“You were asleep, we didn’t want to disturb you. We need to head home so Ma can get back to helping your mother and later on, Eva can get in the house, she doesn’t have a key yet.”
“Is Ryan coming home today?” I look at the clock and it’s only lunch time.
“No, honey. We’re trying to rush the paperwork but he may need to spend the night. I’m sorry. We’re trying but it takes time to finalize the paperwork and get the clearance.”
I sigh heavily and stand up on my own. “Thank you for trying. He should not have lost his temper like that. I guess the time in there will make him remember to watch his temper and think twice before acting on it again.”
“Exactly. He was angry out of love and protection for another, but there are ways to take care of things other than fists. He needs to remember that. Come on, let’s get you home, and I’ll go help your momma.” Ma says.
“I can take her home if you want to go pick up her mom from the hospital?” Kevin says.
“That would be good. I just got there this morning when I had to run to the police station when I got the call. They said she could stay as long as she needed until I came back. She was set up in a lounge with a phone and everything so she could work on the business of it all. I’ll see you tonight, sweetheart. The crock pot is set with a roast in it. No need to do anything with it. I’ll take care of it when I get home.”
“Thanks, Ma. For everything.” I walk to her and hug her, “I love you, and I am so grateful to have you in my life. I know I’ve literally tipped your life upside down, but I’m really blessed to know you, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for us.”
“Oh sweetheart. It’s a little crazy right now, but it is all worth it. I had a wonderful time with you this weekend, my son is in love and happy. You, your mom and sister are safe, and my home is full of laughter and love. A little stress for all of that is worth it. Don’t you worry about that, darling. It is a blessing we were brought into each other’s lives, and I think we’ll be in each other’s lives for a very long time.”
She kisses my cheek and Kevin walks me to his car after we say goodbye to Greg. Greg promises he’ll keep pushing the paperwork.
I hate the thought of Ryan in jail, but I know we’re all doing everything we can.
We get to the house, and Kevin has a key to let me in. “You stay here. Eva will be home in about three hours if she doesn’t stay after. Your moms are working on the insurance stuff, and I need to get the paperwork done from this weekend. I’ll check in on you in a few hours when I get back around. Can you stay out of trouble for a few hours?”
“Like I’m the trouble maker? I’m the one saving everyone else in case you missed that!”
Kevin chuckles. “Yes, true. Trouble seems to surround you, though you’re not the one causing it. Well wrap yourself in bubble wrap for three hours or something and stay safe. I’ll be back, hopefully with your future husband.”
“It’s so strange to think of him that way. We just got together, but I guess now with the military plans it really is a done deal. I wonder if Ryan is pissed off now that he didn’t just go for the diamond the other day.”
I chuckle and close the door behind Kevin. We’re in the middle of nowhere, it didn’t occur to me to lock it.
~Chapter 5~
I’m watching a movie in the living room when I hear the front door open and close, maybe an hour after getting home. I figure it must be Ma because it’s too early for Eva still, by just over an hour.
I hear someone pound up the stairs, and that’s when I realize it’s not Ma. Of course I’m home alone, and there is nothing near me to use as a weapon. I decide to just walk out by the door and confront whoever it is.
I walk out by the door, and at the top of the stairs is Danny. His face is bruised and he looks pissed.
“Ryan is in jail, for now. I’m sorry we hurt you, Danny, but you must have seen there was something there. Everyone else in town swears they saw it. You and I were better off best friends.”
He pounds down the stairs. I never thought he would hit me. I was so wrong about Danny.
After the first punch I’m down. I lose consciousness, and slowly I realize I’m in the between.
“Hi, Emma. Sweetheart. We need to talk.”
Ryan’s dad is there again. “Are you here for Ryan, or are you here for me?”
“Everything in life happens for a reason. Marie grew up where she did, to someday go back to do good things. I died when I did, to lead them to helping you, and I’m helping you in a different way. A way you need. Emma, after dying and coming back to life, your body now goes to the between too often. It’s a peaceful place, you can’t feel pain here, so commonly what happens is people who have been here and come back to life, a part of their soul stays here. It can help to relieve your pain, it can help you to talk to those you love, but it can also pull you back in.
