A Reason (A Reason, Season, Lifetime Series)

by Champlain, CL

  She has me sign papers, Kevin shows up, she pulls the IV, puts a Band-Aid on and we walk out.

  “You’re good to walk, Emma?” Kevin asks me.

  “Oh yeah. The drugs wore off mostly. I’m very calm still but I won’t pass out right now. Though I am looking forward to a night in my new waterbed.” I say with a big toothy grin.

  “I just lost my bed to a girl who wears cartoon characters on her underwear. Yeah, you know I think that saying really is accurate.” Ryan says.

  “What saying?” Kevin asks.

  “On the eighth day God created redheads, and man was fucked.” Ryan says, and wraps his arm around me.

  “Well let’s not take that too literal at the moment, okay? I think we can change that to and man was lost for now, and son, it is not just redheads.” Kevin says with a chuckle.

  “How far do I have to walk before I can have chocolate?” I ask. They both laugh.

  “How hungry are you? It’s certainly lunch time, so you may as well go to the bistro or cafeteria and have a real lunch. I’ll call upstairs and see if they need to eat as well. Hold on.” Kevin stops walking so he can get out his phone. “Hey, Marie, did you all eat yet?” He pauses. “Yeah we’re going to eat at the Bistro, Emma is really hungry. Okay. Bye.” He hangs up and starts walking again. “They are on their way down, they will meet us at the Bistro. Your mom is glad you’re done in the ER and wants to see you after you eat.”

  “Good, eat first. I hope they have chocolate.” We get to the Bistro and luckily they have a chocolate chip muffin left over from breakfast and hot cocoa. Score. I get a Cobb salad too, but I’m absolutely eating the muffin first. Ma, Eva and Grant walk up and I’m already drinking my hot cocoa.

  “You still look rough and you really need a shower. They let you out of the ER covered in blood!” Eva says.

  I look at myself and realize she’s right. Luckily I have a shirt on now at least. You can still see some blood on my arms and hands. “I’ll shower as soon as we get back home. I’ll go wash my hands now though. That just means I have to get up and stop eating.” I groan and walk to the bathroom that isn’t far. Eva walks with me.

  “So how are you? Was it really awful?”

  “Um, yes and no. I’m honestly glad he’s dead. It’s less we have to deal with. Now we don’t have to move. You and mom can stay at the house, as long as we can afford it.”

  “You’re staying with Ryan? Like moving in permanently?”

  “I think so. We both want me to, his mom is okay with it and honestly, it just feels right. I feel like I belong there, with him. I can’t explain it without sounding stupid and cheesy movie-ish. I’ll talk to mom and we’ll see. I’ll just be next door.”

  “You two look so happy and in love already. Like it just fits. As soon as Danny was out of the picture, you two were just complete.”

  “Yeah we had a talk about being each other’s missing puzzle piece. It really does feel like that. I knew Danny wasn’t the guy for me, I was just scared of change, of hurting him, and of how strong my pull was towards Ryan. I’m not scared anymore.”

  “Well we’re safe now, so you worry about you for once. Be happy, be loved. I can’t believe it is finally over. I wish I had a nail brush, your poor nails have caked blood. You’re going to need a long bath and a good scrubber to get it all.”

  “Yeah, I will. I’m as clean as I can get right now. Let’s eat and get upstairs. Mom is good?”

  “Yeah. She’s sore but she’s healing. They said she can go home now so they were working on discharge. The domestic violence lady was up there helping mom with life insurance and stuff. It looks like even though he got himself shot by trying to kill someone, it is still covered, so the house will be paid off and mom will be more than okay money-wise. She wants to go back to work as soon as she heals. She is happy about that.”

  “Awesome. Eva, I’m sorry I just took off running like that. I knew he was dead and I had to get up there because I felt the officer was going to die.”

  “Its okay, Emma. I understand. Mr. White came up and explained a bit of what his wife can do too. They are going to help. Let’s go eat.”

  I sit back down next to Ryan and he reaches over and squeezes my hand. Should I move in with him or should I stay with my mom and sister? I’m just next door, but it physically hurts me to think of being away from him. It is really crazy how fast things have changed, but it feels like a good change. This was all for a reason, I know it was.

