You Let Him In

by JA Andrews

  Why isn’t he doing anything? I know he heard me scream.

  I feel the knife as its sharp edge hits me again. I don’t think he’s managing to go in deep because of my coat is a layer of protection, but my abdomen is in agony. My heart is beating faster and faster and I’m not sure how much damage my body is taking or how much blood I am losing. I don’t feel faint, but the adrenaline is pumping around my body. One more push in the right direction should get him away from my chest.

  Gary is strong, he’s forcing his body weight on mine, but my arms restrict his movement. I can hear my mobile phone ringing; it could be my mother, checking up on me. Checking if I have found Daniel. All I can think about is surviving this hell.

  ‘No, get off me,’ I yell as I manage to tense my stomach muscles and force through the pain. ‘Call the police. Help me, my son is in danger.’

  I manage to push Gary off me and the banging at the door stops. I’m confident the man who looked like a workman understood everything clearly. As Gary gets to his knees, he struggles for a moment to find his balance and stand on his feet. My mobile phone, which landed down the other end of the room, is continuing to ring. It has to be my mother; she is the only person I know who would continue to call me rather than leave a voicemail.

  ‘You stupid fucking bitch,’ Gary raises his voice. ‘Why did you have to shout like that? You should have let him walk past.’

  I glance on the floor and hold my side. Bloodstains cover my hands. I can feel the warm dampness seeping from the wound. It hurts really badly and I’m running out of time before he tries to kill me. I need to distract him from heading in Daniel’s direction.

  ‘He’s going to call the police,’ I reply, holding my side and standing back up on my feet. ‘It’s over, Gary. Put the knife down. The police will be here soon, he must have called them.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Gary replies. ‘I’ve barely got six months left to live. None of this matters to me. Michael had to pay for ruining my life. It’s not over, not yet. I’m not done.’

  The phone has stopped ringing but I know my mother will instinctively know it to be strange that I haven’t returned her call. She will know something isn’t right. I’m hoping that she doesn’t blame it on the bad signal down here. She wouldn’t know that. Donna and Peter are missing; their grandson is missing and now I could be missing. I hope she calls the police; I hope somebody will help me.

  I look at my son as he lies on the sofa, restricted in his movement. He still looks sleepy and I’m not sure he has taken anything he has witnessed in. I hope, if we survive this ordeal, he will never remember this moment. The heart-breaking image of my boy in danger fires my need to protect him. He has lost his father, watched his grandparents get murdered – but he’s not losing his mother. I am all he has to protect him. I would die for him, and I would kill for him.

  I stand up, though not fully, because of the pain. I look at Gary, who is struggling to compose himself. The glare in his eyes exposes his madness. He looks angry but he holds all the power because the knife is in his hand. One arm is raised, while the other with the knife is by his thigh. The sharp edge covered in blood that drips to the floor is all that is stopping me from running to my son. So long as he is looking at me, it’s an extra minute of survival for Daniel. I hope that the police are on their way.

  There is another knock at the door; the workman is back. Gary turns his head and I use this moment to lunge forward to try to grab the knife. I push him. He falls to the ground and now my hand is holding onto his arm, my nails digging in hard. I want him to drop the knife.

  ‘Let it go,’ I scream. ‘Drop the fucking knife.’

  ‘The police are on their way, they’re coming,’ I hear the male voice from behind the door shout. ‘Let her go, they won’t be long.’

  I see for a brief moment the figure of the workman in the glass and the door handle jolt as he tries to force open the door. The key is on the side in the living room, I see it by the television. I get closer to Gary’s body and manage to place my right hand on his shoulder. I push downwards with such force that he stumbles and lowers himself. I’m clinging to his arm because, although I can’t reach the knife, I need to make sure he can’t use his arm to stab me again.

  Gary coughs before catching his breath. The look on his face tells me that he too is in agony. I think about my actions because I only have seconds to react.

  ‘It’s not over,’ he wheezes. ‘I’m not done.’

