Lost

by Ker Dukey

  Summer’s room is like coming home once again. The soft pink walls and the scent of her lingers in tiny little air pockets, my nose catching the hint of her as if she is just stood before me.

  I never had a room like this when I was little. Summer and me shared a room that was dingy and small, and visited by Mom’s guests when she would pass out from the drugs they supplied her with. I used to play a game where I would tell Summer to put on the headset to a very old cassette Walkman we found in one of Mom’s old boxes. There was only one tape and it played the Eagles, ‘Hotel California’ on both sides. I used to huddle her into the cupboard that we used as a wardrobe and told her she had to pretend she was going to Narnia. She would always fall asleep in there, where I knew she would be safe from the depravities I was subjected to.

  My heart physically hurts but my mind is rampant, the many different thoughts starting to clash and give me a headache.

  My eyes move over everything. Her bed, the laundry my father spoke of still placed in a neat pile at the bottom. Her vanity, covered in a mass of stuffed animals. The wall above her bed adorned with the latest pop posters.

  I move slowly to the desk that is sat under her window and check the window to see if it’s locked. It doesn’t budge and there’s no sign of intrusion. I think back to the training I’ve had for situations just like this one. This can’t be happening. I look in her waste basket and shove all the paper from there into my purse.

  Her homework glares at me, her heavy but careful writing burning my eyes with tears. I can’t help but run my finger over one of her books. Summer loves to read. It’s her passion. She reads everything and anything, and even though she sometimes gets teased at school for her love of reading and her ignorance of boys, she just shrugs and holds her own. It’s what I love about her, that ‘who cares’ attitude is the only thing she got that was the same as me, well that and her clean OCD. Her eyes are also the same dark shade mine are.

  I had a completely different character to Summer. She is innocent and sweet, caring and forgiving, she was gracious and talented and has so much brains in that head of hers she skipped two grades.

  This can’t be happening.

  Footsteps coming up the stairs tell me that my sister’s bedroom is soon to be besieged by cops of every description. I quickly check her wardrobe to see if her favorite sweater is there and check the bottom where she keeps her backpack. Both are still there - She wasn’t planning on staying out.

  Taking a quick breath, I snatch up Summer’s laptop and stuff it into my purse, grateful for my love of outsized accessories.

  “Winnie?”

  My breath stutters as I spin around at the sound of the nickname only one man has ever used. Time stands still and I’m transported back in time…

  I’m broken, every part of me hurts. Mom’s dealer came to collect her debt and she didn’t have the money. She used it to buy her new fling a pair of the latest AirMax sneakers he wanted. She had been at this new job one month and only taken one sick day, this was a record for her and I thought it was the start of things to change, but no. Her first pay check and she wastes it on this guy she’s been dating for five weeks. He was younger than her by about fifteen years and liked to bring his friends round to drink and play video games. He took what was left of her money and left to spend the night out with his friends. I was more mature than him but Mom was smitten and said he made her feel young. He made her feel young, not the two kids that needed a mother.

  I watched as panic washed over her face when a car pulled up at the front of the apartment block. She looked me right in the eye while chewing on her already frayed nails.

  “I’m going to need you to be sweet to him for me, Winter.”

  I hated her long before this but the raw undiluted anger that raged inside me at her words caused the room to heat. She rushed to open the door and before they even made it past the passage voices were raised and a struggle broke out. I pushed Summer behind me and backed us against a wall. Spencer shoved his way into the living room where we were and Mom followed sheepishly behind him, holding her bruised face that he clearly had just struck.

  “Winter, why don’t you take Spencer into my room?”

  Bile burned my throat.

  “I don’t think you understand the situation here, Kat.” He smacked his tongue against his gums making a tutting sound. “I let you delay payment last time, that’s not going to happen again. If I keep letting you off everyone will think I’m a pushover.” He walked up to me and stroked his finger down my cheek, the scent of cigarettes lingering in the air from his skin.