  We eat lunch and finally head upstairs to see my mom. When I walk into her room and see her face, a part of me, a bad part, was so glad he was already dead because I wanted to kill him for making her look like that. Ding dong the monster’s dead.

  Ryan squeezes my hand, and I try to close down my emotions. Being in a hospital is really hard for me, being empathic, I can feel pain, and so much emotion, so much fear of the unknown. I have to shut down a part of myself, go numb, to keep from going crazy and allowing their emotions to overpower my own.

  “Hey, baby. I’m glad you’re up here and doing okay. Thanks for staying with her and taking care of her, Ryan. I always wondered when you two would see what the rest of us did.” My mom reaches for my hand, and I pull Ryan with me. He is my anchor right now, holding onto him soothes me somehow.

  “Hey, mom. Yeah it took Ryan trapping me in a classroom and my showing off at the leg press, but we figured it out finally. How are you feeling? You look really sore.”

  “It is mostly just swelling, it isn’t really as bad as it looks, honey. We should talk about the house. Did Emma tell you about the Insurance Company?”

  “Yes, kind of. She said she thinks his life insurance policy will be covered, so the house will be paid off and you will be financially stable. That’s great, mom. At least he did something right, though knowing you, you did the Insurance paperwork.”

  “Yes, but will we want to live there? With those memories and him dying there? I know what you can do, and my fear is, he’ll stay there.”

  His ghost, haunting the house. Shit, yeah that’s probably something to think about.

  “Well, we could just sell it. I mean, I will miss the land, it’s been in your family for so many years, but home is where your heart is. It’s just land, which is probably worth a lot more than you owe since the land was a gift, you just built the house and garage.”

  I look at Eva and she nods her head in agreement. She doesn’t want to go back either.

  “Eva wants to go to college to be a teacher, but she also wants to go to a Christian College. My family is all in the south, and the homes are much cheaper there. Nurses are in high demand everywhere so I can work there while you’re both in a nice college next year. We have the money to do that comfortably now. I know this is a lot to discuss and decide on, but I want to put that house up for sale and get far away from it as soon as possible.” My mom says.

  I know Eva wants this, because I can feel it. She is excited about this being a possibility.

  “Do you know what area you’re looking at? What state, what college?” I ask them. I can feel Ryan’s nerves too, and I just squeeze his hand for now.

  “I’m thinking Virginia. It’s a beautiful state, I have several of my family members there and close by, since most of them are in the military. They need nurses, and Valley Forge has a location at Woodbridge, which is one of the colleges Eva looked at.”

  “I think selling the house is a great idea. I just have one request. I’m feeling everyone’s emotions right now, so take some deep breaths and calm the hell down before I explode, please.” I pause so they can all freaking breathe.

  “Ma has offered to allow Eva and me to stay there. Allow us to finish our senior year there. You, when you are strong enough, head on down to Virginia. Eva will apply, and I’m sure be accepted, to the college. I need some time to decide my next step. Yes I am going to school for nursing, I want to help people and even though it is hard for me to be here in the hospital, I think it will be good for me. I jus
t need some time to decide my path. We’re all finally free to choose what we want, not what he wanted to make us do. Eva and I are seventeen, we’ll be eighteen in a few months, and we need to choose our own path from here. I may very well end up in Virginia with you, but I may not. I am so full of what you are all feeling that I need time. But yes, I want you to put that house up for sale and get out of here as soon as you are well enough. I love you, mom. You have always put us first, and it’s time you get to do what you want and be happy too.”

  I give her a hug and kiss on the cheek and then step back by the window. I’m shaking and not sure how much longer I can handle all of the emotions and pain of this place right now.

  “I have a friend who is in realty, I’ll help you put it on the market hon. Land alone is selling really high in our little town, so you should do well. Your porch will probably need to be replaced, other than that there didn’t seem to be any damage.” Ryan’s mom says, from a chair near the windows.