Right now awful things are happening to you. Danny was not a good man, not always. He sees what you’ve done as an embarrassment, and so much more. When you return to your body, it won’t be the same. He is violating you in the worst way possible.” Ryan’s dad chokes up and I get what he’s saying to me. I don’t feel fear though, not here. I feel acceptance, I feel peace.
“We need you to choose life, Emma. You can’t stay here. I know you have lived so much pain already, and you will live so much more pain when you go back. But you will recover from it all. You will go on, and use that pain to help others. You will save others from killing themselves over the pain, because you will know that living, and fighting, is worth it all. It won’t be easy, but you are so strong. So many love you, including my son. You two, together, can do great things while you have each other. So I need you to wake up, remember everything you have ever learned, and you fight. You live, for you, for my son that loves you, for the family you will someday have, and for the people you will save because of who, and what, you are. I need you to wake up now, and fight. Be that strong woman I know you are. Fight, choose life, and do great things my dearest. I will never be far from you.” He kisses my forehead, and I can feel my body again.
I wish I couldn’t, a part of me so badly wants to go back, but I will fight. I will fight for every weak person who never had a choice. I will fight for every time I was too weak to fight back. I will never be anyone’s victim every again.
I know I’m too late to stop him from doing what he’s already done. I will never be the same, but I can make sure he pays for it every day for the rest of his life. I love science, the world around us is so amazing. How God and science work together to give us such amazing gifts keeps me in awe of the world around me. Remembering everything I learned in Science classes, when Danny is done, I grab a hold of his penis and make him look at me. He looks shocked. A part of him is scared over what he has done, and knowing I was a virgin, which he never believed, has made him feel some regret. Not enough, I can feel his emotions, though mine are mostly turned off. My face is sore and swollen from where he has hit me, but I won’t give up. I grab the condom he was smart enough to wear, and I slide it off of him. He looks at me in question, but then he runs. He runs out the door, pulling his pants back on, to go fight his demons.
I pull myself to the phone that’s nearby on a stand, and call 911. I ask for Kevin to be called and an ambulance. I tell them my name, and that I have been raped. I am still mostly numb at this point. My emotions are possibly still in the between with Dad, or I’m overloaded and am just numb. I will use my smart brain, and my bravery, and I will fight. I will make sure he goes to jail for a very long time.
Kevin gets there really fast, flying through the door. I hear a lot of sirens coming. “Emma, holy fuck! Who the hell did this?”
“Danny. I saved this for proof.” I try to hand him the used condom, with Danny’s semen, and my blood on it. Kevin reaches in his pocket for a glove to tuck it into.
“Oh, honey. I am so sorry. Let’s fix your dress and cover you up before anyone else gets here. I’
ll call Greg, and back-up is coming. The Ambulance is right behind me. God, he really messed you up. That son of a bitch, Ryan was right to beat the hell out of him. We’ll get him. I’ll put this in evidence, and we’ll lock him up for a long time.”
Mr. White walks in, again, and he starts swearing up a blue streak. “You’re lucky Ma isn’t home, there is a swear jar.”
“Oh, Emma. You did not need one more awful thing. Do you know who did this?”
“Yes and Kevin has the proof. I kept the condom, science will be all the proof we need.”
They wrap me in blankets and put me on a stretcher. Kevin starts calling out orders and calls out an APB for Danny. Whatever that means.
I hear him call Greg and tell him to get Ryan out if he has to break him out to do so. That I need him and the fact that he beat up a rapist should hold some weight to get him let go faster.
I decide to check back out again, I’ve done what I had to do. They will catch him. I need a break.
********
“Emma, you can’t just come back here every time you need a break. Eventually your body will die. It will take its toll on your body, and eventually your body will choose death. You have too much good to do in the world to choose death.” Ryan’s dad says to me.
“I just need a break. I could feel all of their emotions. So much pity, it hurt. I would do better if they were pissed off and determined. Kevin is pissed, but he also feels really bad for me. That hurts almost as much as the bruises do.”
