The cosmonaut was probably the place for use with my new skill, too bad I didn't have any points left. It would be nice to get Aquina to level four, but we would be good for now, I hoped. There was no point in counting your chickens before they hatched, anything could happen once we stepped outside of this room.
"Okay then, I have my weapon ready, lets hope I am a good shot!"
"You don't need to worry about that. You have an aim assist to always draw your sight to the nearest enemy in your field of vision when you aim down the sights. You will have to get used to not being able to use all your normal functions like climbing, and jumping is restricted to a certain height. Think of this as a first-person shooter, not just running with guns, even though most of the rules are the same."
"Interesting, okay, I am in your hands, lead the way!"
"Get ready to run!"
I nodded and cracked my first knuckle, and my FN FAL fell into my hands after releasing my finger. Aquina opened the door and we rushed out into the blasted landscape of hell incarnate. It was pitch black, but we had no problem seeing the skeletons surrounding us from the fires burning all around us.
"Don't stop or we will get surrounded, just shoot down the two straight ahead. I take the two one's on the outside and we should be able to break away no problem."
I wanted to ask her why we didn't just stay and fight, but the skeletons were moving unnaturally fast and closer in on us. I raised my rifle and squeezed off two shots in the first skeleton, the gun automatically moving to the creature I was focusing on. Two more shots and mine were dead, followed by triple shots from each pistol.
We rushed forwards and I reached down to grab a box that just said ammo, but I disappeared, so I kept running. The skeletons didn't follow us or even try, which I found strange since they were so adamant about getting us as soon as I got out of that room. I asked Aquina about it and she gave me a brief and unhelpful explanation.
"Those are the only ones that won't chase us here. They are just to catch stupid people that think that fighting at close range with guns is a good idea."
I got a look directed at me that made me think that she could still read my mind. Maybe she just knew how much I like to rush into things head first, hehe.
Chapter 194: Hammer Sandwich
*Bang, Bang!*
[360pts]
Each basic two-shot kill was worth one twenty, ten for each shot, then one-hundred for the kill. That was a basic, but an effective system and I had already picked up twenty more bullets, I just had to touch them and the ammunition was added to my inventory. Loading was a weird experience all on its own.
Since I had spent the four bullets as we ran away I slowed a little bit and my body started to move on its own. I lifted the gun and moved my hand to a button on the side, near the clip, and then pushed it, dropping the clip. Then I reached into a pocket that I was sure was empty, and pulled out a clip and loaded it, then I pulled back on a lever.
Wow, thank god for the auto mechanics of this game! I would be so lost, and I only had to slow down a bit while doing it. We were running down a road with smashed up buildings, but they all had solid walls with no windows or doors.
Aquina fired off six more shots as we rounded a corner, killing two of the five skeletons. I slowed down and lined up my shot, but took the extra blink to aim at the head. I squeezed off the shot and the skeleton exploded, so I dropped my gun down and aimed to make the same shot. Another shot took the skeleton down and then three more came from Aquina, taking the last one down.
[780pts]
Woah, That was crazy, Two-ten for each headshot was great, but it was too early to celebrate, more were coming. We ran forward and we both picked up an ammo box, there was also a small bandage that Aquina took. I assumed she would know how to use it, I was just the shooty person.
"When do these things stop? Or how do we get to the next round?"
There were about eight skeletons following us now and there were more coming from cracks. Yes, I shit you not, like puddles of grease they were pouring out and then becoming skeletons. The biggest problem was that the system wouldn't let me shoot one-handed, or over my shoulder; I had to backpedal and that slowed me down more than reloading, which I had just finished doing.
There is a machine, we just have to keep killing things, watch for things that are out of place in a post-apocalyptic world, and shoot them. They will be triggers for the item, and part drops. We need three parts for the first machine, but I don't know what the rest will be."
I turned and fired shots into the group and took down one, but then I had to turn back and run slowly as I reloaded. We were coming up to a fountain area and the horde was growing behind us, but I noticed an intact flat-screen TV sitting on one of the benches circling the fountain. I gave it no thought and fired at the TV, causing it to burst into a rainbow of particles.
[Hammer Sandwich Gearbox] Acquired!
Wah?
"What's a hammer sandwich?"
"How am I supposed to know?" Aquina yelled at me as we ran around the fountain.
"Well I got the first piece, but we need to deal with some of these...friends."
Then I turned and took careful aim and popped two heads, but the skeletons had gained on me. Aquina shot the first one that tried to grab me, but there was another that was close enough to grab me. I felt the sting, but pulled away and got a lead on the group, catching back up to Aquina.
"We have to keep moving, try to go for two body shots with your aim assist, and keep moving! Turn, shoot, turn back and run for a bit, then turn back and shoot. We have to keep ahead of them, if you watch, they will follow us around the fountain and grow. This is okay for now, so practice, but we have to leave to find the next part soon before more skeletons start spawning in."
