaze slides to me. “Speaking of, who do we have here?”

  Sutton baulks and turns to me. “Whoops, sorry. It feels like you should already know each other. Gray, this is Foster.”

  He pops out from behind Harlyn, offering me a wave. “Howdy.”

  I nod at him. “Hey, nice to meet you.”

  “And this is my college roomie, Harlyn.” Sutton hitches a thumb at her.

  Harlyn remains quiet, giving me a long once-over. I cock a brow and wait for her appraisal. She taps her chin, squinting closer. This ought to be good. “So, you’re the illusive Bowen.”

  “Grady,” I correct.

  “Right.” She elongates that single word until her breath runs dry. I brace for more sass, but she surprises me with a wide smile. “I’m happy to finally put a face to the name.”

  “Likewise,” I respond.

  Harlyn’s eyes sparkle. “Sutton talks about me?”

  The girl in question gives her a shove. “Don’t be a dork. Of course he’s heard about you.”

  “And all the trouble we caused?” Harlyn adds.

  Everything inside of me stretches taut, until I’m liable to snap. “Is that so?”

  “You’re so bad, Har. Knock it off,” Sutton scolds her. Her baby blues lift to me. “We were harmless. She’s joking. Mostly.”

  I trace a line down her jaw. “Not sure I believe you, Sutt. I’m sure the guys were always chasing your ass. Hell, they still do.”

  “Oh, they definitely were,” Harlyn chimes in. “She had to beat them off with a stick on the daily.”

  Sutton huffs. “Talk about an exaggeration. That’s not true at all.”
>
  “That sounds like my worst nightmare.” I curse a stream of expletives into my fist.

  Harlyn laughs. “Don’t ruin this for me. I finally get to mess with Sutt about a man.”

  I glare at the cloudless sky. “I’m beginning to regret this trip down memory lane.”

  Sutton pinches her friend’s elbow. “Please stop. You’re gonna scare Grady off.”

  “Yeah right.” Harlyn snorts. “I doubt that’s possible. Just check out the way he’s staring at you. His protective stance further proves my point.”

  I startle at her observation. Heat prickles up my neck. “Uh, what?”

  She flicks her wrist. “Don’t be embarrassed. Sutt never looked twice at any guy. She refused to admit it, but this girl has always been totally obsessed with you. I’m relieved to finally meet the one who owns my bestie’s heart.” She leans forward and whispers, “I approve.”

  Sutton hides her face behind a hand. “I didn’t tell you to reveal all of my secrets.”

  “Isn’t that the point of this gathering?” Harlyn lifts a brow.

  Sutton’s sheepish gaze flickers to mine. She offers a light shrug. “You wanted to know about my college years. This girl was an essential part. She didn’t know much about you, but clearly read between the lines.”

  I kiss her forehead. “Love that you couldn’t forget about me. Even when I was an ungrateful asshole. I couldn’t let you go either, Sutt.”

  She steps into me and tugs at the hem of my shirt. “Not even for a moment.”

  “Gah, you two are so presh. I’m a happy witness.” Harlyn’s voice is soft, but bursts our bubble all the same.

  Sutton winks at her. “That’s how I’ve always felt about you and Foss.”

  “Dreams are coming to life left and right.” Harlyn clasps her palms together.

  “As if we planned this or something,” Sutton giggles.

  “Oh, remember that night our freshman year?” Harlyn begins recalling some event I wasn’t around for.

  Foster clears his throat. “Thirsty?”

  “Fuck yes, man.”

  “Let’s grab a round of beers. The girls can catch up without us.”

  “You’re speaking my language.”

  I follow him to the keg station set up in a far corner. We have to dip and dodge our way through the endless throng. Soon we won’t be able to weave from one side to the other. Straight madness. The bar is finally in sight after getting my personal space tested far more than I care to admit.

  I stand next to Foster while a line quickly forms behind us. It belatedly occurs to me that I don’t know Sutton’s alcohol preferences. I missed out on learning what she likes. A pile of bricks land in my gut. Damn. I scrub a hand over my mouth and glance over the choices.

  Foster must notice the panic in my expression. “You okay, man?”

  “Yeah, just thinking. What do you recommend?”

  “They brew a killer IPA. Harlyn likes their blueberry sour. I think that’s what Sutton would drink.”

  “Sold.” I repeat the order when it’s my turn. The bartender fills two mason jars and passes them over. With a deep sigh, I turn and face the fray. Foster takes the lead again, people immediately bumping into him. We eventually make our way back to the girls. It’s some sort of miracle I didn’t spill half our beers along the way.

  Sutton makes grabby hands at the deep purple concoction. “You know me well. This looks right up my alley.”

  “Foster pointed me in the right direction. I figure fruity shit is always a good choice.”

  She blows me a kiss. “You’d be correct.”

  I settle on the chair next to her, across from Harlyn and Foster. We all lift our glasses and clink them together. “Cheers,” we all say in unison.

  “Should we play a game? They have a bunch inside. Monopoly could be fun.” Harlyn is already half out of her seat at the prospect.

  Foster’s face takes on a gray shade. “No way, not again.”

  “Oh, come on,” she prods. “It’ll be fun.”

  He shakes his head. “Nope. It’s too competitive. I can’t handle you at that level.”

  Sutton starts laughing. “Right? She’s always cool as a cucumber until hotels start being built. I agree with Foster.”

