Grave Alchemy

by Amanda Armour

  “Don’t call me stupid! This is all your fault.” The accusing voice was female, and it belonged to Francesca.

  “My fault? You’re the trigger-happy one. You screwed it up right from the start.” I imagined spit flying in all directions as he screamed and sputtered.

  “And where would we be if I hadn’t? If you’d kept your mouth shut, we’d…”

  “If you’d paid him like I asked, I’d be safe!” Phin’s voice rose another few octaves. “All you had to do was hand over the cash!”

  They must have been talking about Felix—I’d been positive that Phineaus was the one who had killed him, when in fact it was Francesca. That amulet had caused a lot of trouble; if Felix hadn’t been looking for it, he’d still be alive.

  “And waste more of my money? I don’t think so, you’ve wasted enough already. That’s your answer to everything isn’t it? Throw cash at it!”

  “Waste? What are you talking about? I didn’t waste anything. How do you think I survived this long?”

  “By getting me to pay for everything, that’s how. Do you have any idea how much I spent to get those souls? And to top it all, you go and burn through a small fortune, for a stupid funeral. Nobody cares that you died, and they’re certainly not going to your funeral. It will take me years to earn it all back.”

  “I don’t care! You’re the one who demanded I transfer to this body. Why I went along with it is beyond me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you put a spell on me. You’re the one who stole those poor souls and killed that reaper; he was a perfectly nice young man. And if that wasn’t enough, you made me come along so you could kidnap two more.”

  Metal creaked and clanged as the pair descended to the warehouse floor. I struggled to my feet and moved to the back of the cage, I wanted to get as far away from them as I could. I could see an exit sign glowing between the rows of cars, it was of no use to me while I was locked in this cage, but at least I knew where it was.

  Natasha gave a loud snort and woke up, she glared at me for a split second before spying Francesca. “Fran. Why are you doing this? We’re family.”

  “Are you okay?” I whispered.

  Natasha whipped her head around and snarled at me, “What do you care? You’re the reason I’m stuck in here. If you hadn’t stuck your big nose in, those two lunatics…”

  “What do you mean, it’s my fault?”

  “If they’d arrested you for murder, when the cops caught you in that house. Fran wouldn’t have…”

  Phineaus and Francesca had reached the bottom of the stairs while Natasha was busy yelling at me, and now they were standing outside the cage glaring at us. Where on earth were Basil and Dante? Now would be a really good time for them to show up.

  “Shut up, both of you! I have two bullets left, and they have your names on them. Do you want me to use them now?” Fran screeched, she turned and grabbed Phineaus by the collar. “We did it for love, Phinny. Remember?”

  “Love? Do you really believe I’d give up wizarding for love? I loved my cat more than you.”

  Fran’s mouth dropped open as she ripped at his shirt. “Where’s that medallion I gave you?”

  “Who cares? It was ugly as sin anyway,” Phineaus replied as he held her at arm’s length.

  “Hey, Phin. It really is you, isn’t it?” I asked.

  Phineaus looked at me in astonishment, “How did you figure that out? I was very careful—no tracks, you see.”

  I stood up and moved closer to the cage door. “Well, for a start she just called you Phinny,” I said calmly and pointed a finger at Francesca. “But I saw the trapped souls, and you left some of those manuscripts lying around. It wasn’t too hard to figure it out. What I don’t understand is why you got involved with Francesca? She’s a human for heaven’s sake, and she’s related a mob boss. What were you thinking? You were supposed to be one of the greatest wizards of all time. Guess I was mistaken.”

  “Don’t you ignore me,” Francesca demanded as she spun Phineaus around. “When I found you, you were nothing but a washed up, impotent, wizard has-been. You forced me to hire a witch, cause you couldn’t even perform the simplest spell.”

  “And who’s fault was that?” Phineaus wrenched her hands away and turned his attention back to me. “I was a great wizard. Apparently I gave it up for that.” He jerked his thumb at Francesca. “Although now, I can see that I might have made a small error in judgment. She convinced me that it was the only way I could continue my research. She was going to run Dominec’s company and put her father out of business.” Phineaus’ voice wavered as he moved away. “I don’t know how, but I think she put some kind of spell on me. Ahh, it must have been that necklace she’s been going on about. Everything started to go downhill when I put that ugly thing on.”