I nodded to her as we ran and turned, fired two shots, and turned to reload. I got three more clips off before we broke away from the fountain circle with our horde that was at about seventeen now. Ahead was more smashed buildings, but there was a skywalk up ahead, with something bright on it.
"Up top, Babe!"
I pointed at the rainbow unicorn stuffy sitting in a broken part of the glass, and Aquina fired off around. The shot hit the stuffy in a shower of rainbow sparks and I got another message. It didn't seem to matter who hit the items, we all got it anyways, which was good. I didn't want to have to point out every second item in the spirit of sharing, so this made life easier.
[Hammer Sandwich Power Converter] Acquired!
I fired two shots ahead and Aquina fired six, taking out the three skeletons that had just formed from their pools of white and black muck. We were coming up to an intersection, but the way ahead was blocked...and so was the way to the right. Left it is, like fricken herded cattle, I turned back and fired off another two shots, taking down another one.
*Bang!*
[Hammer Sandwich Power Cord] Acquired!
I turned back around to reload just in time to see the rainbow sparks puff out from the garbage can that was kicked over up ahead of us. Suddenly, a red digital outline of a vending machine was ahead and off to the right. The Image was like an overlay that let me constantly track the location of it, which was cool and not that distracting, surprisingly.
The group was at over twenty now, maybe a lot more, I have shot down four more and I was just reloading as we turned the corner, but I noticed a pizza on the ground up ahead. I hesitated for a second, It had been so long since I had eaten pizza, but I popped a cap in that Zaa ass and got a message.
[Sack Full of Sacks of Potatoes Bombs]
I activated the Item and I got a burlap sack with a sting tying it closed at the top. There was also a sizzling fuze sticking out of the top, so I turned and threw it back into the mass of skeletons. The sac sailed through the air and landed in front of the skeletons and they all stopped at the bag, and we stopped to watch.
I shit you not, for the second time today, my mind was blown. The bag erupted in a shower of little plushy r
agga muffins wearing burlap sacs. Wait a minute, those dolls...they suspiciously like...but my thought was cut off by the mind rattling explosions that went off.
The skeletons had begun to pick up the dolls and play with them, that was until they exploded. The monsters were vaporized in the symphony of destruction that played in front of us. I had to take a step back to brace myself from the shockwave that rippled back to hit us, all potato jokes aside, those skeletons got mashed.
[4640pts]
Woot! I'm rich! I think so, but my joy was rudely interrupted by an unliving scream. I turned with Aquina and looked at the three and a half meter tall zombie standing in front of us that looked like it could use a bite to eat. Both of us raised our weapons and started to fire at the creature, but the thing soaked up the damage.
I went one way and kept its attention, while Aquina kept attacking from behind. The thing was tough, but it was slow and stupid. So it was easy for me to keep it distracted, making me faint at it whenever it would try to turn its attention away from me. I almost got grabbed once, but just barely got away because of Aquina's shooting to distract it, and after three more clips, the rotting carcass went down.
[5640pts]
"Yeah! The first round is over once we complete the snack machine. Good job on distracting that thing, but I really thought that monster was going to get you before I could reload!" Aquina said while shaking her head and walking over to me.
I took her in my arms, pulling Aquina into a deep kiss while giving her bottom a good squeeze before letting her go. She had a smile as we separated, and I really wished this was the mating sequence! Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one gets fuller faster. That was an old saying my dad used to tell me when I used to wish my problems would go away, but he was right, wishing would get me nothing.
"Let's go see the snack machine and get us some Hammer Sandwich, no, I don't like that. Let's never say that again, or even tell anyone that I just said that, okay?"
Aquina laughed and dragged me over to the glowing red machine that had the picture of a hammer between two slices of bread. Cute, well, at least it was on theme with the...whatever this was. I learned to touch the machine, but then stopped at the sound of a familiar voice.
"Dave! It's been so long!" Came a buzzing robotic voice from behind the vending machine.
I turned around to find the lovable Flying TV Tenten!
Chapter 195: Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov
"Tenten? What are you doing here?"
"Oh, you know, post-apocalyptic shenanigans and such. This is one of my worlds, you might say, where I 'hang' out. I am going to be your trusty little sidekick! I can answer some questions now that you have got everything you could out of your girlfriend! Plus, I am here to help you buy new guns and upgrades at the end of every round!" Tenten explained excitedly.
"Good, I was starting to get worried about the next round. Everything past this area is blank for me, all the info I have is for this area. How do you and Dave know each other?" Aquina asked as she examined him.
"I met Tenten two games ago in the Random world, but you were with Irellia at the time."