  “Not that the lovely Winter’s thighs don’t entice me but I need to set an example.”

  His eyes dropped to Summer behind me and he reached for a gun tucked down his pants and aimed it at me. My heart thundered so loud it blocked out the howls of my mother. He tapped the butt of the gun on my cheek and grabbed me with the other hand, dragging me away from Summer and tossing me to the ground before grasping Summer’s hair, making her cry out, and dragged her down towards Mom’s room.

  “Mom, stop him,” I screamed over and over, trying to get to my feet. Mom stood in front of me and shook her head, no. Pulling my arm back I forced it forward with all the strength I could muster and hit her in the face causing her to fall to the ground, clinging to her face.

  Rushing around her to the kitchen on autopilot I grabbed a kitchen knife and raced towards the room he’d entered. There was no fear, just unadulterated determination to save Summer from ever experiencing what I had to endure.

  I barged in the room and gained his attention. He’d managed to get his shirt off and his jeans undone, and Summer lay screaming on the bed in terror. I launched myself at him and got punched back. My nose exploded, coating my white tee in a crimson waterfall. The room blurred slightly but I couldn’t give in to the escape of unconsciousness.

  I jumped on his back and lunged the blade down into his collarbone. He tried to shake me off and rammed his back with me on it into a wall. I clung on with a strength I didn’t know I possessed and pulled the knife free, causing the wound to spurt blood like a leaking faucet. I brought the knife down again into his neck and wriggled it as I screamed all my fear, all my hate, all my anger into the room. He dropped to the floor, gurgling and trying to hold the wound, but it was no use, his blood pumped his life so fast from his artery that he stilled within seconds.

  I knew his henchmen were outside the apartment block and would eventually come inside if he didn’t go back out, and they’d kill us all.

  I grabbed Summer, who wrapped herself around me like a baby clinging to its mother. I covered her eyes and rummaged through Spencer’s pocket, pulling free his cell. I rushed to the wardrobe and sat me and Summer inside as I dialled the only number I could think of who would help us. Cole.

  Cole Jennings was a policeman who was on shift and took the call from my high school when I turned up for school with a black eye and busted lip, claiming I was mugged. My school counselor was always worried about me but I didn’t trust her or anyone enough to speak out about our home life. More than anything, I was worried if anyone did step in and see what was going on at home then they would take us and enter us into the system where we would be separated. I was terrified of that possibility.

  “What happened to your face, Winter?” she’d asked.

  “I was mugged.” It was the first thing that popped into my head. In reality Mom’s boyfriend didn’t like being spoken back to by a ‘Little bitch.’

  Officer Jennings came to take my statement and I think he knew I was lying. I often found him lurking around the school in his patrol car and would stop me to check up on me. He often brought me lunch because my frail frame must have given away that I hardly ate. He also used to look out for another kid called Frankie. Frankie was hanging around a bad crowd and Cole tried everything to keep him from joining a gang, it didn’t work and Frankie was killed a month later in a gang related murder.

  Cole used to re
cite his cell number to me and make me repeat it so I could call him if I ever needed to. I never planned on calling him… until that moment.

  A whimper escapes up my throat when my eyes find his deep golden ones and I slap my hand over my mouth to stop any further weak noises leaving me.

  Detective Sergeant Cole Jennings quickly marches across the room and scoops me up into his embrace.

  “Cole.” His name bursts from me in a desperate sob. His strong arms make me feel like a teenager again and I can’t help but sink into him and hold on for dear life. I was drowning right now, and I needed an anchor.

  “Shh,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m here, sugar.”

  He directs me onto Summer’s bed and I allow myself five minutes of despair while he shushes me and holds me even harder.

  “I’m going to find her, Win. I promise.”

  I can’t help but smile at his nickname. I hated it, and because he knew that, he had called me it since I was fourteen. It would always bring a growl of frustration from me, but then he’d waggle his eyebrows and a small smile would creep up my lips. He was so beautiful.