  “Thank you, that means a lot to me. You have already done so much to help us. You opened your home to my girls that is just more than I could have ever imagined. I don’t know how we will ever be able to thank you.” My mom says to Ryan’s mom.

  “Oh the girls are truly a pleasure to have under my roof. Since I lost my husband it’s been a bit quiet and lonely some days, they brighten up the house. I have plenty of room, and seeing the love Ryan and Emma already have, it is truly a gift to be able to help you all. Kevin and I will pack up your things as much as we can, and get your most needed items out while you stay here and rest for another day or two. I’ll pack up everything nice, and you just let us know what you want to do with it. Eventually when you’re ready to go back and decide on the rest you will, otherwise we’ll hold an estate sale, sell what we can, and you can just start over.”

  My mom smiles, a little, and it looks painful. “Thank you. For now we will worry about the clothes and figure the rest out. We had a good insurance policy, so it may be most cost effective to just start over when I get to Virginia. Furniture is really affordable as you get closer to North Carolina, and honestly I don’t want the memories of most of our things from there. I will probably call an estate house, or donate a lot of it somewhere. Lee from Domestic Violence mentioned they help people with clothes, furniture and things that are donated, so perhaps donating it and starting over will allow us to help others in a similar situation.”

  “What a lovely way of looking ahead. You start over with a clean slate, and a bright future, and you help others at the same time. I think that right there is the blessing that has come out of a rough situation.” Ryan’s mom leans down to hug my mom gently.

  “If you need anything, we are only ever a call away. If you need to stay with us while you wait to get to Virginia and tie up loose ends, I have an extra bedroom still, my door is always open to you and the girls. I hope you will allow them to finish their senior year with me. I will care for them as if they were my own, of course. You think about it, rest, and we’ll talk more later on. You have my home number, you just call later to say goodnight to the ladies. I think our Emma has had about all she can handle for now.”

  By this point I’m shaking and struggling to hold myself together. Ryan has his arms wrapped around me trying to soothe me, but his worry for me isn’t helping much.

  “Go, please. We will talk more later on, and thank you, all of you, for everything. I’m so sorry.” My moms’ voice cracks and I’m done. I run out because I can’t handle that much more emotion right now. I run down the hall and slap the elevator button. When the numbers show that it’s three floors away, I smash through the stairs door, glad no one was behind it for me to hit. I run down the stairs, hearing Ryan yelling to me and feel him rushing behind me, jumping steps because he’s so tall. He catches up to me at the bottom landing and just pulls me to him against the wall.

  “Shush, it’s just us. Can you handle my emotions if I just hold you?” Ryan asks me.

  “Just, just try not to think or feel too much and I should be okay if it’s just us. I don’t really feel anything here on the stairwell.”

  He holds me tightly, then eases us back to sit on the steps, with me in his lap sideways, holding me like a baby on his lap. It is comforting, and I just need some time alone to breathe. This is perfect.

  After a few minutes he starts moving around a little. “My ass is starting to ache, can we move off the stairs to the floor?” He asks me. I laugh a little.

  “We can go. Um, how are we getting home?” I ask him.

  “Kevin had someone bring him his car, he said he would wait for us and mom drove her car too. Let me go find them and sort it out. You stay right here and wait for me. You seem okay away from everyone. I’ll look for the least crowded way to get you to a car and we’ll get out of here. Just wait here, and give me like fifteen minutes, tops.” He kisses me gently and walks out of the stair well. I just stay seated for now, to enjoy being quiet and numb.

  After five or six minutes, the door opens and Ryan’s back. “Okay, mom, Eva and Grant are riding with Kevin. I have mom’s keys. There is a side door close by, we’ll walk outside and run to the car. It’s not too cold, luckily, so hopefully my hoodie will work to keep you warm enough. Are you ready to get out of here yet?”

  “With you? Yeah, I can handle it. It’s nearly 50 out today, I barely put socks on for this weather. I am a country girl you know. I could run outside in a t-shirt in this weather.”

  “Yeah well we could test that if you hadn’t ripped off your t-shirt in front of God and country to help Kevin’s brother. That’s a story no one will forget anytime soon.” Ryan says with a smile.