That gave me a bit of pause, but I didn't think there was any way they could be working together. Irellia hadn't brought Tenten with her when she came to the Duke's castle, but how was I supposed to know if he wasn't still working for her in some form? I was probably wrong, but I would sooner be wrong and rude, than right and dead.
"Do you work for Irellia? or have you seen her since?"
I was sure she was frozen, but then I thought Reginald got kicked out of the game, now he is MainFrame, and making my life hell. What If Tyson was out there? That was just what I needed right now was for Fate to jump out from around a corner. I had no real information to go on besides what I knew and I could get out of mom, but Tenten somewhat put my worries to rest.
"No, I was looking after the weapons store, well my weapon store. I host as a guide and Armory in many games, and you kind of remind me of another guy I met before, not as stupid, but very pushy about getting his way! That woman was just part of the decorations, why? Are you looking for her?" Tenten asked with question marks for eyes.
"No, she betrayed me in the last game, well, she has been for a while now and got a friend killed. There always seems to be someone in each game trying to stir up some kind of trouble for me and the girls. So, I was just touching base to make sure that you aren't working for her."
"No way! I don't work for people, I am a proud entrepreneur and a small business owner! So, working with a person like that could be bad for sales, you should have asked me, I would have told you she was a bad nut! She kept meeting with a man that was your age, and she met with him right before you met her for the first time, and they were sucking face, I almost puked up static! You people sure do a lot of weird things, like, does her spit really taste that good?"
Man, right under my nose, that bugger, I was starting to feel like Having Tyson pop out wasn't such a bad idea after all. I was going to whoop the shit out of the boy when I got ahold of him!
"Tenten, this isn't the time for that right now, I can tell you about swapping spit later. What do we have to do to fix this thing?"
"Just touch it, the parts will fix themselves into place and you will get a Hammer Sandwich shoved into you!"
"Ugh, don't say it like that, please!"
I slapped my hand down on the machine as Aquina giggled beside me as the machine came to like in front of me. The sign lit up and then some music started playing.
"Feeling short on blood, or stammered? Bend over so you can get hammered!"
"Alright, who is thinking up this shit?"
[Hammer Sandwich] Buff Acquired!
"Tenten, what does this do for us?" Aquina asked.
"The Hammer Sandwich will increase your total health, but it really just means you get four wacks instead of three. I see the look on your face, I'm getting to it! Each time a monster hits you, your health goes down, duh, but after ten seconds of staying out of harm's reach, your gage will fill back up."
"Then why do we have things like Bandages then?"
"You are just a bag full of questions today! Bandages are used to revive survivors you find! Yes, don't worry I know your a dumb dumb, so old Tenten here will explain for you. Survivors will be found along the way and they can join your party if you can help them, some of them are not all hurt, some of them need help in other ways, and these meetings will happen during the round, but the player cannot join you until the current round is finished!"
"So, onward to the big scary-looking church? Something about this game mode and tight spaces just doesn't seem like it should mix!" I complained.
"Yes, but we should get you a better gun! You too missy, those pea shooters need an upgrade, and boy oh boy, do I have some cool flea shooters for you! But, first, jeez, I have to offer you Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov's services, but you don't have to take it, or talk to him!"
"Ivan? Is that the drunk cosmonaut?"
"If you mean the drunken ASSHOLE cosmonaut floating up in space with his head up...sorry miss, I forgot there was a lady in the area."
"Oh, don't stop on my account, this was starting to sound good, hehe!" Aquina laughed.
"So, how do I get ahold of him?"
"Weren't you just listening to me? The Man puts vodka in his cereal and throws his boots in his soup once a week for some variety! The man is nuts, and an asshole, did I tell you he was an asshole?"
"Woah, TV dinner! What did Ivan ever do to you? You sound pretty sour about him!"
"The man can't tell you where the weapons pod will land, but it somehow almost always hits me! The asshat is three sheets to the wind all the time, and yet he somehow can predict where I am going and almost vaporizes me each time!"
"I could see how that might make you a little bit hesitant about calling him, but I have a skill and I think it might help out a lot, just stand by me. I'm sure he won't try to hit a player, hehe, plus look on the bright
side, if it comes close to hitting us, we don't have to go looking for it!"
"Fine, I am going between your legs for this call! And don't say I didn't warn you!"
I looked over at Aquina and she just shrugged. Honestly, could he really be that bad? He was an NPC like Tenten, but some NPC had overpowering personalities, so who knew what would happen with his call to space. Who knows, maybe he missed talking to people?
"Put me through to him."
"Okay, but I warned you, Dialing Asshole Cosmonaut...ring, ring...ring, ri…"
"Who the fuck is this person calling me? Don't you know this national drinking hour?" Asked a male voice with a thick Russian accent.
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