  I raise my leg and kick him hard in the stomach. The agonising stab of pain in my abdomen forces me to let out a short scream. Gary falls backwards and the knife drops to the floor. This is my moment. I have only one chance and I am about to seize it. Gary gets back up to his feet and turns around to face Daniel. I’m shaking with fear.

  ‘No,’ I shout. ‘Leave my son alone.’

  My heart is thudding in my chest; my breaths are short and sharp with the pain I am feeling. I see my blood oozing through my clothes – but I manage to grab the knife.

  ‘Daniel, don’t look,’ I yell. Gary turns his head but is now leaning over Daniel. ‘No, no, no.’

  I can’t see his hands very clearly but fear they could be around Daniel’s throat. I take the knife and thrust it into his back. I feel the rage inside me, an anger that’s been unleashed for the sake of saving my son.

  ‘Stop,’ I shout. ‘Get off him.’

  I keep stabbing the knife into his back. I can’t bring myself to stop. I’m enraged and in agony all at the same time. I hear behind me the smash of a window, a few raised voices, all shouting at the same time. In fast and ferocious lunges, I stab Gary at least three times in the upper back. The knife slides through his suit with ease and he falls on top of Daniel. In that moment of agony, in that urgency to protect my son, I can’t feel any remorse. I want him dead.

  ‘Daniel,’ I say out loud while pushing Gary away from him. I’m not even sure if this monster is breathing – nor do I care. ‘I’m here. It’s all going to be ok. Mummy’s here now. Mummy’s got you.’

  I rip off the tape from his mouth, drop the knife to the floor, and am relieved to see that he is still breathing. He is still looking tired and his eyes appear heavy. I don’t know what concoction of drugs Gary has given him but I am relieved to see him breathing. I hold him tightly in my arms – but I need to get those cable ties off.

  I feel a hand on my shoulder that forces me to move backwards. I hear muffled words that aren’t making sense to me as a crowd gather. I look behind and see that the window to the door has been smashed in completely and the workman is looking at me. It is a look of fear and confusion. He walks past me and I stand in silence. My son is all that matters to me – and he’s alive.

  ‘The guy’s not breathing,’ the workman says. ‘I think he’s dead. There’s also some blood drooling from his mouth. I’ve checked his pulse and I can’t feel anything.’

  A young woman rushes past me with a pair of scissors in her hands. She doesn’t say anything to me but looks at me sympathetically and aware that I’ve been injured. She cuts the cable ties and Daniel’s hands and feet are free. I can’t lift him because of the pain. I’m starting to feel faint. I don’t think the knife went in too deep but one side of me is in agony.

  ‘I’m a site first-aider,’ she says. ‘You need to sit down and apply some pressure on the stab wound. Are you hurt anywhere else? Is there anyone else in the lodge?’

  I shake my head twice. I still can’t speak. I don’t know what it is that is restricting me but I don’t want to express how I feel with words. The emotion and fear are combined with confusion and I am in shock. I place a hand on my side where I was stabbed and apply pressure just as she asked. I nod at her to signal that this is where the pain is.

  ‘I don’t know exactly what has happened here,’ the workman says, ‘but I called the police. I explained that he was waving a knife and they said they’d bring an ambulance in case. They should be here any minute – that’s the problem when we�
��re so rural down this way. It can take a bit longer to get to us.’

  I start to cry with a release that I can’t control. My breathing is calming itself down and I look around the room. I see the workman holding his mobile phone; I see the woman holding Daniel and cuddling him to reassure him that everything is all right. I know she is talking to him but it’s as though I’ve now zoned out into a world of my own. That same feeling that I felt when the police arrived to tell me my husband had died. It must be the shock.

  I can hear the sirens in the distance. A breeze blows through the open door with its smashed window and there’s a crowd of people outside. None of them enters the lodge and I know that it’s a crime scene now. Gary’s body is slouched on the floor. I look around and realise how much blood is sprayed on the carpet and the kitchen floor. Thankfully my boy is in the hands of the first-aider.

  ‘Is this yours?’ the workman asks, handing me the wedding ring. ‘It was on the kitchen floor?’

