"Uh, I don't have time to call back in an hour."
"Good, I wouldn't want to hear from you then either. Plus, it would still be national drinking hour!"
"When is it not national drinking hour?"
"HA! See, now you're getting it! Tenten, you little floating monitor, didn't you tell him that I was an asshole and not to call me?"
"Numerous times," Tenten complain from between my legs
"Listen, space cowboy…"
"Hey, Hey, HEY! I am not some silly Yanky Doodle on some fucking pony up here! Fine, whatever, you want a fucking gun? Give Ivan your money."
"How much?"
"I said, give me your money! Radiobox, is your sound turned down? Or is this matryoshka just stacked with more idiots inside?"
"I sorry Mr. Ivan, Dave doesn't boast to have an overwhelming INT stat, so just bear with him, pretty please?" Aquina asked in her sweetest voice.
"Huh? What was that beautiful voice? You did not say you had a pretty lady down there with you! Fine, I only charge you five thousand points! And I don't want to answer any more stupid questions, so do you want it or not?"
This mother fucker, that was all my points save a couple; was it worth the risk? I had the skill, but what if it didn't work because it was random and I didn't have the option of picking?
'Hey, Mom, are you there?'
'Your skill will still activate because something is being picked from more than one choice, but you will not be able to choose the other choice.' -Tequila.
"Fine, take my money you drunk twat!"
"Hey! There is no need to bring my ex-wife into this! So, gonna spin the old barrel of monkey to see what piece of shit falls out first? Okay, releasing pod full of donkey shit, and no refunds, now fuck off!" Ivan yelled at me, and then the call cut off.
"Well that was pleasant, where do we find this pod?"
"Once we start the next round, I'm sure that Ivan will find us with the pod. He has seemed to take a real liking to you, so it is more than likely that this next round will be over fast." Tenten stared blankly as he spoke, and floated forward.
"Why will the next round be over so fast?" Aquina asked in puzzlement, looking back and forth between me and Tenten.
"Because Ivan is going to kill Dave with the pod he drops."
Chapter 196: Samezees Stickies
"Do you really think he is going to kill you?" Aquina asked as we walked up to the church.
"Oh yeah, Ivan may be a drunk asshole of a Russian, but he is a crack shot when he is mad!" Tenten added unhelpfully.
"I will just have to hit the gate running like last time, plus, I have the hamma sammich now! I will just have to move fast!"
"You know how you only can move at three speeds, right? So does Ivan, and he flies the pod down remotely, so he knows how fast you can go!" Teten complained as we finally got to the tall closed door.
The strange thing was that it was in remarkable shape considering how everything else in the area looked like...a post-apocalyptic world should look like. This door was out of place, and I was equally surprised when I pushed the door open and walked inside.
"What? Isn't this the place where we just started?"
"Yeah! No! Kind of! This is the standard intermission room of sorts. Each of the six areas are in different realities, so this acts as a transfer point instead of having fancy entrances for each level!" Tenten explained excitedly.
"Where are we, Tenten?"
"This Mini-Game is called, Undead, Commando Assault! This Mini-Game uses the Game world as its random level generator, the Game World supplies the Mini-Game with the map and the Mini-Game creates the rest!"
"Then MainFrame knows I'm here then? Why is he just leaving me be?"
"Ooo, nooo, that old turd Regi can't touch you in here. Like I said, the Game World just supplies us with the maps, MainFrame can only affect games, not Mini-Games. We aren't technically in a given state right now, more like a flashback in the Systems view."
"System?"
"Potatoes?"
"You said something about the Systems view, right?"
"Hmmm? I don't think I said anything about potatoes having a view did I?"
Tenten now had question marks for eyes, the little bastard was playing dumb now because he said too much! Mom, can you tell me anything about the System?
'No.' -Tequila.
Well, that was not helpful, but I supposed It didn't really matter at the present moment.
"Okay, so, what's the next round then?"
"Righto! This round will involve more undead, zombies, and mechanical tigers."
"Mechanical tiger? Is that some kind of sick joke?"
"Oh! There will also be an NRG Drink Machine! You can run in all directions at full speed!" Tenten explained with hearts for eyes.
"Oh! That would be so great for running away from the pod that's going to try and kill me! Too bad I don't get it until the end of the round!"
"Yeah! Too bad!" Tenten agreed with his exhausting exuberance.
"Are you boys done with your pity party? The next round is about to start, get ready!"
"Pity party? I'm about to become a grease spot!!"
"Well, I upgraded to the Hat Tap pistols, more bullets, with a triple shot burst fire, but it trades for a slow reload time. I drag whatever is left of you to the next round and I'll have another new weapon," Aquina joked.