  I pull myself together and move out of his arms, the chill in the air immediately making me shiver from the loss of him.

  He smiles gently and pushes a thick lock of my hair behind my ear. “How you doing?”

  “I’m… well I was, doing okay. Good, even. I don’t understand what could have happened?”

  His smile is watery and my heart swells for him being here. He was like my guardian angel. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him until this moment. Cole Jennings found me and my sister huddled in the corner of our small and filthy wardrobe seven years ago. We were both smothered in Spencer’s blood and terrified enough to hit out at him as he had approached us. I’d gone into shock where I didn’t recognise him and was in a kill to protect mode. My grip on Summer was so intense her body shuddered from the power of my own body’s tremors. But he had sat, a small distance away, and talked softly to us, refusing to allow any of his colleagues into the room. For over three hours he had told us everything about himself, his passion of art, his love for his own sister and all about his job as the youngest sergeant to make the grade. Gently he’d coaxed me to relax my hold on Summer which allowed him to quickly check her over. And eventually, after five hours of just sat on the cold hard wooden floor, he had given enough of himself for a tiny piece of my trust. He’d gently picked Summer out of my arms and escorted us out. He had stayed with us for the following four days until we were strong enough and felt safe enough to allow other people to communicate what was going to happen from there. And because of his gentleness and his determination to help us, he would always own a part of my soul. For the following eight months he had visited us regularly in the foster home, until Elsa and William had come along and adopted both Summer and myself. Those first dark days would have been so much worse without Cole Jennings.

  And now, after nearly seven years, he was back, once again holding me and vowing to help.

  “You’ve grown so much,” he says in an odd but tender tone and another smile as his gaze slowly slides over me. It feels different than how he used to look at me, there was no guilt or confusion in his eyes now.

  “Well it’s been almost seven years.” My eyes slip over him. I’d secretly had a crush on Cole when I was younger. He wasn’t that much older than me. He had been twenty four at the time and good looking but I’d just put it down to his closeness and teenage female hormones. Girls rescued often get a hero idolization thing happen, but I refused to ruin the only relationship where I trusted the other person completely with my stupid fantasies of him seeing me as a woman and not a little girl. In my eyes I was a woman, I had to grow up so fast and had so much responsibility that I don’t remember ever feeling like a kid. Now I sat looking at him I wasn’t sure it had been our close relationship or a silly crush. He was still good looking – very good looking in fact. His eyes showed intellect and a type of freedom I longed for, they blazed with a warm glow, the amber heightened by the dark brown ring encompassing it. Hypnotizing.

  “You though, you haven’t aged a bit,” I continue. My eyes scanning every inch of him. His hair lay in dark thick strands, neatly styled and complementing the characteristic strength in his face.

  “You’re supposed to be gray and wrinkly by now surely?!” I quip.

  He laughs, his eyes twinkling at the banter between us once again. “Win, I’m thirty one, not eighty,” he replies with firm and full lips.

  I wave my hand in the air and fake smirk. “Pfft, still ancient.”

  He sighs and gives a nod in defeat before his expression turns somber. “You know what comes next, sugar.”

  I nod, sighing. “Yeah, I’ll come in and make a statement. But I don’t know much, Cole, and if I’m honest, it’s wasting time. I should be out there searching for her. I spoke to her the day before yesterday on the phone, she didn’t mention any plans. She was excited for me to come home. I haven’t seen her for about eight weeks.” Tears well in my eyes and Cole squeezes my knee.

  “She didn’t mention anything going on at school, or in her life?”

  I shake my head, staring at the stuffed bear on her dresser that I bought her last Christmas. “No. She seemed happy, like she always does. She would have told me, she tells me everything.”

  “No new boyfriends? Or girlfriend?”

  Once again I shake my head. “She isn’t interested in boys, or girls for that matter.”

  Cole smiles. “No, I meant normal friendships?” When I shake my head again he frowns. “Are you still close?”

