Living with Her Ex-Boyfriend

by Noelle Adams

  She reached out to put a hand on his forearm. “Thanks for coming out with me tonight and doing this with me. I had fun. I… feel good. And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

  “Yes, you would.” He took and squeezed her hand briefly before he let it go. “It just might have been harder.”

  IT WAS DARK AS THEY walked home from the bar, and Michelle tried to talk herself out of feeling so close to Steve, so attracted to him.

  They’d tried a relationship, and it hadn’t worked.

  Both of them seemed better now.

  They hadn’t fought at all.

  It probably meant they were better being just friends.

  But as they paused in front of the street entrance of their building, Michelle gazed up at him in the streetlights and really wanted to kiss him.

  “What?” Steve asked.

  He didn’t know what she was thinking, and she needed to keep it that way. “Nothing. I was just wondering.”

  “Wondering what?”

  She had to say something, so she made something up. “I was just wondering what I’m supposed to do when I’m talking to a guy and I really am interested in him. How do I… get to the next step.”

  “The next step?”

  “You know. The next step.”

  Steve let out a slow breath, and he didn’t answer right away. She wasn’t sure what she saw on his face. Then he was smiling at her. “Hopefully, he’ll make a move.”

  “But what if he doesn’t? What do I do when I want him to make a move, but he hasn’t yet?”

  He licked his lips, staring just over her shoulder. “You could touch him, I guess.”

  “Touch him where?”

  “Anywhere. Like I said, it won’t really matter.”

  Something had possession of her at the moment because she couldn’t stop her hand when it reached out and touched him gently on the chest, just over the pocket of his T-shirt. “Like this?” she asked.

  Steve’s body seemed hotter than usual. And tenser. But his hands didn’t move from his sides. “That would work.”

  She kept her hand where it was until she had a sudden vision of what she was doing.

  This was wrong.

  She couldn’t do this.

  She was the one who’d ended it between them.

  She dropped her hand and her eyes. “Okay. That’s easy enough. Thanks.”

  Steve didn’t say anything as they went up the stairs, but he’d relaxed again as they entered the apartment.

  The first thing Michelle saw was two packed and sealed moving boxes lined up against the front wall.

  Jill and Lucas were moving in two weeks.

  They’d already started to pack.

  She stared down at the boxes fixedly as emotion rushed through her. She wasn’t going to make a big deal about this. She’d known this was coming. She was ready.

  She would still see Jill all the time.

  “You okay?” Steve asked from behind her, his voice gentler than normal.

  She nodded.

  He put his hand on her back and turned her away from the boxes. He walked with her to her bedroom.

  She expected him to say something. Give her some advice. Tell her not to overreact since she’d still be seeing Jill and Lucas regularly. Insist on comforting her because he’d think she needed him.

  Try to take care of her.

  He didn’t do any of that. He rubbed her back very briefly and then murmured, “Okay. Let me know if you need me.”

  She did need him.

  And she’d also needed him to do this—to prove that he believed she was capable of getting through normal life circumstances on her own.

  She smiled at him. “I will. Thanks, Steve. For tonight. And for… everything.”

  “Any time.” His voice was slightly rough, and then he turned and walked into his own room.

  Michelle took a deep breath and did the same thing.

  Eight

  FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, Steve was as good a friend to Michelle as he was capable of being.

  A friend.

  Nothing more.

  It wasn’t easy.

  Not that he didn’t want to hang out with her, talk with her, give her whatever support she needed. He did. A lot. But he also wanted a lot more.

  He kept holding back, however.

  He could wait. If it meant that one day she would realize she could be his girlfriend again, that she was never going to change in a way that made him stop wanting that, then he could wait however long was necessary.

  They hung out in the evenings after work—sometimes with Lucas and Jill, sometimes with Chloe, and sometimes alone. She occasionally texted him during the day, and he got excited every time she did. Proof that she was thinking about him. Proof that she wanted him in her life.

  He got so excited about her little texts that he answered every one—more texting than he’d ever done in his life.

  If he had to take a shower every evening and jerk off to the thought of her—and sometimes in the mornings too—well, that was unavoidable.

  His body didn’t understand this friend business.

  But his mind and heart understood it, and they were in control of his will.

  Michelle needed that from him right now, and so that was what he would give her.

  He’d give her a lot more than that.

  On the Saturday two weeks after their visit to the bar, Michelle had to work in the morning. She was getting off at noon, though, right when the movers were arriving to move Jill and Lucas out of the apartment.

  Michelle had been nothing but supportive about their move, but Steve knew it was going to be hard for her. He’d been thinking about it for a few days, and at ten minutes until twelve, he came out to the living room, where Jill and Lucas were standing, surrounded by packed boxes.

  “You think the movers will be on time?” he asked.

  “They texted fifteen minutes ago and said they were on their way,” Lucas said.

  “So you’re ready for this?” Steve looked between Jill and Lucas and suddenly realized how much he’d miss them too. He’d been so focused on Michelle for the past weeks that he’d barely even processed that the loss would be his too. Not as much. He’d only known Jill for a year and he’d known Lucas half a year. Whereas Michelle had been best friends with Jill for years.