  I nod to agree, close my eyes and open them again with my focus entirely on the wedding ring. I hold out the hand that isn’t applying pressure to my painful, bleeding abdomen. I grab the ring and hold on to it tightly.

  ‘That was my husband’s,’ I reply. ‘Yes, it’s mine.’

  ‘Was he your husband?’ the first-aider asks, pointing to Gary. ‘The one who attacked you with the knife?’

  ‘No,’ I respond, shaking my head. ‘That man is a monster. He killed my husband, he killed…’

  I stop speaking. I haven’t even thought about them.

  ‘Donna and Peter,’ I say. The first-aider looks at me, confused. ‘He said he killed Donna and Peter. They’re in the van.’

  ‘That van out there?’ the workman asks. ‘That one?’

  The workman points to the van that is parked outside. It’s the one I meant, and the only one in plain sight.

  ‘Yes, the one outside,’ I reply. ‘They’re inside. He said they were dead.’

  The sirens have got closer. I can hear them so loud it’s piercing. I look down at my hand holding Michael’s wedding ring. Today was meant to be a day focused on his funeral service. I look at my own hand wearing a similar ring with the same engraved date and I feel broken. Gary told me about the affair, the debt problems and the secrets Michael kept with his mother. I loved Michael so much and his loss is still affecting me. I might never get answers or the real truth – but I have to protect Daniel. Nothing else matters but Daniel.

  ‘I need to call my mother,’ I say, looking at the workman and the first-aider. ‘Where’s my phone?’

  Before they have a chance to answer, three policemen and a crew of paramedics storm inside. One paramedic comes to look at my side while another rushes to Gary who I stabbed to death. The police are advising that nothing should be moved or touched, while another officer is outside talking to the small gathering of people. They’re moving them backwards.

  I watch as the first-aider hands a paramedic my son. I go to stand up but the pain is too severe and I struggle.

  ‘That’s my son,’ I say, ‘that’s Daniel, my son. He’s been given sleeping tablets.’

  ‘We need to take you both to the hospital,’ the paramedic says. ‘You have two stab wounds to the abdomen; blood loss is not severe and there is swelling but no major arteries appear to be impacted. We need to get that checked out. We’ll do an ultrasound scan in the ambulance. This is just to check no piece of the knife has broken inside you and then we’ll get you cleaned up and stitched.’

  One of the policemen holds out a writing pad. He is looking around the room and then also at me. I watch his eyes as he tries to inspect the scene with multiple glances. He looks worried.

  ‘I understand this is a traumatic time but do you approve of giving evidence on the way to the hospital if I join you? While it’s all fresh?’ he asks. ‘We have witness statements in hand to confirm that you were attacked. If you don’t mind?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘I don’t mind,’ I reply while the paramedic helps me to my feet. ‘It was self defence. He tried to kill my son and me. I had to do it. I had to somehow get the knife off him.’

  I walk out of the lodge door. The air hits me – and the silence. A gathering of people watch as I take small steps across the grass, aided by the paramedic. The policeman is behind us as we walk to the ambulance, which is parked up beside Gary’s van. The door of the van is open. I don’t even know how they managed to get inside but I feel my mouth drop as I glance at the view of its contents. Three boxes appear side by side. Two, that must contain Donna and Peter, are smeared with blood. I lower my head and look away.

  I didn’t have a choice. We survived a monster.

  Sitting in the ambulance with my son, who is being checked out by another paramedic, and the policeman, I realise how lucky we were to survive this ordeal. I hear them tell me my boy will be fine. That’s all I want to hear, all I need for the reassurance that I acted like any other mother would have done.

  I thought Gary was a friend. I trusted him. I shared personal details. I let him into my home while all the time he was plotting to destroy our lives. I can’t believe what has happened today. I don’t know where to begin when I tell this story to the police.

  If I am guilty of anything, it is being too trusting.