  “Okay, warm me with a kiss, then let’s run and get out of here.”

  Ryan raises an eyebrow at me and gives me a devilish smile. He puts one hand on the side of my face, his thumb on my cheek and his fingers on my neck behind my ear and pauses. I don’t know if he’s waiting to make sure I’m really okay or waiting to draw out that moment of anticipation. Our kisses could probably set a fire.

  “I’m going to get you out of this dirty stairwell. When we get home, I will kiss you anywhere, everywhere, and as much as you want me to. I’ll put a padlock on my door if I have to, in order to keep Grant out. Hell, with my money from my father, I could take you away for the weekend and buy everything we needed on the way. You get your ass in the car, out of this dirty stairwell, and you can have any kind of kiss you want, anywhere you want it, but this filthy stairwell isn’t worthy of you.”

  I shiver, and it’s not from the cold. I grab the doorknob and pull him through the door. He takes the lead easily, leading me out a side door headed towards where his mom parked her car. We get to the car, and he opens my door first so I can get in. The car has a remote starter so luckily it’s on and will warm up soon.

  “We just ate, so do you want or need anything before we head home?” Ryan asks. I can’t help but stop and think, while looking in those green eyes of his, that home is exactly what that house already is for me. I have never felt that safe anywhere before. It is home. It was one night, but his house is home. Home really is where your heart is. I was so stupid to have waited so long to admit how much I wanted him. Being friends was never enough, it’s like admitting you’re thirsty and only drinking soda or coffee. It’s never truly enough to quench your thirst. Your body needs water, and my heart needs Ryan.

  “I’m good, let’s go home.” I say with a smile. I see, and feel from him, that he also realizes that I see his house, him, as home. He leans over to give me a gentle kiss, and just love how he needs to touch my face when he kisses me. It’s not just heat or hormones for him, either.

  We drive home, just listening to the radio and holding hands. It’s a good half an hour back to the middle of nowhere, but I think we’re happy to just be alone, safe and silent. We have a lot to think about. Do I go? Do I stay?

  We get home and I head straight for his bedroom. I need a shower, considering I still have someone el
se’s blood on me. We beat everyone else home. They must have stopped off somewhere, perhaps for groceries or to grab some clothes from the house for us like Ma had said she would. “Are you coming?” I ask Ryan when I see he’s still just inside the door.

  “You need a shower, or a bath, I’m sure. I can keep busy down here.”

  “Can you at least come upstairs? I don’t want to be alone right now. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be clingy or needy.” I start to say, but he’s already bounding up the steps.

  “Never apologize for needing me. You’ve been through hell, and we’ve waited long enough to be together. How about I fill up the tub with extra bubbles, turn the jets on and you just enjoy a quiet bath while I read in my room? I’ll stay close, but give you privacy for a bath.”

  “Jets? Oh, yeah that sounds amazing. Does it feel like the one at school?”

  “Kind of. There are several jets, on your lower back and lower legs mostly. It’s not bad.”

  “Hell yes, then. It sounds perfect.” I tell him. We head to his room and I pick out clothes from my big duffle bag that is now in his room. Looks like it’s going to be Mickey Mouse for my matching underwear set. Ryan sees it and laughs.

  “You really like to tease me with looking so cute. Yet knowing you have cartoon character underwear, don’t you?”

  “You’re the one who was nosy and had to see my underwear.” I say with a flirty smile, and I bat my lashes.

  He starts the tub and pours in a lot of bubbles, as promised. When it’s done filling, the bubbles are up over the top of the tub so you can barely see that there is a bathtub or water under them. Oh, he is a keeper.

  I enjoy the jets on my back and legs, and when they time out, about fifteen minutes seems to be the normal time out I start to scrub. I am grateful he grabbed me a nail brush so I could get all of the blood out from around my nails. I let the water out and decide I want to wash my hair in the shower. I climb down the scary steps, and end up slipping on the floor. I let out a squeal and land on my ass. Ryan runs in and slips in the water himself. Now both of us are on the floor, and he’s shocked to see me completely naked.