  But they’d been a big part of his life for a while now, and their moving out would change that.

  “Damn it, Steve,” Jill said, turning her face away and giving her eyes a quick swipe. “How dare you make me cry already?”

  “I didn’t say anything!”

  “I saw your face. We’re going to miss you too.”

  Lucas clapped him on the shoulder. “But we’re just going to be five blocks away. You know we’re going to be here all the time, right? And you’re not getting out of working out with me just because I’m moving. Three times a week at least.”

  Steve gave a groan that was more of a laugh. Then he said, “I was thinking about taking Michelle out for lunch while the movers are here. I didn’t think she needed to—”

  “Oh yes!” Jill interrupted. “Please do. She doesn’t need to see all our stuff get taken out. Anyway, it’s always a big hassle, and everyone gets grumpy, so it’s easier if there are fewer people around.”

  “As long as you don’t need any help.”

  “We’re paying the movers,” Lucas said. “You all have already helped enough with the packing. We don’t need you to haul furniture.”

  “Okay. I’ll see if she wants to go out for an hour or two until most of it’s done.”

  “But we’re still having dinner tonight, right?” Jill asked.

  “Yeah. Of course. We’ll be back well before then.”

  With that settled, Lucas went downstairs and waited near the exterior door until Michelle came out of Tea for Two.

  She jerked in surprise when she saw him, but her face broke out into a smile.

  It was a completely unguar
ded expression, and it soothed something in his heart.

  She was genuinely happy to see him.

  “What are you doing down here?” she asked, coming to stand right in front of him. Very close to him.

  Just a few inches away.

  Steve resisted the urge to touch her. “I thought you might want to go somewhere for lunch.”

  “Oh.” Her eyes moved upward, toward their apartment. “But the movers—”

  “Don’t need our help. We’d just get in their way.”

  “But maybe Jill and Lucas could use our help.”

  “They said they didn’t. So we can get some lunch and avoid all the commotion. Then we can go back and help them clean their bedroom and bathroom so it’s all ready for Chloe.” He paused. “But we can go back up if you want. I’m not trying to push you into anything. No pressure.”

  Her face softened visibly, and he couldn’t resist the urge to reach out and touch her upper arm very lightly. He added softly, “No shame.”

  She nodded and swallowed. “Thanks, Steve. I would like to have lunch with you.”

  “Good. I’m hungry.” He put a light hand on her back and turned her away from the door to their building. “Where should we go?”

  THEY WENT TO AN INDIAN place and sat and talked for more than an hour. Michelle told him about work, and he told her about how Lucas had tortured him in the gym the evening before.

  Then they talked about their families and places they wanted to travel and a book Michelle had read recently that she thought he would like.

  It felt natural. Familiar. Like they’d never stopped being together.

  Steve kept reminding himself not to get ahead of himself, but he was feeling hopeful again.

  He didn’t mind moving slow, as long as there was light at the end of the tunnel.

  Michelle was flushed and smiling as they got up to leave, so he knew she’d had a good time too. He wondered if she was thinking what he was. He wondered if she was wishing they could do more than just talk.

  It had been almost two months now since they’d last had sex, but he knew she’d enjoyed it as much as he did.

  Surely she’d want to do it again, once she was secure of his place in her life.

  That kind of mind-blowing sex wasn’t something to just do once and then quit.

  Michelle was quiet as they walked, but there was still a little smile on her face. Steve was so happy to see it.

  He hadn’t seen it nearly enough when they were together before.

  He was going to do anything he had to do to make sure it stayed from now on.

  As they passed by a little market, Michelle paused to look at the fruit bins out front. Apples and pears and lemons and limes.

  “You want some?” he asked, already pulling out his wallet.

  She shook her head. “I just bought fruit yesterday at the grocery store. I should have come here since this looks fresher. But it will go bad if we buy more now.”

  He started to object but stopped himself. Instead, he picked out a beautiful, big apple and went to pay for it.

  Michelle was waiting on the sidewalk when he returned a minute and a half later.

  He gave her the apple with a smile. “An apple for the teacher.”

  She burst into laughter as she accepted it. “That’s pretty hokey, Steve.”

  “Well, I’ve always been hokey. You know that. All the old-fashioned clichés. That’s me.”

  She was still giggling softly, but she took his arm as they walked, leaning against him. Her body was slim and soft and brushing against his, and the blood pulsed in his veins in response. He kept his hands to himself so he wouldn’t do anything inappropriate.

  She said, “I like you old-fashioned and clichéd.”

  His heart did a few ridiculous somersaults, but he kept his voice mild. “Good. I’m glad.”

  They reached their building too quickly, and Michelle let go of his arm. She squared her shoulders as she faced the door. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  The moving truck wasn’t out front, so they must already be done loading the furniture and boxes. Jill and Lucas didn’t really have very much stuff. They were taking a few pieces of furniture from the common area—including one of the couches—and their bedroom furniture and personal possessions. They could fit all that in a small moving truck, and the movers would probably be done unloading the stuff in their new apartment in another hour.