  Harlyn slumps in her chair. “That’s lame.”

  “Do they have Life?” I find myself asking.

  Three pairs of eyes focus on me. Sutton leans on my armrest. “Maybe. Is that what gets your vote?”

  I shrug and drop my gaze. “It always looked fun. Getting to choose your path and see what happens. I’ve never played.”

  Sutton stretches for my hand under the table and applies some gentle pressure. I drag my gaze up to hers. She smiles, her stare a calm blue ocean inviting me in. I’ll gladly go. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

  Turns out, board games are a lot of fun. Who the hell knew? Certainly not me. An hour later and I’m the official winner. But with the girl sitting beside me, I was already coming out way ahead.

  Happy something #63: Finding an escape that lets me forget. Even for a few moments.

  The putrid stench of rotting life wafts into my open windows. I do my best to cover a cringe. There’s no stopping the bone-snapping force that locks up my joints. I clutch harder at the steering wheel until my knuckles are white. This was a mistake. The evidence is strewn about the trailer park between piles of trash and hollowed out vehicles. This place is haunted with the worst memories, many of them my own.

  My balding tires struggle across the overgrown terrain. The main drag is even worse than a short month ago. I swerve into the first available spot and shift my pickup into park. Above a pair of squawking crows, I can almost hear the old engine sigh. Not that I’m really listening. Nothing registers over the vicious evil plaguing my mind. Inky black sludge paints my vision until I’m left in total darkness.

  Sutton doesn’t belong here. This type of ugly should never touch her. I’m gutted and weak. What worth do I offer? I glare at the rusting dumpster through the windshield, refusing to face the horror marking her features. There’s no doubt her regrets are stacking higher than the abandoned bags of garbage.

  “We should leave,” I growl.

  In my periphery, I see her head swivel toward me. “What? Why?”

  “I don’t want you to see the worst of it.”

  She rests a soft palm over my flexing forearm. “Gray, look at me.”

  A poisonous thatch of thorns grows in my throat. It takes the remaining control I have to swallow past the pain. I allow my eyes to wander her way. What I find waiting in her expression steals the air from my lungs. There is no pity or embarrassment. I don’t see shame glimmering in her blue gaze. Her stare is steady and doesn’t waver, filling me to the brink with peace and love and everything good. I match her intense focus and take a deep inhale. Only the purest hit of strawberries and coconut greet me. This woman pulls me away from the wreckage, saving me from the worst version of myself. My exhale is a quiet stutter.

  “Thanks, Sutt.”

  “We’re a team, Gray. I’ll never spook from anything so long as you’re by my side. That should go both ways.”

  I manage a jerky nod. “It does.”

  “Good. Let’s go see your mother.” She hauls one of the grocery bags onto her lap. The swift move proves the strength in her tone. My girl isn’t going anywhere but inside as planned.

  I grab the other sacks and hop out of the cab. Sutton meets me at the tailgate. Her plaid summer dress matches the tropical ocean in her eyes. Shiny dark waves ripple in the slight breeze. It’s no surprise that she’s stunning, a blinding bright spot amongst the corroded rubble.

  “Love you, Sutt.” I swoop down and place a kiss against her temple.

  She leans into me. “I love you, Gray.”

  Those three words inject me with enough confidence to face forward. The four wheels that hold up my mother’s home have been flat since she moved in. I don’t concentrate on the other crushing qualitie
s as we walk along the grassy path. A few long strides and we’re at the front door. The new hinges I installed gleam in the sunlight. I smile at that while knocking on the metal frame.

  Sutton grips my arm when I step onto the single stair leading in. “Shouldn’t we wait for her?”

  “Nah.” I shake my head. “I just like to offer a bit of warning, just in case.”

  A furrow dents her forehead, but she doesn’t comment further. We enter the dimly lit room in silence. I ignore the foul odor of rotten eggs that assaults my nostrils. My stride falters when I catch sight of my mother sitting on the couch, a wide smile aimed at us. Talk about a rare bout of lucidness. I could trick myself into believing this person is a stranger. The flash of grotesquely decaying teeth provide damning evidence on the contrary.

  I dredge up my voice. “Ma?”

  “Hey, boy.” She straightens against the cushions.

  “You okay?”

  She angles toward us, her expression warming another degree. “Of course. What’re you doing here?”

  I blink at her. Once more to be sure the sight in front of me is real. She’s still there, awake and grinning. I’m seeing this clearly. Her question worms its way into my mind.

  “Brought you some food.” The bags I’m holding suddenly weigh a hundred pounds. I heft them higher and carry the loot into her kitchen.

  Sutton follows my shaky gait. “All good?”

  I shrug. “Uh, yeah. This isn’t the sight that usually welcomes me.”

  “But she’s alright?”

  “Guess so.” I peer over Sutton’s shoulder. My mom is staring at us with a shrewd gaze. The typical glaze is absent, leaving a spotless view of her green eyes. I’m well versed on how to handle the woman who occupies this trailer. This seemingly pleasant version is a foreign concept.

  She lifts her wrinkled chin at me. “Whatcha whispering about in there? Come sit down, boy. Bring your friend.”

  I grab Sutton’s hand and thread our fingers together. We shuffle to the couch with obvious hesitation shackled to our ankles. I draw us to a halt a few feet from where she sits. My mother tsks, blowing some wispy strands off her face.

  “I’m not gonna bite, kid. Don’t be such a chicken shit.”