I walked up and gave her a kiss, along with a firm swat on the ass that got my lip bit. I gripped my hand tight and was about to pull her in closer, but that was when a green light came on. The door opened and let go of Aquina and started running out of the door as fast as I could, cracking my first knuckle and dropping my FN FAL into my hands.
I ran out into a sand-filled canyon, and I was taken back to Prime when I had to run through the air to catch Tama. The rock wall was a burnt orange stone that looked like it had been carved but time and erosion. I pounded through the sand looking to my left and right as I did, no point in looking up.
There were already dirty milk pools forming and pulling up into bone man shapes. I kept running and then looked over my shoulder quickly to see Aquina and Tenten following me, but keeping their distance. Awe, they were so nice to give me space to run around! Fucking chicken shits!
*BWOOMPH*
That was my cue to run like the wind, I cracked my knuckle again and my weapon disappeared. I gained a bit more speed, not much, but I wasn't going to stop and shoot right now. That noise was the Pod coming in hot, next would be the…
*KERRRRR*
*THWOMP*
I was running as fast as my Avatar would go, and as soon as I heard the sound of a high speed rocket-propelled, I did a one-eighty and then ran back towards Aquina and the skeletons. The pod slammed down behind me and I was launched into the air a couple feet, but I was able to catch myself and landed fine. I whipped around and the pod, a silver tube with glowing blue lines running down it.
A door opened on the side and a gun was inside and it was surrounded with a green glow. I quickly reached in and grabbed it, and suddenly a small info bar popped up.
Type: SMG
Rarity: Uncommon
Name: Ripperess
Clip size:35
Reload Speed:3.2s
Enhancements: Samezees Stickies
I whipped around, gun in hand, it was a black SMG with a red skirt draped around the stick grip in the front of the stubby gun. What the hell was this? Almost all my points for a gun with a dress and only an uncommon weapon! Even with my Harem System skill I still got the short end of the stick!
There was a large group of skeletons already focused on Aquina and I heard more coming from the other side of the pod. I looked back to see a zombie mixed in with five more skeletons, so I ran to Aquina and Tenten.
"Did you get something good?" Aquina asked as we met back up.
"Only one way to find out!"
I fired into the group coming after Aquina and the bullet flew all over the place, but as I got cl
osed the gun became more accurate. When the bullets did start hitting the skeletons, black ink spots would form where the bullet hit, and then It would stretch out and grab another skeleton close by. It didn't grab more than one time and if a bullet hit one of the ones stuck it would not activate again.
The results were like watching the old people trying a three-legged race. They slowed down dramatically, but the spots didn't last forever about five seconds. That wasn't a lot of time normally, but every action was connected in seconds here, so that was more than enough time to mow them down.
"Where do we go from here? Did you see and exit?"
"Around the pod, we just have to head the direction that you were running before, but we need to get rid of this zombie first, we don't want him to follow us around," Aquina explained.
"Okay, we almost have this first group between, we will just clean them out and…"
"No, I think we should focus the zombie and get out of here, we are about to get sandwiched in this corridor!" Aquina protested.
"Fine, Fine, let's go get the tall bugger then!"
I signaled the reload, and started to move with Aquina towards the zombie and skeletons. This time I was going to wait till I got closer to the fire. When I was at a good range, I made some quick shots to hit everything but the zombie. The effect turned out exactly how I had planned.
The fife skeleton had the black dots extend to the zombie all at once and latched on, instantly pulling them close. The zombie roared and tipped precariously, but the two of us rushed forward and pumped It full of metal bullets until it exploded into a shower of black particles.
[2340pts]
"Yay! You're still alive!" Tenten cheered!
It wasn't over yet, but I gunned down three of the five in front of us, while Aquina pumped two bursts into the remaining two. We both picked up ammo from the corpse and I found a grenade with a label on it. I check the item's description in my inventory to see what the label said.
Grenade: Pull here, toss, run like hell in the opposite direction.
Helpful, but we had another horde coming upon us, so I turned just in time to see Aquina squeeze off a shot at a bag of nachos.
[NRG Drink Machine Sign] Acquired!
Really? Did it need the sign to work? I glanced back as we ran and there was a large group of skeletons behind us, but it wasn't enough yet, I turned back to find two zombies up ahead, waiting for us. I turned and pulled up my gun and emptied the clip on the oncoming hoard, not caring if I actually killed any.
"Dave…"
"Don't worry, I got this!"
I pulled out the grenade from my inventory and laughed as I pulled the pin. The skeletons were a slow-moving mess as all the black dots found partners. It was an easy toss and the skeletons all watched it fall into the tangled mass of themselves. They all dove for it but were reduced to black particles an instant later.
[Overkill 23]
[2300pts] Bonus!