  “You do realize that you’re human now…”

  “How can we possibly be related?” Natasha interrupted, sneering at Francesca. “You had to use a spell to make him love you—you’re more pathetic than Zoey.”

  “I told you to shut up,” Francesca snarled, leveling her gun at Natasha.

  “Back off! The dead can’t talk and I want to finish this conversation. I’m not sure I’m going to let you kill anyone else, at least not yet.,” Phineaus ordered as he pushed Francesca away. “Now, what were you saying?”

  Unbelievable—how did he get to be a wizard and not know that souls can talk? Wait a minute, did he just change his mind? “What are you planning to do if you’re not going to kill us?”

  “A memory wipe should do the job.”

  Francesca clenched her fists and started yelling again, “Not a chance. I’m not wasting anymore time or money on these two.”

  “Be quiet. You’re giving me a headache,” Phineaus responded.

  “Where’s Dom? How did you get rid of him?” I asked.

  “Oh, he’s still lurking around, in the background,” Phineaus said, twirling his finger beside his head. “He’s locked away in his memories. A few more days and he’ll be gone for good.”

  “So the transfer didn’t go exactly as you planned? What a shame. You do know humans don’t have magic, don’t you? They also have a much shorter life span than wizards.”

  Phineaus turned a bit pale, “I…I know; I’m not sure how to fix it though. I can’t turn back time.”

  Francesca strode up, put her arm around Phineaus’s waist and dragged him away. “Never mind, dear. You’ll have a much better life now. We’ll figure out the immortality, later. Everything was perfect until that stupid man showed up. Good thing I planned ahead and got these. Isn’t it?”

  I scrambled to the back of the cage as Francesca giggled hysterically, loading her gun with what I assumed were the remaining cursed bullets.

  “Now, we just have to get rid of these two, then we’re free,” she continued.

  “No, it’s over. You’ve done enough damage,” Phineaus said as he glared at her. “If you’d really loved me, you would have accepted me as I was. Instead, you’ve made me a part of this travesty.”

  “Dump her,” I suggested. “After all, you have your own money now. Just hire a wizard to help you get your powers back.”

  “Good point,” Phineaus replied as he reached out to snatch the gun from Fran’s hand. The situation deteriorated quickly as they struggled for control of the gun.

  “I have to get out of here.” Natasha was up on her feet and yanking on the cage door. “They’re crazy. and I don’t deserve to die. You, on the other hand, can drop dead for all I care. And where’s that stupid gargoyle of yours? I’m surprised he let you out by yourself.”

  “Jeez. You’re a selfish cow, Nat. Get over yourself,” I snapped pushing her out of the way. “I had nothing to do with them taking you. I was just trying to rescue you. I’m sure Basil and Dante are out looking for me. I was only supposed to be gone for an hour.”

  Francesca and Phineaus were still fighting, and it seemed the farther away they got from the cage, the more incensed he became. It was odd, a
nd I wondered if the medallion had something to do with it.

  “We have to get out of here,” I said. I pushed Natasha out of the way and yanked on the padlock.

  “Well, your buddies had better hurry up and get here. Fran is going to kill…”

  “Psst…Over here,” Dante whispered startling me. He had snuck into the warehouse without Phineaus or Francesca seeing him, but that was probably because he was cloaked.

  “Why aren’t you two cloaked?” he asked.

  “Don’t you think I tried?” Natasha glared at Dante and rolled up her sleeve. “Fran put his thing on my arm, she’s evil. I don’t know where she got it, but it’s stopping me from cloaking.”

  Basil suddenly appeared beside Dante, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had shifted from a fly. He reached for the padlock and twisted it. “Have you any idea how much trouble you’ve caused?” He asked as he swung open the door, it squeaked and then clanged against the cage, causing Francesca to spin around. Phineaus took advantage of the distraction and pulled the gun from her hand. The speed with which Francesca turned on him and pulled at the gun, caused Phineaus to lose his balance. As they struggled for control and slowly toppled over, the gun fired wildly. Phineaus lost his grip on the gun, his hands flying toward his chest as he hit the ground. Realizing what she had done, Francesca let loose a mournful wail and threw herself over his dead body.