“I know, sweetheart. Feeling others emotions is a blessing, and it is a curse. You will help so many by feeling their pain, but you will also hurt for it. I need you to allow yourself to sleep, but not push to the between. You have to live to fight, Emma. Staying here today, with this much damage done to your body, you will die today. Your head hit the floor very hard, there is a bleed. You need to live. Don’t let Ryan lose you too, and the many people that you will help someday. Live and fight for those with no voice of their own. Give them a voice, Emma.”
I sigh heavily and pull back to my body. “Emma, Emma can you answer me?”
We’re in the Ambulance with the sirens on. Mr. White is looking at me, calling to me.
“I’m back. Sorry, I needed a break.”
“I know, sweetie. My wife is going to meet us at the hospital. You need to stay here, don’t keep going back.”
“You knew?”
“Yes, I remember her telling me about it. It can be a place of solitude, but if you go back too often, you will die. Your numbers aren’t good right now. I need you to tell me if you hurt anywhere, besides the obvious.”
“Dad, Ryan’s dad, said I have a bleed on my brain. My head hit the floor hard when Danny punched me.”
“Okay, you stay still, I’m going to give you an ice pack for your forehead. Hopefully it will help to reduce swelling. Anything else?”
“Not that I know of. He said I have to be strong, live to help other people fight someday. To give them a voice.”
“You will, I’m sure of it. For now, we need to take care of you, then work on helping other people. Because of your head, I’m afraid to give you much for pain right now. We’re close to the hospital though. You were out for a good twenty minutes, so we’re just a few minutes out. Do you need to talk about anything, or is there anything I can do?”
“No, Mr. White. You have already helped so much. I want to stay numb for right now, so check your pity, please. Turn it to anger, to wanting that bastard to be caught and pay, and I’ll feel a bit better.”
He squeezes my hand, and I know he’s listening to me. I can feel his anger.
We get to the hospital and I’m surrounded by people saying all sorts of medical stuff. A lot of codes and things. Mr. White tells them that my head hit hard and he suspects damage so they will order a brain scan quickly.
They are fighting over whether to do a rape kit first or a brain scan first. I’m getting tired of the yelling. “I grabbed the condom off of him. Kevin is bringing it as evidence. Do the brain scan first, my head is going to split open in a fucking minute.”
They finally agree and get me set up. I have to have an IV for a dye that makes me really warm and flushed for a minute.
Emotionally I’m still a little numb, and I’m hoping I stay that way.
After the brain scan, they bring me to a big room in the Emergency Room. A doctor comes in with Kevin, Greg, and Ryan. Ryan has been crying, Kevin looks like shit, and Greg is so mad I can feel it rolling off of him. That helps.
“Ryan, get out. I can’t have you here right now.” I tell him, trying to tune in to Greg’s anger.
“What? I’m not fucking leaving you again. Ever. This is my fault. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t feel your pain right now. You get it under control and then we’ll talk.” I tell him, my heart breaking.
Greg grabs Ryan and pulls him out into the hall.
“Kevin, I know the police have to be here, but you get pissed off, don’t let me feel anything but pissed off determination. Got it?”
“Yes ma’am. I’m pissed off, that’s for sure. I’m done seeing nice people hurt, but this prick pushed his luck. We’ll get him.”
“You don’t have him yet?” I ask.
“No, he ran. No one knows where he is. Grant was pulled out of school by a buddy, another cop who is also a former Marine. We’ll talk care of you, you’re our family now.”
I can feel the hunger for revenge rolling off of him now, and honestly it does make me feel better. Danny will pay, and eventually he’ll end up in jail.
“That boy loves you. He has been out of his skin being away from you, then to find out what happened, he is barely holding it together. Why did you kick him out?”
“Because I can’t feel his pain and mine right now. I’m trying to stay mad, determined, or numb. I can’t feel right now. It’s too much, Kevin. Can you see if Mrs. White is here yet?” I ask him.
“Yes, if you let Greg come in.”