[7170pts]
Nice! But my excitement disappeared as I heard the metallic roar from behind me. Bad Kitty!
Chapter 197: Brushka
"Dave!"
"Yeah, I hear it, but let's go grab the stuff those skeletons dropped first, I don't think the tiger can come this far. The zombies seem fine to wait, so maybe the tiger will be the same. I only hear it and I can't see it yet, so hopefully, that means it will be in the…"
But that was when I saw the shimmer in the air and tried to roll out of the way, but these avatars don't roll! I ran sideways but was clipped by a paw, as the barely visible clear tiger sailed past me. I was hit by the same sting as before, like when the skeleton grabbed me, so I was about to keep my focus.
At least the pain was all the same, and now with the Hammer Sandwich in me, I could take more hits like that. I yell for Aquina to watch out, but she was already raising her gun and shooting before I finished speaking, good girl! I raised my guy and started to run at the Tiger that was now visible because of the bullets hitting it.
The thing wasn't terribly different from the form Kyrina first had when I found her on that mining asteroid. The difference was that this one was trying to kill me and not the snu snu to death kind of kill!
"Aim for its head!" Aquina shouted as I came in range.
I released a spray of bullets, dumping an entire clip into the tiger's face as it leapt at me, then turned once the tiger was in the air. I dodge the mecha-kitty and grabbed some of the ammo on the ground, reloading a new clip. This gun was good, but it used a lot of bullets and didn't do that much damage, the Russian and I would be having words.
Aquina was now the target, but she was moving in erratic patterns and looping back to me, the cavernous valley run left more than enough room to maneuver. I ran to the side and sprayed the cat, making it change focus once again, but it was too late for it. Aquina had turned and emptied both guns into the Mechanized Tiger, causing it to explode into black fragments.
"Woah! Look at you guys go! Dave! I thought you were going to be a chew toy!" Tenten said with excitement.
"He almost would have," Aquina said as she walked over the pile of stuff the tiger had left behind.
"Sorry, I was dealing with the twenty-odd skeletons behind us, remember? What were you doing? You called my name twice instead of telling me a tiger was coming for me?!"
"Everyone makes mistakes! But look at...you should throw that thing away!"
I walked over to see what the arrow on Tenten's screen was pointing at, and it was a handheld radio of some sort. There were two more grenades with the label and a very big knife, which I took and then reached for the radio.
"Weren't you listening to me! Don't touch it! OR!"
Too late, I touched it and the item disappeared. I looked back up at Tenten, who had flown very close to my face. I was surprised to find that it wasn't Tenten's digital cheerful face staring back at me.
"Hehehe, What do you think of my aim, Shit Brick?"
The drunken cosmonaut Ivan stared back at me, or at least I assumed there weren't any other Russian that would be calling me to ask if he had killed me or not.
"Twat, what do you want?"
"Do you talk to your mother with that mother, Brushka? I will make you a deal, tit for tat, ah? You like?"
"You still haven't said anything yet. Cough up the details, Ivona!"
"I will hit you next time! Listen, you little shit stain, There is a monster up ahead, a drunken fucking zombie; he has a bottle of vodka in his hand. I want you to get that bottle from him before he dies."
"Not that that doesn't sound impossible, but what do I get if I get that bottle from the zombie?"
"Twenty extra minutes."
"Deal!"
"Wow, that was easy! You're like my last girlfriend!"
"But, I need a new weapon, this one was shit! It's an uncommon weapon!"
"How you get an uncommon gun? What did it send you? I told it to send an eclectic nail gun!"
"An SMG called the Ripperess, and what do you mean you told it to send an electric nail gun?!"
"IT SENT WHAT? Wait a minute!"
Ivan had yelled at me through Tenten, and I heard Aquina laugh behind me as Ivan stormed off-screen to yell at a computer in the background. I turned to find Aquina directly behind me, what is with everyone, and standing right behind me? I ended up moving into a kiss with her; I held it and then let her go, thinking about the extra time I was going to get with her.
"What are you smiling about?" Aquina asked.
"He is thinking about the extra time he is going to be spending on your ass!" Ivan chimed in from behind.
I had to restrain myself from turning around and shooting Tenten.
"Give me a new gun and take all my points, but if you want that goddamn bottle, you had better send something better than an elastic band shooter!"
"Fine, but if that bottle doesn't make it back to this pod I'm sending, then no sexy time for you, okay shit stain?"
"Try not to hit me this time. I can't br
ing the bottle to you if I am dead, and I don't think she will have my motivations."
Tenten's screen became his digital face again, but he spun in circles for a bit, until finally stopping.
"I hate when he does that!"
"What deal did you make with him, Dave?" Aquina asked with a suspicious tone.
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