  As expected, the apartment was quiet when they walked in. Jill and Lucas were clearly over at their new place with the movers. There was a big empty space in the living area where the couch used to be, and two of the lamps and a lot of the throw cushions were gone.

  It looked even emptier because the stack of boxes that had been growing in a line against the wall for the past two weeks was also gone.

  The apartment seemed vast. And so empty.

  Steve checked Michelle’s face and saw she was taking a deep breath. “Okay,” she said, flashing him a quick smile that was only slightly wobbly. “We’re going to have to get another piece of furniture to go there.”

  “We can get another couch. Or a couple of chairs. I’d kind of like a big recliner.”

  She snickered at that, as he’d hoped she would. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? A huge monstrosity that would take the whole space and only be used by you.”

  “Sounds about right to me.”

  She put a hand on his arm and squeezed his bicep. “Damn, Steve,” she said in a different tone, giving his arm another squeeze. “Those workout sessions with Lucas have been paying off.”

  There was no way he could not like hearing that. A shiver of pleased pride ran through him. “I’m never going to have Lucas arms.”

  “I don’t want you to have Lucas arms.” She lowered her lashes. “I like your arms.”

  If he didn’t do something soon, he was going to grab her and kiss her hard. And he wouldn’t stop for a long time. He cleared his throat and said, “Do you want to go look at the room?”

  Her expression changed as she exhaled. “Yeah. Let’s get it over with.”

  They walked down the hall to Lucas and Jill’s room and stood in the doorway together.

  It was empty.

  Completely empty.

  Except for a few dust balls in the corners and a paperclip in the middle of the floor.

  Michelle stared into the room for a long time, not moving.

  Finally she said, “They’re gone.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I know it seems ridiculous to be upset about it. I know they’re just a few blocks away.”

  “It doesn’t seem ridiculous.”

  “Jill and I found this place together, and then we needed a roommate, so we invited Chloe to move in too. It’s not going to seem like the same place without her.”

  “I know it won’t.”

  “I don’t know if it will feel as much like a home.” Her voice broke just slightly.

  He couldn’t stand it anymore, so he asked, “Can I give you a hug?” He felt stupid asking, but he wasn’t going to do it unless she was okay with it.

  Michelle nodded tightly. “Please do.”

  He pulled her against him, wrapping both arms around her. She buried her face in his shoulder, shaking just a little.

  She wasn’t crying, but she was emotional. He held her as tightly as he could.

  He wanted to keep holding her.

  He didn’t want to let her go.

  But after a minute, Michelle pulled away and he made himself drop his arms. “Thank you,” she said.

  “I’m going to miss them too,” he admitted. “But Chloe will be moving in next weekend. We’re still going to be good here. It’s still going to feel like a home. It will just be different than it was before.”

  She sniffed and nodded and smiled at him. “Yeah. That’s right. I’m glad Chloe is finally able to move back. We’ll have a good time. Won’t we?”

  “Count on it.”

  WHEN JILL AND LUCAS got back an h
our later, they helped them clean their room and bathroom, scrubbing every surface down until it was immaculate.

  Michelle was tired at the end of it, but they’d had a good time working. Steve and Lucas kept making them laugh, and Michelle kept reminding herself that she wasn’t losing her friends.

  Jill and Lucas went back to their new place to clean up and change clothes, and Steve and Michelle did the same at their place. Then they all met for pizza at a restaurant about a mile away.

  Lucas ordered a very good bottle of red wine, and they toasted each other until both Jill and Michelle were tearing up.

  Then Steve put an end to the toasting and ordered another pizza.

  They all walked back until they reached Jill and Lucas’s new building. Michelle and Steve said they weren’t coming up to see the new place. Jill and Lucas needed their first night in their new home together alone. So they traded hugs on the sidewalk and finally said goodbye.

  Jill squeezed Michelle’s hand before she followed Lucas into the building, and Michelle squeezed it back before she let it go.

  She had to wipe a few tears away, no matter how much she told herself that this wasn’t anything to cry about.

  No matter how right they all knew this was, it changed things in a very real way.

  Something had ended.

  Something was over.

  Something that had been precious to Michelle.

  Steve wrapped one arm around her shoulders. “Come on, kitten,” he murmured thickly. “Let’s go home.”

  She nodded, unable to speak, and she’d pulled herself together by the time they reached their apartment.

  “We could go to a movie or something if you don’t want to go up yet,” Steve said, when she hesitated at the entrance.

  “No. I’m tired. I want to sit on the couch and not move.”

  “Then that’s what we’ll do. We can find something to watch.”

  It wasn’t as bad as she feared when they went into the apartment. Things were missing, but most of the familiar furniture and décor was still in place. She changed into her pajamas and got a bottle of water before curling up in the corner of the couch.

  Steve had changed out of his jeans and into his favorite maroon-and-orange flannel pants, and he pulled up Netflix and started to browse.