  Epilogue

  Michael

  I never wanted my wife to find out about my affair. Jenny trusted me, yet with the stress and the strains of fatherhood and with the expectations of contributing to our home, I needed an escape. I thought I’d never get caught but I regretted every minute of it by the time it was over. I lied to protect my family – but in the end I lost everything.

  I was first introduced to Gary’s wife when we were working together through piles of receipts and invoices. Gary had offered me some money on the side to help him reduce his tax bill. I knew of ways to do this: loopholes and practices I picked up on through my accounting work. His main car dealership business accounts were under the responsibility of my firm, Sphere and Co, but as my client, his side-line businesses shouldn’t have been under my control. I was losing Sphere and Co money by not reporting the work and taking the charge and cash payments for myself.

  His wife was a bookkeeper for his smaller business. She was self-taught through online courses and asked for my guidance. We’d spend hours alone rummaging around his files to hide traces of his financial dealings. A few bottles of wine later and a few more weeks of spending time with each other and I let my guard down. What started off as harmless flirting turned into an attraction. I couldn’t get her out of my head; I fancied her; I wanted her and the hints she dropped made it obvious what she wanted me too. This escalated into an affair. It felt exciting, something new and different. I liked the attention. She used me.

  The very last time that I cheated on my wife was at the Taverton Estate Hotel. Gary’s wife was there for a work conference, touting new contracts with the hotel, and I made excuses to Jenny that I was going away with a work convention. I lied. I had packed nothing more than a fresh pair of boxers, a clean suit and some fake presentation files – and away I went. Gary’s wife and I had dinner at the hotel restaurant in the evening, before retiring to the bedroom. It was so luxurious, and all expenses paid by Gary under his business name. This was the first time we had spent the whole night away together. It was also the last time we saw each other. He made sure she never contacted me again. I tried texting her but the replies soon stopped.

  I had no idea that Gary had his suspicions about us. He sent one of his henchmen to follow his wife to the hotel. At that time, I didn’t know everything about the strains in his marriage. She hinted about his violent nature but I didn’t experience it myself until he confronted me. He took me into his office and revealed the pictures of me and his wife kissing. I didn’t know what to say. No lie could detract from the obvious. The confrontation was aggressive and I felt threatened when he locked me in his office and hinted that he could, if he wanted, have me killed. I
didn’t believe he was capable of that but all I could do was listen and try to explain everything without being beaten up. The last thing I wanted was for Jenny to ever find out. I begged him not to tell my firm or Jenny. No matter what the cost. I promised to pay him back everything that I owed and then I’d be out of his life for good.

  Not only had I been sleeping with Gary’s wife but I also owed him thousands of pounds; my gambling habits that I had struggled with on and off for years had landed me in trouble. There would be months when I could go without betting or chancing my luck at the roulette table – but then I would relapse. With every spin of the wheel, I would pray that it would be the big one, that I’d win thousands. It was a form of escapism that had slowly ruined my life.

  Gary and I had both spent time together in the casinos when we first struck up a friendship after he joined my firm. He was a show-off and spent hundreds on roulette, poker and blackjack. I couldn’t keep up but he offered to loan me some money to play the tables. I shouldn’t have taken it, yet I had this urge. I was convinced I’d win. The whole time he was getting me more and more into debt.

  Gary seemed to be my only hope in the desperate times when I was suspended from work. I thought I could easily find another job before Jenny found out. I had no concept of the seriousness of my suspension. No one was going to employ an accountant in the middle of an internal fraud investigation. Gary offered me even more money and I wasn’t in any position to turn it down. It was a vicious circle that seemed never ending. Gary had me exactly where he wanted me.

  So when I got notified by phone and email about a new client looking for accounting work and who had heard I was now freelance, I had to jump at it. I’d been told by the contact lead who called me that this was big business and they’d headhunted me. When I was given the address as Taverton Estate Hotel, I admit it sent a shiver down my spine. It brought back memories of Gary’s wife. I wondered if it she had set up this secret encounter – an offer of work to fix my money issues. I knew she must have had a big payout in the divorce. All kinds of crazy ideas were spinning around in my mind. I was desperate.