“Fine. Just Greg for now. Go slap Ryan around a bit for me, the lovely nurse here has some needles ready, I see, so I’ll be having all sorts of fun while you’re gone.”
Kevin walks out, the nurse walks over to me. “You’re surrounded by people who really care about you. You are completely safe here. There is a doctor on the way who will need to talk to you about your emotional state, but for now, this is Doctor Lewis. She is an OB/GYN. We will do an exam on you, and write a report to help the police press charges against this man. Do you feel comfortable having a man in here with you? We can ask the police to send a woman.”
“Greg is a Marine, always faithful and all that. He can stay, I trust him.” I tell her. She nods and goes to let him in.
He is still pissed, but he’s trying to calm himself down. I would not want to be on the other end of this guy being pissed off. He’s huge. I’m glad he’s angry though, and not anything else. I can handle anger the best right now. I may not know him well, but like he said earlier, Semper Fidelis means always faithful. When he said that, he had so much pride in that statement, I knew he meant it. The Marines to him are a part of his family, now that Ryan and I were part of that, I knew he would protect and fight for us.
The nurse takes a bunch of my blood and they start setting up stuff. I don’t like that they have to check me internally, but I understand why they have to. They need proof of as much as possible to make him pay.
Before they start the internal, there is a knock at the door. “Emma, a Mrs. White is here with the police officer. They say you asked for her.”
“Yes, please. Greg, do you mind?”
“No, not at all. You need her. I will stand by the door and guard you, or I’ll help Ryan. Kevin or I will be right at your door, listening okay? We need a complete police report filed immediately, as soon as they have all of the evidence collected. We will make him pay, Emma.”
“I know you will. Thank you, Greg. Stay mad for me, please. It helps me.”
He nod
s and walks over to the door. It’s decided that he’ll stay with Ryan. Kevin comes in with Mrs. White. Musical room attendants. Sigh.
Mrs. White holds my hand, and I feel numb. She’s taking my pain for me. “Don’t hurt yourself, please.” I tell her. She nods and continues to hold my hand while the doctor checks me and asks me questions.
I tell them I was unconscious, only waking up as he was finished. I remembered my science classes and knew to try to grab the condom for proof. He was too stupid to know what I was doing. The DNA will prove it all.
I am numb, Mrs. White being better than most drugs, I imagine. We’ll talk about what she knows about all of it later. For now, it’s enough that she’s here to help.
We finally finish up and they tell me I do have a bleed on my brain. It’s small enough for now to take a medication that I can’t pronounce, and I have to take it really easy. I have to be on bed rest for several days, but they will allow me to go home as long as I am watched and taken care of at all times. If I have any major headaches, numbness or problems seeing I have to call 911. At least I can go home and not stay in the hospital. They considered keeping me overnight but I was not interested. My face is badly bruised, but nothing is broken. Lucky me.
Mrs. White asks to drive me home so we can talk. I tell everyone that is what I want for right now.
We get in her car, which Greg was nice enough to go get and warm up for us, so I just had to be wheeled to the door then get in.
“I appreciate you helping me to be numb right now.” I tell her when we start to drive.
“It is my pleasure to do so. You deserve a break, sweetheart. You have been through enough. Have you been warned to not spend too much time in the between place?”
“Yes, I have. I went there when it was happening. A part of me really wanted to stay, but I was told I had to fight. That I was going to help a lot of people someday, but I had to fight first. So I did.”
“I think where we should start is explaining what and why we are this way. When you die and come back, you retain a part of whatever is beyond us. You can see and talk to the dead, but you can also crave to be there. To be at peace, without pain, when things get bad. Some of us can literally choose to die and we’ll die because a part of us is already beyond this world. You can control some of what you feel, and sometimes you can take others feelings from them, for them. We will work on all of it when you have had time to heal from this. You will crash hard when your feelings come back. Really hard. I need to tell you that you may want to give up and die to make it go away. When you get in that dark place, let someone help you. Call me, grab onto someone who loves you, and let us help you get through it. Getting a break from your feelings can be great, but eventually you have to feel again.”
A Reason (A Reason, Season, Lifetime Series) Page 15