  This time I nod. “Yeah of course, very. She wouldn’t just take off, Cole. Mom and Dad are amazing. They’ve never hurt us so family life is great. She was happy at school. She has friends. I just don’t… I can’t… If someone’s hurt her.”

  He nods in understanding when I can’t continue and pats my thigh before standing up. “Come on, let’s get this over with and then I can hopefully find a trail to follow.”

  “We,” I rectify.

  His head spins around and his eyes narrow on me. “We?”

  His jaw is clenched and he’s watching me with a knowing gaze. When I just stare up at him he slowly shakes his head. “Leave it, Winnie. Let us do our jobs.”

  I scoff. “Not a chance in hell. She’s my sister. Cop or not, you should know I would never not look for her, Cole.” I speak quietly but with a resolution he can’t hide from. “When I find out whoever took her, they’re going to die.”

  “Let’s not jump to conclusions just yet.”

  He doesn’t think someone took her… Does he think she ran away?

  “What are you even doing here?” I have to ask, he’s a welcome sight but this isn’t his jurisdiction.

  “I was promoted, the job required I transfer.” He stood looking powerful and confident, his chest broad and muscular, tapering down to slim hips and long lean legs.

  “So this is just a coincidence?” I almost feel let down at the fact.

  “It is.” His jaw tenses visibly. “But I won’t rest or leave you alone until I find her, Winnie, I promise.”

  “We,” I correct him again, causing his lip to curl like it was always on the edge of a grin.

  Jarod meets me at his door with a smile. “Hey.”

  I can’t smile back, my insides feel like they’re rotting and decaying with every passing hour she hasn’t been found. I move past him when he shifts to the side to allow me into his small student apartment. The smell of old socks and moldy pizza hits me immediately and my stomach vaults.

  When he offers me a seat at his desk, I brush aside some dirty underwear and hesitantly plonk my ass down. Jarod swipes some random shit off his desk then holds his hands out.

  “Have you already tried to get in?”

  I nod as he opens Summer’s laptop and instantly plugs in a cable. “I’m surprised she has a password on it, to be honest. She’s never had secrets.”

  When the
cops had left my parents I’d hidden away in my own room and attempted to check out Summer’s laptop, somewhat surprised to find my little sister had locked it with a password. I’d tried everything I could think of to gain access but I’d been refused time after time. This is where Jarod came in. He was an IT expert, known around college for his skill. He charged a hefty dollar but if he could get me in I’d have paid with my darn soul. I spent the two-hour drive back home going over every conversation I’d had with Summer over the last two months but nothing was triggering an alarm. None of this made sense.

  I couldn’t stay there not knowing she was out there somewhere, lost…waiting for me to come get her.

  “We all have secrets, Winter. Even your little sister has them.”

  I shrug, not wanting to argue that he didn’t know Summer. I feel weak and hopeless right now. It turned out that even I didn’t know her.

  What if she ran away?

  No way, she wouldn’t, she was happy.

  “You want a drink while we wait for it to do its stuff?”

  I shake my head, hating that I already hold a grimace on my face, but Jarod just shrugs and pops open a soda before sitting himself back down. Fishing out his fee I hand him the roll of dollars as I sit expectantly watching the laptop screen spewing numerous stars into the password box. “What if it doesn’t work?”

  Jarod chuckles. “It will.”

  As if it heard him, a small ping sounds and the password screen switches to desktop mode making Jarod give me a grin and a wink.

  After he clears the password, I kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

  As I’m walking out his room he pipes out, “You know she’s the right age for that serial killer out there.”

  My hand tightens on the handle until pain seers through my palm. I take a few deep breaths and slam his door behind me as I rush back to my apartment. I’m one of the lucky ones that doesn’t have to share with another student. My parents, although hating that I chose to live at college instead of commuting daily, insisted that they pay for my own place. And after listening to my friends’ moan about the quality of the student accommodation and their roommates I was grateful for my parent’s hindsight. I appreciated my own space, both in my apartment and my head.