  Horrified, I watched as multi-colored flames emerged from a crate behind Francesca, they licked upward threatening to ignite the entire stack. The flames then morphed into what looked like blowtorches, spewing sparks and sending projectiles whistling into the other racks. Flames and billowing smoke chased us, as we weaved our way through the cars. Basil didn’t miss a beat when Natasha stumbled and fell, he scooped her up—fireman style—and flew out the door. A loud whistling, the kind that fireworks make, joined the roar of the flames as we sprinted across the parking lot and down the hill to the relative safety of the woods. When the warehouse exploded, the shockwave threw us through the air and into a drainage ditch. We huddled there, waiting for the explosions to stop. I gave a sigh of relief as I stood up to look at the remains of the warehouse.

  “Well, that was exciting.” I said, smiling as Dante wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

  “Exciting? Really? You think being attacked, kidnapped and nearly blown up is exciting? You have an odd way of looking at things.” Dante frowned and ran his hands through his hair.

  I shrugged and arched a brow. “I’m not afraid of dying. Anyway, who doesn’t love a good fireworks show?”

  I turned my attention to Basil, who was leaning against my leg. If it wasn’t for him, none of us would have made it out alive. I chose my words carefully, I wasn’t about to give him a reason to boast, he did enough of that already. “Took you long enough.”

  Basil arched an eyebrow and pursed his lips. “We wouldn’t be here at all if you hadn’t gone off on your own. Besides, it’s only been a few hours.”

  I smiled and looked up at Dante. “Thank you,” I said as he enveloped me in his arms.

  “No big deal. Sneaking in was the easy part. I couldn’t have got you out of that cage in time though, not without Basil’s help. I know he’s strong, but I had no idea he could move that fast.”

  Basil scuffed his toes in the dirt and mumbled “Aw shucks, twernt nothin’.”

  “No more cowboy movies for you,” I said as I laughed and punched Basil’s arm.

  I turned back to Dante. “How did you get him to look after Nat, instead of me?”

  “We drew straws.”

  “And I lost,” Basil muttered.

  Natasha chose that moment to move close to Dante and swoon. As she fell toward him, Dante scooped her up in his arms, and turned to me looking like he’d sucked a lemon. As he laid her on the ground, she wrapped her arms around his neck and fluttered her eyelashes. “My hero.”

  Dante pried her hands off and stepped back, “Thank Basil. He’s the one who got you out.”

  Dante looked over at the warehouse. “What a shame. I would have loved to own one of those sports cars.”

  “I wouldn’t. I mean, who knows where they’ve been. Hey, I almost forgot. Here,” I said as I tossed him the amulet that Dominec, aka Phineaus, had been wearing.

  Dante’s eyes grew wide as the lead packet bounced off his chest and onto the ground. He shook his head, picked it up and peered into the envelope. “I won’t ask how you got it. But thanks.”

  “I figured it couldn’t hurt me since I wasn’t near anyone I wanted to order about. Although, in hindsight it might have been fun to boss Natasha around. Anyway, I had a leftover piece of lead in my pocket. How did you know we were in the warehouse?”

  “After we found your car, Basil’s been tracking you by the way, we checked the deadly duo’s houses. They'd parked their cars in Francesca’s driveway, but we knew you weren’t there because Basil couldn’t smell you. The only other option was to find Natasha’s SUV, Basil spotted it here.”

  “Just what I always wanted, my own personal bloodhound,” I snickered. Basil had a lot of hidden talents, but the nose thing was just weird. “Can you take us to Skye’s house? She might be able to remove this band,” I said, clutching my arm. “It burns, and it’s preventing me from cloaking.”

  “Sure, I’ll just go get the car.”

  “I’ll take my own car,” Natasha said as she clambered out of the ditch, swearing a blue streak.

  “I don’t think that’s possible, looks like a wall fell on it.”

  As we walked to Dante’s car, Basil looked up at Natasha, “You owe me. Again.”

  “What do you mean, I owe you?” Natasha asked as she rubbed her arm.

  “The horn you broke was one, your life makes two.”

  “Umm…Basil, I think you…” I was looking where Basil’s remaining horn should have been. “Your other horn is gone.”

  Basil reached up and sure enough it was just a stub, “That makes three, Nasty.”

  “Not a chance. You probably broke it when the warehouse blew up. Two is all you get.” Natasha huffed as she got in the backseat and crossed her arms. She glanced at me, and I swear I saw a glimmer of a smile.

  I took one last look at the warehouse before I got into the car. I never wanted to see it again and secretly hoped that someone would level the rest of it. Maybe I could get Skye to conjure up a tornado. I was just about to turn away when something caught my eye: three souls appeared, hovering just on the edge of the burning building. They were arguing and attempting to throw punches at each other. Dante joined me as I moved closer, picking my way through the scattered debris. We shared a smile as we aimed our scepters; Fran, Dom and Phineaus were all going to the bad place. Served them right.

  The wail of sirens grew louder as the emergency vehicles approached, they shut off abruptly when they pulled into the parking lot. Basil grumbled as he shifted into a pigeon and flew over to a nearby tree. Dante had called in the fire department and notified the SIB when he went to retrieve his car. I don’t know why he bothered, we weren’t that far out of town and the fireworks and explosions would have been hard to miss.

  Chapter 22

  Two weeks later, my arm still burned where the metal band had been wrapped. Although Skye had no trouble removing it, the symbols etched into it had burned through to my skin; it looked like I been tattooed by a monkey. She assured me that the curse would fade with time, but losing my cloaking ability had hit me hard. Natasha and I had compared tattoos; she gloated about recovering the fastest, and it was nice to see that she hadn’t lost her edge.

  Dante left a few days ago, taking the amulet and my locket to The Repository for Haunted and Cursed Objects. He was living out my childhood fantasy, something I had dreamed of but never thought possible. I’d never been totally comfortable reaping and even less so running a funeral home. But it was the family business and being the eldest, the obligation fell, unwanted, on my shoulders. We’d spent our free time talking about his adventures
, and he helped me understand that living your dream was only possible if you had the courage to follow it.

  The fate of the family business weighed heavily on me, but the solution I came up with, was a stroke of genius. Basil and I spent hours mulling over my options, I wanted to change my life, and do something that Basil and I would both enjoy. To my surprise, Basil suggested that we join up with Dante. We had both caught the investigating bug and my fantasy of being an explorer tied in nicely.

  Dante was another matter; he was a loner, and I wasn’t sure he’d want us tagging along. He hadn’t argue the point, but it was one of those things that you instinctively know. He was, however, willing to help us get started, with the caveat that we follow his rules. I knew that promise would be impossible to keep, given our tendency to get into trouble.

  A week ago, I finally bit the bullet and went to see Uncle Iggy. I had made a life-changing decision, and he deserved to hear it from me, in person; after all, it’s not every day you decide to turn your life upside down. He had every right to be upset with me, my decision affected him as well as Annie. His reaction didn’t disappoint me, he behaved exactly as I expected. I sat still offering no response, while he berated me for being an ungrateful and irresponsible child. It wasn’t until his face reddened to the point that I thought he might have a stroke, that I spoke up and put him out of his misery. You see, my uncle had a secret, he hated the funeral business as much, if not more than me. And that was why he had gleefully bowed out when Annie and I took over the business. His demeanor changed abruptly when I explained that Bertrand Graveley-Drummond, a distant cousin, would be taking over my position as director. Bertie, the youngest of five boys, had limited options for advancement in his own family’s business. He didn’t need to be asked twice; he jumped at the chance to be in charge of ours. By the time our phone call had ended, Bertie had booked his flight from England and was due arrive in the next day or so. Putting a smile on Uncle Iggy’s face was no easy feat, but when I mentioned Bertie’s name, his eyes twinkled and his frown grew into a grin that spread from ear to ear. I had agreed to split my share in the business with Bertie, while both Annie and Uncle Iggy would retain their full shares. I had offered him my full share, but he insisted that I keep partial control, at least until he could prove himself.